My Worst Bathroom Decision

C. C. decides to pull a prank and take a dump on a public bathroom floor. Things, unfortunately, do not go as planned and lead to soul-crushing public humiliation.

            I didn't need to shit that badly. Or, at least, that's what I thought at the time. 
            I was at Office Depot with my dad. It was the middle of summer. I was home from college and had been lounging around the house, bored out of my mind. He suggested that I go on his errands with him, and I agreed, which was a mistake because now I was bored inside Office Depot while he talked on and on with the clerk.

            It didn't feel very urgent, just an odd sensation in my butt letting me know that, yes, something was in there and it would need to come out eventually. But it was more an awkward tickle than an actual need.

            I walked to the back of the store where the restrooms were. It was early in the day, and I didn't see any other employees. I hadn’t seen any other customers in the rest of the store either. 

            The women's restroom was a small room with a single toilet a sink off to the side. The toilet seat was damp to the point that it was dripping. The liquid looked clear, so it was probably just cleaned, but they didn't bother to wipe it down.

            I stood staring at the toilet and its sopping wet seat. A twinge of an intestinal cramp moved through my gut, and I had a terrible, wicked idea.

            I could shit on the floor. 

            The thought filled me with a nasty adrenaline thrill. I had been so bored over the summer that I'd sort of been experimenting with exhibitionist tendencies. It started with not wearing my panties unless I absolutely needed to, which wasn't a big deal because I almost always wore pants or shorts, but it slowly evolved to me peeing in the bushes in the backyard.

            Most of the time I did it in the early morning; I would squat behind the bush for cover and pull my pants down only to my mid-thigh, letting the stream spray between my legs and decorate the mulch. I had thought about shitting in the backyard, but there would be too much evidence for me to get away with it in secret. 

            Here, though, with the store basically empty and my dad and I about to leave, it was perfect. 

            I dropped my shorts to my ankles. No panties today; the fabric made soft rustling noises against my trimmed bush in the sterile, soundless bathroom. The shorts, salmon colored, fell to my sneakers with a barely audible fumpf against the linoleum. 

            I squatted down onto my ankles. It felt so weird and wrong trying to shit without a toilet underneath my butt to catch my waste that my butt muscles tensed with confusion. And it seemed dangerously possible that poop would touch my shoes. I leaned back propped myself on my arms with my palms on the floor. Then, I stretched my legs out. My butt was now hovering over the floor, suspended by my arms and legs. I felt a numb, dull tingling pain in my rectum and started to push. 

            My asshole pushed outward, and a hard, skinny turd crawled its way out of my ass with a soft crackle. It felt very dry, but the narrow width made it so that it just felt awkward but not very painful. About three inches of turd fell onto the floor, followed by a little dribble of pee. 
            I craned my neck and shifted my body to look at the deposit under myself.

            A smug, impish energy filled my body as I thought of the poor soul who would have to clean this up. 

            There was a knock on the door. A knock so loud in the quiet bathroom that it made my head ring. I froze. My stomach sank in despair. My intestines churned in panic. A sharp stabbing hit me in the gut as my bowels woke in a frenzy and decided that they wanted to evacuate everything inside me.

            Now.

            I clenched and tried to lift myself up off the floor and onto the toilet, but my arms were trembling.

            There was another knock. An urgent rapping.

            "O-oc-cupied." I squeaked, my voice strangled in my throat. 

            I was clenching my ass so hard. My bowels felt full and swollen with bulging masses of human waste and the cramping was paralyzing me with pain. Sweating, I tried to shift my weight to get up, and that's when all hell broke loose. 

            My asshole dilated, ignoring my will. A wet, thick log slipped out of my ass. The turd was only a few inches long, but it widened suddenly at the end, and there was a stab of pain as it pried me open.

            The turd was followed with a horrific burst of a fart, a great puff of air that smelled of cabbages and death. The gas rose up into my nostrils and I held my breath in disgust. The stabbing hit me again and I almost fell onto the floor. From my gaping, distended ass a rush of watery, sloppy diarrhea sprayed onto the floor with wet PLAPS. An avalanche of disgusting, yellow, filmy chunks. It burned. Wet, splattering farts hissed and popped as I shat myself inside out. I tried to angle my ass away so that the poopy splashes I was pelting the floor with wouldn't splatter on my legs. 

            The next turd, a spiky solid nugget that had been lodged deep in my ass for who knows how long, hit my asshole from the inside like a pinecone and became stuck there with only the tip sticking out. The pain raced from my butt, to my brain, to deep in my soul, and I pushed with all my might as an instinctual fight or flight response. The turd slowly wriggled out of me, scraping at my poor butt-flesh. As I squinted my eyes to fully push, I felt a harsh hiss of pee splatter against the seat of my rolled-up shorts. I opened my eyes and tried to angle my hips, so that my pussy was pointing at the floor instead of awkwardly angled forward at my legs, all while trying to will my bladder to stop emptying itself.

