Case File 84

Case File Name:
Emotionally Tired.

♤Chapter Eighty-Four♤

I let out a deep sigh as soon as the yellow light flickered to red, and at that point, I had internally decided I would be a few minutes late.

But I knew that would be fine, Gia should already be thankful that I'm meeting her in the first place.

It's only been two weeks since the lowest moment of my fucking life in that strip club.

And while Tazmin hasn't contacted me once, Gia has been texting me numerous times just to speak to me.

I had been ignoring her messages since that night when Tazmin found everything out, but somewhere along the way, I decided that it might be a good idea to talk to her.

So did my therapist.

Which was someone I now paid weekly for.

Mostly because I didn't necessarily feel comfortable with Tazmin paying, and a small part of me thought she might reach out if I started paying.

But unsurprisingly she didn't.

I've honestly heard nothing regarding her, especially not from Marie who still sees her whenever she's around Vic.

But in all honesty, I think this is good for me.

Not hearing about her is helping me remain somewhat sane.

Even if I'm stuck in the void of waiting for her.

Because I refuse to move on to anyone else and I also don't want to fall back into my old habits.

Doing that would ruin the work I've done to get here, and I genuinely can't restart my progress all over again.

A part of me just hopes that one day she'll decide to reach out to talk.

I don't really have much of a backup plan aside from that.

"Gia?" I hesitantly whispered, noticing her familiar blonde hair even if she was hiding her face in her arms.

And as soon as she laid up, my brows unconsciously raised, noticing the huge sunglasses she wore on her face.

Which she didn't take off until glancing around the coffee shop, which was surprisingly empty for Miami on a Saturday.

"Did you notice anyone weird outside?" Gia whispered to me.

Which made my brows furrow, "No...?" I trailed off in question, watching as Gia's dark eyes anxiously glanced around the coffee shop yet again, "What's going on?" I asked, growing a little unsettled by her paranoia.

"There's been people following me," Gia said, drawing in a visible breath as she stared down at the table and away from my eyes, "I think Tazmin wants to kill me."

I blinked a few times, "I think if that were the case then she would've already done it by now," I said, knowing she had so many people and resources.

She didn't need to plot someone's death or plan it out—she didn't even have to think twice about the consequences either.

So if she wanted Gia dead, it would've happened the night she found out.

"Then maybe she just wants to make me paranoid?" Gia whispered, anxiously running her hands over her face.

I let out a deep sigh, gently grabbing one of her hands from her face—which made Gia's dark eyes hesitantly glance up from the table to meet mine.

"If she wanted you dead then you would've already been handled," I calmly told her, instinctively letting go of her hand, "Are you sure it's not someone else maybe?"

Gia shook her head, "I recognized one of her guys and it's always a fucking G-Wagon," she whispered.

I nodded, but in all honesty, I didn't know what Tazmin was up to or what she was planning to do.

So I decided to divert the topic instead.

"How about coffee? Do you have a specific order?" I said, suddenly standing from my chair.

Gia shook her head, anxiously playing with her hands in her lap as I wandered off to order our coffee.

And considering how hot it is in late June, I ordered iced coffee for us both.

Which didn't take the barista that long to make.

"Thank you," Gia said as soon as I handed her the plastic cup.

I nodded a few times, sipping my coffee as I got seated back beside her at the small table.

"We should probably talk about that night," Gia hesitantly whispered.

I smiled slightly, "I assumed that's why you called me here," I said, setting my cup down.

Gia nodded, "Yeah, I just kind of wanted to apologize, I can see how it was entirely mixed signals—especially since I agreed to move on from it with you," she said, taking a brief sip of her coffee.

"I was honestly caught off guard—and really angry considering you never mentioned anything about having feelings for me," I said, deciding to lay it all out there.

That's the only way this would work.

At least that's what Dr. Brooks told me.

"Yeah, I um... thought I didn't? But I don't know, as time went on I kind of couldn't stop thinking about you," Gia whispered, glancing down to avoid my eyes, "I just didn't want to complicate anything by telling you."

I nodded, pursing my lips slightly, "So the club... when we danced—"

"I touched you like that because I was trying to figure my feelings out," Gia gently cut me short, glancing up to finally meet my light eyes.

I raised a sharp brow, "And I assume Jace wasn't real?" I said, unconsciously growing angry at the idea of her taking advantage of me like that.

If I had known those were her intentions, I would've never danced with her at the club.

