SeaYaLater : Book Blurb

I absolutely love it and if I didn't know about your content I would still pick it up

KittyGirl Storm

2025-01-30 09:25:32 +0000 UTC

I would say keep what generally happens in Hell very vague, and take out the bit about Bel, it's a kind of giveaway to those who haven't been watching the videos, you need the element of surprise and mystery that develops. And I would definitely remove the final part about "the dangerous power" as that was an amazing twist that you don't expect coming. You need just enough to wet their whistle, but not too much that you're giving away the little treats that are a delight to stumble upon.

Caz

2024-12-21 23:01:59 +0000 UTC

OMFG I WE LOVE YOU!!!!

Isabel Kroemer

2024-12-21 21:51:52 +0000 UTC

So I think the first hook (hell has no sass like a woman who worked cumstomer service) is the most attention grabing. The part about what exactly Lily finds in hell might need to be shortened so it doesn't expose all that is gonna be discribed in the book. If that can be a bit more vague while stills showing that the book is gonna be filled with puns, sarcasm and an epic love story based on respect and appreciation it would be perfect. How exactly to get to that point is a different question and I can not help. I am so impressed by your work you're doing amazing! Take a break and then keep going!

Ami

2024-12-21 16:31:47 +0000 UTC

I was already excited for your book, but after reading that. I really can't wait to get my hands on it.

Tabitha

2024-12-21 08:59:21 +0000 UTC

I believe the blurb sounds great! It reads well and let's the reader know they're in for a wild ride!

Demonica Lee

2024-12-21 00:05:56 +0000 UTC

Shortening it and adding a couple fake magazine reviews are really the crux of what needs to happen. There are already several good suggestions here and I'm sure you'll take it all with a pinch of salt and shape it into something fantastic!

Jessica

2024-12-20 22:50:29 +0000 UTC

I really liked the last two hooks! I think you don't need to describe what Lily discovers in Hell that subvert her expectations (the sweet demons) because we want the readers to discover it with her... if I were to rework it, maybe something like: What she discovers there subverts everything she’s ever learned about Hell and the demons who run it. The souls coming through the gates, and the demons guarding them, desperately need help. Armed with....

Tyler Davie

2024-12-20 19:29:57 +0000 UTC

I think the blurb is great but could also probably be shorter. I like the first hook. On a second reading, I actually can’t think of pieces I would take out to make it shorter. You introduce the world, the Hellp Desk, Bel, and that there will be an adventure/mission/conflict beyond just the love interest. Also the tone. It seems to me you cover everything. I would pick it up if I came across it w/o any knowledge of your TT.

Rachel Thornton

2024-12-19 18:10:29 +0000 UTC

It's great

Danna Mcnellan

2024-12-19 11:15:46 +0000 UTC

I love it!! Especially the hell hath line, but probably just hell hath no sass like a .....

Summer Dornan

2024-12-18 21:26:14 +0000 UTC

After thinking about this more I've concluded that the big problem with the blurb is that it's kinda scattered. It tells us about a lot of the fun parts of the book, but doesn't hint much that there's a story. It's a blurb that your already-existing readers will like - most of the people here are gonna give you praise/money no matter what your blurb says - so your blurb should be aimed at possible new readers. To accomplish this you've got to make two things clear: First that there's a coherent story with a plot, characterization, and worldbuilding, and second that your main character is facing challenges worthy of her mettle. So emphasize that Lily is facing personal challenges, romantic challenges, the challenge of developing the Hellp Desk (maybe about turning the weaknesses of her mortal-world career into strengths in the afterlife?) and the challenge to her survival offered by the war against the other universe and talk up your plot that way! (IMHO Embeth Arreyn has the best overall take so far.) So I'd suggest paragraphs more-or-less like this: 1.) Describe Lily, her badly-stuck career, her non-battle with cancer, her family's belief that she'd destined for Hell and her personal stuff. Leverage this to create interest in the character. 2.) Lily goes to the afterlife and discovers that everything she knew is wrong. This is important because it reveals your worldbuilding and also that you've got new ideas about how the afterlife works (which more than anything else is what I love about your work - in sales terms it's a huge advantage) So this paragraph talks up your worldbuilding/ideas. 3.) The personal challenge of turning her weak mortal career into a strength in the afterlife. (Talk up this conflict/challenge) 4.) The conflict between being a mortal soul, destined at some point for reincarnation, and dating a demon prince. (Talk up that challenge.) 5.) The war and the risks Bel is taking. (The other challenge) with the tag line about fighting like Hell to stop it. But the big thing to remember is that your blurb is aimed at new readers!

Troutwaxer

2024-12-18 16:19:03 +0000 UTC

I think you missed your own great hook: "She put the life in afterlife!" Though it goes well where you put it too.

Troutwaxer

2024-12-18 16:07:57 +0000 UTC

It hard to believe it’s been 3 years that I’ve religiously watch tracked and watch the hells bells series. I think you are doing such a wonderful job and all of us are proud of you. As well as, we can’t be more excited to get our hand on your book or to see what comes next, which we support which ever way you go! For the blurb hook I liked the hell hath no sass like a woman who’s worked customer service. 🫶🏻

Katlyn Meadows

2024-12-18 13:11:09 +0000 UTC

The blurb is great. I like the knowledge there will be witty repartee in the book. Its a must for my enjoyment.

Carol johnson

2024-12-18 07:20:34 +0000 UTC

The text of the blurb is awesome; great job! I like the first hook best, and I think I would go with “fury” if only because the familiar opening of the saying makes for a little bit hookier of a hook, imo

Jills

2024-12-18 06:18:33 +0000 UTC

I love the blurb! You’re doing a great job! Enjoy those pizza bagels! :)

Camille

2024-12-18 03:20:16 +0000 UTC

Hey Beautiful, you're doing amazing, I love the Blurb the only thing I'd want it to say is "beyond the boundaries of the realms" or "beyond the boundaries of their universe" I'm so proud of you and I can't wait to sit and begin the first of many re-reads

Aunty Maz

2024-12-18 02:50:02 +0000 UTC

I love the focus on the customer service side. That’s what got me hooked on the series in the first place, the fact that you could tell people off. I ended up falling in love with the characters. But what started it all was feeling that justice that doesn’t exist here.

Kate McMillan

2024-12-17 23:22:11 +0000 UTC

Perfect. I think it’s great. If I didn’t know anything about the universe or the characters, I’d pick it up immediately. That and the first few pages would definitely draw me in

Ashley Poindexter

2024-12-17 21:31:09 +0000 UTC

Definitely a hook and blurb that would gather attention. It is great as is.

L A Williams

2024-12-17 21:06:01 +0000 UTC

The blurb is great just the right amount of info to leave you wanting more. As for the hook Hell hath no sass is my favorite

Fernando Acosta

2024-12-17 19:23:29 +0000 UTC

Perfect. I would use sass.

Gemini

2024-12-17 19:22:06 +0000 UTC

Ah, yes, I agree with you. Taking away 'fine' is a lot better

Ida Grönberg (LittlePeanut)

2024-12-17 19:05:17 +0000 UTC

I think the blurb is great.

stella gilley

2024-12-17 18:58:06 +0000 UTC

The blurb is great. I’d definitely use the “Hell hath no…” as your hook, but I’m unsure if you should use “sass” or “fury”. I wouldn’t use “sass/fury” though.

Melissa Humphrey

2024-12-17 18:33:21 +0000 UTC

I like “hell hath no sass…”! But all of the hook options are great, and the blurb is fantastic! I wonder if you’d like to change the “a coffee shop” to “coffee shops” instead? Even as is, it’s very engaging without giving too much away!

Jess

2024-12-17 18:14:14 +0000 UTC

I wouldn’t change a thing

Kevin

2024-12-17 17:48:47 +0000 UTC

The blurb is perfect! It gives a clear idea of the story while not revealing too much and making the reader want more. As for the hook my vote is for the first one!

Kayla Bhadra

2024-12-17 17:33:26 +0000 UTC

AAAH, the blurb-writing process is the worst!! I sympathize with the battle you're currently waging against it >.< I'm terribly sorry to agree with all the other comments that say it's a little disjointed and reveals too much. You're doing great, though, and have made an excellent start! I recommend: Hell hath no sass like a woman who’s worked customer service. All her life, Lily's been told she would go to Hell when she died. After arriving in the Afterlife to a very different welcome than she expected, all that's left is for her to settle into her semi-sentient house and enjoy paradise. But Lily's never been very good at sitting idle. As she sets out to explore the wonders the Afterlife has to offer, the one place she's drawn to the more than anything is the place most avoid at all costs: Hell. Where to her shock, the surprisingly kind demons welcome her into their vibrant culture. And it's just as well, because they need her help—badly. Armed with years of customer service experience and pent-up sarcasm, Lily carves out a place for herself among the demons at Hell's Gate, confronting, sassing, and aiding the spectrum of humanity flooding through it, and helping to redefine justice and redemption. A chance meeting with a demon general with a fondness for puns and a distractingly sexy voice sparks an immediate and deep friendship. It isn't long before the undeniable heat between them starts to simmer, and it’s only a matter of time before it combusts. But as Lily puts the life in afterlife, making deep connections and finding fulfillment she never thought she could have, a dangerous power stirs beyond the boundaries of the world. This threat could destroy everything the denizens of the Afterlife have ever known, and everything that could be… unless they fight like Hell to stop it.

