The Great Rewritening Feedback Request: Chapters 8 & 9

I’ve compiled these Chapter 9 notes throughout the week. Hoping some of it is helpful. - RE: Nick asking Button why they hate him so much. As a Nick-averse Sally-mancer Button, could Sally’s crush on Nick be a reason for Button to hate him? Could be interesting to hash that out with Nick, especially if it’s technically a non-issue when you and Sally are already pseudo-dating at that point. - RE: The deal with Nick. Maybe give deal!Buttons a chance to voice their good intentions by adding an option in which they promise Nick to do their best to get him back? I thought that the section with hurt!Nick and the flashbacks of mini!Button were really strong. That probably led me to feel the lack of connection with him afterward even more. Since we can already choose to remain quiet when Rosy asks “Which is the priority right now: Alavidze’s sensibilities, or Justice’s life?”, I’d love to have the option to be quiet in order to reassure Nick of Button’s commitment to their deal. Also: If deal!Button insists on not being called “Button” anymore (or even if they don’t), maybe give us the option to change Nick’s nickname as well in order to truly signal a new beginning? - RE: ‘“Pick you up at six?” [Kenzie] asks you.’ I would appreciate a neutral option here (something like: “I will be ready”) that demonstrates that Button’s got their head in the game because the only affirmative option “Then it’s a date” earns you a Rosy correction. If Button did their best to calm Nick down and really wants to ease their brother’s burdens, it would be fitting for them to project professionalism here even if they’re feeling rattled deep down. - RE: The come-on essay for Rosy. I lol’d. A lot. The only thing that I find a little unsatisfying is the fact that we as players didn’t get to see a similar conclusive statement as for the other topics. If I get to woo Rosy intellectually, I’d love to know how intellectually stimulating I’m being. If you plan on informing us at a later point where exactly a RoseButt relationship stands legally and where the loopholes are, this is okay. I guess I just have a soft spot for seduction via adventurous argumentation, especially with my Button as the driving force. Since Rosy doesn’t actually seem to be that passive when romantically engaged, it’s just feels like an enjoyable calm before the storm to see that 1% bump if you choose to openly pursue them. - RE: ‘I smile. “Any excuse to eat good Italian, am I right?”’ Rosy answers by praising humor as a coping mechanism – which I adore. However, it would be nice to also let them note the caveat that this can be a slippery slope if Button’s stats lean a certain way. I just get the sense that some of Button’s more morbid options signal this sort of ironic detachment and reflexive self-deprecation that could be interpreted as worrisome if you’re going into a high-risk mission for which your sense of self and self-preservation should be adequately developed instead of being continuously eroded. - RE: “How do you feel about the mission tonight?” 1. Please give Button the chance to not know how they feel. Or to be unable to verbalize it because they are too used to burying all their troubles lest (depending on Button’s Nick relationship) they burden Nick / they assume Nick “spies” on their most private thoughts. “It sucks, but I’m not the type to openly mope. My pain is buried so deep that even Nick can barely sense it” and the self-hate explanation (if Nick asks why Button hates him) go in a similar direction, so that would be in line with playing Button in an emotionally repressed manner. 2. Should deal!Buttons be able to express their relief for making up with Nick? I’m not saying that Rosy deserves any insight into what exactly happened between the Wiseman siblings. But considering that Button just revealed a long-repressed, ugly inner truth to Nick and both came out of it with a better understanding of each other (thereby directly challenging Button’s core belief that they destroy everything they touch), there should be some very strange emotions bubbling up inside of them and this is the last chance to deal with those in a professional environment. Even if Rosy seems like the absolute worst person to get emotional with. Technically, of course, Button could also talk about it with Sally at home. But: a) She’s watching a depression movie and most good friends wouldn’t bother their BFF and/or crush with heavy topics if she signals a bad mood like this. b) If you’re romancing her, you’d probably rather romance her than talk about Nick. c) Do you really want to spend the hour before your freaky undercover mission talking about Nick?! (If talking *to* Nick would be an option instead, that’d be cool, though. If he feels up to it.) 3. Should depressed Buttons who Nick advised during training to share the truth about their current headspace with either Gray or Rosy before the mission (great moment, by the way!), have the opportunity to use this chance and actually be honest? At the surface, Rosy’s question seems to be perfunctory at best, but they must have considered the possibility of getting a less than optimal answer. While I don’t think that any Button who truly abhors Rosy, would be likely to grant them even an inch of vulnerability, I’d be nevertheless interested in seeing Rosy’s reaction to both a Button they sort of like and one they merely tolerate (if there’s a marked difference). Also, potentially fascinating with regard to Rosy’s survivor mentality. You cannot become a survivor without struggle and hardship, so it would be illogical for them to condemn Button simply for being in pain. On the contrary: Being open about it and attempting to seek guidance, demonstrates proactivity, a seriousness about the mission, and even courage. 