Storytime

Having my own slew of mental health "calamities," meds can and cannot be what you need the most. But I have had similar results with meds and a couple miracle drugs that I cannot take. One shut down my kidneys and the other costs a ridiculous amount on my new insurance. Keep at it and be firm with your doctor if you need to. It's your life, you need to live it the best way possible.

Your experience with those anxiety meds sounds identical to what I experienced on some meds too. The boredom really was the worst. So, I really, really get it, and with luck your doc moght be able to find something else to ask is if you could take your meds at night, sleep through those side effects spend your lucid hours feeling better. Thats what worked for me at least :/ and its worth asking. Good luck, I hope you feel better.

Sage Emerald

New Patron of about 5 minutes. Hush, you do marvelous work. Keep doing it at whatever pace is healthy and comfortable to you. We'll be here.

Compression gloves. They might help; my fiancé suffers from Lupus and Fibromyalgia, and compression gloves have helped her greatly. They’ve let her hold a stylus again even when her hands are normally completely useless. They might not work for you, but a decent pair might not be a bad investment. Hope that little nugget of advice helps at all.

TheSlowPainter

Hiya Hush, I've been a fan for a long time and it my first day here! I'm very introvert and I'm not good with words but I'll try my best to explain without causing confusion. I've struggled with anxiety most of my life and have been off and on Lorazapam. I struggle leaving home and I dodge social gatherings like a pro. When I'm in a crowd I get so disoriented I have to dip out to somewhere else. It's crippled me socially. It sucks. All the time I get told to "look on the bright side" and find the "silver lining." It irritates me so much. I know it'll get better but telling me that doesn't change anything. Being told to feel better doesn't help. It feels so soul crushing at times. To the point where you pretend to be fine just so people don't question you about it. I feel broken and scarred. People say that you can interpret art in different ways. Some of your characters resonate with me. I see Saint Dana, heavily scarred and maimed, but still smiling. Still able to move on. And it gives me hope that one day I'll be able to move on and be able to beat this. I say all that to say this, Hush you do you. Take everything at your own pace. So long as you keep pushing forward. I hope this didn't come across as condescending. I'm sure some of it you already knew. Just thought I'd give my two cents on the matter. I love your work. Sorry for rambling. I hope everything came our right.

Nicholas Turner

We're here for ya. Who else draws awesome - slightly unusual- girls for us? =3

Phil Craig

Aww, too bad to hear. It seems like you might have Rheumatoid Arthritis (don't trust me too much I'm not a doctor), I really suggest to go see a doctor and take anti-rheumatic medications as soon as possible, if it really turned out to be rheumatic. And please take care of yourself, don't fell bad about yourself; it's not your fault to be depressed, to have arthritis. We can wait for you.

CuriousTorvald

I'm sad to hear that you are going through all of this, but thankful that you decided to share it with your Patreons. It's frustrating that I cannot do more for you than supporting you on Patreon, but I hope that things get better.

Hoster

take care of yourself ! <3

Frono

Adding to the collection of people who are showing thier support and asking you to look after yourself first and foremost! Mental health is always important. I hope you can get it sorted out soon but, if not, don't stress too much.

Ghost

That sounds awful! Please take care of yourself and don't feel like you underperform or owe us. Also it's incredibly brave that you shared this! You're a real inspiration ^^

Ye, we love you! And what you're doing. Please, there's absolutely no need to stress out about your work schedule, if that's what it is. I've never dealt with any sort of depression myself, so I can't really relate to what you're going through. But I'm definitely gonna support you! I'm sure we all will 🧡

Mister Donuts

On the arthritis front I can't speak for anyone else, but if it gets so bad that you need to get a surgery to fix it I'll support you if you need money to get it. Not really much I can do about the medication issue except suggest maybe finding a different person to talk to about your problems. It's actually very rare to find the right person the first time. As someone who also has problems with anxiety and depression I relate with you and wish you nothing but the best and good luck in dealing with it. Your characters are actually something that help me get through the hard times in life. I see them and their difficult lives, but I also see that they live with people that care for them and see them care for those people in return. I see them live lives that are fulfilling and full of things worth living for and it helps me. I see you going through hard times and not giving up and it inspires me. I want to thank you for what you do and encourage you to keep carrying on even though times are hard right now. Good luck with the crappy situation you're in.