Embeth Arreyn

2024-12-17 15:47:05 +0000 UTC

Thank you for that! I just noticed I did that. Early morning train ride editing has fun results 😅

Karla Gama Ramos

2024-12-17 15:34:10 +0000 UTC

LOVE this!!! I came here to say the same things - that of her hooks, I like the first one best, but overall I felt like it was too long and a bit disorganized. I like this version that you've written a whole lot. One quiet note: the comma in the sentence talking about Bel, the "puns, sparks" is incorrect. I do agree that the sentence is a little long and could be broken up, but the comma isn't joining too clauses and is grammatically incorrect. Love, a friendly neighborhood English teacher ^-^

Embeth Arreyn

2024-12-17 15:29:51 +0000 UTC

Keep the blurb as is. It is very easy to understand and it captures the attention. The reader will want to know more.

Jodie Black

2024-12-17 15:26:51 +0000 UTC

Your blurb is wonderful! For what it’s worth, I’ve been following your TikTok since you were adopting introverts and gardening. I’ve seen every episode of Hells Belles multiple times. I think what you’re going through here is a touch of imposter syndrome. As Lily would tell Penny, “those what-if monsters are fucking mean.” You are more talented than you think, and we cannot wait to see you reach your dream. You deserve this! Sending lots of love and push-up bras of support! ~ Amanda

Amanda

2024-12-17 15:20:43 +0000 UTC

I love it! I obviously wanted to read it before the blurb but now I'm even more excited. Well done!

Jennifer Clack

2024-12-17 15:07:07 +0000 UTC

I think putting Lily puts the life in afterlife and finds in death what she couldn’t have in life could work it’s vague but not to much

Raven

2024-12-17 14:09:44 +0000 UTC

I do think this is a little long and reveals a bit too much The first hook is the best in my opinion. I also agree that keeping Bel's name and title of Prince a secret would be better.

Gray

2024-12-17 13:59:25 +0000 UTC

I like it. I know it’s more of a prequel to Hells Belles, but I’d love to see a hint at found family to reference Sharkie

Jessica Curtis

2024-12-17 13:46:45 +0000 UTC

I love the blurb, but it's a bit long. You could try something like: Hell hath no sass like a woman who’s worked customer service. OR Welcome to the Hellp Desk, where your audacity only serves to entertain us. (Or something like that) Lily is less than thrilled about her arrival to the Afterlife, but what awaits her is more fantastical than she ever could have imagined. Deities wait in line at the coffee shop. Fae flit between realms. Souls find ways to make death a beginning. What could be more surprising than a semi-sentient home? Hell, where the demons are rather sweet and have a vibrant culture. And the demons working at the gate to guide souls need help—badly. Armed with years of customer service experience and pent-up sarcasm, Lily carves out a place for herself among the demons, confronting, sassing, and aiding the spectrum of humanity to redefine justice and redemption. A chance meeting with a demon general and reluctant prince with a distractingly sexy voice and a love for puns, sparks an immediate and deep friendship. The undeniable heat between them simmers, and it’s only a matter of time before it combusts. However, a dangerous power stirs beyond the boundaries of their world, threatening to destroy everything they’ve ever known and everything that could be… unless they fight like Hell to stop it.

Karla Gama Ramos

2024-12-17 13:34:01 +0000 UTC

That blurb is really good! I like it! (Though once again, maybe a little more about Lily's negatives/personal challenges in the first paragraph.)

Troutwaxer

2024-12-17 13:30:44 +0000 UTC

I think it is good. But perhaps a little long. And maybe a bit out of order. The part at the end where you talk about everything could end is a great hook.

Doug

2024-12-17 13:18:22 +0000 UTC

I completely agree with everyone saying the blurb currently is too long and reveals too much, though as a fellow (unpublished) writer, I totally get how frickin' hard it is to parce it down to a catchy blurb. Here's my suggestion for the hook and blurb rewrite, and hope it helps! Hell hath no sass like a woman who’s worked customer service. All her life Lily was told she'd go to Hell when she died. After arriving in the Afterlife to a much different welcome than expected, all that's left to do is walk through the Gates on her own volition. And what she finds there is nothing like what she could've expected. Turns out mortals don't have all the answers to what comes next, and the demons at Hell's Gate are in desperate need of a unique brand of help. Armed with years of customer service experience and pent-up sarcasm, Lily carves out a place for herself in the very last place she expected to find belonging (family?). A few chance encounters later, and Lily could believe those folks who said she belonged in Hell were right--albeit in her own way that may or may not include soul-changing love with a demon and a sword or three. Meanwhile, a dangerous power stirs beyond the boundaries of their world, threatening to destroy everything they’ve ever known and everything that could be… unless they fight like Hell to stop it.

Daichon

2024-12-17 13:17:55 +0000 UTC

I agree with you (and everyone else who says to leave the blurb a little mysterious.) If I'm at a bookstore a too-detailed blurb might convince me I don't need to take the next step and open to book to get a little sample. I think it works similarly on line.

Troutwaxer

2024-12-17 12:58:02 +0000 UTC

"Some people thought she was going to Hell? Fine. She was going to prove them right, on her own terms and with a glass of wine in hand." Agreed, but lose the 'fine.'

Troutwaxer

2024-12-17 12:48:32 +0000 UTC

Love!!! I do think it might be a little long though. I rewrote based on my suggestions for a shorter and more mysterious blurb. I definitely think you should leave Bel's name and title a surprise at least. I am sooooo excited to read this as a whole book! Hell hath no sass like a woman who’s worked customer service. Lily is less than thrilled about her arrival to the Afterlife, but what awaits her is more fantastical than she ever could have imagined. As Lily explores everything the Afterlife has to offer, she finds herself drawn to a place most people would rather avoid at all costs: Hell. What she discovers there subverts everything she’s ever learned. For one, demons are rather sweet and have a vibrant culture. And two, the demons working at the gate to guide souls need help—badly. Armed with years of customer service experience and pent-up sarcasm, Lily carves out a place for herself among the demons, confronting, sassing, and "hell"ping the spectrum of humanity to redefine justice and redemption. A chance meeting with a demon with a distractingly sexy voice, sparks an immediate and deep friendship. However, the undeniable heat between them simmers, and it’s only a matter of time before it combusts. Meanwhile, a dangerous power stirs beyond the boundaries of their world, threatening to destroy everything they’ve ever known and everything that could be… unless they fight like Hell to stop it.

Amanda Carr

2024-12-17 12:32:58 +0000 UTC

But maybe excluding "Then go home to paradise" since she is unsure if she had s paradise when she gets there 🤔

Ida Grönberg (LittlePeanut)

2024-12-17 12:31:42 +0000 UTC

I like a suggestions someone had about maybe including the "Some people thought she was going to Hell? Fine. She was going to prove them right, on her own terms and with a glass of wine in hand. And then go home to Paradise." that is in the book cause it really show some of Lily's personality without giving too much away. Something like "Does hell match the picture that's been painted? Hopefully the demons match more with her books or would that be too much to hope for? It would definitely be more exciting than actually burning in hell if they were... Fuck! Did she throw all the filthiest ones so mum wouldn't find them or will them possibly meeting again become VERY awkward?" is hinting at hell being great and demons being different than she was taught without spoiling the fact that a burlesque dance and s demon daughter learning to braid is s thing.

Ida Grönberg (LittlePeanut)

2024-12-17 12:29:59 +0000 UTC

I agree about keeping bel a prince mysterious well actually I don’t know because then a lot of people watch the series already so we know he’s a prince but Lily doesn’t do you think it might be a bit long for the blurb, I like the first and the third. I also keep going back to the first line of the first draft. “ Lily knew the cancer was…” but that’s just me.

Melody Thompson

2024-12-17 12:26:57 +0000 UTC

I like the first hook the best. The others feel like I've seen them before.

BreeRex

2024-12-17 12:23:44 +0000 UTC

The blurb feels a bit too revealing, part of the excitement in the beginning of the book is that the reader doesn't know that hell is great and that the demons are sweeties. What Lily has been taught and what she actually discover is a big part of the book and the blurb is giving a lot of that away.

Ida Grönberg (LittlePeanut)

2024-12-17 12:21:55 +0000 UTC

I think this would be great cause the blurb feels s bit too revealing, part of the excitement in the beginning of the book is that the reader doesn't know that hell is a great place. The mystery of what she has been taught compared to what she discover.

Ida Grönberg (LittlePeanut)

2024-12-17 12:18:58 +0000 UTC

This is the most accurate blurb I've ever read. Only issue I see is it might give away too much of the book?

Ben Brown

2024-12-17 10:59:31 +0000 UTC

For preface I've re-watched Hells Belles a few times but I haven't read any of the Lilly & Bel chapters so I am coming in half blind but very excited for the book. The blurb seems too long for me so I have re-jigged it below as what I personally would enjoy as a blurb, vague but gripping! Hell hath no fury like a woman who’s worked customer service. Lily is less than thrilled about her arrival to the Afterlife, but what awaits her is more fantastical than she ever could have imagined. As Lily explores everything the Afterlife has to offer, she finds herself drawn to a place most people would rather avoid at all costs: Hell. What she discovers there subverts everything she’s ever learned. For one, demons are rather sweet. And two, the demons working at the gate to guide souls need help—badly. Armed with years of customer service experience and pent-up sarcasm, Lily carves out a place for herself among the demons, confronting, sassing, and aiding the spectrum of humanity to redefine justice and redemption. A chance meeting with Beleth, a demon with a distractingly sexy voice, sparks an immediate and deep friendship. However, the undeniable heat between them simmers, and it’s only a matter of time before it combusts. Meanwhile, a dangerous power stirs beyond the boundaries of their world, threatening to destroy everything they’ve ever known and everything that could be… unless they fight like Hell to stop it.

