I don't call myself a goddess

I'm hanging out on top of... I think this is Portland? I don't know, the cities all kind of look the same from up here. One of the downsides of being this size, I guess. It's not exactly like I can just ask someone for directions, either. As far as I'm concerned, people are just a bunch of tiny, screaming ants. Except they're way smaller than ants to me now, actually. And a lot more breakable.

I don't even know for sure how big I am now. If I had to put a number on it, I guess I'm about... I dunno, maybe ten miles tall? Or maybe a little bigger now, who knows. Like a third of the city is buried under my ass right now, so I must be at least that big.

Oh yeah, and I guess I should fill you guys in on something. See, ever since the whole "growing" thing happened, I've kind of been eating people. A lot of them, actually. It takes so many of them to fill me up now. I'm talking tens of thousands, hundreds of thousands. It's hard to even say, exactly. It's like counting grains of sand as they fall from your hand. There are just so many of them. I like to think about what it might be like for them, looking up at me. How small they must feel.

I'm pouring thousands of them into my mouth, and they're all just these little dots that exist to feed me. I'm not even hungry, though, I'm just doing it out of boredom. Sometimes I think it's fun to not even eat them, and just watch as they fall to the ground. Sometimes, I think about how funny it is that they all have their own personalities. Before I found them, they had all these little lives and stuff. Hopes, dreams, people they loved, all that bullshit. Weird, huh?

You know, I used to get a little lonely being this size. So big that everyone else is almost like... not even a bug, really. More like a bacteria. A dust mite. An abstraction. But I got used to it, over time. You just have to remember that, even though you can't talk to them, everyone is looking at you. Thinking about you. All those screams that I hear, blending together like a chorus... they're all obsessed with me. And I'm obsessed with people being obsessed with me. I used to hate it, but now I love it. They exist for me, in a way. They give their lives to me, so that I can keep living. And I am so grateful for that.

I used to think about trying to shrink down. Maybe normal sized, maybe smaller, I don't know. I don't want to do that anymore, though. Sure, it might be fun to be small for a day or something. But what if I got stuck that way? What if I couldn't go back?

I'm not worried about going to jail or anything. Believe me, I don't have to worry about that kind of stuff anymore, even if I were normal sized. But after living like this for so long, I don't know if I'd want to go back. The power is so addictive, and it's so much fun to just ruin these cities while I feed. They're just so much fun to break. All the little people, all the ants, they're all just fun to crush. It's intoxicating, having the whole world under my control. I could pull out cities and drop them into my mouth, if I wanted.

The military used to try and stop me. They don't really bother very much anymore. When the nukes didn't work, I think they kind of gave up on killing me. Every so often they'll send some fighter pilots out, but I just swat them out of the sky. They must kind of know by now that it's not going to work. And I usually retaliate on whatever city is the closest, so it's just not worth it for them.

It is kind of weird not having any privacy. Knowing that you're always on view takes some getting used to. But you know what? I was famous before I was giant, and really they're not all that different. Once I made that connection, the rest was easy. Besides, it's a lot easier to not worry about being judged, when my idea of being intimate involves filling myself with tens of thousands of them. There's not much of them left after I'm done. I can't even find them after, really, it's like they just disappear. They probably just get all blended in with my juices, but there's so much more of me than there is of them.

There's just so much of me, of my body, it's unreal. I used to be ashamed of my size. Every curve on my body was something for people to sexualize, and something for people to shame. Now, though... every curve is power. My tits and ass and thighs are like nuclear weapons. The people below me don't have much time to objectify me, before those "objects" crush them into goo. It's fitting, in a way.

I don't want to call myself a goddess. I bet plenty of people call me that now, but I don't want to call myself that. Calling myself goddess feels kind of... try hard, you know? But I don't know what else to call myself. I'm clearly a hell of a lot more than just human, and not just because I'm ten miles tall. I have this weird feeling that I've got powers that I don't even know about yet. I don't know, maybe it's just a feeling, but maybe it's not?

I've already destroyed a lot of the west coast. Well, the cities, anyway. Forests and deserts and shit just aren't that much fun to wreck. It's a lot more fun to go where the people are. It took me months to demolish California, but I'm a lot bigger now than I used to be. Oregon and Washington... I'll probably be done with them in a week, and probably part of Canada too. Borders don't mean a whole lot when you're this size, most of the time I don't even notice them. After I'm done with the West Coast... I don't know? Honestly, most of the flyover states are too boring to even bother with, and I kind of want to save the East Coast for later. Maybe I'll head over to Europe or something. Or maybe Asia. That's just across the pond. And it really does just look like a little pond when I'm looking at it.

One thing that keeps getting me down, though... Sooner or later, I'll run out of cities. I'll run out of people. It might be a while, but the way I keep growing, it might not. I don't think I need to eat anymore, technically, but I do still get hungry. I'd hate to be hungry all the time. And I'd hate to live in a world with no one to think about me. Maybe I'm a narcissist, but that's the thing I'd probably miss most about humanity. That, and all those delicate little flavors they had when I chew on them. Even when they're mixed in with dirt and cars and broken buildings and shit, and they usually are when I eat them, you can always tell when you've got someone in your mouth.

Oh right... people. Yeah, I'm kind of scared of waking up one day and realizing that I'm all alone. I don't know if I can even die. What if I have to spend an eternity all by myself? But if I'm really immortal, that might be my destiny anyway. And as much as I hate not having anyone out there to think about me... there's also something satisfying about knowing that I'm the thing that ended humanity. I always knew I was special.

Maybe I should make it go out with a bang? Grow so big that I can smash the entire world in the palm of my hand or something. But what do I even do after? I don't think I need to breath anymore, but I don't know if I want to float in space. It's so boring. I guess I could try and outgrow the universe, but then what would I do after that? Just float around in nothingness forever? Well, maybe there's another way...

I have this crazy idea. That I could make my own world. Or maybe my own universe. One that's exactly how I want it to be. I know that I could do it, if I wanted to. Don't ask me why. It's just, you know, a feeling... but my feels are usually right.

I used to hate the rain. A long time ago, I dreamed of being so big that I'd never have to see the clouds over my head. That I could just stand up, wherever I was, and see the sunshine. It took a long time, but I got that wish. Somehow, the universe just seems to give me whatever I want. But I don't know if one universe is enough for me.