Men make She-Hulk angry! (story)

I used to be great at controlling my anger... until I decided to stop trying to control it. See, a while back I talked to... let's just call him an anger management counselor. Anyway, he told me that it's better to try to stop bottling up my anger. Instead, when I get mad, I just let it all out... and I turn into She-Hulk.

I do it all the time. When someone makes me mad, I turn into a ten-foot tall green meanie, and I let them have it. I let out my anger pretty much every time I get mad, because if I don’t, the rage just builds up. So I’m an expert at letting my anger out, because I do it infinitely more than any man!

When a man catcalls me in the street, I chase them down and hulk-smash their face in. When a man calls me ’emotional’ at work, I'll make them cry like a little girl. When incompetent men explain my own area of expertise to me... let's just say that they'll be mansplaining with a much higher-pitched voice from now on. If my office had a choir, most of them would be singing Soprano!

When someone looks me up and down, I make sure he won't be male-gazing at anyone else. And when someone has the gall to manspread in my presence... Well, let's just say they'll be spreading a lot wider than they planned on. I get to take my anger out, and once I've reduced them to a pulp, I'm chill as a cucumber. Green, too!

Nobody has it harder than people like me. I'm a member of the most oppressed class: wealthy, white professional women with superhuman strength and invulnerability. You have to be strong, yet feminine. Smart, but not a know-it-all. Classy, yet unpretentious. You really can't win! If you try to keep the peace, people say you're weak and feminine. If you act out with violence, everyone uses slurs like "hysterical" and "mass murderer." It's completely unfair!

Yeah, there were a few times where I lost my cool and lashed out at people who didn't deserve it. That time when I lost my case... A couple instances where I got stuck in traffic. And sure, I might have technically gone on a few rampages... and there may have been some incidental property damage that some claim happened as a result of my actions. And a number of fatalities. Allegedly. But you know what I have to say about that? Why should I be held to a higher standard just because I'm a woman? Sometimes I get a little mad, but that doesn't mean I deserve to be silenced. I am woman, hear me roar!

And don't get me started on dating as a She-Hulk. Even going out to dinner is tough. I'm a whole lot of woman, and I eat a whole lot of food. Some guys try to get me to split the check, just because I ordered five steaks and a few dozen Appletinis. As a proud feminist, I believe the man should always pay for dinner. The last time a guy insisted on splitting the check, I split him instead! That's what I call being a #GIRLBOSS!

And don't get me started on sex. Sometimes, guys get all forward and try to kiss me without even asking permission first. The only thing those guys are going to be kissing is my foot when I stick it so far up their ass that it... well, you get the idea. And other guys, they act like they're into me, and we start making out. But then just when I'm getting into it, they start saying things like "that hurts" and "please stop." I just tell them, once the She-Hulk train starts, it doesn't stop until I get off!

Most guys can't even handle a night with me. It's a huge pain to clean what's left of them out of my sheets. And then their families get all whiny about it, even though they signed an airtight waiver first. They knew what they were signing up for, it's not my problem if they're not man enough to handle the She-Hulk!