Emerald Hagan

2024-12-17 10:33:32 +0000 UTC

I love the first hook with specifically sass over fury! But the third works great too-definitely sounds like something lily would say. The blurb definitely made me want to re-read the first draft and has me even more excited for the final book, but I do agree with a few others about hiding bels prince status, and how sharkie should be mentioned since she seemed like a big arc before the romance truly starts. I would buy the book today based solely on the blurb you have written even if I hadn’t read the first draft and seen every hells belles episode already.

Zya Tyner

2024-12-17 09:03:11 +0000 UTC

There was a line at the end of chapter 4 of the draft that I really liked: "Some people thought she was going to Hell? Fine. She was going to prove them right, on her own terms and with a glass of wine in hand. And then go home to Paradise." I think that, with a little bit of tweeking could be a great hook

Eilidh

2024-12-17 08:24:40 +0000 UTC

I really enjoyed the blurb, but keep it more mysterious so people who haven’t read it yet won’t get spoiled by reading it For the hook I really liked the first one, with the use of fury ‘Hell hath no fury like a woman who’s worked customer service’ it really gets people thinking ‘what the fuck is this book about?’ since those two things don’t usually go together and then they will read the blurb

Julie

2024-12-17 08:12:57 +0000 UTC

I’d say 1st hook. It’s the punchiest and most original 3rd has potential but is too long and doesn’t have the same impact. The blurb feels nice to me. It hints at the complexity of the world and its a key element to draw people in

Audrey

2024-12-17 08:12:00 +0000 UTC

Knocked it the ball park!!!

Clare Hobbs

2024-12-17 07:59:39 +0000 UTC

I personally would love the very first sentence of the book to be the hook (hehe) - Lily knew the cancer would kill her when her cat wouldn't start. That is such a powerful line in my opinion, and during my first read-through it definitely hooked me. But my second most liked hook would be the "they said she should go to hell" one, possibly with the change Troutwaxer added. The "it's not exclusive" line is also hilarious and on point with Lily. I like the general blurb, but I think I'd like it to be more ... Vague, maybe? Especially around Bel being a prince :) But you have outdone yourself, I can't wait to read this masterpiece!!!

Kwon MaiLi

2024-12-17 06:53:58 +0000 UTC

Honestly the blurb seems a bit too long. I would take Bel's name and rank out of it and shorten it to "a chance meetting with a demon with deep voice and a love of puns fires up a friendship with potentialfor spice" keep the surprise for them that don't know the twists. The rest could be shortened in the same way to punch em up a bit

Diesel Frog

2024-12-17 06:46:52 +0000 UTC

Very excited to read the book! I would say the blurb is too long, you need to keep a few surprises (someone else in the comments proposed not mentioning Bel is a prince so the reader finds out along with Lily which I think would really work). Hell hath no sass works (own your decision 😉 no need to put the ‘/fury’ in there, that’s a great hook for the top of the blurb. I would try to compress it into maximum 3 paragraphs, and don’t feel like you have to explain EVERYTHING in the blurb. Focus on afterlife, help desk, steamy. Can’t wait for this to come out. So very excited for you that you’ve made this happen for yourself and for all of us!

Annika Corbijn

2024-12-17 06:40:40 +0000 UTC

I think going with the classic „hell hath no fury“ is better. Overall i do love the blurb and i tried to inagine reading it without knowing anything about the book and it does read very well, as well as capture the attention of an average reader. I would take out the part about Bel being a prince of hell, but overall it doesn’t give too much away if you leave it, because the moment lily finds out is a big one even if the reader knows before her. I am so incredibly excited to have this book in my hands!

Paula

2024-12-17 06:35:44 +0000 UTC

I really like the blurb. I would definitely buy it based on that alone. I have not read the first draft yet and am now even more excited about the book than I was before. I think the 'They told her to go to hell' hook fits the best, but the 'Hell hath no sass' hook is a close second!

Maartje

2024-12-17 06:20:47 +0000 UTC

I would maybe not mention that bel is a prince so it can be a surprise for when they read the book

Sammii W

2024-12-17 06:16:47 +0000 UTC

On the subject of hooks only the first really speaks to me. I'd shorten the Here out of it and go with "She runs the help desk... in hell!" I also edited a bunch of other ideas above together and came up with a second hook: "They said she'd go to Hell. They didn't say she'd run the customer-service desk." Definitely leave 'sass' out of your first hook. For the blurb itself, I'm not in love with it. Instead, let us know what Lily's journey will be like. Start with all her negatives: Slain by cancer. Told all her life she'd go to hell. Unhappy with herself. Wounded by life. Starved for touch. Has a bad attitude. Etc. Then winds up in the afterlife and discovers that everything she'd been told or imagined was wrong. The afterlife was the place where all her dreams would come true... and if she wasn't careful, so would her nightmares. Re: Any legal issues with using my work, feel free to copy/grab as much of this as you'd like. I'm gifting it to you and it's your IP now.

Troutwaxer

2024-12-17 06:16:27 +0000 UTC

I think it’s absolutely perfect. Definitely will draw a perspective reader in and make them want to read the book. I know I do! I love the hook “It’s not exclusive, but people are just dying to get in.” It sounds like something Lily would say. You’ve done an amazing job keeping Hells Belles going and writing a book with over 200,000 words. You should be proud of everything you’ve accomplished. I can’t wait to read the book!

Robin Laroche

2024-12-17 06:14:19 +0000 UTC

They told her to go to hell... is my favorite hook but the sass/fury also really speaks about Lily so I could see that one being a really awesome choice too! Also I agree with some of the other comments about maybe burying the lead on Bel but I also thought maybe a mention of the struggles and completely foreign challenges lily faces when she meets Sharkie and the journey they start together. When I read your first draft it seemed like Sharkie was the main story beat and the relationship was secondary, which I loved btw, but it surprised me that the romance was mentioned but not really any hints about taking in/on Sharkie. I get that romance sells but just my thoughts! You're doing amazing and I can't wait to get a copy!!!

Rayne

2024-12-17 06:11:22 +0000 UTC

Been a quiet reader in the shadows lol, but I think the third hook caught me best. The blurb itself is perfect, I'd have bought the book just based on that.

Jessica Knolle

2024-12-17 06:05:27 +0000 UTC

“Lily didn’t know she had to die to live” I really like this. It's a little mysterious and it speaks the underworldly aspects of Lily's journey.

Troutwaxer

2024-12-17 06:02:36 +0000 UTC

I like "Hell hath no sass like a woman who's worked customer service." It is a great hook that makes you want to read the blurb. The blurb is also well done. World building without giving everything away. Just like a good trivia night foreplay. 😅 Please trust yourself. You have created something amazing. Not just Hells Bells or the book. You have created a community of people that not only support you, but support each other. I have had people change how they 'see' me after finding out that I enjoy Hells Bells and follow you. Thank you for being your amazing self!

Kie Stoeser

2024-12-17 06:02:31 +0000 UTC

If I was picking up the book with no context I would be most drawn to these too hooks. They told her to go to Hell…so she’ll go on her own terms It’s not exclusive, but people are just dying to get in.

Kimberly Sara

2024-12-17 06:00:39 +0000 UTC

Yours is the best critique I've read so far, particularly the suggestion that Jaysea save the 'sass' for later.

Troutwaxer

2024-12-17 05:50:08 +0000 UTC

Love the blurb and I love the hook “Hell hath no fury like a woman who’s worked customer service.”

RAZ

2024-12-17 05:45:26 +0000 UTC

Like the blurb, rewrote and somewhat shortened the hooks. Hell hath no fury - or sass - like a woman who’s worked customer service. Welcome to Hell’s customer service…better known as the Hellp Desk. They told her to go to Hell. She’ll go, but on her own terms, and Hell will be better for it.

Mark Bodenstein

2024-12-17 05:31:06 +0000 UTC

I the blurb is great. It gives the reader a clear picture of the kind of journey Lilly is about to go on without giving too much away. As for the hook, I think “Hell has no sass” is much more reflective of the tone of the book overall (from what I’ve read). My second favourite hook is “They told her to go to hell” which also speaks to Lilly’s character. Good luck! I can’t wait to read it!

Carryl Robinson

2024-12-17 05:20:54 +0000 UTC

The blurb not the punctuation. Lol

Julie McJunkin

2024-12-17 05:18:11 +0000 UTC

I like it. Only point I have is the period you missed in the third sentence. I would bought it based on that.

Julie McJunkin

2024-12-17 05:17:31 +0000 UTC

Hell hath no sass. 🙌🏻 sums up The Hellp desk in my opinion. But fury could most definitely work

Taylor Picha

2024-12-17 04:47:38 +0000 UTC

What if you also put single sentence reviews on the back cover from fake media outlets? “An absolute thrill of a read”- rolling bones magazine “I laughed and cried and felt cathartic”- demon magazine (like people magazine) “I couldn’t put it down”- slayboy monthly (like playboy) It’s going to be incredible no matter what! I can’t wait till I can purchase a physical copy!!

