Smooth Sailing Chapter 1: East Blue 1

Chapter 1: East Blue 1

“What the Hell hit me…?” I groaned.

Something hurt. A lot. My stomach? My head? Both?

With a grunt of pain I tried to open my eyes and immediately regretted it when the sun stabbed my retinas with cruel vindictiveness. It took a while before I could recover, my eyes eventually adjusting.

I found myself with my back against a tree of some sort, the bark broken and the trunk cracked, almost snapped in half. It was leaning precariously and after swallowing nervously I scrambled away from it, just in case it fell on my head.

Looking around some more, I saw a long trench in the ground. Something big had hit it and then skidded through the dirt before coming to a stop by slamming into the tree I’d previously been lying against. From the peaches lying around on the ground, the impact had knocked a bunch of fruit loose.

“Okay, that’s very weird,” I muttered to myself. “Did I do this? Because I don’t see anything else around me that could have done so.”

The idea was a stretch, I admit, as I was definitely not big enough or durable enough to survive being slammed into the dirt and then sliding across it for a dozen feet before slamming into a tree hard enough to break it. Yet there was nothing else nearby to have done it.

‘Although, maybe that giant metal club is responsible?’ I wondered, glancing at a truly massive hunk of metal.

The club was easily five feet long, and looked like somebody had decided to inflate a lump of solid iron into a vaguely baseball bat shape, but with the upper portion absurdly large, and then covered it in sharp spikes. It had a circular ring at the bottom, which left me thinking that perhaps it was supposed to have a rope or something attached to it. Maybe it’d been some kind of bizarre anchor?

Regardless of what the club was supposed to be used for, getting hit by it would hurt… although since the tree lacked any puncture marks, I didn’t think that the club was responsible for the giant groove in the dirt.

‘Not to mention, it looks like the club was lying next to me when I woke up, so it couldn’t have caused the damage,’ I thought slowly.

Keeping my eyes on the move, I quickly realized I was in a forest of some sort, though from the salty tang in the air I wasn’t too far from a large body of seawater. Which was odd, as I’d been in the grocery store when… when…

“When that earthquake hit and the shelves fell on me,” I recalled. “I got crushed by cans of peaches… oh.”

It finally hit me. Or, well, the peaches had. But now the realization that I was perhaps in a place and time completely divorced from where I’d originally been when everything went down was starting to sink in.

“Shit, have I been isekai’d?” I wondered nervously. Because that was the only thing that could explain… any of this!

I put my face in my hands, trying not to cry. Was I dead? Why had I ended up here, instead of somewhere else? Had I been ROB’d? Or was I just in some sort of overly realistic coma after a can of peaches kicked my ass? Oh, God, what would my family think?! I didn't even like peaches, damn it! Why had I been perusing them?!

However, before my tears could start to spill, I noticed something odd. My hands were soft and smooth. Too soft and smooth for my hands, which had callouses on them from my time in the woodshop making furniture and what-not.

Slowly pulling my hands away, I stared at ten dainty fingers with long, painted red nails. They were too long to be my stubby sausages, and like I mentioned before, too smooth without a single mark or blemish upon them. Not to mention there were several bejeweled gold and silver rings fitted onto my digits, though they didn’t quite fit.

Feeling panic rising within me I looked down at the rest of my body, only for my feet to be completely obscured by a gigantic pair of breasts!

“WHY AM I A WOMAN?!” I screamed, staring in horrified fascination at the body that was most assuredly not mine. After all, I’d been a man, not a woman, last I checked!

“Huh? HUH!?!” I continued to scream, even as my hands unconsciously began to explore the form I’d somehow awakened with.

First of all, I had to be some sort of genetic freak because women do not have waists this thin or busts this big.

For some reason, my clothes hung loosely off my body, literally falling off my frame. It was as if I’d suddenly lost dozens of pounds of weight all at once!

Checking the outfit I was wearing, it turned out to be a pink checkered flannel shirt with a purple scarf as a belt. A pair of white pants hung around my ankles due to how thin I was, and the waistband was clearly meant for a woman several dozen inches wider than I currently was. Worn over the pink shirt was a blue naval officer style uniform with gold lining and braids. On my feet was a pair of red shoes. Those, at least, still fit me so I didn’t have to worry about walking barefoot.