Jacob George

I feel really bad for you. Meds are always hard to get the right combo and it sometimes takes a couple of tries on different combos to get the mixture that works for you. I hope things get better for you. Just stick in there and you'll make it. We are all here to support you through this hard time. Take it easy and focus on getting better. Lots of love :)

I hate that all of this is happening to you : < No one deserves to go through any of that, but please focus on your health first before worrying about us! We're here to support you no matter what and understand if you need to take time for yourself!

Saane

Geez, hush, which castle did you steal from to end up cursed like this? ;; I'm sorry you are having such difficulties at the moment. Depression is no joke, and the medication is incredibly hard to figure out. Take your time to find a solution that works for you, and hopefully you can find something to help with your joints...

ArcBlue117

I am chocking to death here. Like, how are you so cute and precious and just, fuck, someone protect her please? For real though, I understand that it might be hard but you really need to relax as far as your fanbase goes; pretty sure 98% of people here understand and support you. As far as medications go, well, yeah, that does sound nasty. My answer might come off as odd or elitist or something but I would suggest weed. I think it honestly helps the best. Also, you really should quite that "old lady" thing; I would say that you still have long way ahead so don't worry about it :U So yeah, feel better and get better, I am sure that majority of us peeps here will support you in any way possible! P.S. She probably has one but we lowkey should find her a gf if she doesn't have one. Also, nice little detail with the hands at the end there.

OneGrumpyJill

Medication can be a tricky thing, and unfortuately experimenting with the different kinds is usually the best way the doctors see to find what will work out well. Sometimes side effects can be a pain , and sometimes the side effects can be treated with other meds. the doc not understanding why you are seeking help would be the thing that'd bother me most. Had that kind of issue a few times myself in my youth. Tried different doctors as a result. At any rate, I truly wish you the best, you're one of my top favorite artists i follow anywhere. I'll not be taking off just because ya hit a bit of a slump in things. That you took the time to explain all this to us shows how much you care about your fans, keeping us in the loop and all, I believe you can pull through, best of lusk, and you've got all of us here behind you.

Molenar

Medication can be really hard to figure out, although it can also help a lot. It's the only reason I'm marginally functional. The worst part is all the varieties where the side-effects start long before the actual effects do. I hope you can find a variety and dosage that works for you. I hope your arthritis doesn't get any worse, or at least minimally so. I appreciate how hard it can be to talk about yourself and medical issues with strangers, especially online, so thank you for taking the time. I hope everything works out. Just remember as much as we all love your work, you and your health are by far the most important thing. I'm not going to disappear if you need to take time to recover, and if the worst happened and you had to stop for good I'd still be around if you ever needed help. I might not know you personally, but ~10 years is a long time to follow (and occasionally interact) with someone to just abandon them.

Keep your head up, Hush! You rock! I love your work so much, you're my favorite artist!

Billy O'keefe

I’m so sorry you’re having to go through all of that! That sounds super super scary and all of it is a huge deal. It doesn’t sound like you’re hiding behind anything at all, life is incredibly hard and the fact that you keep working at it and that making art and telling stories is your big motivator says so much about who you are and where your passions are. I can’t speak for everyone but for my part I want to keep supporting you especially through hard times like this. I hope you are able to get everything figured out and I love your art and the stories you tell. They are so special and unique! I hope you are able to work through everything and you have our support, please don’t beat yourself up about struggling and I hope you get to a place where you can be yourself, live how you want to, and tell the stories you want to tell!

Cameron Craig

Damn... :( I had the same issue when I was put on antidepressants. I still get long periods of meh feelings from taking them. Maybe ask your doctor to ween you off the meds if they're still causing troubles; side effects are something he should have told you about before putting you on them. I hope everything works out for you in the end.