Harrison Bray

2024-12-17 04:21:10 +0000 UTC

Blurbing beautiful! My favorite hook is the third one. I am so excited for you to be so close to the finish line and to get a copy!

Kayla Cox

2024-12-17 04:11:39 +0000 UTC

Love this!

Liz Anne

2024-12-17 04:08:51 +0000 UTC

We all fam in the (blurb) clurb

Jack Foy

2024-12-17 04:03:26 +0000 UTC

They told her to go to hell so she’ll go on her own terms (LOVE IT) The blurb is good! Not too much, just enough. And the final line is perfect

Judy Sullivan

2024-12-17 03:45:52 +0000 UTC

The hell hath no fury hook has me! I love it! Also your blurb is amazing! I cannot wait until your book is out!

Mia Maradiaga

2024-12-17 03:20:58 +0000 UTC

I think it’s, once again, excellent writing. Having read the draft a few (dozen) times, I think I can safely submit that it is neither a synopsis and, thank gods, it’s not clickbait either. Good job!

Van Brewer

2024-12-17 03:19:05 +0000 UTC

I like the 4th book the most. But that blurb finger kiss

Deidre Smith

2024-12-17 03:18:19 +0000 UTC

Loved it! But also trying to come at this from someone who knows nothing. So here are my thoughts on the tag: “They told her to go to Hell… so she went on her own terms, cause Hell hath no fury, or sass, than a former customer service worker let off the leash. Welcome to customer service in Hell.. better known as the Hellp Desk.” As for the rest, I agree with the other comments, but I would bury the lead a bit more about Bel. Overall, I CANT WAIT TO GET MY COPY!!!

Daniel Mann

2024-12-17 03:07:13 +0000 UTC

I love the 1st and 2nd! Super excited for the story

Ferris

2024-12-17 03:04:25 +0000 UTC

I have never seen a blurb with so many puns. I want to read it again now 😁

Ann Sullivan

2024-12-17 03:01:18 +0000 UTC

i think either the 3rd or 4th hook for sure. the blurb is adorable and perfect! it doesn’t summarize the story and if i wasn’t already invested in this book i would be after reading that blurb, good job!! proud of you and all the work you’ve put into this series and book! 🖤🖤

Maria Elkhoury

2024-12-17 02:59:19 +0000 UTC

The 1st hook really has me and the 3rd! For the blurb I’d maybe edit the mention of Bel to make it more vague! Can’t give up that sexy secret too soon! Just a hint for readers who haven’t seen Hell’s Belle’s to know “there be spice ahead”! I’m excited to see the final edit of it!!❤️❤️❤️

Momo-chan

2024-12-17 02:49:32 +0000 UTC

Jaysea, as always your writing blows me away. If I was not already waiting on tenterhooks for your book I would be queuing up quickly! ♡ I do love all of the hooks but I think if I had came in knowing Beleth was a prince it doesn't quite get the same oomf reaction I originally got. I mean I would have loved it all the same but, the little white omission was a bit of a fun surprise to learn via reading/watching your tiktoks. Talking up your book to my friends is one of my favorite things to do! My choice of explaination has been this until I can share your blurb/words: The main character, Lily is redefining the meaning of putting life into afterlife. Though getting there was a hell of a time for her. ( I thought the puns would hopefully have earned Lily's favor)

Paula Casey

2024-12-17 02:45:20 +0000 UTC

If I was not already in love with your book, that blurb would make me read it immediately

Katie

2024-12-17 02:32:16 +0000 UTC

If I knew absolutely nothing about Hell’s Belles, this blurb would make me want to read this book. I cannot WAIT to get my grubby little hands on a copy 😍😍😍

Logan U

2024-12-17 02:29:51 +0000 UTC

1st of all amazing blurb draft and I hope your pizza bagels are/were satisfying. Now, for entirely too many thoughts/ideas/analysis cause I love this fandom/your world and want you to blow up far beyond your already established fandom. So without further ado, here is what I hope is helpful and if not I shall delete at your request. 1. ‘Fury’ over sass. Save the ‘sassing for later in the blurb. 2. Suggestion” ‘They told her to go to Hell…so she set up a desk’? Or something funny that turns the phrase more on its head, but still showcases her agency, powerful heart, and bravery Lily’s character is overflowing with. 3. First ¶ perhaps save the trivia for a surprise. While it being popular in afterlife versus the mortal world makes it stand out idk if its going to draw anyone in especially in the 1st few lines when the 1st time readers won’t understand ‘more than a little heated’ implications/suggestive eyebrow wiggles that's supposed to elicit. Also will make a solid flow into 2nd ¶ if cut. 4. Second and third ¶ fab girl fab give us that sweet sweet set up. 5.Fourth ¶ maybe add a little more to Lily’s description. I know she carves out her own titles, path, and makes her own home; conjures her own desk really; but I want to know more. Bel below in fifth ¶ has a bunch of titles and descriptions that are uber specific but Lily’s are really only ‘less than thrilled’ (her death is pretty dark maybe another additional descriptor to allude/tease that if you don’t have content warning set up off get-go of ch.1) ‘customer service exp’ and ‘sass and aid’ compared to his ‘demon gen - reluctant prince - distractingly sexy voice’, what are Lily’s titles/specific descriptors? Give first time readers a clear photo of her off the bat before they even read the first sentence. whips out Lily’s (and later Sharks iconic) bedazzled bat for the bit and to cheer you on - ya got this Jaysea we love you boo 6.Last ¶ ooo ominous and as always 10/10 pun. Final thoughts. Maybe to allude more to the darker portions of the book b/c your book has a very wide net in tone and content that will constantly make readers laugh, cry, qt gods/the universe itself on a casual thursday afternoon after the 69th pun; and sometimes all in the same chapter. I feel like hinting/acknowledging the darker bits is what the blurb really needs to round the already great foundation you’ve written. Maybe doing something more with the ‘Souls find ways to make death a beginning’, since I know in one of the Lives you talked about not wanting to do the cliche line of ‘death was the beginning’. And since your story has reincarnation, the void, and the deaths of afterlife denizens I think if you expand that sentence maybe a bit more along the vein of (just spitballing after working 2 weeks of non-stop overtime pls excuse if this is shit) - ‘Souls find ways to make death a beginning with reincarnation or exploring all the Afterlife has to offer - even if that offer extends to the very end all beings; Afterlife or Mortal; may choose- the quiet peaceful depths of the Void.’ Anyway, I'm done now, this will now conclude my TedTalk on Hells Belles world for this evening until I harass my friends (who know nothing about the fandom I've been ranting about since episode 1 which is where most of these suggestions came from I think lol) about it. Tootlesssssssssss, ✌️ and I can’t wait to throw my money at you for the finished book in all its formats. I say as if I didn’t put on my merch shirt to write this comment 💀

JustSurvibing

2024-12-17 02:27:52 +0000 UTC

That gave me goose bumps. I love the first part. It looks like something that would be on the back of the book and the longer bottom part looks like a section that is inside on the dust cover.

Emily Anderson

2024-12-17 02:23:30 +0000 UTC

Here is what I would say (my comments in parenthesis at the bottom): “Hell has no fury - or sass - like a woman who’s worked customer service. Welcome to Hell’s customer service…better known as the Hellp Desk. Lily is less than thrilled about her arrival to the Afterlife, but what awaits her is more fantastical than she ever could have imagined. Deities wait in line at the coffee shop. Fae flit between realms. Souls find ways to make death a beginning. Trivia nights are popular, and can get more than a little heated. As Lily explores everything the Afterlife has to offer, she finds herself drawn to a place most people would rather avoid at all costs: Hell. What she discovers there subverts everything she’s ever learned. For one, demons are rather sweet and have a vibrant culture. And two, the demons working at the gate to guide souls need help—badly. Armed with years of customer service experience and pent-up sarcasm, Lily carves out a place for herself among the demons, confronting, sassing, and aiding the spectrum of humanity to redefine justice and redemption.” (I personally think the paragraph about Beleth is a bit too leading/spoiler-ish for me. Instead I would focus on the online game group with passing reference to the “sexy voice” and leave the romance part at that. I can see it with or without the last paragraph. Personally, I prefer it without, since I tend to enjoy day to day relationship development over save-the-world plot lines. But that’s personal preference, and keeping it in would interest readers who want more than “slice of life” style stories)

Maryann

2024-12-17 02:19:57 +0000 UTC

I like the first hook. And the blurb sounds good

leah forrest

2024-12-17 02:19:34 +0000 UTC

I like them. Like the 3rd then 1st but both are good. Hooks the reader and makes them want to read more

Anjuli

2024-12-17 02:14:23 +0000 UTC

The blurb is perfect! You got my partner's stamp of approval too. We're so excited for your book release! The first 2 hooks were iconic. If you wanted to keep the next 2 puns in there I'm sure you could add them underneath your blurb.

Sydney Soenksen

2024-12-17 02:12:07 +0000 UTC

Looks great! I like the 3rd and 1st hooks the best

Raeannamaire

2024-12-17 02:11:06 +0000 UTC

I like the 3rd hook, but maybe more like "They told her she'd go to hell. So she will, on her own terms" The blurb is great though. Congrats on hitting that finishing line. 👏

Minta

2024-12-17 02:09:15 +0000 UTC

It looks awesome. And knowing what I know, she is a badass, kicking asses and taking names

Cassandra

2024-12-17 02:05:35 +0000 UTC

Words cannot even express how much I love this!

