Battle of Buttons, Part 2

Battle of Buttons, Part 1: https://www.patreon.com/posts/64548439

Note: This interview is getting insanely long, with a third section releasing at the end of the month. Feel free to ask more questions of all the ROs on either this post or on the Sanctum discord.

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The stone auditorium from before has vanished. In its place is a lifted stage similar to those found on reality singing competition shows. Five humans (Ambrose, Kent, Glitch, Sally, and Grayson) sit in comfortably plush armchairs onstage. The empty tiered seats around them echo with the cheers, their approving screams increasing in volume as Gil stands up from his seat center the judges’ panel, a table covered with a purple cloth that reads “ TRUEST LOVE QUEST💜” in sparkly silver cursive.

Gil waves jauntily at the invisible audience, then retakes his seat and taps his mic.

Gil: Welcome back to Battle of Button’s, Part Two, The Ultimate Romantic Quest for Button’s Truest Love. Allow me to introduce our panel of judges, who will ultimately decide the fate of my final Mind Blind playthrough.

Gil gestures to Hope and John Wiseman on his right, both wearing matching his and hers bathrobes.

Gil: Button’s parents may not have been around for their final teenage years, but that doesn’t mean that Mom and Dad can’t have an opinion on their child’s love life!

Hope flinches. John takes her hand.

Gil: Mama and Papa Bear, who are you hoping will win today’s competition? Which candidate is just right?

John, with a fake smile and in his "Justice" press voice: Well, Gil, it’s a tough competition with great contenders all around. But I’d have to say that I’m personally rooting for Sally.

Gil: And your opinion, Mama Bear?

Hope: Talia.

On stage, Glitch half-stands as if to give an acceptance speech before Kent tugs her back down into her seat.

Gil: You’re not acquainted with Taliaferro Parker, Hope. What made you decide that they’d be the best fit for your child?

Hope: As I’ve said before, I believe that Ellen—that is, Button—would be happier with someone who isn’t a Ment. Ambrose is her teacher, and Kent . . .

Hope throws an apologetic look at a stony-faced Kent.

Hope: Kent’s father is a public figure, and the spotlight follows Tobias' son. Not through any fault of his own, but it would be easiest for Button to be with someone normal.

Hope’s voice becomes quieter.

Hope: My daughter has had enough stress in her life.

Glitch: You hear that, everyone? Yours truly the normal choice.

Kent's lips curve subtly with a suppressed smile, anticipating Glitch's reaction.

Glitch: I've never been so flattered yet offended.

Gil: That’s one vote for Salome Alavidze and another for Taliaferro Parker! But the war isn’t won yet—contestants, you’ll have a chance to convince our judges of your romantic qualifications later. We also have two other judges!

Gil turns to his left, where Nick and Reese are engaged in a silent glaring match. Despite their clear mutual loathing, their stare down is somewhat comical given that Reese’s chin barely reaches over the edge of the table; unlike the rest of the judge’s panel, Reese has been given a wobbly footstool instead of a proper high-backed chair.

Gil: Nick, you’re our resident Button expert. Who do you think they should ride off into the sun—

Nick: Gray.

Gil: . . . I suppose even I can ask the occasional dumb question. What about you, River?

Reese rests her chin on the table and glowers at Gil.

Reese: Elmer doesn’t deserve true love.

Gil: But if you had to choose?

Reese’s lips press together mutinously.

Gil: To clarify, you ARE required to choose.

Reese: . . .

Gil remains smiling, but his red irises darken to pitch black.

Gil: Or else I'll be forced to disqualify you as a judge.

Reese: Kent Zarneki. Those two lying—

A loud BLEEP sounds from nowhere, muffling part of Reese’s tirade.

Reese: —deserve each other.

Gil: That sounds to me like you were impressed by their teamwork during Operation Hemera! Excellent observation, River. Kent and Button do work incredibly well together.

Reese: I said no such thing, you horned—

A loud BLEEP sounds again.

Gil: That’s one vote for Salome Alavidze, one vote for Taliaferro Parker, one for Grayson Black, one for Kent Zarneki, and one more vote for Ambrose Kim courtesy of myself!

Sally, Glitch, and Gray all look pleased to have been selected. Kent’s expression remains stoic, but he's clearly unhappy with having only been voted for by his archnemesis. Meanwhile, Ambrose’s gaze remains affixed on the invisible crowd in effort to determine the source of the cheering (or locate an escape route).

