Mind Blind Interview: Rosy Kim

(Note: I was going to post this tomorrow, but I was too amused to wait. Thanks to everyone who asked questions! I tried to make sure at least one got brought up by everyone who asked.)

A spotlight shines on Nicholas Wiseman, wearing a sequined gold vest and a top hat cocked at a jaunty angle. He sits in one of two cushioned chairs on an otherwise empty stage. A microphone is clutched in his hand.

Nick: Hello, hello! Welcome to the first-ever Unity Spotlight with your host, Nicholas Wiseman.

He winks in an over-exaggerated way into the camera and motions to himself.

Nick: Which would be yours truly. Our interrogation—I mean, interview—today is with none other than Aeon’s own Instructor Kim! Rosy, why don’t you take a seat.

Rosy walks onto stage and sits down in the empty chair.

Rosy: I ordered you not to call me that.

Nick: And I ignored you . . . Rosy. Our first question today comes from Bi-stander, who asks: “Rosy, what do you consider to be the bare minimum for someone to be a successful MIV or AMO?”

Rosy scowls.

Rosy: She did not refer to me as Rosy.

Nick: She really did. It seems to be what your fans call you.

Rosy begins to slowly smile to ominous effect. Nick shifts uncomfortably.

Rosy: You called me Rosy as well. Does that make you my fan, Justice?

Nick, sputtering: Absolutely not.

Rosy’s grin widens.

Rosy: As you say. For what makes a successful MIV or AMO . . . a functional brain. Which sadly few of my students possess.

Nick: Ouch. No wonder people say you’re a harsh grader. Fish wants to know if you’d ever consider using a kahoot fort ethical training with your students.

Rosy: Anything called “a kahoot” doesn’t deserve to be used.

Nick: Nice that you’re so open-mined. Our next question comes from PKnight, who asks if your expectations of Button would have been different had they been a Ment or if they hadn’t been a Wiseman.

Nick leans forward in his seat, exuding a sudden air of intensity. He addresses Rosy in a warning tone under his breath.

Nick: Be careful what you say about my sibling, Kim.

Rosy, ignoring Nick: Wiseman’s family and Pollard Score in no way alter my expectations. If they believe that either should earn them special treatment, they should look for a new vocation.

Nick glares at Rosy. Rosy continues to ignore Nick.

Nick: Speaking of Button, Mura wants to hear about your first impression of them.

Rosy: Student seated in the second seat to my left.

Nick waits for Rosy to elaborate.

Rosy: Next question.

Nick: Alright, then. Wynna asks: “If you were predatory and foolish enough to attempt to romance Nick’s sibling who is ALSO YOUR STUDENT and take them on a trip to Korea, where would you two go and what would you do?”

Rosy: That was not their question.

Nick: I paraphrased. Your answer?

Rosy, heaving a sigh: The Kumgang Mountains are near where I was born. I believe the falls and Sinpyong Lagoon are both popular with tourists.

Nick: So, you would go back there?

Rosy: I suppose. It’s . . . been a long time. There are memories.

Neither speak for a moment. Nick looks as if he wants to say something, but miraculously holds his tongue.

Nick: Cinnerman is curious if you have any friends with whom you keep in touch back in Korea.

Rosy: There’s no one. Not anymore.

Nick: What about things? Rivering asks if there’s any aspect of Korea that you miss.

Rosy: I miss the food. And the language. Sometimes the sea.

Nick: What do you like most about living in the USA?

Rosy: Bigger apartments.

Nick feigns a large yawn.

Nick: Such exciting answers you’re giving me—it’s almost like you’re holding back. Let’s try to dig a little deeper. Lahtays notes that you seem like an instructor unafraid of teaching hard lessons and truths to your students. Tell us, what’s the hardest lesson that you ever had to learn?

Rosy: . . .

Nick starts humming the tune to Jeopardy.

Rosy: I’m thinking.

Nick: About your hardest lesson?

Rosy: About whether to tell the truth.

Rosy sighs and stares into the distance over Nick’s shoulder. The action would come across as overly dramatic and indulgently broody if performed by anyone else, but Rosy pulls it off.

Rosy: . . .

Nick: . . .

Rosy: . . . Next question.

Nick: You can’t refuse to answer!

Rosy: I can. It’s in my contract with the author: I reserve the right to refuse any and all questions that might spoil my character arc.

Nick: Damnit, Jo. She’s too lenient with you. Fine. Another question from Lahtays: “What is your opinion of Nick Wiseman?”

Rosy: A question about you? I’m surprised your ego didn’t lead you to ask this one first.

Nick, grumbling: I’m not sure that I wanted to know the answer.

Rosy: You already know my answer.

Nick: Yes, that’s what I’m afraid of.

Nick stares deadpan into the camera, à la The Office.

Rosy: Nick Wiseman possesses more power than sense.

Nick: Alright, next quest—

Rosy: He never should have been asked to lead UCRT at such a young age.

Nick: Now, see here, that’s—

Rosy: He’s reckless, foolhardy, and entitled.

Nick: I get it already.

Rosy: He refuses to take anything seriously despite the responsibility he’s been bestowed.

Nick: You’re just ignoring me, aren’t you.

Rosy: But he has potential.

Nick: Wait, what?

Rosy: Just don’t tell him that I said so.

The two stare at each other. Nick, in a shocking and uncharacteristic twist, appears to be at loss for words. Rosy smirks.

Rosy: Next question.

Nick clears his throat, rattled.

Nick: Uh . . . in a related topic, Deliquescere asks “What area does Nick shine in?”

Rosy: . . .

Nick: You have to reply.

