Prettiest Please Answer This Poll And Earn My Eternal Gratitude
Added 2022-04-10 21:51:55 +0000 UTCI'm finished with Chapter 5 (just had to resolve some issues that arose from switching computers), but I'm trapped with indecision about where to start it (and, subsequently, where to end Chapter 4).
Chapter organization is essential to reading experience: it determines whether you set aside a book during a "good stopping point" and forget about it, or if after a chapter ends, you feel compelled to go park your car behind an abandoned KFC and turn off your cellphone so that you can read it all in one go without any distractions (this oddly specific example brought to you courtesy of my teenage years).
When playing Mind Blind, I want readers to feel as driven to turn (click?) the next page as I always feel when reading my favorite books. So it's important that every chapter ends in the perfect place. But for Chapter 4's ending, I can't decide. So I'm asking you guys. Thanks in advance!
The Options
Originally, Chapter 4 ended after Button realized that it was Nick in their head:
“You’re not in my bedroom, ${Nicholas}.” You rub your temples.
*if Nick > 90
Much as you may love your brother, this?
This is going to be a headache.
[i]Button?[/i]
“You’re in my mind.”
When I edited Chapter 4, I felt it was more impactful if the scene stopped a few pages earlier:
Wait.
Your eyes snap open.
Nick is ten miles away, comatose at Chicago South-Central Medical Center.
Who the hell is in your head?
The scene with Nick has been expanded with Button now having more reactions, and I'm happy with the new options. But now I'm second-guessing the chapter organization and debating whether to return to the original Chapter 4 cut-off of "You're in my mind." I'm wondering whether it's obvious to readers that the voice is Nick, and thus the "Who the hell is in your head?" line may not actually have the ending-worthy drama I initially thought.
. . . Honestly, it's possible I've been working on this chapter for so long that I've fried the part of my brain capable of making executive decisions. But it would be helpful to know which ending readers prefer, independent of my own biases and creative naval-gazing. Lucky for me, I have you guys! Again, this won't change any of the text itself, just how that text is organized.
So, which Chapter 4 ending do you feel is stronger/better?
Comments
Agree!
Megaria
2022-04-11 23:48:59 +0000 UTCI prefer the original ending because I feel like it sets up a more satisfying cliffhanger? In the new ending, people would go into Chapter 5 thinking ‘WHO’S IN BUTTON’S HEAD?’, and it’s almost a letdown when it quickly turns out to be Nick. Whereas in the original ending, the question that frames Chapter 5 is how Nick got into Button’s head and the chapter then does revolve around answering that, so it feels very satisfying.
2022-04-11 11:04:16 +0000 UTCI like both, but personally I feel that ending with the realization that it’s Nick in Button’s head, and not some random ment, makes the cliffhanger stick better. I like the roller coaster of emotions from Button being relieved (or not) that Nick’s not dead, to realizing he’s stuck in their head. Like “Nick! You’re in my head! … OH WAIT.” If that makes any sense 😆
Allie
2022-04-11 00:46:30 +0000 UTCThis is hard to decide on because I love love love the original ending with Button being like: "...Ūr in my mïnde...😳🤪😰" BUT- idk if it matters more to create suspense for the next chapter? --> then I would pick the newer ending that's like: "omgggg Who's in my head??? 😩😩😩"
Mosey
2022-04-11 00:14:09 +0000 UTCThe original ending was stronger. Fact is, everyone that is reading or is going to read with half a brain knows it's Nick.
IronSnail
2022-04-10 23:30:55 +0000 UTChonestly?? I love both which clearly doesn't help but what if you included both?? like you had the nick version if you had a high relationship with him (because you would trust him) and then the second option if you had a low relationship with him (because, well, you wouldn't trust him)
2022-04-10 22:54:30 +0000 UTCI feel like the new ending is more of a cliffhanger, with the reveal being a better opening for the chapter. It feels neater, in organization. I would enjoy the story either way, but that would be my preference.
John Q. Adams
2022-04-10 22:19:16 +0000 UTCPrefer the new ending tbh it was always weird for me to have button openly accept it was nick so quickly, without even the slightest hint of vetting it was him especially after they were on guard for ment intrusion their entire life
Nohmadt
2022-04-10 22:03:28 +0000 UTCIf it ties, I'm going to flip a coin.
Jo O'Connor
2022-04-10 21:53:37 +0000 UTCOh man i hope this doesnt tie
Fish
2022-04-10 21:53:04 +0000 UTC
