bardictype

Delivery Sneak Peak: Quali-tea Paranoia

Added 2022-02-14 05:50:35 +0000 UTC

For paws and fangs that you can’t see,

Put your trust in a cuppa tea.

-Advertisement for Mama Marygold’s Certified Anti-Shifter Droplets

When vampires and weres were revealed to exist, panic set in as to how ordinary humans could identify these outsiders given their exterior similarities to mortals. Revelations that vampires could enter buildings uninvited and that werewolves weren’t any more hairy in human form than anyone else caused mass hysteria. People were petrified, choosing to stay home rather than befriend new acquaintances. The population of Ireland (and other countries) became increasingly withdrawn and suspicious—an almost complete cultural one-eighty compared to the prior culture of Irish gregarious. Five years after the Collide, and the birth rate had noticeably fallen due to the downtick in people willing to use online dating services given the accompanying risk of being eaten.

For Ireland, salvation came in a cup.

Dexter’s Defanging Vanilla Cream marked the first of many products that allowed hosts to subtly spike cups of tea and thus confirm their guests’ humanity. A line of creamers that eventually expanded to flavorless droplets, Dexter’s contained a patented mixture of otherworldly herbs which caused allergic reactions in vampires. The brand Mama Marygold’s soon broke into the scene with infused sugar substitutes that caused werewolves instant stomach cramps. These products flew off the shelves, and nowadays most tea brands contain either a vampire or were deterrent.

Inviting someone in for a cup of tea is no longer mere manners; it’s crucial confirmation that they’re human.