Dekkard

Thanks for sharing all this. Just wanted to say keep going at your own pace and your drawings really added to this post!

Life can be a nightmare sometimes. As everyone else is saying, stay strong and take care of yourself. We all love you and your work, and you're an inspiration to all of us, whether it's because of your wonderful art, characters, or worldbuilding 🧡

Don't give up, take all the time you need, I'll wait, and I'll always be excited about getting another glimpse inside this amazing and cute and beautiful universe you created, no matter how long it's been :)

L0op

Just hold on a little longer and we'll have a way to plug your brain into the computer so you won't need to use your hands at all!

Feign

We’re all here to support you no matter what; you’re an inspiration~💚

Yeah, i just became a patron and i was going to go through the archives once the first payment was processed... but good luck. 😅👍

Simone Spinozzi

Just wanted to echo what a bunch of other people are already saying. Long time lurker, but since you were willing to come out and talk to us, seemed only fair to get it together and reply. Firstly, thanks so much for sharing what's going on, definitely not the easiest thing to do, so it's greatly appreciated. Secondly, I totally get what you're saying about the meds. Several of my friends had similar reactions when they were trying different things, it seems like it just ends up being a matter of trying different doses of different medications to see what can help? I don't know if cannabis is legal where you are, but there are some strains of that which are helpful for reducing anxiety and pain, which might be good if you're feeling the arthritis? I know there's also stretching exercises, and some food/vitamin supplements that can help too. Happy to do some digging if you'd like. Otherwise, wishing all the best of luck and hoping you feel better soon!

epyon_avenger

I'm glad to know what's going on, and like I've always commented here, it's best to look after yourself before you look after your patrons. I'd like to write a long spiel about understanding anxiety and how many sleepless nights I've had with minor (and sometimes not so minor) panic attacks, or how often I've personally been in a hole of depression so deep I wonder if I've forgotten what it feels like to laugh from the bottom of my heart, but I'm not too comfortable talking about those things myself, so that's the extent of what I'll say on the matter. I definitely understand where you're coming from, and also as someone who has begun suffering from aches and pains in the hands and comes from a family with a history of arthritis, again, I get that. Really, I just hope for the best for you, and pray there's a time where you feel comfortable showing us that lovely art once more. Yet, if it doesn't happen, I'd like to think it's because you're living comfortably in another way. Being an artists is wonderful, but if to keep drawing you have to suffer, I would personally never want to force anyone to suffer, no matter how much I love what they create.

Halofarm

I've been institutionalized for a time and I had to take antidepressant, i felt numb, not myself, and always tired, at some point I replaced the antidepressant with water when the doctor wasn't looking, I felt "better" with my depression than with medecine. So I can empathize a bit. In my opinion, your art is amazing, it really resonate with me, but this art doesn't come out from thin air, if the art is important, so is the artist, take the time you nedd to care for yourself. I'm not used to comment on those things, i'm a bit shy even on the internet, but the comment section was so warm with affection and care that I got a bit emotional (kudo to the other patreons) and thought that I had to say a bit too, you get the fans you deserve, and the fact that I get Happy and teary-eyed by reading a comment section, says a lot about you. Take care.

Maxwell McNarrow

New on patreon, but I’ve been seeing and following your art for about a year now. I know it’s probably just empty words from a stranger, but your an amazing artist and I can see a lot of kindness and softness show through your art. The other day I was trying to explain your art style to my girlfriend and the only way I could describe how I felt after looking at your art was that feeling you get when someone shows you kindness, or shares some wisdom with you, and you can tell that they have known true fear, pain, or loss, but has refused to give up and has found meaning and purpose in the way they live their life. Where am I going with this, well, I guess what I’m trying to get across here is that your strong in a way few people ever discover in themselves. While t’s really easy to get caught up and bogged down with the daily nitty gritty stuff let alone bigger issues like health stuff, you still managed to look inside yourself, back on what’s happened and despite all the hurdles and pain, you decided to step forward and not give up. That speaks volumes about who you are. And I hope from the bottom of my heart that you never loose that. And I hope even more so that things get better for you. Sorry to leave such a huge message as my first post on anything of yours. Just wanted to let you know that you’ve got someone pullin for ya ☺️

Braden bell

Do what you need to do, I'm pretty new here but if you don't give up on yourself then I won't either.