            All of the muscles in my guts were trying to do a dozen different things in a weird miasma of sensations or pulling and pushing, and in trying to stop the pee stream, the half-exited pinecone turd was pulled back up into my rectum. My eyes bugged out in the sudden invasion; with a burst of adrenaline, I rose up off my hands into a proper squat, not caring if I pissed onto my shorts. I hugged my legs with water eyes and squinted and pushed with every muscle in my body. In one long, agonizing push the pinecone turd fell out of me and onto the floor like an egg. It splashed onto the diarrhea and droplets hit my butt cheeks. 

            Exhausted, I rose to my feet. Soaking wet shorts around my ankles, I waddled away and looked down at the puddle of shit. The floor was completely annihilated. On the plus side, my shorts seemed to have caught all the piss. An undead rotting stink rose up from the diarrhea puddle and was slowly filling the entire restroom. 

            The person outside the door knocked a third time. 

            "Just a minute!" I said. 

            I couldn't leave the restroom like this. Everyone would know this was my fault. The woman outside would complain and bring more people and alert the store and my dad and...

            I took my shorts off and hung them on the sink. The entire back half was so wet, it was no longer looked salmon colored but a much deeper reddish color. I grabbed a big bundle of paper towels and started to mop up the shit, grabbing the most solid turds in my hand, holding my breath from the skunky, vile odor. My turds were still warm. Residual body heat radiated through my own turds through the layers of paper.

            When I had a handful of shit, I tossed the bundle into the toilet where it belonged in the first place. 

***

            My dad was waiting for me at the front of the store. I walked up to him with my hands behind my back, trying to cover how ruined my shorts were with piss. It did not work. He immediate looked over my shoulder and could see how ruined my ass was in spite of my hands.

            "What the hell happened?" My dad said in shock. 

            "I had an accident."

            "Are you okay, are you sick?"

            Probably, I thought. That diarrhea attack was not normal. 

            "I don't want to talk about it," I said. 

            "Well, you aren't sitting in the car like that. You'll ruin the upholstery"

            He went over to the cashier, the same clerk he was talking to before. 

            "Can we have a bag please?"

            The clerk handed over a plastic bag emblazoned with the Office Depot logo.

            "What's that for?" I said, confused. The wet fabric of the shorts felt cold and sticky against my bare buttcheeks and the backs of my thighs, and I my nostrils were filled with the acidic smell of my own pee.

            My dad held the bag out to me. "Put your shorts in here. You can ride back in your underwear."

            My soul sank. "I-in my underwear?"

            He still held the bag out to me. "It's only a ten-minute drive. It'll just be like wearing your bikini bottoms. If you sit on the floor in the back seat, no one will see you. "

            I shifted anxiously on the balls of my feet. Deep panic filled every nerve in my body, but also a weird excitement. I could have told him that I wasn't wearing panties, but that seemed too shameful and embarrassing to possibly mention.

            I followed him back to our car.

***

            The carpet on the floor of the car felt rough and awkward on my butt cheeks, and every bump sent shockwaves through my ass and tailbone. I was curled up in a ball and leaning my body against the driver's side door in the back. I had bundled my shorts up in the Office Depot bag at my feet. My entire body was quivering with nervousness, and it was hard to breathe.

            If I looked up, I could see the back of the driver's seat. I just had to pray that my dad didn't look directly behind him. I shifted on the floor, the carpet fuzz tickling my ass crack. I stung against my skin, but it didn’t feel especially bad.

             I tried so hard to ignore the growing slickness between my legs. The strange, mixed sensations of humiliation and excitement radiating from my most private sensitive places. The wicked thoughts crept back into my head.

            I could touch myself right now.

            Would he hear?

            Just a gentle touch couldn't hurt. 

            I can cum without making noise it I have to. 

            I kept my hands on my knees, but my middle finger on my left hand twitched with threatening energy.

            The car stopped, at a red light I assumed; I couldn't really see anything. My dad had told me to keep my head down because he didn't want to get a ticket. We didn't move for what felt like forever. 

            Impatient and annoyed, I stretched slightly and craned my head back to peek over the window. We were on one of the country roads, grass and shrubs were all around. Not a single car.

            Jesus fucking Christ, dad. Just run the red light. There's no one around. I thought.

            A police car pulled up next to our car. I froze. Everything happened in slow motion. I saw the policewoman in the driver's seat. She had slick black hair, almost greasy. Her face was long and angular and horselike, and her arms were decorated with sleaves of tattoos. She turned and looked directly at me. I must have looked like a little gopher, just a head peeking up over the edge of the bottom of the window.