4. So far, you can deflect Rosy’s question in three ways. I’d like to propose a fourth one that is more neutral in nature (but only if, big IF, realistically, Rosy would answer), turning the question around: What was Rosy’s first mission and/or how did they feel about it and/or their qualifications for the job. Considering Rosy’s colorful employment history (= character profile in the COG thread), they’d have a number of potential answer options. Or they could take themself out of the equation altogether and simply talk about their experience working with other agents (maybe Nick or Gray / Glitch / Nox if you’re romancing them?). This could act as an option for the Buttons who feel unable to perform an instantaneous emotional striptease but still want a chance to somehow relate to Rosy. I mean, how are you even supposed to feel in a situation like this? This is Button inquiring about the Aeon gold standard in order to measure their own perceived (in)adequacy which could make a reference to Nick’s troubled past as UCRT’s leader all the more fitting. (In that context: I almost regret that the yogi cult anecdote is hidden behind that Rosy essay option. It’s such a great moment of truth between the siblings and really manages to humanize Nick as a person with his own flaws.) 5. Another thought was to specifically inquire about Rosy’s “calming” woodworking hobby in order to discuss ways of de-stressing. But, I think, even if Rosy was receptive to private small talk in this situation, this hobby revelation is hidden behind two variables (= not opening the box in the office, praising the handiwork) and thus wouldn’t concern a large group of players. Still: I definitely want to know more about this Ron-Swanson-esque side of Rosy. - Nitpick: This is entirely subjective but I’m not sure about the “Florida (wo)man” reference. It’s probably a “me” thing, but it feels very specifically American in a way that a lot of other in-game references do not. I honestly needed some time before I made the connection which is unfortunate when the entire choice hinges on instinctively knowing what it means to be a “Florida (wo)man” and why that particular detail would constitute “ammunition”. Don’t get me wrong. Leave it in there. It’s funny. But, if other non-American ESL readers have similar issues, maybe consider offering some more context clues in the wording of the choice? Inelegant example: “Kim is a Florida man. Kind of. Enough so that it gives me ammunition *for so many headlines*.” - RE: Hope’s threat to have Rosy reassigned. Depending on Button’s Hope relationship and/or the insight Nick gives them into Unity proceedings, Button should be able to judge whether this is a realistic threat or not. This would not only be interesting with regard to Rosy but offer us another glimpse into the pull the Wiseman parents have with Branham as a close friend and/or Unity in general. Also, Nick’s reaction could prove to be interesting as well. Would he play the Hope!cheerleader in order to finally get rid of Rosy or would he think that Hope is overstepping (and that Rosy should lose their job for more valid reasons like, for example, emotionally compromising his sibling)? - RE: Hope/Rosy backstory. 1. “And Nick is sooooo grateful for Rosy’s support” comes off as a little hollow without a Hope reaction. Does she understand the sarcasm? Is she aware of the strained Nick/Rosy working relationship? This could tell us more about Nick/Hope as well. How much of his life does Nick share with his mother? Did he think of her Rosy recommendation as a punishment? Did Hope intend to punish him or did she choose Rosy for their unique approach? Sidenote: If you decide to incorporate Hope’s reaction(s) later on, she should definitely react to a Button who calls their instructor “Rosy”. Extra props if John reacts in the background as well. 2. Any Button worth their salt would ask Nick about the specific circumstances of Hope and Rosy’s first meeting. Even if Nick doesn’t know anything about it. 3. I’d be interested to learn more about Rosy’s Unity employment timeline. Did Hope help to kickstart their career / or force their career trajectory into a certain direction? Were they already well-established at Unity? What were they working on in Florida? Did they see the assignment as a personal challenge and a good way to get ahead or was it a chore for them to act as a glorified babysitter to a spoiled, carefree wannabe hero? In retrospect, I also wonder why Rosy left out Hope’s involvement when they smugly informed Button about their real position and whether their focus on Unity making the decision to hire them was intentional. Wouldn’t that particular Hope detail have made it even more embarrassing? Your own mother gives you a babysitter at 24. Ouch. - Any chance for an option to review Button’s backstory at home or at least attempting to do it? Especially when Button decides to go to their room. It’s a safe assumption that the majority of Buttons will not do what Rosy tells them to but some might (because they agree with Rosy / because they can’t bring themself to do anything else / because they are anxious and it gives them a sense of control). - Kudos if Nick-averse Buttons who recruit Sally to put their outfit together, get the opportunity to try and make him look bad in front of Sally for “his more stylish flings” (especially if that doesn’t work or even backfires). Sally might have called Nick a playboy in the past but I’m sure she would never judge him for having a sex life. - (Sally, upon Button choosing black:) “Wearing a little color wouldn’t kill you, you know.” If Button chooses the neon green sneakers afterward, it would be funny for Sally to acknowledge that while still maintaining Button’s horrific taste in footwear. - During the first hospital scene, Button gets the following option: “Flinching at every loud noise. At every potential explosion.” It just feels like something that should be allowed to reverberate during the date with Kenzie, either as an optional reaction or a fear of potential failure (“what if I end up doing x (again)”). - RE: “And yet . . .” during the Kenzie date. 1. The option that you wish Kenzie were an other person during a Kenziemance seems a little strange. It’s mainly my experience playing other COG/HG games talking here, but usually, such an option is combined with a following choice to indicate your preferred partner. 2. The wording of “It’s annoying. I’m not interested in [Kenzie] romantically” is a little immersion-breaking when you’re on Kenzie’s path. If you mainly want to give us the opportunity to change romantic directions here, something like “I’m realizing I’m not interested” would feel more appropriate as it is less static in nature and gives the impression that the experience of fake-dating Kenzie has directly resulted in Button losing interest.