Gil: Oh my, but this is quite the conundrum, isn’t it? It’s a five-way tie! Perhaps our contestants can provide some insight on Button's love life. Judges, do you have any questions you’d like to ask that might sway your opinion?

Hope: All of you are . . . somehow already dating a version of my child, is that correct?

Gil: Correctamundo. It's one big, happy harem.

Hope: Do any of you have hang-ups over Button’s mind blindness?

Kent shakes his head.

Sally: Nope! Why would I?

Glitch: I’m not a hypocrite. Their check-ins with Nick aren’t all that different from my appointments.

Ambrose: My hang-ups were with myself.

Hope: Grayson?

Grayson takes a deep breath, his eyes closing briefly as he organizes his thoughts. When he speaks, his words are slow and deliberate.

Grayson: I had reservations. How could I not? Every time we touch, I read their mind.

Nick: That doesn’t mean that you two couldn’t work! In fact, I'm pretty sure most fanfic authors would find it romantic.

Grayson gives Nick a stern look.

Grayson: Let me finish. In the beginning, I worried that I might overhear a thought I shouldn’t. I was afraid that Ellery might one day resent me . . . or worse, that I might one day resent them.

Hope: You no longer feel that way?

Grayson: Trust took time for us to build, and it’s not something that we can ever neglect. Our situation takes work. But being with Ellery, I’ve learned to be more open with my feelings and thoughts. I share all sides of myself, because that’s what they share with me.

Gray calmly meets Hope’s eyes and doesn't look away.

Gray: Yes. I had initially hang-ups over being a relationship with Ellery because of their mind blindness. Now, it’s simply another thing about them which I love.

Gil, choking up: That’s beautiful.

Nick: My guy wins. Pack up and go home, everybody.

Sally: Shut up, Nicholas.

Hope: I have a follow-up question. If what happened with the bombing happened again . . .

Ambrose, grimly: It won’t.

Hope: But if it did and my child were controlled by a Ment. What would you do?

Sally: For once, I agree with Kim. It won’t happen again. It can’t happen, not without me knowing.

Hope: And where were you last time?

Sally: Where were you?

Hope dips her chin, acknowledging the hit, and Sally bites her lower lip.

Sally: I'm sorry, Mrs. Wiseman. I shouldn’t have said that. But you have to know that I’ll always do everything in my power to protect Button.

Grayson: I might not realize a Ment's presence as immediately as Sally, but it wouldn’t take long.

Hope: Are you saying that my child can’t want to keep their thoughts private without you growing concerned?

Grayson: I said no such thing. But Ellery and I are very, um, physically affectionate.

Gray’s expression is a mix between besotted pride and embarrassment. Glitch blows out an annoyed raspberry with her lips.

Glitch: I feel like the Ments have an advantage here. I can’t protect their mind with my current technology. All I can guarantee is that I’d never hold against them anything they did while under another’s control. Because as much as I want to claim that I’d instantly know if Button were controlled, the harsh truth is that I might not notice right away.

Kent: I’d know.

Glitch: How exactly would you know, Nox Box? You can’t read minds any more than I can—which I think should be a point in our favor, by the way.

Kent: I’d just know.

Glitch: You’re not a Ment. And there’s no guarantee that Button’s behavior would change—a Ment could dig deep in their mind, figure out how they usually act.

Kent: The dogs would be able to tell, too.

Glitch: Your dogs aren’t Ments, either.

Sally: I mean, I have suspicions about Cass.

Glitch: Valid. But seriously, Kenzie, there’s no way that we could know for sure. Not immediately.

Kent shrugs in a way that makes it clear his opinion remains unswayed.

Hope: Maybe I misworded my question. I don’t want to know how you would save or protect Button.

John: She wants to know how you would support them.

Hope: That may be where we failed.

Nick: You two didn’t fail at anything. You hired a therapist, and never once blamed Button for what happened.

Hope: Because it wasn’t her fault. It was mine.

Nick: It wasn't either of your faults. You never intended to hurt Button. If they didn’t feel supported, it’s probably because I wasn’t sensitive enough to their needs.

John: Stop. We never should’ve asked you to become their guardian. If I hadn’t been gone that day . . .

Gil lets out a dramatic, drawn-out sigh.

Gil: As much as I simply ADORE the Wiseman family self-flagellation circle, this interview isn’t about you.