"No he was real—but honestly just a distraction," Gia explained, awkwardly pursing her lips as she eyed my face, "You're mad aren't you?"

I hummed tightly, "Rightfully so Gia," I said, shaking my head at her, "Telling Tazmin that you didn't know if you had feelings for me only made it look worse between us."

Gia immediately nodded, "I know-I know—"

"And I vouched for you on so many different occasions when she didn't want you around," I said, sighing through my nose as I analyzed this situation for what felt like the millionth time in the last two weeks, "I hate that she's mad, but after genuinely processing this—I can't even fucking blame her," I admitted.

And I meant it wholeheartedly.

It fucking sucks that she's so upset with me and won't talk to me, but at the same time, I can't even begin to blame her for it.

Which was something that therapy helped me come to terms with yet again.

I truly see her perspective of it now, and while I wish she would hear me out—I know I can't force it as I had previously been trying to do.

"I'm sorry Lena," Gia suddenly whispered.

I nodded with pursed lips, "Me too, Gia," I forced out, knowing I was still in the wrong for kissing her first.

And then also being the one who decided to lie to Tazmin.

Gia wanted to tell her.

"Did you um..." Gia suddenly trailed off, her dark eyes tracing every inch of my face, "Did you feel anything that night?"

I blinked a few times, genuinely wondering if that was a real question, "I'm in love with your sister Gia," I quickly clarified, furrowing my brows at her almost offensively.

Because why is she asking me this right now?

I suddenly glanced down when Gia rested her hand over mine, "But did you feel anything that night?" she repeated her question.

I immediately shook my head, "No, I was really fucking drunk Gia," I said, pulling my hand away from hers.

Gia raised a brow, "But you still kissed me and drunk actions are sober—"

"I only kissed you because you looked like Tazmin," I quickly cut her short, shutting down any of her assumptions.

Which noticeably made Gia's face fall.

It also left an awkward silence between us, naturally making me glance away from Gia.

"Look, it's really nothing personal Gia—I was only thinking about myself," I whispered, suddenly hating the idea of hurting her feelings like that.

But she also needed to get the full picture.

"Well then you should think for yourself now," Gia said, shaking her head a few times, "Because you can do better than Tazmin, especially after the whole thing with your parents and Adria—"

"I told you that in confidence," I quickly cut her short, my voice growing tighter than I wanted it to, "Tazmin and I have both made our fair share of mistakes, but what we decide to do moving forward is none of your fucking business."

Gia shook her head, "I'm not saying it is my business—I'm just voicing my view from the outside looking in, Lena," she tried to explain.

But all I could feel was a warmth burn around me, suddenly feeling very defensive over Tazmin whether she's mine or not.

"Then stop fucking looking Gia, it's not that hard," I mumbled, glancing away from her distastefully, "You forget this is your sister we're talking about?" I pointed out, suddenly wondering if Gia even has Tazmin's best interest at heart.

"That doesn't mean I can't think she's treated you wrong," Gia countered, her dark eyes burning into the side of my face.

I shook my head, "Regardless of Tazmin—I need you to know that I'll never be interested in you in that way Gia," I said, glancing over to meet her stare, "I don't feel what you feel for me," I clarified.

And before Gia could form any sort of response, I stood from my chair, grabbing my coffee as I walked towards the exit of the small coffee shop.

I didn't even bother bringing the watered-down coffee with me—and instead threw it in the trash can outside.

But as soon as I naturally glanced over, my brows immediately furrowed.

Because parked right by the curb was the exact G-Wagon, Gia had been referring to.

Which naturally made my stomach drop. 

But I knew there was a small chance of it actually being her, especially since this G-Wagon was a different model from hers. 

So I chose not to think anything of it, quickly walking over to my Mercedes—which I started up before immediately driving off.

♤

That night I stayed in, deciding to spend my Saturday night catching up on cases.

I also took a long hot shower, ordered sushi, and got dressed in baggy sweatpants and an oversized Essential's sweatshirt.

Which may or may not be Tazmin's.

I tried not to pull the sweatshirt on and reminisce, but my apartment was so quiet and all I could think about was her.

What she would be doing if she were here with me right now.

Or what we would be doing.

I would be working on my latest case—she would be seated beside me on the couch with my legs in her lap either watching Netflix or occupied by her phone.

A deep sigh fell from my lips as I adjusted my reading glasses, focusing on the bright laptop screen in front of me.

But the truth is, I really miss her.

