Draconian Remnant 17
Added 2020-10-08 22:03:54 +0000 UTCA bit of a cooldown, and an indication Jaune's still got a ways to go.
Comments
Actually giving himself a month minimum before spilling all his secrets to someone he just met and doesn't really know at all beyond being a minorish character in a TV show just because they screwed is very clear headed of him. If anything it's too short to be really wise, but then if you waited longer you would run into hurt because he didn't tell earlier.
Setras
2020-10-13 01:01:05 +0000 UTCI'll make it a bit more clear before I post it for real. Normally it would only be a couple of blows, but Jaune's monstrous Aura reserves, combined with the boost from being a dragon, let him take an unreal amount of punishment. Like, a face-melting blast from Cinder would have him go 'That's all', while internally screaming like a little girl over the pain. Heck, I'll probably add a sentence of him thinking just that, and how, without them, he already would've lost because he's not good enough otherwise.
PublicLee Speaking
2020-10-12 20:52:41 +0000 UTCThat's an interesting take on aura. Not a bad one though. I can see the forums blowing up from that point though, might want to reword it a little or add some kind of explanation about how aura works. (unless you did and I missed it). Personally it felt a bit jarring when Jaune seemingly sustained all these injuries he shouldn't have, which didn't affect his performance negatively at all and were just hand waved away after the fight
Setras
2020-10-12 20:22:52 +0000 UTCI think the exposition at the beginning is very... creepy. The protagonist has had one bad experience and has not only written off most genuine human contact as a result, but has also given himself some pretentious bullshit one month deadline for someone who is now a complex human being, instead of a crappily written cartoon character. I don't know if you intend for him to come off as a borderline psychopath half the time when he deals with people, but he really, really is. I don't know if this is intentional and part of a deeper plot, or your own experiences bleeding through, but you need to remember that no matter how crappy the first life may have been, Jaune for all intents and purposes had a GOOD one. There must be some balance between the two if you don't want to end up destroying this fic with a parade of angsty bullshit.
Pope Yoda I
2020-10-12 00:09:32 +0000 UTCPhantom pain from Aura. He's not injured, just feeling the pain of what would've happened, which gives an idea of the Aura he just lost.
PublicLee Speaking
2020-10-11 23:57:09 +0000 UTCWhy the hell are his bones breaking while his aura is still up
Setras
2020-10-11 22:58:12 +0000 UTC