Hey hush I dont know if you gonna see this message but I hope you do. I have suffered with depression for quite some time. some day are better than other as I'm sure you know It's a fight just to wake up sometimes to open your eyes and start the day. your heart hurts your body hurts it seems pointless to try.. at first but each day you look in the mirror and repeat to your self today is the day I'll move forward.... even if just alittle I'm going to take a steps forwards even if it's just one. Today is going to be better even if just alittle please keep telling yourself this every single day. Your still going to hurt those hard day won't disappear but dont stop keep letting yourself know your worth it you can move forwards even if its alittle because someday the steps will increase the pain will lessen but you will still be there. I have personally been to the very bottom I almost gave up on my life. But I took one step Than another and kept working toward happiness If I can do it so can you.

The happy spartan.

You did good mah dear!, I know how hard it was for you to find the proper way to tell everyone what you needed to without making it feel disingenuous in your own eyes. :> and for succeeding, I give you nothing but the warmest of head pats~ but, y'know, there's something far more amazing that you can get from this, and that's the support from a collective of people....your collective of people. If anything the one thing I want you to take away from opening up like this, is that people understand. So -whenever- you need to take it slow, and -whenever- you need to focus on you, I only hope you can do it with less guilt, and less pain, and know that people support your decision to do so <3 also, your short ahoge are "tenta-hoge" from now on~ :>

Bianca

That sounds horrible! I hope things start going better for you, and hopefully you get a hold of some meds that actually help and have only minimal side effects. I'm on some meds right now, and they work pretty well for the most part, the side effects to my knowledge and experience are pretty minimal. So best of luck to you!

NekoNinja13

I'm so sorry to see what is happening and I wish the best for you moving forward. Your worlds and art are so amazing and I'm honored to have been here for so long and for as long as I am able to follow your stories and art. I wish you the best luck and health moving forward <3

Yuu Yi

I'm sorry I've never commented on your work before, I have a bad habit of lurking. Thank you for sharing your story and what you're going through, I've been in love with your characters forever and I'm sorry your troubles are making it difficult for you to continue doing what you love. I hope you can find a happy medium with your medication that lets your work and manage your anxiety. I hope you find a way to manage your arthritis too, I haven't had to deal with it yet, but its very prolific in my family and its completely unfair to deal with. I wish there was something more we could do to help, and I hope saying that doesn't push any pressure onto you. You rock!

Snow Lab Cat

Love the little pictures included in with this post.

Crazedfox

First. It’s great to hear your making progress towards bettering your health. Keep it up, your doing great. Second. Arthritis, ouch. But is manageable with some slight dietary changes &amp; possibly some anti-inflammatory meds. Try to include some extra Omega-3 fatty acids in your foods (supplement pills can help here) also, you can get some great benefits from drinking a 118.3ml to 147.8ml (4 -5 oz.) glass of red wine daily. Red wine is for more than cardiovascular health. Also, keeping a daily hand stretching routine is helpful too. Here’s a nice video on that <a href="https://youtu.be/qn7qUkydEHg" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank">https://youtu.be/qn7qUkydEHg</a> &amp; thanks for including us in your life, it’s great that your willing to open up &amp; share yourself with us. I appreciate that. May your path to good health continue with little obstruction. *hugs*