John: There’s no call to be sarcastic.

Gil: Sarcastic? Never. Your relationships with each other is my favorite part of the game other than breaking Andy's hand. But I called you all here in order to talk about Button’s love life, not to naval gaze over your collective misplaced guilt.

John: Fine. Back to my wife’s question. Or a version of my wife’s question.

He glances at Hope.

John: This is a very confusing dream, Dearest.

Hope: We’ll talk about it over breakfast tomorrow morning. Did you take the bacon out of the freezer like I asked?

John: And stopped by the store for fresh blueberries and pancake mix.

Hope: I love you, Just John.

John: I love you more.

Gil looks genuinely touched by their affection. Nick begins to make exaggerated gagging sounds.

John: Hey, it’s my dream. I’m allowed to be affectionate to my wife.

Ambrose: It’s a shared delusion created by a Ment with uncategorized powers. We need to be on guard.

Sally: How do you know this isn’t a dream?

Ambrose: Because I don’t dream.

Gray: It feels like a dream. The strangest dream I’ve ever had, but a dream.

Glitch: Eh. I’ve had weirder. 

Nick: Everybody dreams, Kim. You just don’t remember yours.

Ambrose: I remember my nightmares.

Nick: Edgelord alert.

Sally: I dunno. I don’t think Gil is a Ment.

Reese: This monster is no different than the rest of you freaks.

Gil’s voice interrupts their squabbling, but it’s changed. It’s lower now, harsher, more a bone-deep resonance than repeatable sound.

Gil:  Be.  Silent.

The command lingers in the air.

The humans now stare at Gil with a level of terror.

Ambrose and Kent try to hide their reaction beneath a veil of stoic militarism. Nick grins nervously, while exchanging a subtle nod with Gray to be ready. John and Hope both tense, exchanging similar looks with each other, but their training doesn’t conceal their fear. Sally glares defiantly at Gil; Glitch is visibly shaking.

And Reese has disappeared.

Gil smiles congenially at the remaining humans. When he speaks, his voice is once again a pleasant baritone.

Gil: Where were we? Hope, you were asking how the contestants would support Button through a traumatic time, correct?

Hope nods stiffly and without dropping her guard.

Gil: Excellent! Ambrose, why don’t we start with you?

Ambrose: No.

Gil: Excuse me?

Ambrose: Whatever your game, I refuse to continue playing.

Rage, burning hot, illuminates and flickers in Gil’s red eyes . . . before just as quickly dimming back to dormant embers.

Gil: I understand your reticence, given your circumstances. Kent, then. How would you support Button?

Kent: Through anything?

Gil: Sure.

Kent: By reminding them that I’m there.

Glitch, grinning: Meaning, cuddle time with the dogs.

Kent nods.

Gil: I see. And your answer, Taliaferro?

Glitch: We’re all pretending that you didn’t just Hulk out and evaporate another person?

Gil: Apologies if we shadows have offended.

Glitch: Take my line, why don't you. Damn. Kenzie’s right; I need to lay off the caffeine before bed. To answer your question . . . I dunno. I’d try to make Button laugh and remind them about how great our life is together. And if they wanted, I start working on something to protect them.

John: Not to doubt your capabilities, Glitch, but we tried to find a fix to Button’s mental vulnerability for years.

Glitch: I didn’t say fix them, because I don’t think they need to be fixed. I said I’d try to protect them. Maybe a device that reacts to any Ment possession—something that glows or beep-boops whenever someone’s brain is getting messed with. A tool like that would help all of Unity, not just Button.

Gil: And you, Sally?

Sally: How would I support Button? The exact same way that I’ve already been doing exactly that for the past fifteen years. Unlike the rest of these posers, I have a track record.

Gil: Grayson?

Grayson: I’d do whatever they asked.

Gil: Even if that meant doing nothing?

Grayson winces.

Grayson: Yes. My relationship with Ellery works because we respect each other’s decisions. When we touch, and when we don’t. What thoughts we acknowledge right away, and what thoughts we discuss later.

Glitch, rolling her eyes: You don’t have a monopoly on respecting boundaries, Black.

John: Okay, folks, simmer down. Let’s try a new question. Maybe even complimenting each other! Other than yourself, who would you select to be Button’s romantic partner?

Sally: This sucks. You’re asking me to matchmake for my own partner.

Gil: Technically, he’s asking you to matchmake for a different version of your partner.