Near where I’d woken up, I spotted a white cowboy hat with a big red plume attached to it. It looked battered, likely by the impact, and I guessed that the reason the rings on my fingers didn’t fit was due to my new body’s sudden and inexplicable weight loss.

However, what really concerned me was what lay beneath my clothes. Or rather, didn’t.

“Why am I not wearing a bra?” I wondered incredulously.

My hands reached up and, without really thinking about it, I fondled myself. My new breasts were big and heavy, free of a bra or any sort of binding, and I couldn’t help but let out a tiny moan at my touch. They were quite sensitive!

I quickly let go, face flushing a nuclear red, and I coughed weakly as I tried to pretend that never happened.

“At least whoever this was still wore panties,” I grumbled, glancing down. They were also down around my ankles with my pants, but knowing I’d had them soothed my mind that this person hadn’t been an exhibitionist.

Aside from the ill-fitting clothes, I found an old-fashioned flintlock pistol shoved into the belt, but I gingerly left it alone, not wanting it to accidentally go off.

“Okay, I’m a woman now,” I muttered to myself. “And for some reason, my clothes don’t fit. I also seem to have been important if the coat and rings are any indicator.”

Now to find out where I was!

After tugging up my clothes so I didn’t trip over them, I started to wander the area, following the trench that had terminated at the tree back to wherever it had come from. Less than a minute later I walked out and found myself on a beach, the sand kicked up nearby where something had hit the ground like a comet.

‘That must have been where I landed. Or, this body landed,’ I thought, shaking my head. ‘Ugh, just gonna refer to it as ‘me’ from now on or I’ll just confuse myself.’

The beach itself led to water which was where the salty smell originated from. I couldn’t find anything else, so nothing had fallen on during my flight or crash, and I slowly began to walk parallel to the beach, keeping the trees on the left and the water on the right.

A few hours later, I finished walking a circuit around the place I’d crashed at, coming to the conclusion it was an island of some sort. It wasn’t that big, and seemed to be dominated by the large forest as I hadn’t found anything else aside from the trees. No mountains or buildings jutted up above the boughs.

The trees themselves weren’t tropical. No palm trees, rather, they seemed to be nothing but peach-bearing trees. Some marigolds and wild onions seemed to also be sprouting alongside the peaches, but that was it.

‘At least I won’t starve,’ I thought, eying the ripe peaches hanging from the nearby branches. Some birds fluttered about, feeding on the fruit, so there was also a bit of meat on the menu if I couldn’t catch any fish.

‘And speaking of fish…’ I turned to a tide pool near where I’d arrived.

The tides had receded during my walk around the island, revealing a bunch of crustaceans trapped within. Some of them looked like regular red crabs, but there was one that made me squint suspiciously at it. It had a big mouth that was disturbingly human-like, complete with teeth.

It was still a crab – blue shell, pincers, and unable to walk in a straight line – but the weirdly human features, along with distinctly human eyes, made me queasy, and I picked it up before throwing it back into the water far from the tidal pool.

“That wasn’t normal,” I declared, grossed out.

However, a couple seconds later my disgust was forgotten as I caught a glimpse of my face in the water within the tide pool as it finally stilled.

My new face was beautiful. Stunningly so, with slightly wavy black hair that came down past my shoulders, black eyes, and pouty red lips. There were no blemishes in sight, and the skin seemed unnaturally soft and smooth.

The problem was that I actually recognized the woman staring back at me from my reflection. It was somebody from an anime and manga series I’d followed off and on over the years, and who was an early antagonist but later relegated to a side character at best.

“Oh, shit,” I whispered as I stared at the face in the water. “I’m Alvida!”

“Iron Mace” Alvida, a villainous pirate from the series One Piece. Hailing from the East Blue and being worth five million beri dead or alive, she had her as kicked by Luffy as an introduction. In game terms, she’d been the tutorial boss.