I miss her so much that it physically hurts. 

I suddenly glanced over to my phone when it started vibrating.

And almost as soon as I noticed the caller ID, my heart nearly dropped past my stomach—knocking the air out of me completely.

I almost let it ring through unanswered due to how caught off guard I felt, but right at the last second, I managed to snap out of my daze and answer it.

"Hello?" I said, clearing my throat slightly as I tried to sound somewhat normal.

"Lena," I heard Vic say.

I could also hear a faint echo of music in the background.

"What is it?" I asked, and it was clear that a huge part of me hoped it was about Tazmin.

"You remember that night at the strip club—how I told you to keep a distance?" I heard Vic say, which immediately made my brows furrow.

"Yes..." I trailed off, unsure of where he was heading with this.

"I take that shit back—Taz is going insane Lena, like really fucking insane right now," Vic said, his voice as serious as ever, "She was good earlier, but then I met up with her tonight and something was off."

I furrowed my brows, "What do you mean off?" I said, closing my laptop so I could stand from the couch.

"I don't fucking know, but she just tried these pills from our new shipment—and I hate putting you in this position since we told you to leave it all alone and you're trying to move on now, but I really need you here Lena," Vic said, his voice nothing but genuine with me.

I immediately nodded to myself, mostly because Vic said he needed me there.

And he was present for me that night with Adriana, which is something I'll never forget.

I'm also really fucking worried about Tazmin and these pills that she took.

"I'm on the way now," I said, walking over to the front door to grab my keys and slip on my slippers.

"I appreciate you for real—let me know when you pull up so we can get her out of here," Vic said as I opened my front door, "She genuinely won't listen to any of us so maybe you'll have a better fucking chance."

I nodded, "I'll try my best," I said, sighing as I quickly walked to the elevator, "Send over your location and I'll be there soon," I told him, pressing the button by the elevator.

"Already sent it over," Vic said, earning a nod from me.

And after saying our brief goodbyes, the call ended—and I was nearly rushing over to the nightclub.

Which was luckily downtown so it wasn't too far of a drive.

But the stoplights still took up my fucking time.

And it didn't help that all I could think about was Tazmin and pills.

Unknown pills at that.

She better be okay.

She has to be okay.

I can't think of a reality where she's not okay.

"She's inside with Mav," Vic told me as I quickly walked over to the back entrance where he stood.

"Okay," I said as he opened the door for me to enter the club echoing with loud music and flashing lights.

And I didn't even care how insanely dressed I looked walking in there—I just needed to see her and make sure she was okay.

But considering how packed the place was, no one even bothered to look at me once, and I never bothered to look at them.

I just followed behind Vic toward the private section.

Where Mav sat beside Tazmin among other people I didn't recognize, clearly in the middle of a conversation.

She had on her usual oversized t-shirt and baggy jeans—wearing her blonde hair down and all her usual iced-out accessories. 

Even from afar, I could pinpoint her heavy eyes, slowed motions, and how irritated she looked with Mav right now.

He's probably trying to get her to leave too.

I drew in a deep breath as soon as we walked past the velvet ropes and security guard—entering the section entirely.

Which made everyone's attention divert to us.

Specifically, Tazmin's.

And somehow her irritation visibly grew at my presence that she openly eyed.

But I truly didn't care, not when it came to her fucking safety.

"Really Vic?" Tazmin said over the music, shaking her head at Vic who stood behind me.

But before he could say a single word I stepped closer to her, openly eyeing every inch of her face.

And I swear I've never seen her eyes this fucking bloodshot before.

"What the fuck did you take?" I asked, grabbing her chin when she tried to look away from me.

"You shouldn't be here," Tazmin said, jerking away from my hold, "Just go home, Lena."

I felt my brows visibly raise at the unfamiliar name, which somehow made my chest twist so fucking tightly.

But this is less about me and more about her.

"I'm not going home until you go home," I emphasized, motioning her up, "Let's go."

Tazmin shook her head, "I'm good—Vic shouldn't have fucking called you," she said, glancing past me where I knew Vic stood.

Who was now getting everyone out of the section so we could have some privacy.

"Really? Because you're popping fucking pills and playing with your life," I pointed out, not once glancing away from her heavy eyes.

She could barely blink.

"I'm being so fucking serious, Tazmin—get up you're going home," I said, motioning her up yet again.

But she only remained seated, firmly shaking her head as a clear no.

And I couldn't miss how her dark eyes darted down from mine, zoning in on the sweatshirt I wore.