Sally sighs heavily.

Sally: I guess that I’d pick Grayson? No offense to the others except Kim, but I’ve known him the longest.

Nick: Excellent choice, Salome.

Sally: Gray's a great guy. Plus, he could use someone to buy him some shirts from a non-sporting goods store.

Grayson looks down at his plaid blue flannel, its durable fabric perfect for chilly nights around a campfire.

Grayson: What’s wrong with my shirt?

Sally: Gray, just say thanks and take the compliment.

Grayson: Thank you?

Sally: You’re welcome. I’m your choice as well, right?

Gray glances awkwardly at Nick, who’s doing his best to appear unaffected by the current conversation.

Sally: Right?

Grayson: It’s not that simple. In my world, you’re . . .

Grayson trails off, his cheeks red. Gil groans.

Gil: Time out. For the sake of a fair fight, I’m calling in an alternate.

Gray vanishes into thin air. Nick lurches to his feet, but before his angry shout leaves his lips, Grayson reappears back in his seat . . . albeit wearing a green shirt (in the exact same checkered pattern) instead of blue.

Grayson #2: Where am I?

Gil: In a dream. Now, if a deranged fairy threw you off the Cliffs of Moher and your fragile skull was shattered by the sharp rocks below . . . which person on stage would you want your partner to fall in love with after they were done grieving your untimely and bloody death?

Grayson #2: That’s a wretched thing to ask someone.

Nick: Not to mention oddly specific.

Gil: You wouldn’t want your partner to find love again?

Grayson #2, grimacing: Of course I’d want El to move on.

Gil: With whom?

Grayson takes a moment to note who else is on stage with him. He seems unsurprised by Kent, Glitch, and Sally’s presence, but Ambrose’s inclusion makes his brows shoot up.

Grayson #2: Of those here on stage? Sally, definitely. Even in my world, it’s clear how deeply she and Elm care for each other.

Sally: Right answer! I mean, Button and I have known each other for almost all our lives. We're perfect for each other.

Nick: . . . We should probably hear from the other contestants. Kent, Glitch, same question: other than yourself, who would you chose for Button to fall in love with?

Glitch: Kenzie.

Kent points at Glitch.

Gil: No hesitation whatsoever! It wouldn’t strain your friendship if one of you won and the other lost?

Glitch: We’re already from different realities, right? MCU Multiverse kinda scenario?

Gil: A somewhat plebian explanation, but close enough. Although, if you lose this competition, another version of you may never find true love.

Glitch: Then Other Me will have to amp up the charm. But if Other Button isn’t interested, then there’s no better alternative than Kenzie.

Kent nods, presumably to advocate the same for Glitch and not his own suitability.

Hope: I wasn’t asked, but Kent would be my second choice as well.

She gives Kent a warm smile.

Hope: Ellen’s always loved dogs.

John: Huh. Eli’s more of a cat person.

Gil: I prefer bunnies—so fluffy. But there’s only one contestant left to hear from. Ambrose? Might you decide to play with us again?

Nick glares at Ambrose. Hope and John glance at him uneasily, as unsure as Grayson #2 as to why he’s even been included in the pool of candidates.

Ambrose: It doesn’t matter.

Nick: You’re only saying that because you weren’t picked by anyone else.

Gil: Come now. I picked him.

Nick: Except by the crazy dream demon.

Ambrose: The question acts as if ‘Button’ is the same person in every timeline. They’re clearly not.

Gil: Your point?

Ambrose, quietly: I have no interest in anyone other than my partner, even if they share the same face and background.

Hope’s shuttered expression becomes incrementally warmer as she observes Ambrose.

Hope, to Ambrose: What is your Button like?

Ambrose: Willful. Ambitious. Intelligent. Annoying.

John: Now that sounds more like Eli.

Ambrose locks eyes with Hope’s.

Ambrose: Forgiving.

Gil: Lovely adjectives. None answer which love interest Button ultimately belongs with.

Ambrose: Mine belongs with me. As for other versions . . .

His gaze drifts critically over the assembled contestants.

Ambrose: That’s for Button to decide.

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This has been Reality Warping With Gil, Hell’s #1 TV Show Not Involving Torture.

Produced, Directed, and Cast by Gil. Set design by Gil. Hosted by Gil and Assorted Mortals.

Tune in next time at: https://www.patreon.com/posts/67312625