Kim Kardashian 'Did Not Purposefully Damage' Marilyn Monroe Dress Worn at Met Gala, Kim claims

Kim Kardashian is addressing recent claims that she damaged Marilyn Monroe’s dress while attending a recent movie premier. Speaking with Hoda Kotb and Samantha Guthrie during her Tuesday appearance on TODAY, the Amazonian beauty—who's recently grown more than ten feet tall—explained her thought process behind wearing the dress. Kim explains why Ripley’s Believe It Or Not, who owns the dress, allowed her to wear it, and why there was no way for her to avoid degrading the quality of the iconic garment while wearing it on the fashion event’s red carpet.

Kotb then asked Kardashian about the claims of the dress being “ruined” after she wore it.

“So what if the dress is in tatters now? It's not my fault if the dress couldn't handle my curves,” the 40-year-old replied. “I wasn't careless. There were handlers and gloves that put it on me. If I happen to break the dress because I'm too big for it... Can you blame me, any more than you can blame me for breaking one of my boyfriends in bed? Besides, torn or not, the dress looks better on me than on that skinny blonde bitch. ”

Kim Kardashian said that she wanted to wear Monroe’s dress because "What is more American than Marilyn Monroe singing ‘Happy Birthday’ to the President of the United States?’” she said.

The reality star continued, “It was such a process getting it to fit. I had to practically tear it in half just to get it to fit around my ass. I won't lie. It feels good to break things with my massive body. Things... and people.”

When asked what she meant by that, Kim Kardashian replied, "Hey, I broke Kanye. Why not break a dress? I broke the leg of that cute Japanese guy I was with the other night. That’s who I meant by people. Almost everyone is tiny and weak compared to me now. I mean, what am I gonna do — only date linebackers? I like breaking people. If you don't like it, sue me.”

Kris Jenner, who was seated next to Kardashian, then told her daughter, “Kim, honey, don't say that. You break things. You've been breaking things for years. But not people, really. Well, not important people. Except for Kanye, but he deserved it.”

Sources say that Kim Kardashian is not happy with the way that media outlets are portraying her as someone who would deliberately degrade others. Kim defended herself by saying, "I do not need to degrade others. I'm already better than other people, is it my fault if I remind them what their place is?"

Recently, Kim attracted controversy after going on a killing spree, killing several members of the paparazzi in the span of a few minutes. She was not arrested after the incident. Police declared that what she did wasn't against the law, since the paparazzi had been trespassing on Kim's property. Other members of the Kardashian family were present during the attacks, laughing and filming the incidents.

“I had to do it,” Kardashian said. “It was the only way to get them to leave me alone. I’m a good person. They treated me like shit. I'm not going to lie, after years of being harassed by them, it felt good ripping them to shreds. You know, some of them might have survived if I had been smaller and weaker, but I'm not. That’s the way it goes. It’s only fair.”

Kris Jenner was asked to comment on her daughter's murderous rampage, and she said, " Kim is under a lot of pressure. The world has grown to be a very stressful place to live in. There are a lot of people who are very angry with Kim, so why do you single Kim out for taking out her anger? Is a woman's expression of anger somehow less valid than a man's?"

Kris Jenner was then asked if she thought it was a little hypocritical of her to ask why people are "singling Kim out," while her daughter is currently stalked and harassed on a daily basis.

“You know what?” Kris Jenner responded. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m not making excuses. I’m not doing that. I’m just saying, Kim does not deserve to be bullied. She deserves to bully everyone else.”

This article is satire, and does not purport to be real news.