Which was embarrassingly hers.

I probably should've changed before I left my place. 

"You were with her today," Tazmin finally said, glancing back up to meet my eyes, "How could you fucking be with her today?"

I blinked a few times, ultimately realizing she was referring to Gia.

"Is that why you're taking random fucking pills right now?" I asked, realizing that this was all possibly due to me.

And a part of me hoped it was because she still cared.

Tazmin suddenly shook her head, "I can't do this with you right now," she determined, running her hands over her face as she shook her head.

I let out a deep sigh, watching as she kept her face in her hands—resting her elbows on both legs.

"Tazmin," I said, lowering down to my knees before her, "You don't have to do this with me right now, okay? I just really want to get you home safely," I clarified, keeping my tone entirely calm with her.

And as soon as I gently reached for her hands shielding her face, Tazmin flinched away slightly.

But inevitably let me guide her hands away so I could meet her dark eyes.

Which held so much hurt behind them.

And I fucking hated it.

I hated that I did this to her—that I lied to her for months when I should've just told her in the first place.

"Let's just go," Tazmin suddenly said, which nearly made me let out a breath of relief.

But instead, I focused on standing up from my knees and helping Tazmin stand as well.

And luckily the twins were waiting right outside the section to help us walk through the packed crowd.

I couldn't tell if the pills had kicked in for Tazmin considering she seemed to be walking and behaving decently fine.

Luckily, she let me drive her and the twins back to her place instead of taking an Uber.

Which ultimately made me feel better—mostly because I could keep an eye on her during the ride.

Even if she didn't say one word to me or the twins.

"Tazmin," I said, instinctively grabbing her waist as soon as she stumbled slightly, stopping in the hallway by her room.

And when she didn't pull away from my touch and instead reached up to her head—I immediately took a step closer to her.

"What is it?" I asked, analyzing every detail of her beautiful face.

"It's setting in," Mav suddenly said as Vic took a step closer to us.

And as soon as Tazmin leaned against the wall with a deep sigh—my heart began racing, especially when she reached out instinctively for me.

"Mav, turn on the shower—Vic, help me with her," I ordered, my voice shaking as I motioned him over. 

Mav didn’t hesitate, rushing past us, while Vic moved quickly, slipping Tazmin’s other arm around his shoulders.

"I’m... I’m fine," Tazmin mumbled, her voice barely above a whisper as we guided her into the bedroom.

"What are you feeling?" I asked, trying to remain calm considering the circumstances.

But I'm actually fucking terrified right now.

I've never seen her so distant—so out of control.

"Mil..." Tazmin forced out, but her knees buckled, and I tightened my grip, my heart hanging on for dear fucking life in my chest.

"Taz, talk to us. What do you feel?" Vic asked as we neared the bathroom, where I could hear the shower running with water.

She only shook her head, "No," she said, her eyes blinking rapidly as if struggling to stay open.

And then they rolled closed. 

And my breath caught in my throat.

"Tazmin!" I shook her, the most unbearable pain clawing at my insides. 

Especially when I got no response from her.

Panic immediately drove me as I half-dragged, half-carried her into the shower, not caring that my slippers soaked through. 

And as I slid to the floor and pulled her between my legs—the cold water immediately shocked us both.

"You guys should go," I said, wrapping my arms around her as her body jerked in response to the cold water.

"Are you sure—"

"I’ve got her, just fucking go," I snapped, hearing my own broken voice echo in my ears as Tazmin started coughing, her body shivering violently against mine.

And as the twins wordlessly nodded at me and made their way out of the bathroom—I began shaking her body to get her back awake fully.

"Tazmin, please wake up," I pleaded, but her head only fell back to rest against my body.

Which was enough to make my breathing grow unsteady, nearly full-on sobbing as I continued to shake her. 

"Tazmin," I said, grabbing her face from behind and forcing her under the stream of cold water.

Which earned a groan from her—but that wasn't enough of a confirmation to me.

Heavier tears burned in my eyes, blurring my vision as I resorted to the last thing I could think of.

I lifted my trembling hands and slid two fingers into her mouth, pressing them against the back of her throat.

Which immediately made her body jerk as she gagged, coughing so violently. 

Especially as I repeatedly slid my fingers to the back of her throat.

"Stop," I heard Tazmin try to say as I held her face in place.

"I really can't baby," I forced out, pushing my fingers back again as I fought to keep her conscious.

