People's Perceptions of You

In Think And Grow Rich, Napoleon Hill states the 'Fear of Criticism' as one of the 6 basic fears of humans.

I'm sure most of us can agree this is definitely one of the biggest fears carried by people today, alongside the fear of death.

Many people would rather pretend to be someone else to hide themselves from potential criticism. Or hold themselves back from starting a certain something due to fearing the judgement of others.

In this article we are going to dive in to the psychology behind people's perceptions of you, and different ways to deal with the situation / overcome it.

The Paradox of Reflection

The first important thing to comprehend is what I like to call the 'Paradox of Reflection'.

This is the name I give for the common ideology that what people see in you is actually a reflection of themselves, some may see positive things, some may see negative things.

For example, I'm sure you've probably heard a successful individual say, "they reminded me of myself when I was younger". It's quite common to hear this. Why is this?

What the successful individual saw in the younger individual would have been attributes they both shared, such as discipline, ambition, consistency, etc.

This type of reflection creates a harmonious connection between people.

It goes much further than this though, think about your friends; they're probably people who share similar attributes/interests to you, this reflection creates a bond which ties your friendship together. The same basic principles goes for relationships as well.

However, there is a flip side to this, the side with the results that people fear... judgement and criticism. If you read my metaphysics articles, you will be able to see the principle of polarity manifest here.

The lower end of the 'Paradox of Reflection' is the negative traits/attributes people see in you which is actually a reflection of some aspects of themselves.

There doesn't always have to be a direct link with the reflection though. Allow me to explain:

Person A has achieved success playing football.

Person B used to play tennis but gave up because of their lack of belief in themselves.

Person B sees Person A's success and starts to feel envy and jealousy brew inside, they lash out with hate and negativity towards Person A because they see the insecurity of their failure reflected to them through Person A.

Essentially, because Person A achieved success and Person B didn't, Person B's perception of Person A is a reflection of their own insecurity. There isn't a direct link in this reflection, the sports are different (football & tennis) and the circumstances are different (success & failure) but there is still a reflection.

This is why I call it a paradox, because even though there is always a reflection, it isn't always an obvious one. At first glance it seems like something completely different, but upon diving in further you can see the reflection clearly.

This stands for everything. People's perceptions of you are reflections of attributes (good or bad) that they have themselves. 

This isn't always conscious though, sometimes people do not realise this is the case and feel as though their perceptions of you have no link to themselves whatsoever. But, you can only see what you know.

Are People's Perceptions of You Bullshit Then?

Not entirely, because some do matter. You have to be able to distinguish between what does and doesn't matter.

For the most part, you should only really take in the perceptions of the people closest to you (your closest family & friends). Usually these will be the people who have the most love for you which will allow them to perceive you in the best possible light with the best intentions.

We mustn't disregard the perceptions of others outside of the people closest to us though as it is necessary to get judgement from external sources to check ourselves and make sure we are behaving in accordance with how we would like to.

If you're being a dick, it's best you allow someone to tell you so you can become aware and put an end to it so you don't grow into the personality of being a dick to people.

However, if some random angry person starts shouting at you for no good reason, it's best to leave their perceptions to them.

Make sense?

Dealing With / Overcoming Judgement

This can be difficult and for most of us it will take longer than a night's sleep to develop skin thick enough to disregard the judgement of others.

It's about knowing you're on your way to completely ridding of this stupid fear. After all, fear is merely an illusion, it has no solid purpose or respectable space in our lives.

Practicing confidence consistently (even if you have to fake it) will help you start to care less and grow more naturally confident over time.

Carrying out self-analysis to see if there's anything significant in your mind that might be watering this fear can help you identify major issues and work on removing them.

The clear understanding that it is only the judgement of the people closest to you (for the most part) that matter, as long as they have love for you and are trying to convey their judgements in an open-minded, understanding way.

* It's important you do not wait for this fear to leave you before you actually do what you want to do or become who you want to be. Part of dismissing this fear is to act out in the way you desire even in the face of the fear, this is the most powerful way to overcome it. You have to consistently prove to yourself that your courage is greater than your fear. And, believe it or not, this IS a choice. 

Have a blessed week everyone 💎