saarebasra

I take back my appeal for a "horny on main", disobedient Button during the training scene with Rosy. It's simply not worth it, even as a self-avowed connoisseur of bad ideas. If there are trash fire Buttons in the world who would love to be manhandled by Rosy, it logically follows that there have to be trash fire Buttons who would love to be *shot* by Rosy as well. (I won't lie, re-reading that training scene had me singing Divine's "Shoot Your Shot" yesterday. So, the impulse is not entirely unfamiliar.) We don’t want to set such a horrible precedent. Being hot for teacher is simply not an acceptable excuse for demonstrating intense thirst. Another thing: It seems weird to me that Rosy or Gray wouldn't bother preparing for the actual undercover work. I'm specifically referring to Button thinking they’re unprepared to be convincing during the date with K and the – to me, at least – obvious fact that going back to the restaurant has a high potential for some Buttons (cf. “the next tragedy might break me” or generally those with self-destructive thought patterns) to elicit a trauma/stress response. Doesn’t have to be a big thing in order to compromise Button’s ability to sell themself to Vengeance as the bomber. Both Rosy and Gray put a huge emphasis on survival during their training, yet neither even considers the importance of Button’s mental health which strikes me as somewhat negligent. (Unless… that’s the whole point: They’re all struggling to contain an increasingly escalating situation as best they can?) I mean, the chapters work for me. I find both training scenes immensely enjoyable for different reasons and I like the flurry of anxious activity during the team meeting. That bit in which Rosy asks about your state of mind, though, somehow comes off anticlimactic if you have chosen all these options to build up stress and pressure (panic, urge to flee, outright refusal of the restaurant visit and then being denied). For example: I wish Rosy would acknowledge Button’s powerlessness with more than just “don’t let fear paralyze you” if Button admits that they’re genuinely terrified (or that, optionally, Nick would have more to say), even if Rosy’d probably do so in an entirely unhelpful and cruel manner à la “Then you die [shrug]”. Don’t get me wrong: I find the things Rosy says here generally insightful and a good way to grasp them as a character, it’s just… not particularly cathartic if you're going with a Button who's more than a bit of a mess emotionally and needs a place to fall before they are able to rise again. The call *is* cathartic to an extent, but, again, there’s not really room for Button and their truth. Maybe if we had the opportunity to be a complete and utter mess in there somewhere with snot and tears... If Button's mental health has no real room in all of these proceedings, maybe it should nevertheless find a way to announce itself while it still can do so safely (and, naturally, without interrupting the flow of the story too much)? Not sure if this makes a lot of sense. Apologies if this kind of thing is being accounted for provided you go in with the right stats.

