Life on Hold
Added 2017-08-05 11:28:36 +0000 UTCI've heard of this mentality overcoming others in long distance relationships. This lack of desire to enjoy yourself, as you want to share all your happiness with your partner. When you let yourself have fun, there's a hollow that lingers inside you. A dull ache that is their absence.
This feeling of separation manifests within me as a motivating force. I have never wanted to work so hard for something. I am pushing myself hard every day for the life I want; the life with my partner. Every day I feel a little bit closer, but it's so intangible. Until I have a flight booked, a date marked, I feel this restless urge to spend all my time working.
I enjoy my work, even if I am still quite amateur as an illustrator. Every patron who supports me here, every commission ordered. Every dollar is stowed away, everyone who supports me in any way drives me to work even harder. I am so, so grateful.
I know my life isn't on hold, that I should still continue living the most of every day. I'm working hard for my future, while neglecting my present happiness. I'm afraid to stop, to relax, and take a breath. I'm so afraid of loosing momentum, and prolonging the length of time before I can finally be with my partner.
I need to return to balance. I don't think I ever found it. I need to strive for balance.
