hushabyevalley

2016 – Past to the Future

Added 2016-12-30 08:27:00 +0000 UTC

Hey everyone!

I'm usually a pretty private person that tries to avoid talking about myself and my private life. But I thought a short lil open retrospective could be nice for once. :3 If anything – it might be healthy, even.

Almost five years ago, in 2012, I decided to go offline and leave everything I had behind. I didn't even as much as touch a pen for the following two years as I tried to piece together the puzzle of life. But as I progressed, I retained the will and drive to create, but I never felt ready to come back to the presence I once had. I felt like a different person and I needed a new, slow start. Existing in the eyes of others is a scary thing so I had to ease into it.

I picked up an old tumblr blog I had created long ago, but never touched. It was under a pretty ambiguous name so I felt "safe" to start there. I kept mostly to drawing fanart of a game I had recently gotten into. It allowed me to stay in that anonymous "new" artist mode and it felt pretty great to draw again. The blog turned out pretty successful and I could feel a sense of excitement – knowing I could still create stuff people liked. I even got noticed by the company of the game in question and I was offered a chance at becoming a freelance artist for them. And as enticing and amazing that felt, it honestly scared me. I started remembering the passion I had for my own projects. I wanted to draw my own stuff. More than anything. So I backed down from the offer and started pondering how I could take another step towards what actually makes me happy. Getting back to my roots by taking a step forwards.

On February 2015 I decided to start a new, fresh blog under a name I was willing to parade and embody – with the intent to focus fully on my own stuff. Once again, I avoided to tell my current followers what I was up to. But this time it was because I wanted to earn my recognition by the value of my own ideas – and it felt amazing.

It was a pretty slow start. I could focus on drawing without worrying about numbers. Like it was back in the old old days when there was no internet to impress. No worrying if I had created something people liked or not. Just me, my desk and my pen. But soon – followers started dropping in. Faster and faster. I could only sit and stare as it happened... But I didn't feel as scared this time. I felt ready to embrace it. To exist.

Since then I've launched my twitter and I met so many other amazing artists. I'm still shy and private, but it feels great being able to have a voice when I dare use it.

My own financial situation was getting really dire by this point, though. Had been for the longest time, to be honest. I was risking losing everything I had regained when it came to my art and passion. Have to live to exist, after all. I've always been super uncomfortable earning money from my art. I simply don't know how to value it.

But a dear friend of mine, that had been at my side through all the years, encouraged me to finally cave in and start a patreon. Let the people decide the worth. Sink or swim – it's the least I could do.

And here I am. With all you kind souls. I really can't express how weird it feels to have people willing to support what you do. Stuff you care so deeply about.

Admittedly, the last two months caused me to stumble more than I feel acceptable, though. Between my spinal injury and losing my grandmother, I've done what I can to stay afloat – but as a result I kinda let my work slip. It's really embarrassing and I'm super sorry!

I do feel ready to pick up my pen again, however, and I'm super excited for the things I'll create in 2017.

So let's head into the new year with hard-hats and strong hearts!

Thank you all so much for being here!