Remarin

dragon doodles

Added 2020-02-22 20:50:55 +0000 UTC

An unfinished sketch and some heads

But now just venting some pent up stress;
I'm still struggling to find balance, it's quite frustrating? Sitting down and getting something, anything, "done" just feels like I'm trying to make my way through sludge oftentimes. Those moments cause me a chilling feeling of dread concerning the current projects I need to work on, and I have to make conscious effort to "let go" of those thoughts since they tend to fester.

I'm also a creature of habit,, I just now realize, writing this, that I am still relying way too much on my old drawing habits to get things done "just sit down and get started, the rest will follow" - doesn't work as well as it once did anymore. Though the funny thing is, I've even found smth new to try out, but I just had forgotten all about it once I actually tried to start working.
So, my current method of relaxation is to simply consume media, and I think I'm overloading my brain a bit too much to be able to relax enough to focus on drawing. I had watched a video that pointed out some artists are the most creative when they're bored (and need to allow themselves to be bored - i.e. which is why taking walks is often very effective to get out of a rut). And I had a moment of "oh I think this might help me focus again", but some time had passed and I slipped right back into old habits.

It's getting a bit too late to try it out, but tomorrow I'll take 15 min to just empty my brain out before I start trying to work on anything and see how it goes.

I really just want to be able to rely on my productivity again

-sigh- one week of vacation has now passed, and I really gotta make an effort to make sure I don't get stuck on how I've "wasted" all of this time,, but that these couple of days were necessary to come to this potential new change.
At the very least I've been able to read lots of manga and play pokemon, so I got some rest inbetween the bouts of anxious energy