Crazedfox

I can also empathize, to some degree, with medications and depression and the ups and downs that come from them. I'm currently in the middle of my own struggles and I just feel like i have to put in my own piece. Firstly, I would wonder about any doctor (honestly, in any aspect of life that a doctor would be involved) that seems to ignore your desires from treatment. They possess a degree of technical knowledge, to be sure, but they are human, with their own biases and flaws, and Idunno how feasible it is but I would wonder if a second opinion wouldn't help here. I've gone through my fair share of doctors and therapists and i've barely started down this road, myself. Which I guess segues well into my second point: You matter. So much. Seriously. Your work does not exist in a vacuum, it is not a product of your existence meant to be squeezed out. Especially in art more than nearly anything, it is pieces of you. As silly or as serious as the subject matter may be, it is all a channel of your energy and your brain and heart and whatever other ridiculous organs you want to show the world. I enjoy your art not just in a vacuum, either. Every piece from every world you've created make me wonder about the vast undiscovered territories that must be inside you; how they came to be, how you've shaped them, how they've shaped you. 'Course, sometimes my enjoyment simply comes from flailing excitedly and telling my friends "omg look at this cute shit omg" but it's no less valuable. All of that said, whether you come to value yourself as a Self Worth valuing, or as a vessel for these worlds, or however works for you, you are still the most important part of this equation. You need to take care of your self for any of your desires to come to fruition. I suspect you'll find a way to make them happen regardless. We're all here for our own reasons, but we're all here to support you. Pretty sure you might be getting that message by now, but just in case.... read all these comments again &lt;3

Arkyboots

Sounds like a very rough year. I hope you find answers and solutions that work for you, I love your work and no matter what pace it comes out at I'll continue to support your patreon, take care of yourself first, art can always come after you're well and mentally sound. I understand sturggles with depression and the like. And I hope you find something that helps with the pains in your hands :(

kingduck303

My pops has arthritis and I’ve given him what looks like a handheld device with trumpet valves with variable spring resistance, he likes it because it keeps his fingers in motion and reduces the stiffness. <a href="https://amzn.to/2Mw9TTS" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank">https://amzn.to/2Mw9TTS</a> They sell “finger grip” resistance trainers with diff resistance ratings too. <a href="https://amzn.to/2Rd9cQl" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank">https://amzn.to/2Rd9cQl</a> Gosh if I could send a legion of plushies to make a plushy fort I would, take care of yourself Hush!

Mason Dunne

Dear Hushabye, Thinking you are not doing enough it mean you really are pushing ur self. Keep fight for your dream! The best thing we can do is to rise up again every time we fall. With love, from a stranger

P.o.y.a

I skimmed it and damn that sucks arthritis runs in my family as well and was dealing with symptoms from before out of high school I was able to ignore it for the most part I hope things get easier for you

I’m really happy that your willing to let us have a glimpse of what’s going on. I feel relieved to get an update on things. But in saying that I wish you didn’t have to go through what you did. I’ve read some comments and I agree that I’m more happy to see you happy and healthy then to see your content posts. I followed you for your art and your stories. But I saw how genuine of a nice person you are and I want to help support you and your creations. You still have my full support and I wish you the best!

Gavrial

I can’t think of anything really useful to say. “the situation sucks and I really hope it works out” doesn’t help much. I am glad you are hanging on, and if there’s anything anyone can do to help you at all, don’t hesitate to ask. Though, I may have one potentially useful thing to say. My dad has had arthritis in his hands for as long as I can remember, and is a bit of an artist himself. He doesn’t draw as much as he used to, but that’s more from just being busy with life than the arthritis. It has the occasional flare up, but with modern meds and stuff his day to day seems largely unchanged. So hopefully even should it strike in full force, you’ll be able to work around it.

Blaine Frisbey

We’re all here for you hush, and we’ll continue to support you each and every month! Glad you’re gonna try and tough it out but don’t push it to a breaking point!

Hush, as someone who has dealt with issues sharing what I have gone/am going through emotionally in the past. I can understand the difficulty and uncertainty of putting something like this out there. All I can say is thank you for doing so, even though it was likely less than fun. I - and I believe others on here - are less worried about seeing more art right away than we are about you being able to get to a happy point. We will be here to support you, when you're on top of the world, and more importantly, when it feels like it is on top of you. I hope you can find a medication or treatment that works for your chemistry. Until then, we've got your back as much as se can.

Nicholas A Paul