Alex Snyder

2024-12-17 02:03:40 +0000 UTC

Love the blurb. I like 3 the best.

Deborah Jo Dusterhoft

2024-12-17 02:00:58 +0000 UTC

I like the third and first hooks best, in that order. And the blurb looks good to me! Gives just enough without giving away everything.

Kat Waterflame

2024-12-17 01:59:25 +0000 UTC

I love it

Cortney McGuire

2024-12-17 01:58:08 +0000 UTC

I like 2, then 1 after it? I like the blurb but so many "paragraphs" makes it look longer. I'd suggest combining the paragraphs 1 & 2, and then also 3 & 4. Also, the sentence about Beleth is really long. Maybe break it up? "A chance meeting sparks an immediate and deep friendship with Beleth - a demon general and reluctant prince. How long can they last before his distractingly sexy voice and a shared appreciation for nerdy puns makes the simmering heat between them combust? Meanwhile... " Just my suggestion. Congrats on finishing writing your book and I'm counting down until I can own a copy! 😁

Alex Snyder

2024-12-17 01:57:25 +0000 UTC

I'm definitely loving "hell hath no sass/fury like a woman who's worked in costumer service or 'they told her to go to hell.. so she'll do so on her own terms". Reading through the comments prompted "Hell hath no fury like a woman who's worked costumer service. Welcome, to Hells Hellp Desk/the Hellp Desk". Whatever you choose that will be perfect. You've put all of yourself into this book and it shows!! I'm so excited to have a hard copy to read!

Jess

2024-12-17 01:56:36 +0000 UTC

HELL HATH NO FURY LIKE A WOMEN WHO WORKED CUSTOMER SERVICE. THIS KILLED ME

kaylin Johnson

2024-12-17 01:54:45 +0000 UTC

I prefer the 3rd hook honestly, and the blurb is incredible!! I'm so excited, you're almost there!

Theresa Jorgenson

2024-12-17 01:54:27 +0000 UTC

The blurb is great Jaysea and the last hook would absolutely get me to read it (if I hadn't already) love ya!❤️

Ellie

2024-12-17 01:53:32 +0000 UTC

I think it’s perfect

Amber Roig

2024-12-17 01:49:28 +0000 UTC

I read it all as one thing and honestly it seemed perfect to me it got me extremely excited about the book in its entirety and it absolutely drew me in

Kat

2024-12-17 01:49:06 +0000 UTC

I'd say go with the third hook and the blurb is really good

Joshua Pasquale

2024-12-17 01:48:27 +0000 UTC

I love the first hook and think sarcasm/sass would fit a little better than fury. I loved the blurb! It is a little lengthy but captures the idea so well.

Jeanelle

2024-12-17 01:48:03 +0000 UTC

Ooo I like the blurb! The closer it all gets the more exciting!

Killa_kitty99

2024-12-17 01:43:09 +0000 UTC

I, like many others, prefer the first hook ^^ I also find the blurb to be pretty good! As a person who never have the emotional capacity for excess suspense and drama, the final line would definitely have made me hesitant to read the book if I had no prior knowledge though. While I acknowledge that suspense isn't an immediate turn-off to other people like it is to me, it still pains me to know that if I just saw the blurb I might not pick up this absolute masterpiece of a story. While the book, as of the first draft at least, brought up a variety of heavier topics and issues, and there is definitely suspense in the story itself, I still categorise it as a comfy-read in my brain. It's a found family, steamy romance, where the characters are well-developed and the central conflict is intrapersonal rather than interpersonal. The last line makes it seem as if the oncoming war is the central conflict in the story, which to me it really isn't. Rather, the big question throughout the entire thing is whether or not Lily chooses to give up access to the mortal world to be with Bel or not. The war is a part of the narrative but not it's end goal, nor its climax. But yeah. The story so complex and beautiful, but the big stakes external conflict introduced in the last sentence gives the air of a traditional romantacy without that same emphasis on personal choice and being the master of one's own destiny that I found this story had.

Birdie

2024-12-17 01:40:07 +0000 UTC

So not the last hook. If you were to use all three, you could go 1st, 3rd, 2nd. I think that would flow well if you wanted to use them all. If you're only using one, go with 1st or 3rd I think it depends on what your view for the books and series as a whole will be. The 1st kinda focuses everything around the Hello desk. The second makes the story more about Lily's overall journey of growth which, yes involves the hellp desk a lot, but is not solely focused on that. From what I remember of the old AO3 read through, there's a lot of Lily's story. While I think #1 is funny, part of me also doesn't want to reduce her story to just that. Especially considering how the rest of the summary reads (doesn't mention hellp desk at all really) I would go 3rd.

lazy dumpling

2024-12-17 01:40:07 +0000 UTC

The third. It’s awesome. A previous comment mentioned the length of the blurb, and though I’m not the author, I’d agree. A few sentences is all you need. The idea is so, so original it’ll grab everyone.

Ali Mills

2024-12-17 01:37:46 +0000 UTC

I like the third one, but not the second half of the third one unfortunately. Maybe if there were a way to combine the first hook with the first half of the third hook

Makena Nail

2024-12-17 01:37:36 +0000 UTC

The first one is the most concrete!!! Hell hath no furry for those who work in customer service.

Makena Nail

2024-12-17 01:36:37 +0000 UTC

I love the blurb! I liked all the hooks, but I loved the "they told her to go to hell" one best! I can't wait to buy this book and tell all my friends how good it is!

Sarah Ann's Music

2024-12-17 01:35:56 +0000 UTC

Definitely love the first hook best! I’m sure others have already posted the same thing but my 2 cents on it: Hell hath no fury (or sarcasm) like a woman who’s worked customer service.

Deidra Joy

2024-12-17 01:35:44 +0000 UTC

I would go with Sass or Sarcasm over fury. But I love it. It’s a beautiful hook.

Athena Jose

2024-12-17 01:35:37 +0000 UTC

I can't wait for your book to come out so I can enjoy it all again!! I let my hubby read over my shoulder - he watches but hasn't read yet. I like the first blurb the best, the second blurb i would like better if it was flipped - Welcome to the Hellp Desk - Hell's Customer Service. I like the third one too. We both got a little tripped up reading the blurb on the same spot - "For one..." "And two..." That could just be us, but "First..." and "Second..." seem smoother. But seriously. After you've had a snack and a break - trust your gut!!

Bekebear

2024-12-17 01:34:48 +0000 UTC

I’m love “Hell hath no fury..”. I think it fits the genre and vibe so well. Also love the blurb! I wanna read it again!! Can’t wait for release

Brandi Staples

2024-12-17 01:34:30 +0000 UTC

Love it!! How about something like this for an attention grabber: When someone asks who one of the most feared deities (too big of a spoiler possibly?) of hell is, who do you think of? The real answer may be surprising. Her name is Lily. And she is so powerful that she can strike fear is even Lucifer himself.

Christina Wolfe

2024-12-17 01:31:17 +0000 UTC

Hell hath no sarcasm like… but I like all three and they do rather flow together well.

Kat Brown aka MamaKat

2024-12-17 01:30:07 +0000 UTC

Reading that made me want to read it so badly. It was very well written and drew me in right away. If I came across this, not knowing about Hell's Belles I would pick it up to devour so quickly!

Buddasmom07

2024-12-17 01:28:48 +0000 UTC

Perfect no notes

Ashton Collins

2024-12-17 01:28:32 +0000 UTC

I’ve been following both the series on TikTok and the book on Patreon since shortly after you began and adore both. I love the books but think the blurb is a little long. Here are my suggestions. Hook: They told her to go to hell… Blurb: Lily is less than thrilled about her arrival to the Afterlife, but what awaits her is more fantastical than she ever could have imagined. Deities wait in line at the coffee shop. Fae flit between realms. Souls find ways to make death a beginning. Trivia nights are enjoyed by all and can get more than a little heated. As Lily explores everything the Afterlife has to offer, she finds herself drawn to a place most people would rather avoid at all costs: Hell. What she discovers there subverts everything she’s ever learned and she soon learns that the demons working at the gate to guide souls are both wildly misrepresented and need help—badly. Armed with years of customer service experience and pent-up sarcasm, Lily carves out a place for herself among the demons confronting, sassing, and aiding the spectrum of humanity to redefine justice and redemption. A chance meeting with Beleth, a demon general and reluctant prince, and a moment spent helping a lost soul are pivotal in shaping Lily’s precious new existence. Meanwhile, a dangerous power stirs beyond the boundaries of their world, threatening to destroy everything they’ve ever known and everything that could be… unless they fight like Hell to stop it and everyone knows that Hell has no fury like a woman who has worked in retail.

Caitlin P

2024-12-17 01:28:08 +0000 UTC

Definitely the first hook is the best. Personally, I'd go with Sass over Fury, but maybe consider other choices like Wit or Quips or Sarcasm. I would also suggest working on the second to last sentence - if you really like the content, then the structure feels off since 'however' implies the friendship and heat are mutually exclusive. If you're open to changing it up, I might move things around so the the introduction of Beleth is part of the sentence about demons being sweet and only use the first half of the description you've got. I think the blurb would work better to go from Lily carving out a place for herself into the "meanwhile..."

