Grayscale Ch2

The good news is that physical therapy is underway!  The bad news is that I have to drive 40 minutes there and back twice a week and take a 5 minute stretch break every hour so my free time is flying out the window.  I wish I'd started sooner, then it wouldn't take so long to recover!  So I guess let that be a lesson for y'all.

***

When Koz had awoken the sky was the faint purple of very early morning. He’d rolled over on the sandy beach and saw Jack just where he’d left him before his exhaustion had taken hold. It was so early the boy had been in his lupine form still. Koz had stared at him a moment, the large, pale shape standing out against the darkness of his surroundings.

Jack was just as weak in his wolf form as he was as a human. He’d passed out shortly after the change.

He’d lain curled beneath the tree, on his side. Occasionally he had jerked or kicked his legs in dreaming. It had almost been cute, but Jack wasn’t a pet. He wasn’t even a wolf. He was a human trapped (albeit temporarily) in that form.

Koz had hoped he could have elaborated his plan more to Jack before he changed, but Jack had fallen asleep on his back during the long journey to the island and then he’d changed. Koz hadn’t any time to lose.

Luckily, he’d planned ahead.

He’d draped the blanket over Jack’s slumbering form and sorted through his pile of supplies until he’d found what he was looking for – a ziplock bag with a pad of sticky notes and a pen inside it. He’d been glad to find such trivial but useful things in the drawers at the cabin. He was more glad they’d survived the trip across the water.

He’d scratched out a message and left the pad half under one of the canned goods he’d brought. He could only hope Jack would see it when he awoke.

Then Koz had dove into the water and swum across, heading northwest, towards the bank closest to the campgrounds.

*

The forest was in the in-between time of night and dawn. The day animals were just waking as the night creatures scurried homeward. Koz saw morning doves poke their heads out of their nests and owls returning to theirs. Occasionally he’d turn his head at the rustle of underbrush or the breaking of branches, but it was always harmless forest animals. He saw a fox, a hawk, and quite a few startled deer, but no werewolves. Either they’d thoroughly frightened off their stalkers, or the wolves didn’t think he and Jack were worth pursuing now that they were both fellow werewolves.

This wasn’t unwise of them. Stalking the two of them had taken a lot of time and effort and cost the lives of several of their pack. If the pack had initially targeted Jack because they thought he was a hunter, they probably didn’t need to pursue him now that he had been bitten. If he really were a hunter - as they’d thought - becoming a werewolf would cut him off from the hunting community. Hunters needed the strength of their numbers to be a threat. Without a community, Jack would be crippled in a fight against supernatural creatures. Numbers were the one thing hunters had over their supernatural targets and the pack probably knew this.

He and Jack were no more than rogues – rogue hunters and rogue werewolves.

Koz let out a huff almost like a laugh. Jack wasn’t a hunter. It was strange to remember. All of Koz’s friends were hunters. His lawyer, Sandy, and his therapist, Tooth - both of whom he’d only hesitate slightly to refer to as friends - were both tied to the hunting community.

He swallowed hard as he felt a creeping sense of fond nostalgia threaten to take hold of him. No, he couldn’t dwell on his own his friends. Thinking of all those he was leaving might lead him to lose his resolve and he couldn’t afford to do that. Especially not now that he had Jack to worry about. Losing his resolve would mean going home, seeing Seraphina - holding her, breathing in the smell of that ridiculous shampoo she liked purely because of the commercials - and listening to her as she regaled him about everything he’d missed since he’d left in between angry, well-deserved jabs for him being away so long—

God, he wished she were here so she could ignore him in favor of her phone. He missed the way she’d smile and let out a huff of air in laughter over something one of her friends had texted her.