saarebasra

Some thinky thoughts: - As mentioned in my other comment, I'd love for the bookish option on the stairs with Rosy to have some sort of consequence in the training scene(s). I mean, if the stairs make Button wheeze, I’d suspect that the training would probably take them out in other ways (if not immediately, then afterward)? If that’s not feasible, I completely understand. I’m already satisfied with what I’ve seen regarding different Button heights and I just generally enjoy seeing body variations making an appearance in-game. - I feel unsure about Button's "What if Kim saw you …" thought process being included in the ace version of the Rosy route. While that moment (especially Nick's reaction!) absolutely tickles me personally, I'm not certain many people would appreciate the suggestiveness despite its relative innocence since nudity is strongly (and, sometimes, uncomfortably so) tied to sex for a lot of ace folks. But I can only repeat that I really like that moment in general because it fits in so well with the forbidden thrill of a boundary-breaking student/teacher romance cliché. Also: I encountered a version of the Rosymancer training scene in which Button doesn’t have the fantasy but the training ending refers back to it regardless with “this is happening almost exactly like you’d imagined”. Happened during a playthrough in which Button crushes on both Rosy and Gray. - A shameless suggestion that probably concerns only an inconsequential number of players: I feel there should be a choice for the trash fire Buttons among us to get a real kick out of Rosy manhandling them for disobedience during training. Non-ace Buttons already had the opportunity to be weirdly turned on when Rosy sent Glitch flying (and let’s not forget: falling in love over murder accusations? not to kink-shame, honey, but are you okay), so I would argue that this seems like the perfectly appropriate next step for the kind of “garbage-eclair eating George Constanza” Button who goes for Rosy mainly as the romantic equivalent of an OSHA violation. Just to be clear: I absolutely understand why humanity as a whole would be better off without this option. I’m just advocating for it because picturing Nick’s reaction (= potentially worse than the tombstone bemoaning Button’s lack of taste in partners?) makes me cry-laugh with gleeful schadenfreude.

saarebasra

Hi Jo! This is concerning the potential breakup w/ Glitch and some bits already mentioned in Ch. 7. I find it odd that the game/ Glitch automatically assumes there's a misunderstanding between Button and K when my interactions with them have been pretty neutral: - Took the subway - Let Glitch lead K to the other side of the training room - Focused on Glitch during the hospital rescue I understand Glitch's reasoning behind telling K about Button's mindblindness if Button's romancing K and/or if Button's avoiding K (like in the hospital when Button can try to get away from the pair). But otherwise, I feel like there's nothing for Glitch to clear up if Button and K's relationship is pretty ordinary and bland lol 😅 Even Button can react indifferently towards the NPO initiative revelation, which makes Glitch's reasoning even more disjointed imo. Just something I'm confused about when I read Ch. 8 for the first time 😊 Do with it what you will, of course. Happy weekend!

Neil

I think having a little more conversation with Kenzie would be great! I'd like to see some of the conversation/effort pan out, as well as get more glimpses of the real Kenzie rather than the show they're putting on to get that invite. Add flavor for crushing Buttons of course - I liked someone's suggestion of Kenzie and Button reaching for the dessert!

Sharp

Perhaps they could open up a little about their past, or Button could catch them looking at them in a certain way (we already know Button's thoughts about K, but we don't really know what K thinks of Button), or just generally see a bit more open side to K, like they're trying to stay focused on the mission but they sometimes forget or wish that they were on a real date, stuff like that? Something a bit closer and more vulnerable (Yes we know, K, you are very tough and silent and stoic and we do love that about you but serious feelings require some vulnerability.)

Junesong

Hiii. Maybe when Kenzie & MC are reaching for dessert (and they notice the invitation beneath it later) a cute brushing of the fingers or a finger lingering (like fingerlicking but not) ? :)