Tears streamed down my face as Tazmin finally vomited, the bile hot and burning against my fingers. 

But I couldn't care less about my fingers coated in her bile—instead, I focused on making her throw up over and over again. 

Until she finally stopped and fell limp in my arms—causing me to slide my fingers from her mouth, my own sobs breaking free as I held her so close to me.

"Tazmin," I said, praying to god I would get a confirmation from her. 

"I'm good," she forced out, which only made me cry harder as I nuzzled into her neck.

"Please don't do that again," I whispered, my voice barely audible over the sound of the running water, "Please Tazmin," I nearly pleaded, unable to imagine the idea of physically losing her.

It was something that made more tears burn in my eyes—even as Tazmin sunk down deeper in my arms, turning on her side as she hid her face in my soaked sweatshirt.

The water was as cold as ever and our bodies were practically trembling against one another, yet we didn't move.

It felt like we were too broken to move. 

So I sat there silently crying as I rested my chin on her head and stared forward.

But soon after five minutes of silence filled with the running shower and my sniffles—we had to leave the shower and get away from the cold water.

"Just sit right there for me," I whispered, wiping my puffy eyes as I helped her sit down on the bench in her closet.

And Tazmin luckily listened, not saying a single word as she sat down and watched me pull clothes out for her.

But my vision was so blurry with tears and I was nearly shaking from not even just cold wet clothes but from the most dreadful feeling that I had avoided so many years ago.

I shook my head as soon as Tazmin stood back up, "I got it really—"

I cut myself short as soon as she pulled me into her arms.

Which was enough to make me freeze, processing her arms wrapped tightly around my waist and her face nuzzled into the crook of my neck.

Until I suddenly wasn't processing it anymore.

Instead, I was crying.

Uncontrollably.

"You matter so much to me," I forced out, my words weak and barely inaudible, "And so you can't die because if you die..." I trailed off, shaking my head as I physically broke down again—crying so hard for this to just all stop.

"I'm sorry," Tazmin finally broke her silence, running her hands under my heavy wet sweatshirt, "All I could think about was you with her—it's all I can fucking think about, and it never goes away," she forced out, her voice sounding so unbelievably broken.

I drew in deeper breaths, trying to get my tears under control—but there was genuinely no use.

Because all I could think about was that night my parents died—and the news I received on my front porch.

It was such a shock to my system—the same shock I felt while holding Tazmin in that shower.

"This just really fucking hurts, Milena," Tazmin whispered, letting out a deep burdening sigh.

I felt more tears burn in my closed eyes, "I'm sorry—I swear I'm so sorry," I forced out, hating that I had hurt her to this extent.

To an extent where she put her own life at risk.

"I know you're sorry," Tazmin said, her weak voice barely audible, "I just really wish that helped me move past it."

I nodded a few times but inevitably nuzzled deeper into her chest—crying so hard in her arms that I never wanted to let go of me.

"I don't want to leave," I whispered, my voice sounding so unbelievably desperate, "Please don't make me leave."

I heard Tazmin let out a deep sigh, running her hands down my back to gently squeeze my waist.

"Let's take tonight," Tazmin determined, which immediately earned a few nods from me.

"I would love tonight," I said, feeling relieved by her decision.

I can also keep an eye on her and make sure she's okay.

"Me too," Tazmin whispered, nuzzling even deeper into the crook of my neck.

Which is where she remained for the next few minutes—until we eventually had to change out of our wet clothes.

It was comfortably silent between us as we undressed before each other and pulled on dry clothes.

I ended up wearing another one of her sweatshirts with a pair of sweatpants, pulling my dark hair up as I took my glasses off to sit by her nightstand.

And after opening a new toothbrush for me—Tazmin prepared it with toothpaste before preparing her own toothbrush so we could brush our teeth before bed.

It was such an odd silence between us.

Almost like we were just too tired to talk.

And not physically tired, but more emotionally.

I let out a deep sigh as I slid into the large bed with Tazmin.

And instead of cuddling into her side—I decided to lay between her legs, resting my head on her stomach as I wrapped my arms around her torso.

A part of me wanted to battle my tiredness just to stay awake and bask in her presence.

But with Tazmin gently playing with my hair and running her hand up and down my back—my tiredness somehow grew even deeper.

I would quite literally snap my eyes open as soon as I drifted closer to sleep.

Mostly because I knew the morning would shed such a different light between us and tonight would be over.

And I think that meant we would truly be over.