God. Koz stopped walking. He missed her. The ache of her absence hit him hard and he was left gasping in the wake of the sudden blow. He’d never felt homesick so strongly before, but then, before he could always call her, couldn’t he? He’d always been reassured that no matter how far he wandered he would eventually return home – to her. He wanted to go home. He wanted to see his daughter so much it was agony. A weight seemed to settle inside him, crushing his chest until it felt like there was no air left in the world. He pressed a hand to his chest, searching, before he remembered…

He didn’t have her locket any more. He’d left it at home. When he’d left for the woods, he’d fully intended to die. He hadn’t been able to stomach the thought that the locket might end up soaked in his blood, tangled around a corpse’s neck and slowly rusting in the dirt. It had felt like that’s what he was doing to Seraphina – and he quickly shied away from the thought that maybe that would happen regardless.

Now, despite his best efforts, he was alive and he wanted the locket more than anything. He wanted to see Seraphina’s face.

He could feel his resolve to stay away dwindling and tried to derail his thoughts - to think rationally, to cut off his emotions - but the only excuse he could think to use to sever the claws homesickness had sunk into him was another tangle of emotions. And that was Jack.

He couldn’t go home – what would happen to Jack? Jack was his responsibility. He couldn’t walk away from him.

‘But I walked away from Seraphina.’

‘But I was too dangerous to be around her!’

Koz’s thoughts scattered as he broke through the tree line and came upon one of the campground hiking paths. He’d been so absorbed in his thoughts he’d hardly watched where he was walking. It was lucky he hadn’t stumbled into a campsite by accident.

Koz let out a long breath and closed his eyes. He forced the noise of his mind to quiet, focusing only on what he felt at that moment. The wind was blowing gently and the leaves rustled with each passing breath. Beneath the canopy of trees it was cool, the temperature just kissing the edge of ‘chilly. Fall was settling in; he could smell the bite in the air as sure as he could the soil and trees. He let his senses wash out the turmoil of his mind until his thoughts were calm and then he opened his eyes and started onward again.

It was nearly midday by the time Koz found his first camp. The campers must have been off hiking or fishing at the nearby river – whatever it was people did when they went into the forest without the intent to hunt monsters.

They’d left their food suspended off the ground in a large trash bag so animals couldn’t get into it. Unfortunately for them, Koz was not an animal.

As quiet as he could, Koz lowered the food. He took the lot of it – the rope too. The campers might have to cut their trip short, but Koz and Jack wouldn’t starve.

Koz walked a ways deeper into the forest, off the hiking path. He snapped a few branches off the bushes, swatting angry insects away from his face as he did. He lashed these branches to the trash bag, to hide the bright plastic gleam, then suspended the food off the ground with its new camouflage and set out back towards the camps.

A few times he found sites with people still in them or else just nearby. He gave these a wide berth. All his experience avoiding detection while hunting monsters came in handy when he was only hiding from humans.

As the day drew on Koz managed to steal two backpacks stuffed with men’s clothing, two pairs of men’s shoes and a simple fishing rod before he determined that he’d gotten all he could carry. He went back to grab his food stash and then started off for the island.

***

It was late afternoon by the time Koz made it back. Jack saw him from afar – there wasn’t much else to see on the island. He nearly cried with relief.

The young man hovered at the edge of the island as Koz swam over, dragging a very full trash bag after him.

Koz sloshed on land, panting with exertion and dripping wet. Jack tried to cover how anxious he’d been (and still was) by helping him pull the bag up onto the island, a task that would have been much easier if he hadn’t had to hold the blanket around his waist the whole time (it seemed the material was determined to come undone whenever Jack had tried to knot it about his waist).

He took a few steps back and adjusted his grip on the blanket at his waist. He wanted to yell at Koz for leaving him, but at the same time, was too relieved that he’d come back. “Have a nice day, sweetheart?” He cooed, trying to smooth over the panic still lingering at the edge of his mind.

“Just lovely darling.” Koz panted, leaning back on his hands as he sat on the island’s small beach. He peered up, nose crinkling, and looked at Jack. “How was yours?”

“So boring.” Jack grimaced. He could feel his fear ebbing, but made sure none of the lingering emotion surfaced in his face. Hiding his feelings was an act so familiar it was almost comforting. “And hot. It’s gotten so hot! I felt like I was on Castaway.”

Koz made a face where he sort of looked like he was in pain, but which Jack had learned was just him being on the verge of smiling. “I didn’t even leave you a volleyball to keep you company.”