JediMasterNaw

2024-12-17 01:27:28 +0000 UTC

I loved the blurb! It summarises it perfectly. I also agree with the comment of having something about Lily finding her family

Maryssa Brown

2024-12-17 01:26:42 +0000 UTC

I love love love, they told her to go to hell, so she’ll go on her own terms. I loved reading it the first time and I still love the feeling it gives now. So so excited to read this new version and hold it in my hands and put it on my bookshelf!!! So grateful to have had the chance to be a part of this journey you’ve taken us on the past few years

Belle

2024-12-17 01:26:41 +0000 UTC

The first few sentences sucked me in. Especially the customer service part.

Sandra Neubauer

2024-12-17 01:26:26 +0000 UTC

The first or the third one are great options!

CHLOE FERRANTE

2024-12-17 01:26:19 +0000 UTC

This sounds brilliant! It gives just enough to a new reader that peaks the interest, but for someone who’s been here awhile it gives a giddy energy while reading it. I’m excited to hopefully get my hands on this book!

Jestin

2024-12-17 01:25:34 +0000 UTC

I am in love with the third hook. The blurb is fantastic

Nina M

2024-12-17 01:25:25 +0000 UTC

I've always loved how much of a punch the first line of the book had, its a line that I think about always whenever I think of hells bells. Whenever I think of your book, which i am so excited for, i imagine that line in the blurp. something like... "Lily knew the cancer would kill her, but little did she know that the Afterlife was not at all like what she had been told. Although less than thrilled about her arrival to the Afterlife" But I'm a sucker for a good heartbreak tag line.

Emily Barteaux

2024-12-17 01:25:17 +0000 UTC

I love it! There were a couple of spots that I think a small change would help it flow a bit easier (as someone who trips up on words somewhat often 😅) Hell hath no fury (or sass) like a woman who's worked customer service. Lily is less than thrilled about her arrival to the Afterlife, but what awaits her is more fantastical than she could have ever imagined. Trivia nights are popular, and can get more than a little…heated.

Jessica Powell

2024-12-17 01:24:05 +0000 UTC

I am also a fan of "Hell hath no sass like a woman who’s worked customer service". It feels the most like Lilly. The blurb is wonderful. I do agree with a previous comment though; I'd mention something about finding an unexpected family or safety in Hell of all places.

Jorri Copeland

2024-12-17 01:20:56 +0000 UTC

Oooo I love the first one! Hell hath no fury like a woman who’s worked in customer service That’s brilliant!

Kat

2024-12-17 01:20:15 +0000 UTC

All of those hooks work really well. Especially relatable to anyone who's worked customer service. I think the blurb summarizes everything well without giving too much away. We're getting so close!!! 😊

Erika Wood

2024-12-17 01:19:03 +0000 UTC

I love the first one best. I would go with "sass" if you want to lean into the comedy angle. "Fury" if you would rather set up Lily as being formidable out the gate.

James Straw

2024-12-17 01:19:02 +0000 UTC

That blurb was so good!!!

Theresa

2024-12-17 01:19:01 +0000 UTC

I like most of it. My knee jerk reaction is that it feels a little Young Adult section. The last section feels like it should be framed in the middle with everything kind of built around it. Having read the first draft there's a lot to cover in a blurb so I think I would keep the intrigue around the hellp desk and the forces in the afterlife. Let the readers meet the supporting cast through the pages and not the blurb. I'm not an editor. Nor have I ever written a book, so take my words with a heaping of salt. Ultimately this is your baby, and while I think asking for feedback is appreciated, you should go with your gut. We're all going to buy it regardless lol.

Dylan

2024-12-17 01:17:34 +0000 UTC

Lily stopped believing in Hell a long time ago, but when she dies, she can't help but check, and what lies behind those iron gates is more fantastical than she ever could have imagined. and the demons there need hellp. Badly.

Ben Preheim

2024-12-17 01:17:04 +0000 UTC

I absolutely love the blurb though I do think putting to word "or" in place of the slash at the begining with sass/fury would flow better. Other than that I think it's immaculate and I'm so excited for the published piece!

Jordyn

2024-12-17 01:16:56 +0000 UTC

That first hook is fantastic and the last part is perfect for the reader to understand the basis of the story.

Dawn Shelly

2024-12-17 01:16:18 +0000 UTC

I think it reads very well. But it seems a little long. I would cut out the middle part about Beleth. Just the trivia and quotes topics. It seems a little run-on.

April Reckling

2024-12-17 01:16:08 +0000 UTC

That blurb is fantastic, even if I hadn't already read the draft/wasn't already excited to read the book it would definitely make me want to read it!! For tag lines I like either of the two below: Hell hath no sass/fury like a woman who’s worked customer service. OR They told her to go to hell... so she'll do so on her own terms Love it all, can't wait to read it!!

Taryn L

2024-12-17 01:13:34 +0000 UTC

Absolutely love the blurb perfect an my vote goes to “Hell hath no sass/fury like a woman who worked in customer service”. I cannot wait to get my hands on a hardback copy but either way I’m really excited to reread!

Gloria Anderson

2024-12-17 01:12:57 +0000 UTC

I really like the first hell hath no fury hook. I think it introduces the light/humorous side of the book which balances well with the threat you introduce in the blurb :) good work and good luck!!!!

Saf

2024-12-17 01:12:35 +0000 UTC

I love it!!

Liv Eldge

2024-12-17 01:12:30 +0000 UTC

It’s amazing. If I was searching, for a book and read this I would have to buy it to see what happens.

Tiffany

2024-12-17 01:11:58 +0000 UTC

The blurb is good! I read it to my mother who sometimes listens to your videos when I have it a little to loud. She thinks it sounds like an interesting book, and more interesting than the video snipits she's heard. I don't know if that's a good thing or not, just thought I'd include thoughts from someone else less familiar with your work than I. As for the hooks ... I'd get rid of sass and just leave it as fury, and I'd get rid of the welcome to hells customer service line. I think a 3 line/sentence hook would work better.

Alice Patterson

2024-12-17 01:11:55 +0000 UTC

Gah i love it and it's perfect! They told her to go to he'll, so she'll do so on her own terms! That would've hooked me right away. I can't wait to read the revised final version. I just know I'm gonna love it as much as I loved the current available draft 🥰🥰 I'll probably end up buying a digital and hard copy 🤣

Jessica Sutton

2024-12-17 01:10:49 +0000 UTC

This made me so excited to read the book!! Please please please put it out right now yesterday (I didn’t get here in time for the first draft)

Nicole Gaffney

2024-12-17 01:10:25 +0000 UTC

I love it! Maybe don't mention Bel's name yet and something about finding an unexpected family

Ashlyn Garland

2024-12-17 01:10:18 +0000 UTC

Love the first hook!

Castiel

2024-12-17 01:10:13 +0000 UTC

Love it all but they told her to go to hell might be my fav

Dara Fife

2024-12-17 01:09:55 +0000 UTC

ITS PERFECT!!!!! The spacing is a bit off on the page some sentences start off like an inch into the page but other than that I LOVE IT!!!!

Sarah Jorgenson

2024-12-17 01:09:46 +0000 UTC

I love!! knowing what the book’s about it still made me more excited to read it!!

Ramina Asdou

2024-12-17 01:09:40 +0000 UTC

If I wasn't already hooked, this would've won me over in a heartbeat.

Robert Nichols

2024-12-17 01:08:50 +0000 UTC

Love it, didn't read all the chapters, decided to wait so not sure if it's in the book. Something random about ducks and sharks would be fun. 😂

Welgoth

2024-12-17 01:08:49 +0000 UTC

I like “They told her to go to Hell…so she’ll go on her own terms” the best. I think the rest of it gives a good idea about the book without giving too much away.

Devilcat

2024-12-17 01:08:36 +0000 UTC

That’s kinda what I was thinking, like “Lily didn’t know she had to die to live”

Amanda

2024-12-17 01:08:36 +0000 UTC

Definitely “Hell hath no fury like a woman whose worked in customer service”

Tiffany Dubois

2024-12-17 01:08:31 +0000 UTC

Love it. Absolutely all of it. The hooks are great and I'd be hard pressed to pick a favorite.

Anna M Hill

2024-12-17 01:08:28 +0000 UTC

Love the "fight like hell" bit at the end. you could almost make a different version where that's the centerpiece... "lily fought like hell to live her life" "the souls fight like hell to escape its justice/avoid experiencing it" stuff like that. though that might not mesh well with the peace the afterlife is filled with...

Atticus

2024-12-17 01:08:25 +0000 UTC

The final line feels....cliché I think Like I get it clichés are cliché because they work but with how unique this universe is and how broad the story goes on so many subjects I think adding something more deliberate would lend itself to the overarching narrative you're going for Also love everything you've done and thank you for giving such delicate subjects the most compassionate and educational tone ever.

Wynter skigh Karma

2024-12-17 01:07:50 +0000 UTC

I would pick up the book based on the top hook sentence. I have worked customer service for over 20 years at this point and that first line Immediately tells me the book is for me and my retail customer service trauma inspired dark humor.

Nik hahn

2024-12-17 01:07:37 +0000 UTC

IMO it should be welcome to the hellp desk since most of the tik toks start with that!!!!

Leslie

2024-12-17 01:07:14 +0000 UTC

I prefer Helllp desk. Quite searchable, too! The blurb sounds okay to me. But I admit I'm not the audience for it. As in I wouldn't be browsing for books like this.

Cliff

2024-12-17 01:06:55 +0000 UTC

Wow. Even if I hadn’t already read it, I’d want to read it again based just on this.