            I ducked down and held my breath. Maybe she wouldn't do anything. Maybe she would just let it pass.

            Both cars started moving as the light turned green, and I immediately heard sirens. 

            My dad pulled over and sighed. A deep angry, exasperated sigh that burned through his seat. I reached for my shorts in the bag and got up on my knees.

            There might still be chance!

            But my shorts were wrapped inside out and tangled up like a wet towel. I yanked and pulled and twisted at them until I heard a tapping on the window.

            The policewoman was staring down at my pale butt with a wide grin on her face. 

            "Ma'am can you get out of the car?" She said through the glass.

            I clamped my hand protectively over my pussy and started to open the door. My whole body felt flushed, burning like I was on fire. My scalp was sweating in absolute panic and my heart was beating so fast I thought I was going to die. A trembling, naked leg extended out of the car like I was stepping out of a limo for my bottomless red carpet debut.

            My dad turned around in his seat to address the officer

            "What's the problem, offic - C. C. why are you naked?!" 

            His voice raised into his trademark shrill squawk, and he whipped his head away as soon as his eyes rested on my stupid, pale, naked ass.

            My other arm whipped behind me, and I tried to cover as much of my wide hips as I could with my hand. I practically shoved by fingers into my ass crack to cover its length. I stood on the asphalt half-naked, looking at the sky, the clouds, the trees, anything else but my father and the smug police officer. 

            "I wasn't wearing underwear,” I said, forcing the words out.

            "Why weren't you wearing underwear?!" he shrieked.

            "I don't know!"

            My eyes darted down to the police officer, begging for her to end this humiliation. She stood with her arms crossed. She was still smiling, her full lips peeled back and baring teeth. She was shorter than me, really petite actually, but that didn't make her any less intimidating. I could feel the cool air on my naked, still damp, butt cheeks and thighs.

            "We are going to have a long talk about this, young lady. You know better than to be running around without underwear," my father said.

            The policewoman suddenly reached out and pinched the bottom of my buttcheeks, the absolute squishiest part of them. I jumped and almost removed my hands from my crotch and crack. I could smell her she was so close to me. She smelled like some sort of bitter cologne, like Old Spice.

            "Legs spread, palms against the car," she said.

            "b-But-“ I stammered. 

            She leaned into my ear. "Legs. spread. Palms against the car."

            My whole body shaking, I slowly did as she commanded. I was too stunned, too humiliated, too embarrassed, too guilty, and too aroused to protest. I felt her fingers slowly reach out. I felt her fingertips on my butt cheeks. I strained on my tiptoes, futilely trying to escape. I looked over to my dad. He was curled forward, completely oblivious, looking through his phone.

            She pushed her fingers upward, squishing my cheeks up, playing with them, parting them. I could feel every detail of her fingertips. The short nails of her index fingers were shaped differently than the longer nails on the rest of her hand. I could feel the callouses on the edges of her fingers. She dug her fingers even deeper, and they felt so warm. She ran her hands across the surface of my cheeks, and I swear I could feel the tiny ridges of her fingerprints on my skin.

            A car drove by, and the driver spammed on the horn as he drove past while whooping like an animal. I looked up at the sky in shame. My stomach gurgled, filled with volcanic, molten fear. 

            The policewoman squatted down. She massaged my hips with her hands. Her hands gently started at the top and then traced the slow widening triangle of my hips. I was dripping with juices. I couldn't think straight. My brain was a massive swirling soup of emotional flashes.

            And then I felt her fingers between my legs.

            Two fingers pulled apart my wet folds. I could feel her hot breath on my ass. I squirmed against her touch. My hips bucked and shook. I didn't know if I was trying to pull away anymore or if I was trying to grind my pussy on her fingertips. I was so close.

            She could see everything. Her fingernails adjusted their grip, reaching deeper into my folds, stretching me open so that she could peer all the way inside me. A third finger traced the perimeter of my virginal opening, gently, like the hand of a ghost. 

            Oh God I'm about to get fingerfucked by this cop while my dad plays Sudoku on his phone!

            My stomach gurgled again, a deep rumble, and I realized that it wasn't fear I was filled with. I let go of the car and clutched my stomach as I sprayed boiling liquid shit all over the policewoman. 

            SSPRRLLLRRCCCHHTTCCCHH

            She screamed and recoiled as the ass she was molesting fought back and covered her invading hand and her face and her shirt with slimy feces.

            "WHAT THE FUCK?!" She screamed, a shrill cry of pure terror. Stumbling, she ran back to her police car. The door slammed and the car screeched away. 

            Shit dripped down my leg as I stood half naked in the street. Not really knowing what to do, I opened the car door. My dad, alerted by the horrific vomiting belching of my ass, handed me some napkins to wipe myself, and we decided to never talk about this again.