geowizard

Christmas tree hunting in Austria

Added 2020-01-16 21:38:55 +0000 UTC

Christmas was drawing nearer in our cosy apartment in snowy Tyrol, but we didn't have a Christmas tree. This would not do. The only problem was we didn't have a penny to our names, having not been paid yet by the Horny Bull nightclub, where all three of us worked at the time. So, unable to buy a proper one, we turned to the forest, whose trees it was naughty to chop down.

One evening at work, I took a large, sharp bread knife from one of the drawers and stuck the handle down my waistband as we left. As luck would have it one of our colleagues offered us a lift home, which we accepted. As I bent over to get in her car, I felt the knife go straight into my abdomen. I paused for a moment to decide whether I'd stabbed myself or not. But I hadn't. "Are you alright?" she asked. "Yeah I'm fine" I lied. I had a scar on my stomach for two weeks, but i think it would have been a lot worse if it were a normal shaped knife.

The next day me and my brother Ben set out to find the perfect tree, which was harder than you might think considering we were surrounded by forest. The trees inside the forest were too big though, and any smaller, external trees we found were clustered together and lacked an even spread of green branches. Eventually Ben spotted one, solitary tree hiding in plain sight right next to the high speed railway track. It was perfect. That was our tree.

We couldn't just hack it down in broad day light though, we would have to return at the dead of night and do the deed. So, after work at 1am, we crept up and sawed away at the tree, each taking it in turns to either hack, shine the torch or keep watch. Here we are rolling in with our prized possession. The tree that would make our Christmas whole.

Ben was later fired from the Horny Bull because someone blocked the toilet with a towel whilst he was toilet attendant. Me and Greg quit the very next day. We didn't get paid for 7 weeks. Merry Christmas.

Apologies for the sporadic footage, I believe my GoPro ran out of battery whilst mid hunt.