Legal Briefs

Escaping the office to the only place he can get any real privacy, Birdman sits in the center stall of the men's restroom, his pants around his ankles. It's not even noon and it's already been a hectic, client-filled day. The Dick Dastardly DUI case, Rosey the Robot suing the Jetsons for back pay, and Smurfette claiming to be sexually harassed by all ninety-nine of the other Smurfs...including the (presumably) gay one.

Well, he thought he'd get a moment to himself...a fart noise coming from the next stall.

Peter: That you, Birdman?

Birdman lets out an annoyed sigh, actually saying the word 'sigh' as he does so.

Harvey: Yes, Potamus... I got that thing you sent me.

Peter: Never mind that malarkey. Check out the cantaloupes on page twenty-six.

Potamus slides a trade magazine across the floor and into Birdman's stall, clacking to a halt against Harvey's wingtip shoe. Birdman reluctantly picks up the periodical with a scrunch-faced scowl, hoisting it with the tips of his thumb forefinger...as one would naturally do if picking something up from the men's room floor. Leafing through the magazine, he stops and blinks repeatedly, a familiar face staring back at him.

Harvey: Wait... Is that...? It can't be.

Peter: Ohhh, yes indeed! Lil' Miss Comin'-on-to-Me went and did a nudie shoot for Legal Eagle Monthly.

Harvey: But... But she was only supposed to give them a blurb on the firm's recent legal briefs.

Peter: Yeeaaah. They got her right out of those 'briefs', alright...and went straight to her right to bare arms. ...and legs.  ...and everything in between!

Harvey: You, uhhh...  You couldn't come up with any better metaphors?

Peter: Oh, I got plenty of metaphors to describe that hot piece of habeas corpus.

Harvey can hear the hippopotamus getting up from his seat and the rustling of clothes. There is a flush of the toilet, and the stall door opens. The sink faucet squeaks, Potamus washing his hands.

Peter: You hang onto that one, Birdman. I gots plenty. Cleaned the newsstand outta every copy they had.  Throw an HR complaint at me, will she? They're goin' straight to eBay!

Harvey hears the outer door swing open with a creak, the hippo departing, but not before yelling at the blue-cowled bathroom attendant standing near the door.

Peter: You're outta talc!

Harvey: Oy vey.

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Original Art by HD-2

Commissioned by Phillipthe2