Shanna

2024-12-17 01:06:41 +0000 UTC

🥰🥰🥰 it’s perfect!

Dani

2024-12-17 01:06:41 +0000 UTC

I love it!

Bex Merhar

2024-12-17 01:06:33 +0000 UTC

The blurb does an excellent job of introducing the story and keeps it high enough level to intrigue the reader. I like the first and third hooks. The first is catchy but the third is good because it draws you in without giving away the customer service portion of the blurb. Either would be a good choice.

Derek thorstenson

2024-12-17 01:06:30 +0000 UTC

I love this. I’ve read the book and watched hells bells a lot. I did read it to my husband who knows nothing about hells bells and he said hey I want to read that book when you get it. You did great. So excited for you.

KimC

2024-12-17 01:05:42 +0000 UTC

This captures the drafts really well! I like Hell hath no sass, personally

Theodore Longlois

2024-12-17 01:05:40 +0000 UTC

Loving it

PCVlogzYT

2024-12-17 01:05:33 +0000 UTC

I like it! I was hoping for “…and she’s…closer” but I like this a lot better. Would grab the attention of mystery, fantasy, AND romance readers. Good job! I’m so ready to read the final!

EvanAlexJames

2024-12-17 01:05:12 +0000 UTC

I love this so so much.

LE Clark

2024-12-17 01:05:04 +0000 UTC

I really like the first hook: hell hath no fury like a women whos worked customer service but no notes really I think it does a good job of showing the light and funny parts of the book as well as the trauma and the drama. Congratulations Jaysea we’re all so proud of you and excited to read what you’ve worked so hard to create!!

Kallie

2024-12-17 01:04:53 +0000 UTC

I love the blurb it definitely pulls you in! My favorite hook is they told her to go to hell so she’ll go on her own terms. It screams Lily to me.

Darri

2024-12-17 01:04:07 +0000 UTC

Honestly the first blurb is perfect. it honestly is the entire basis of Lily and introduces the concept of all of the sass awaiting those poor souls 🤣

Symaira

2024-12-17 01:04:04 +0000 UTC

I like it, tells you what the book is about but is light and fun at the same time.

Sarah Peets

2024-12-17 01:03:59 +0000 UTC

Love it.

Tiffany Nolan

2024-12-17 01:03:53 +0000 UTC

First two sentences, then continuing with "Armed with years of customer service experience..." and I thing it's good yo go, tbh. I love a short, grabbed blurb! Honestly can't wait to read ♡

Alli C

2024-12-17 01:03:39 +0000 UTC

I personally, think it's amazing, it definitely makes me want to read the book. (more than I already did. ^_^) I don't think it gives too much away but it does make me curious what to expect. I have watched all of your tik tok videos but excited to see more details about everyone's lives, or more afterlives, and more of the story as a whole. I absolutely can't wait!!!!

Chelsey Cribbs

2024-12-17 01:03:10 +0000 UTC

Also, i had started to dlread the draft, and then decided when i heard you were publishing it to wait, so the last part is pulling me in, as someone who hasnt read it

Amy W

2024-12-17 01:02:50 +0000 UTC

The first hook is my favorite! The right amount of catchy and funny. The 180 from the original phrase to instead say "customer service" makes you stop and go "wait what!?" therefore would draw me in. As for the blurb itself, I think it does well to introduce the characters and setting without giving anything away that is integral to the plot.

Sarah Allard

2024-12-17 01:02:34 +0000 UTC

“They told her to go to Hell…so she’ll go on her own terms It’s not exclusive, but people are just dying to get in.” This is giving FAFO vibes and it just feels perfect for who Lily is

Tyler Stalford

2024-12-17 01:02:33 +0000 UTC

I want to read it even more now. The blurb was awesome!

Alora Paxton

2024-12-17 01:02:29 +0000 UTC

My thoughts precisely. This is the best hook by far.

Matthew Williams

2024-12-17 01:02:11 +0000 UTC

This is perfect! 🥰

Victoria Hulzebos

2024-12-17 01:01:57 +0000 UTC

I would read that book with no fore knowledge of the characters.

Karen Wright

2024-12-17 01:01:50 +0000 UTC

Agreed! I was trying to think of constructive feedback, but I just thought it was so good! Especially that first hook!

Sarah Jarvis

2024-12-17 01:01:40 +0000 UTC

I love it It has everything to draw people in

Luturu

2024-12-17 01:01:38 +0000 UTC

I’m so excited for this. I like the blurb. I would start it with the first line of your first draft. Lily knew she would die when her car wouldn’t start. Then she just didn’t know how much she would live. Please disregard if this is terrible

Peter Psareas

2024-12-17 01:01:33 +0000 UTC

I think it sounds good. I didn't have the chance to read the before drafts of Whom the Belle Tolls but I'm so excited to read your hard finished work

Kylie

2024-12-17 01:01:12 +0000 UTC

This is a perfect blurb! It doesn’t give too much away and you get the understanding of what it could be about! I love all the hook lines.

Jackson Simeone

2024-12-17 01:00:57 +0000 UTC

It’s awesome!! My vote goes to the “Hell has no sass like a women who worked customer service” but whichever you end up choosing will be great, you already have a bunch of people just ‘dying’ to read 😜🥰

Nicole Smith

2024-12-17 01:00:50 +0000 UTC

Maybe add a part where you talk about Lily growing her family in unexpected ways since alot of at least the first draft was about building that family with sharkie and bel.

Becca

2024-12-17 01:00:48 +0000 UTC

Blurb is great imo, makes me want to read it even more because it sounds amazing. As for the hook, I suggest the 3rd one. Gives the setting 'hell' while tying in lily's personality of 'I'll do what you said but in the way I want to do it'

Kyra Bishop

2024-12-17 01:00:41 +0000 UTC

Okay I'm biased but if I knew nothing...it would peak my interest

Samantha Johnson

2024-12-17 01:00:40 +0000 UTC

Amazing! Love the "they told her to go to hell" line. Maybe dont use beleths name yet in the romance section? Leave it a mystery?

Amy W

2024-12-17 01:00:39 +0000 UTC

I LOVE LOVE LOVE the first three paragraphs of the second (long) blurb. Suggestions: - skip/condense/edit the Armed with and chance meeting bits, it feels like it's too wordy and also maybe giving too much away - The last bit starting with Meanwhile is perfection. - Definitely include the spice, I wouldn't drop Bel's name though. Maybe a reference to a hot sexy demon prince of hell best friend turned lover as another thing she didn't expect to find?

Andrea Travis

2024-12-17 01:00:15 +0000 UTC

Can't wait to read it

Kyle Casey

2024-12-17 01:00:07 +0000 UTC

My favorite hook is "They told her to go to Hell...so she'll go on her own terms." The blurb is great, actually - it has a hint of romance, a hint of danger - but doesn't give anything away.

Kirsten

2024-12-17 00:59:51 +0000 UTC

I think the blurb is great, I like the first line of the hook best! Great job, we are all so psyched!!!

Leah

2024-12-17 00:59:36 +0000 UTC

I love it! Read it to my husband (who has never watched a single video of yours on tik Tok) and he wants to read it too!

Shanna Liles

2024-12-17 00:59:36 +0000 UTC

I like “They told her to go to Hell…so she’ll go on her own terms” the best. And while I really like the blurb I feel it’s a little too long? Aren’t they usually shorter? I cannot wait to get my hands on a physical copy of this book.

Michelle

2024-12-17 00:59:35 +0000 UTC

Honestly LOVE the blurb, I was ready and waiting to give ideas/critique (with all the love) the blurb and it’s great! I’ve only read the first few chapters of the first draft and I’m so excited to see what they could be fighting! I think it has that perfect balance of sass, romance and thriller to hook anyone

Morgan

2024-12-17 00:59:27 +0000 UTC

If I picked this up at a bookstore without knowing anything about the series, I’d buy it

ThatTransEMT309

2024-12-17 00:59:17 +0000 UTC

Perfection

Sydney

2024-12-17 00:59:09 +0000 UTC

I am OBSESSED. I think the first hook is my favorite, it’s concise, classy and fits Lily’s badassery!

Cici

2024-12-17 00:59:04 +0000 UTC

i love the blurb as it reads now and i think the first hook with sass is amazing!!

Katy

2024-12-17 00:58:56 +0000 UTC

If those first three lines are all different options for the blurb I like the second one the best.

Mr_wizard

2024-12-17 00:58:44 +0000 UTC

I love it the hook lines are amazing and fit perfectly

raelyn Daley

2024-12-17 00:58:32 +0000 UTC

What a fantastic grab!

Gabby Wilson

2024-12-17 00:58:17 +0000 UTC

A hellish retailing of love and Smut, a peak behind the curtain of the afterlife and what it really is like

pastel angel

2024-12-17 00:58:12 +0000 UTC

It’s so perfect! Makes me want to dive in with tea and a comfy blanket ready for an intriguing story

Abbie

2024-12-17 00:58:09 +0000 UTC

If I'd never read a single chapter of The first draft or watched a single tik tok and had only this to go buy. I wpuld buy this book in a heart beat

Syd San99

2024-12-17 00:58:04 +0000 UTC

Either one of the last two hook lines are the best! 😊

Emily Gowlett

2024-12-17 00:58:02 +0000 UTC

I think it’s really good and would definitely get me to read the book if i wasn’t already interested. Definitely the first few sentences, very good hooks in my opinion!