And not just that, but I was none other than Alvida post-Devil Fruit! Slim and sexy as sin, and now cursed to be unable to do so much as tread water.

Curiously I tried to pinch myself, but my fingers slipped right off, my digits unable to find any purchase on my skin.

“Well, shit on a biscuit,” I muttered.

This was not what I expected. Though it did explain why my clothes didn’t fit: they’d been meant for a morbidly obese woman as wide as she was tall, not a pin-up model.

I looked back at the tree I’d slammed into, and quickly began to put together what must have happened. The furrow in the ground was the result of being sent flying by Luffy’s punch at the start of the story.

Alvida must have flown ridiculously far before hitting the island… or maybe the island was closer than the anime or manga had shown because as strong as Monkey D. Luffy was, I don’t think start of the series East Blue Luffy was that powerful.

I shook my head and continued to figure things out. “Okay, after flying across the ocean via Strawhat Express, Alvida hit the island and then slid across the ground before hitting the tree, coming to a stop.

However, when that happened, Alvida must have knocked some peaches loose, one of which must have been the Smooth-Smooth Fruit. And, somehow, the Devil Fruit fell into her mouth, she swallowed it… and bam! Instant super powers.

The whole thing seemed wildly contrived and beyond lucky, but that was One Piece for ya.

‘That doesn’t explain why I am now in Alvida’s body,’ I thought with a bewildered frown. ‘Did she hit her head so hard she got brain damage, and the Devil Fruit did something to whatever was left of her mind and-or soul? Did she die and I got randomly slipped into her body to replace whatever was lost… hang on…’

That actually didn’t sound as ridiculous as it sounded. The Devil Fruit was called the Smooth-Smooth Fruit, after all. It granted the user to Slip and Slide across the ground as if it was frictionless, and allowed things to Slip and Slide off of their impossibly smooth body.

Alvida had lost a bunch of weight because it ‘Slipped’ off, and she’d used its power to effectively skate across the ground while barefoot. Physical attacks also ‘Slipped’ off, meaning she was immune to physical damage like being cut, hit, and the like. Explosions still worked, probably, and nets and other things that tangled her up could pin her down long enough for more secure bindings to be applied.

But the basis of the Devil Fruit’s power was ‘Slip,’ and as a Paramecia, imagination was the limit. So, it wasn’t impossible that the Devil Fruit Alvida had eaten could, for instance, have ‘Slipped’ a new soul or mind into her body to replace the host’s broken one. Because as durable as the woman was, a bad hit to the noggin could still give even a superhuman a concussion.

‘Not to mention some Devil Fruit are implied to have a sort of consciousness behind them. Mainly Zoan, but even others seem to be able to influence things around them to a limited degree, possibly even deciding where they reincarnate,’ I mused to myself. ‘If the host was truly in an irreversible comatose state, then the Devil Fruit might have acted to keep the body alive however it could.’

That still didn’t explain why whatever had happened had chosen me of all people. Random luck? Deal with the Devil (heh!)?

None of these thoughts were all that helpful or useful, and I suppressed a sigh before walking back to the tree I’d woken up beneath. I put the hat back onto my head, something I felt I should have done earlier to keep the sun off my face and neck, and then looked down at the giant iron mace that was this body’s namesake.

For a couple seconds I just stared at it before bending down to pick up Alvida’s club, and instead of being unable to lift it as I’d feared, it felt as light as an aluminum baseball bat.

“Jeez, Alvida must have had some inhuman blood in her to lift several hundred pounds of solid metal like it is nothing,” I thought in disbelief as I gave the club a few swings to test it.

The East Blue was seen as the weakest of the five oceans in this world, but even so, I highly doubted the average woman – or civilian of any gender, really – could lift Alvida’s club so easily. Nami and Tashigi certainly couldn’t! And they were some of the strongest women of the East Blue! Only Dadan the mountain bandit was likely capable of a similar feat.

“Maybe Alvida had some Buccaneer heritage somewhere in her family tree,” I mused.

Of course, thinking about the sub-race of humanity that was prized as a slave for its superhuman strength and durability brought a scowl to my new face’s lips.