“You didn’t! It was…” Jack licked his dry lips and tried not to think of how he’d spent the first hour this morning sitting under the tree, arms wrapped around his knees, sometimes crying, sometimes just sitting there feeling empty and alone before hunger drove him to the supplies where he’d found Koz’s note and promptly felt like the biggest, most childish moron ever born – then maybe cried a little because of this also. “It was super boring.”

Koz looked at him, quizzical and concerned. He didn’t seem to be buying Jack’s act. Jack turned away from him, worried Koz might read some minute signal from him and start picking at it. He began to look through the clothing in the backpacks, acting like he didn’t notice or care that Koz was watching him.

“I’m sorry I left you alone like that,” Koz said finally. “I was hoping to save on daylight and I should’ve realized…”

“Hey, it’s fine.” Jack’s heart pounded. Shit, no, he didn’t want to talk about this. He tried to pull on the new clothes without removing his blanket. “I’m used to spending time to myself, I just usually have a television or something you know? It was fine. Boring, but fine. And now we have food and clothes!”

Koz looked away while Jack pulled on some cargo shorts and a grey t-shirt. There was a pair of underwear in the bag, but Jack wasn’t sure if they were tomorrow’s pair or yesterday’s. Either way, he felt better going commando than he did about wearing some stranger’s underpants.

The clothes hardly fit him, but it felt good to wear something.

Koz pulled some dry clothes out himself. Jack looked the other way while he changed out of the old swim trunks and into fresh shorts and a white t-shirt.

They ate. Or rather, Koz ate and Jack drank a little bit of Gatorade and slowly nibbled away at the end of a cheese-stick. He still wasn’t quite up to solid foods yet, but even just that little bit made him feel much stronger - physically and emotionally.

“So,” Jack said. He crumpled up the cheese wrapper and tucked it away in the front pocket of the nearest backpack, then sat up on his haunches. “What’s the plan?”

Koz looked across the water, arms crossed over his knees, typical frown in place. “I don’t really have one,” he said. “Other than ensuring that neither of us starves and keeping an eye out for the White Wolf’s pack, I’ve got nothing.”

“I mean…” Jack watched a beetle drifting in the shallows, tiny legs gently twitching as it grasped for land. He reached out and gently scooped it up. “When can we go home?”

Koz sighed and turned to look at him slowly, his frown deepening. Jack didn’t like that. “Going home isn’t a very viable option, Jack.”

“Well,” Jack thought, heart speeding up once more. “Yeah, I suppose I’m probably gonna go all wolfy tonight, so that’d probably be a bad idea. But eventually.”

Koz took a deep breath and looked at Jack – looked him right in the eye. That was never good. Anything that required eye contact to say was usually a big, heavy, not-good thing. “I feel like you haven’t grasped the magnitude of your situation.” Jack could tell Koz was making an effort to control his words and tone. It made him feel cold all over. “This isn’t the flu. You won’t suffer a few days then get all better. It’s a chronic condition with no cure and no treatment.”

The beetle in Jack’s hand promptly flew off, wings buzzing noisily. Jack hardly noticed. He huffed and rolled his eyes, annoyance fluttering through him alongside fear. “Well, women have monthly troubles too. I figure if we do a good enough job handling it, no one will even notice!”

Koz started and sputtered. “Turning into a monstrous beast is a little different than menstruation!”

Koz’s indignation didn’t faze Jack. “Chronic conditions can be managed. It’s not that I haven’t grasped the situation; I’m just trying to stay positive. There are a lot of people who get by with serious illnesses. I figure the best way to manage is to not freak out about it.” Jack rubbed his hands together fretfully. He stood up, fear fizzling into annoyance and filling him with adrenaline. He didn’t like the way Koz was looking at him – a mixture of pity and frustration.

“You should ‘freak out’ about it,” Koz said, slowly standing up as well. “You’re now the supernatural equivalent of a rabid dog - highly contagious and mindlessly dangerous. There is no ‘managing’.”

Jack’s anxiety fueled his annoyance into anger. He took a step towards the larger man, gesturing towards him. “You managed! Before you came here, things were under control.”