Emily Campbell

2024-12-17 00:58:00 +0000 UTC

My favorite Hook is the "Welcome to Hell's Customer service" one

Ashleigh Fitch

2024-12-17 00:57:53 +0000 UTC

Love the blurb!

Bri_cola

2024-12-17 00:57:52 +0000 UTC

I truly loved the blurb. Witty and interest pulling. 🧡🧡

Krysta Hurley

2024-12-17 00:57:51 +0000 UTC

Ahhh!! Can’t wait for the book to come out!!

Mousey_draws

2024-12-17 00:57:46 +0000 UTC

LOOOOOOOOVE

Syd San99

2024-12-17 00:57:30 +0000 UTC

Now that’s a blurb that hooks you! I’m dying to find out what they’re fighting…

Dansie Howard

2024-12-17 00:57:29 +0000 UTC

I love it!!!

Kali Chamberlain

2024-12-17 00:57:25 +0000 UTC

Love it made me feel

Samantha Dadson

2024-12-17 00:57:23 +0000 UTC

Honestly I love the blurb as it reads now

Lucy

2024-12-17 00:56:53 +0000 UTC

Absolutely perfect!!!! Love it!!!

GrizzWife24

2024-12-17 00:56:39 +0000 UTC

Book Blurb

Comments

I absolutely love it and if I didn't know about your content I would still pick it up

OMFG I WE LOVE YOU!!!!

I was already excited for your book, but after reading that. I really can't wait to get my hands on it.

I believe the blurb sounds great! It reads well and let's the reader know they're in for a wild ride!

Shortening it and adding a couple fake magazine reviews are really the crux of what needs to happen. There are already several good suggestions here and I'm sure you'll take it all with a pinch of salt and shape it into something fantastic!

It's great

I love it!! Especially the hell hath line, but probably just hell hath no sass like a .....

I think you missed your own great hook: "She put the life in afterlife!" Though it goes well where you put it too.

The blurb is great. I like the knowledge there will be witty repartee in the book. Its a must for my enjoyment.

The text of the blurb is awesome; great job! I like the first hook best, and I think I would go with “fury” if only because the familiar opening of the saying makes for a little bit hookier of a hook, imo

I love the blurb! You’re doing a great job! Enjoy those pizza bagels! :)

Hey Beautiful, you're doing amazing, I love the Blurb the only thing I'd want it to say is "beyond the boundaries of the realms" or "beyond the boundaries of their universe" I'm so proud of you and I can't wait to sit and begin the first of many re-reads

I love the focus on the customer service side. That’s what got me hooked on the series in the first place, the fact that you could tell people off. I ended up falling in love with the characters. But what started it all was feeling that justice that doesn’t exist here.

Perfect. I think it’s great. If I didn’t know anything about the universe or the characters, I’d pick it up immediately. That and the first few pages would definitely draw me in

Definitely a hook and blurb that would gather attention. It is great as is.

The blurb is great just the right amount of info to leave you wanting more. As for the hook Hell hath no sass is my favorite

Perfect. I would use sass.

Ah, yes, I agree with you. Taking away 'fine' is a lot better

I think the blurb is great.

The blurb is great. I’d definitely use the “Hell hath no…” as your hook, but I’m unsure if you should use “sass” or “fury”. I wouldn’t use “sass/fury” though.

I like “hell hath no sass…”! But all of the hook options are great, and the blurb is fantastic! I wonder if you’d like to change the “a coffee shop” to “coffee shops” instead? Even as is, it’s very engaging without giving too much away!

I wouldn’t change a thing

The blurb is perfect! It gives a clear idea of the story while not revealing too much and making the reader want more. As for the hook my vote is for the first one!

Thank you for that! I just noticed I did that. Early morning train ride editing has fun results 😅

Keep the blurb as is. It is very easy to understand and it captures the attention. The reader will want to know more.

I love it! I obviously wanted to read it before the blurb but now I'm even more excited. Well done!

I think putting Lily puts the life in afterlife and finds in death what she couldn’t have in life could work it’s vague but not to much

I do think this is a little long and reveals a bit too much The first hook is the best in my opinion. I also agree that keeping Bel's name and title of Prince a secret would be better.

I like it. I know it’s more of a prequel to Hells Belles, but I’d love to see a hint at found family to reference Sharkie

That blurb is really good! I like it! (Though once again, maybe a little more about Lily's negatives/personal challenges in the first paragraph.)

I think it is good. But perhaps a little long. And maybe a bit out of order. The part at the end where you talk about everything could end is a great hook.

I agree with you (and everyone else who says to leave the blurb a little mysterious.) If I'm at a bookstore a too-detailed blurb might convince me I don't need to take the next step and open to book to get a little sample. I think it works similarly on line.

"Some people thought she was going to Hell? Fine. She was going to prove them right, on her own terms and with a glass of wine in hand." Agreed, but lose the 'fine.'

But maybe excluding "Then go home to paradise" since she is unsure if she had s paradise when she gets there 🤔

I like the first hook the best. The others feel like I've seen them before.

I think this would be great cause the blurb feels s bit too revealing, part of the excitement in the beginning of the book is that the reader doesn't know that hell is a great place. The mystery of what she has been taught compared to what she discover.

This is the most accurate blurb I've ever read. Only issue I see is it might give away too much of the book?

I’d say 1st hook. It’s the punchiest and most original 3rd has potential but is too long and doesn’t have the same impact. The blurb feels nice to me. It hints at the complexity of the world and its a key element to draw people in

Knocked it the ball park!!!

I really like the blurb. I would definitely buy it based on that alone. I have not read the first draft yet and am now even more excited about the book than I was before. I think the 'They told her to go to hell' hook fits the best, but the 'Hell hath no sass' hook is a close second!

I would maybe not mention that bel is a prince so it can be a surprise for when they read the book

Been a quiet reader in the shadows lol, but I think the third hook caught me best. The blurb itself is perfect, I'd have bought the book just based on that.

“Lily didn’t know she had to die to live” I really like this. It's a little mysterious and it speaks the underworldly aspects of Lily's journey.

If I was picking up the book with no context I would be most drawn to these too hooks. They told her to go to Hell…so she’ll go on her own terms It’s not exclusive, but people are just dying to get in.

Yours is the best critique I've read so far, particularly the suggestion that Jaysea save the 'sass' for later.

Love the blurb and I love the hook “Hell hath no fury like a woman who’s worked customer service.”

The blurb not the punctuation. Lol

I like it. Only point I have is the period you missed in the third sentence. I would bought it based on that.

Hell hath no sass. 🙌🏻 sums up The Hellp desk in my opinion. But fury could most definitely work

Blurbing beautiful! My favorite hook is the third one. I am so excited for you to be so close to the finish line and to get a copy!

Love this!

We all fam in the (blurb) clurb

They told her to go to hell so she’ll go on her own terms (LOVE IT) The blurb is good! Not too much, just enough. And the final line is perfect

The hell hath no fury hook has me! I love it! Also your blurb is amazing! I cannot wait until your book is out!

I think it’s, once again, excellent writing. Having read the draft a few (dozen) times, I think I can safely submit that it is neither a synopsis and, thank gods, it’s not clickbait either. Good job!

I like the 4th book the most. But that blurb *finger kiss*

I love the 1st and 2nd! Super excited for the story

I have never seen a blurb with so many puns. I want to read it again now 😁

i think either the 3rd or 4th hook for sure. the blurb is adorable and perfect! it doesn’t summarize the story and if i wasn’t already invested in this book i would be after reading that blurb, good job!! proud of you and all the work you’ve put into this series and book! 🖤🖤

If I was not already in love with your book, that blurb would make me read it immediately

If I knew absolutely nothing about Hell’s Belles, this blurb would make me want to read this book. I cannot WAIT to get my grubby little hands on a copy 😍😍😍

That gave me goose bumps. I love the first part. It looks like something that would be on the back of the book and the longer bottom part looks like a section that is inside on the dust cover.

I like the first hook. And the blurb sounds good

I like them. Like the 3rd then 1st but both are good. Hooks the reader and makes them want to read more

The blurb is perfect! You got my partner's stamp of approval too. We're so excited for your book release! The first 2 hooks were iconic. If you wanted to keep the next 2 puns in there I'm sure you could add them underneath your blurb.

Looks great! I like the 3rd and 1st hooks the best

I like the 3rd hook, but maybe more like "They told her she'd go to hell. So she will, on her own terms" The blurb is great though. Congrats on hitting that finishing line. 👏

It looks awesome. And knowing what I know, she is a badass, kicking asses and taking names

Words cannot even express how much I love this!

Love the blurb. I like 3 the best.

I like the third and first hooks best, in that order. And the blurb looks good to me! Gives just enough without giving away everything.

I love it

HELL HATH NO FURY LIKE A WOMEN WHO WORKED CUSTOMER SERVICE. THIS KILLED ME

I prefer the 3rd hook honestly, and the blurb is incredible!! I'm so excited, you're almost there!

The blurb is great Jaysea and the last hook would absolutely get me to read it (if I hadn't already) love ya!❤️

I think it’s perfect

I read it all as one thing and honestly it seemed perfect to me it got me extremely excited about the book in its entirety and it absolutely drew me in

I'd say go with the third hook and the blurb is really good

I like the 4th book the most. But that blurb finger kiss