I was in a lot of danger now. As far as the World Government and Marines knew or cared, I was “Iron Mace” Alvida, worth five million beri dead or alive. I had a chance to avoid being detected for a while thanks to my sudden and unexpected makeover, but sooner or later they’d wise up. They weren’t idiots or incompetent.

‘Just hilariously corrupt and evil,’ I thought with a grimace.

My options were now quite limited. Try to lie low and hope nobody recognized me. I could ditch the hat and club, but even after losing so much weight somebody would eventually figure out my identity.

My next choice was to follow canon. That is to say, find Buggy, help him with his revenge quest, get to the Grand Line, and eventually become a Warlord’s lieutenant-slash-first mate. That was probably the safest option for me, as it ensured I got to surround myself with meat shields and a guy who, while weak, could become strong if he put his mind to it. Oh, and the authority of being on a Warlord’s crew would be nice.

‘Though that has problems of its own. Buggy is only a Warlord for two-ish years before the World Government decides clones and cyborg slaves are a better way to establish absolute dominion over the Blues,’ I mused. ‘Still, it gives me somewhere to start, and I can build up my power and reputation from the safety of the sidelines.’

The third option was to screw canon and do my own thing. Join the Strawhats? Become a Revolutionary? Maybe even start my own pirate crew and try to get into the big leagues?

That had problems of its own, and I groaned as I tried to come up with something to do.

“I’ll worry about it when it becomes relevant,” I decided after fruitlessly wracking my brains. “Guess I’ll just leave it up to fate.”

It would all depend on who I’d run into first. If I met Sabo, Belo Betty, or one of the other Revolutionaries, I’d join ‘em. If I ran into Buggy or Luffy before that? Then that was the route I’d take.

“Procrastination is the name of the game. And I’ve got the high-score,” I muttered to myself with a snort.

However, now that I had a ‘plan,’ I came to the realization that I was in a spot of trouble.

“How do I get off this island?” I wondered helplessly, looking around the clearing I’d made when I landed.

Could I chop down some trees and make a raft? Maybe, but I had no rope, and I wasn’t sure peach wood was very buoyant.

My stomach rumbled, distracting me from the thoughts of escape, and I went around grabbing some fruit. A quick rinse in the ocean got rid of the sand and dirt, and I ate the peaches hungrily.

Sadly, they didn’t taste very good. They were juicy, but there was a distinct aftertaste of rotting meat behind every bite I took. Almost as if the Devil Fruit’s flavor was lingering in my mouth. A punishment for not being awake and aware when I – or rather, Alvida – ate the Smooth-Smooth Fruit?

Whatever the reason for the unpleasantness, I forced them down, filling my belly and leaving only a few pits behind. Food was important and I didn’t know how long I’d been unconscious, or how long I’d be here.

“That solved one problem,” I muttered to myself.

Interestingly, my hands and mouth were not sticky at all from the peaches’ juice. It seemed my new Devil Fruit granted physiology also extended to things like liquids. Was I immune to dirt and sweat, now? Would I be unable to get wet after a bath or shower?

With those questions swirling in my head, I glanced up at the sun. It was starting to inch its way across the sky towards the west. Soon, it would be dusk in three or so hours by my reckoning.

I decided to walk into the forest and see what else there was on the island before the sun set. Hopefully there was fresh water. Otherwise I’d be getting really thirsty.

Pretty birds fluttered around, enjoying the peaches and filling the air with chirps, and I was smiling happily as I enjoyed the peaceful atmosphere. For a moment I could forget that I wasn’t trapped on an island that was located on a Death World.

And yes, the One Piece world was a Death World. Island-sized animals, absurd weather, and superpowers you could obtain from fruits or sheer will power definitely made it one. A lower tier one, sure, compared to some others, but still dangerous.

A few minutes of walking around the island’s interior later, and I came across a small creek with plenty of water. It was also fresh, and I greedily slurped it down. I followed it to the center of the island were two other small creeks merged together to form a pond. It was rather deep, but didn’t seem to have anything living it in beyond some very tiny crayfish-like critters that the birds would occasionally swoop down upon.