Rosy: . . .

Nick: You can’t claim that this answer will spoil your character arc. Answer. Inquiring minds want to know. I want to know.

Rosy: . . . I admire his dedication to his sibling. And, although he frequently fails, Justice does commit to things. He tries.

Nick: Rosy, I’m blushing. Let me wipe away a tear.

Rosy sighs.

Nick: What else. . . oh! Oh-ho-ho. Augusthead wants to know who which person you’d choose if you could spend a day in their body.

Nick leans in closer and bats his eyelashes.

Nick: It’s me, isn’t it? Because you admire my dedication and commitment.

Rosy growls.

Nick: It’s okay, you don’t have to admit it. We know. And it warms my heart, Rosy. It really does.

Rosy: Adsila.

Nick visibly deflates.

Nick: You’d chose Aeon’s Dean over me?

Rosy, shrugging: She has access to information that I’d be curious to read.

Nick: Well, that’s not at all cryptic. Moving on . . . Shwarmi wants to know what deal is between you and Clarence, noting that “you seem to dislike each other on a personal level. Is that a new development or has that irritation been there for a while?”

Rosy: Garfield is an idiot. He’s always been an idiot.

Nick: Agreed.

Rosy: But I should’ve taken his accusation against Wiseman seriously. I let my . . .

Rosy avoids looking at Nick or into the camera.

Rosy: I let my judgement be compromised by emotion. It was a mistake.

Nick: I’m going to ignore the implications of your answer, for both our sakes. Mayhem asks if your first job was at Aeon, and, if not, where was it?

Rosy: I got my first “job” at eight. Once I was fifteen, I lied about my age and joined the Korean military.

Nick: What job could an eight-year-old do?

Rosy: Street musician and juggler.

Nick: Seriously?!

Rosy: No. I gutted squid for local fishermen.

Nick, looking disappointed: Oh. So, you can’t juggle?

Rosy: I never said that.

Nick: Much as I would love to follow up on that line of questioning, we have more submitted questions. Other than maybe juggling, Indifilm asks: what are some skills that you’ve always wanted to learn? Also, if . . . No that can’t be right.

Rosy: What?

Nick: Indifilm seems to be under the impression that you love puns. Which is ridiculous, because you clearly possess no sense of humor.

Rosy: Obviously.

Nick: I’m pretty sure that you don’t even know how to laugh.

Rosy: Never learned.

Nick: . . . Right. To return to Indifilm’s initial question: what skills have you always wanted to learn?

Rosy: Juggling. And skateboarding.

Nick: . . . You’re joking. I think.

Rosy arches a single brow.

Nick: You’re not joking?

Rosy’s brow arches even higher.

Nick: You’re . . . I hate you.

Rosy: Well, I’m having a ball.

Nick: Was that a juggling pun? Wait . . . no. Let’s move on before my brain breaks.

Nick reaches into his jacket pocket and draws out some cue cards, shuffling through them distractedly. He’s obviously still trying to figure out if Rosy made a pun. And, if so, how that alters his grasp of reality.

Nick: Here’s a good one! Pleasepower says that you had a book in your office about the moral toll of lying, and asks: What lie have you told that took the greatest moral toll?

Rosy: I once told an idiot that I could juggle.

Nick glares at Rosy. Rosy glares back.

Neither speak.

They glare some more. This is getting ridiculous.

From the shadows at the far edge of the stage, Sally emerges. She claps her hands briskly.

Sally: Focus, please. Nicholas, stop antagonizing the interviewee. Instructor Kim, stop teasing him. He can’t handle it.

She disappears back into the shadows. Nick pouts but continues the interview.

Nick: Electra-heart wants to know what you’d be doing if you weren’t an instructor at Aeon.

Rosy begins to reply, but Nick interrupts.

Nick: Do NOT say juggler.

Rosy: Of course not. If I didn’t work for Aeon, I suppose I’d still be working for my old company.

Nick: Care to elaborate?

Rosy: Not particularly.

Nick sighs and mutters something under his breath that’s too profane to put into print.

Nick: Fine. Elainehac123 asks: What were your thoughts about the book that Button took from your shelf?

Rosy’s expression softens, which instantly puts Nick on edge. The grinding of his teeth is almost audible.

Rosy: I found Wiseman’s accidental theft to be . . . amusing. Endearing, even.

Nick: Next question! Because I don’t want to hear about this! Linh asks: “Rosy, are you aware that you’re hot as hell?”

Nick groans upon realizing that this question is, from his perspective, even worse than the last.

Rosy: I am aware, yes.

Nick: You—you can’t just—

Rosy: I did. Next question.

Nick emits a choked growl as he examines one of the two remaining question cards.

Nick: I’m not asking this.

Sally’s voice echoes from somewhere backstage.

Sally, out of sight: Yes, you are!

Nick: I hate this. I hate this. I hate this.

Sally, still out of sight: The sooner you ask, the sooner this is over!

Nick, through gritted teeth: Kae . . . wants . . . to know.

His Adams apple bobs as he swallows, looking vaguely ill. When he speaks again, it’s in a rushed single breath.

Nick: Kae-wants-to-know-if-you’d-engage-in-a-pillow-fight-with-Button-and-if-so-if you-think-you’d-win.

Nick grimaces, as if the query tasted physically bad on his tongue.

Rosy: Pillow fights are ridiculous. But I would win if ever one were unavoidable.

Nick, still looking sick: There you have it, folks! Rosy Kim, unagreeably forthcoming. Tune in next time—

Rosy: There are, after all, better things to do in bed than fight.

Nick lunges at Rosy as the spotlight dims.