Spider-Man of Earth 65: Chapter 138.5 - Guy Talk

Steam curled lazily in the large, marble-tiled shower room of Felix’s mansion, designed more like a luxury spa than a regular bathroom.

Felix stood under one of the multiple shower heads, calmly scrubbing shampoo into his hair while Luke Cage, NYPD cop, walking tank, and certified tough guy, stood at the opposite end of the shower, arms crossed, water rolling down his skin as he stared at nothing in particular.

Luke sighed heavily, like a man rethinking every decision that led him to this point. It was the Captain’s orders: guard Felix while he was taking a shower. Everybody had their rotation: from Monica to Carol to the captain to Luke himself. Yes, the guy wasn’t included. Why wouldn’t he be? This was an important operation.

“Oh, uh…conditioner?”

Luke grabbed the bottle and tossed it over. “Here, man.”

“Oh!” Felix fully turned toward him and caught it. "Thanks!"

Luke grimaced. There was no escaping it.

There it was again. The thing.

The unholy anomaly.

Felix Faeth’s monster hog.

Lean, six-foot-tall Felix, the scientist had somehow been gifted with a superhumanly impressive cock. Meanwhile, Luke—6’4”, 240 pounds of carved muscle—looked downright normal in comparison. It against every stereotype known to man—or maybe not. There was that thing about skinny white boys…

God dammit. 

Luke's dick was nestled in a nice sack.

Felix's everything just hung there, like a fucking grandfather cock. Like...what the fuck man? It was downright humiliating to be in the same presence as him, to know that he had that weapon under his pants.

To know that cock fucked his wife senseless.

He could just imagine the moans and the shrieks. Jessica was a damn freak in bed. With a fat cock pounding her from behind, her fingers would cling to the bedsheets, her cheeks would flesh red, and she would scream about the white cock inside her.

Worst part? Everybody knew. Everybody fucking knew. They saw at the SHIELD Helicarrier. They saw Felix and Luke walk with their dicks and Luke being utterly outclassed. All the chicks looked at Felix. Fucking—Captain America, his childhood crush, THE black woman in the USA, glanced between the white man and black man and was definitely more impressed with the white dick.

Like...come on! In front of Captain America, the woman who changed so much for racial inequality in the country, he was supposed to show up! Instead, as representative of all black men, he humiliated himself. Nay, he outright humiliated all black men. In front of arguably the greatest black woman in America's history...

 Luke put a hand to his face. "God, I'm being corny. What the hell am I even talking about?"

All men had insecurities. All of them. Even Luke Cage wasn't an expectation. His current thoughts were just that, insecurities. Stupid, erratic thoughts that wouldn't last.

'Don't ever trust what you say after 10 p.m. type shit. Come on, Luke, don't be pathetic. You're a man, own up to it! So what if he has a dick triple your size? So what if you fucked your ex-wife better than you ever could? So what if he has a mansion, money, and smarts? So what if he has giant balls that probably creampied your old girl seven times? So what? You have your own strengths. You have a new girlfriend. Be happy with what you have. Most people don't have it.'

Comparison was the thief of joy.

'I have muscles. I'm a proud cop. I've saved people. Having a big dick ain't everything.'

Felix, seemingly oblivious to his turmoil, hummed to himself as he applied the conditioner. “So,” he said casually, “have you been hearing from the NYPD?”

Luke at this point thought, ‘To hell with it,’ and decided to just take a shower like a normal person. Felix wasn’t a bad guy. He wasn’t mocking him. He was nice. He was just gifted with a big ass dick, that was all. So Luke walked next to Felix, asked for the conditioner, and started properly showering instead of guarding.

“Apparently, it’s swarmed, although it’s getting better because of FEAST. Your people are loaded with tents.”

“It was actually my invention.”

“Seriously? You made that?”

“Yeah. To be honest, some of the FEAST people said it was too high quality and that the homeless would fight over. But I think he needed to have some faith. People have the capacity to help. To be good.”

“You’re an optimist.”

“I do my best.” Felix smiled .“So, what’s the weirdest thing you’ve had to do for Captain America?” 

This right here was top five but…

Luke scrubbed his face, sighing. “Once I had to share a stakeout van with Agent Shadowcat for six hours while she sharpened knives and stared at me.”

Felix winced. Apparently, she was told to not show her claws in public, so she resorted to knives. “Yikes. Okay, that’s worse.”

Silence returned briefly, filled only by the hiss of the water and occasional squish of soap on tile.

“Oh, by the way, Yuri is making steak sandwiches after this. Want some?”

“Oh, seriously? It’s actually my cheat day.”

“I could never eat that much salad.”

“Trust me, it’s better than you think.”

“Maybe I should try working out more…”

Luke’s gaze flicked down to that giant white dick. “Dude, you’re good.”

“You think so?”

His balls were fucking massive too. Jesus Christ. “Not everyone has to be jacked. All stuff you see on Instagram? Half the guys use stereotypes and PEs. Celebrities especially, it’s like an open secret.”

“No shit?”

“Back when I was stationed in LA, I caught one of ‘em overdosing.”

“Wait, really? What happened? Who was it?” 

“Can’t say. NDA. Got paid off.”

“W-what…?”

“Yep. LA Commissioner said I would lose my job if I told a soul. So yeah.”

“Really? That sounds like some drama type shit."

"Nope. Hollywood, at least when it comes to depicting itself, can be prettty accurate."

"I'm a bit surprised you of all people accepted it." 

“It’s just an overdose. If it was something more serious like murder, I would have something, but I didn’t want to risk my job. They told me it was an isolated incident so I took their word for it. I’ve let overdoses go a couple times. Sometimes, it really is just a one-time thing. People get their shit together afterward.” Luke grinned. “Although in this case, I got myself a nice paycheck and bought a home gym.”

Felix chuckled. “The power of corruption.”

“I’ll admit, it didn’t feel good at first. I hate that corruption shit. But I’ve seen the celeb guy’s Insta, I think he’s clean now.”

“You do things your own way, huh?”

“I try to. The law’s great but it’s never absolute. Sometimes, it can be too black and white.”

“The words of a cop who eats donuts all day,” Felix joked.

“Man, if I could eat donuts, I would. I really would. Shit’s not easy.” Luke flexed his massive bicep. It was easily double or maybe even triple Felix’s size. “I used to be bigger when I was younger.”

Specifically, right before he got married.

Felix clicked his tongue. “Tsk, tsk. Excuses. But, you know, all those muscles and—”

“Yeah, yeah, it won’t protect me from bullets, I know. Do you know how many people say that?”

“Really?”

“Dawg, it’s not all about strength. It’s about confidence and discipline, about looking good. Like how women are with make-up.”

“Huh, that’s actually a good comparison. Damn, you’ve been working your brain too, huh?”

Luke smirked. “I had a wife, so I know a thing or two.”

“Do you think marriage is worth it?”

“Mine fell apart so I doubt I’m the best person to ask.”

“But you have a girlfriend.”

“I do but…I dunno, man. It’s different. I’m divorced and her first relationship—”

“Woah, seriously!? I mean, not to say experienced women are bad but like at our age…”

“You’d be surprised. I hear a lot of guys are lonely, but trust me, a lot of women are too. People have lost faith in each other.”

“You’re right, you’re so right.”

Felix walked over to get shampoo. Thwap. Thwap, thwap, thwap! 

Man.

He just had to ruin it with his huge flaccid schlong, didn’t he?

“...”

“...”