Satisfied that I had observed what was available on the island, I wandered back to the crash site where I’d first awakened. It was a decent enough place to hunker down for the evening, and to use as a staging ground for the rest of the exploration.

“Hope it won’t be too cold tonight,” I muttered, before something out of the corner of my eye caught my attention.

In the distance, beyond the edge of the forest and out on the open water, a tiny black dot was visible, bobbing along on the waves.

“Is that a boat?” I gasped, and immediately ran towards the shoreline, waving my club in the air to attract attention.

Thankfully, the sailors seemed to notice, and the dot started to sail closer. It was a small boat, barely more than a lifeboat, with a single mast and sail and some oars.

However, it appeared to have a few color schemes that seemed to cause me to feel… nostalgic? The pink hearts on the sides of the sails were odd, same as the heart-shaped figurehead and the fact it was shaped like a heart itself, but I’d seen weirder in the manga and anime before.

‘Hang on, I think I recognize it!’ I realized.

Now that it was closer it looked remarkably like the boat that Alvida had used to travel around the East Blue looking for Luffy and eventually picking up Buggy with. Not to mention the sheer number of heart-based decorations reminded me strongly of the Miss Love Duck, Alvida’s ship. Feeling hopeful, I wondered if perhaps Alvida’s crew had come looking for her!

I kept waving, and the boat grew ever closer. Three figures soon became visible as well, the sailors pointing at me.

Yet something felt wrong, and as the boat got closer, I saw that there were scorch marks on the sides, a section of the railings was smashed as if it’d been hit by a cannonball, and there was a couple bullet holes in the sails. It was clear it had gone through a battle at some point, and I frowned darkly.

Worse, perhaps, was that when the boat finally landed on the beach, the hull scraping against the sand, I was able to see that the three men sailing the boat were bleeding heavily.

“Heppoko? Peppoko? Poppoko?” I gasped, their names flooding into my mind courtesy of Alvida’s brain that I was currently inhabiting.

I, no, Alvida remembered them. Low-ranking crew members of the Alvida Pirates. That she knew them by name at all was surprising, but perhaps not. If you were on a ship together all the time I guessed you’d learn to remember names even by osmosis.

To my horror, all three of them were badly injured, beaten to the brink of death with bloody cuts and bruises all over.

“C-captain?” Poppoko gasped out as he stared at me. “That… you?”

“‘Course it’s her, idiot,” Peppoko replied weakly, coughing up blood. “Who else… has a club like that?”

“It’s the hat… for me,” Heppoko chuckled weakly.

“What happened?” I demanded.

“Marines,” Poppoko whispered. “Caught up to us…”

“Goat Island is gone, captain,” Peppoko said weakly.

“S-sorry, captain,” Heppoko gasped out, flashing her a bloody, apologetic smile. “We didn’t…”

He then slumped, unable to finish whatever he’d been about to say. His companions also collapsed, unable to keep going. I leapt onboard and rushed to his side, checking his pulse. A sigh of relief slipped out as I realized he was alive. Checking the others, they were all still kicking, just unconscious from the damage.

However, relief turned to rage, as the memories and emotions of Alvida spilled over to me. I was furious. How dare they attack my crew?! My island?!

I also realized that this must have been why Alvida was never seen with her crew again. Marines had attacked, likely right after Luffy had sent her flying. Perhaps in the original timeline it had taken longer for them to find her, and they’d died from their wounds.

‘I can save them,’ I thought, and immediately rushed to the cabin to search for some sort of medical supplies.

Would this change things? I didn’t know. But these men needed me, needed Alvida, so I would save them.

111 &&& 111

Author's Note: Hello, there! This, and one more chapter after it, will be the start of a new series! It will slightly more mature than my others, as this version of One Piece's world will be a bit bloodier and than canon.

Additionally, there will be some Limes and Lemons in this series. They'll be clearly marked, so don't worry. And they can be skipped easily if you don't wanna read 'em, they don't change the story, just add flavor.

Do keep in my mind that this is my first time trying to write anything spicier than hand-holding and kissing, folks, so quality warning right off the bat.