Koz took a step forward, the careful control over his facial expression slipping. “I got loose and nearly killed my own child!”

“But you didn’t!”

Koz scoffed in disgust, but Jack didn’t back down.

“No! You took pre-cautions and when one failed, the back-up plan stopped anything bad from happening!” He threw his hands up. “That’s like… the definition of successfully managing a bad situation!”

“Until you inevitably fail! It only takes one instance – one fuck-up – and you’ve killed someone. We can’t afford the possibility to make even a single mistake, Jack!”

“So, what? What are you going to do Koz? You can’t keep me here!” Panic spiked in him as he remembered Koz could. He was in the middle of a lake he couldn’t swim through, on an island with little provisions.

“I don’t want to keep you anywhere, Jack,” Koz said, deflating some as he stepped back. “Ideally, you’d realize that it would be best if you didn’t go home.”

Jack scowled, still biting back fear. “I don’t know about that,” he said. “I’ve got stuff to do Koz – I need to graduate. I’ve already missed so much school; I might have to repeat again. I…I have to look after my sister and make sure my dad doesn’t accidentally kill my mom. Koz, please. This is going to seriously throw a wrench in my life - and I know it fucked up yours pretty good - but I’m not ready to give up yet!”

Koz’s composure shattered. For a moment he looked livid - Jack was afraid he was going to hit him, but just as suddenly the man’s shoulders sagged and he let out a deep breath. “It doesn’t matter,” Koz said finally. “Like you said: you’re still changing at night, you can’t go home right now anyway.”

Jack let out a frustrated growl. “So ‘we’ll talk about it later’? That’s your answer? That’s not much of a solution!”

“Either way, we’re going to spend the next few days in close quarters – it’ll be better for the both of us if we don’t hate each other.” Koz took another step back and looked away over the water.

Jack let out a frustrated groan and ran his hand through his hair, finally resting his palms against his eyes and pressing in. He breathed deeply and counted to ten.

Fear pricked at the edge of his thoughts. What if Koz decided Jack was too much trouble? What if he left him on this island? What if, when Jack tried to go home, Koz tried to stop him? Would Koz keep him prisoner? Hurt him? Kill him? Did Koz think Jack was a monster now too?

A new fear bloomed. What if Koz let Jack leave and then killed himself, leaving Jack all alone? What would Jack do then? He could barely handle his life before this– how could he handle these new ‘monthly troubles’ by himself?

Jack let out a shaky breath. “Okay,” he said. “Compromise.” He pulled his hands away from his face and blinked spots from his vision. “I agree to stay here – temporarily – while I get the whole werewolf thing under control. Sound good?”

Koz didn’t look at him, just rubbed his knuckles over his forehead and sighed. “Sounds good,” he said at last.

Jack could sense a hint of pandering in his tone, but ignored it. Koz didn’t believe he could be safe in the real world, but that just meant Jack would have to prove him wrong.

***

Jack and Koz sat on either end of the island for a good while. Koz somehow had ended up on the side without shade, which he had decided was the equivalent of sleeping on the couch.

He didn’t really dwell on this at first. He was angry that Jack couldn’t see reason, but he was also – loathe to admit it - a little hurt. Jack hadn’t seemed to realize it, but he’d basically accused Koz of ‘giving up’. He probably hadn’t meant much by it, but he’d essentially taken a jab at the concentrated knot of guilt Koz seemed to perpetually carry around with him. Now all sorts of ugly thoughts had broken free.

Was he giving up? He’d convinced himself that he was leaving for Seraphina’s sake – that any pain he caused would all be worth it to keep her safe from himself – but now he wasn’t so sure. When he’d come out here to take his life had he really been thinking of what was best for his daughter or was it because he wanted relief from all that his life had become? He’d been comforted by the thought that he’d had the best intentions for his daughter, but might they actually have been more selfish than that?

The sun beat down on him, the coolness of the morning burned away, leaving him to stew in the heat, guilt heavy inside him. Coarse sand clung to his faintly sweaty legs and gnats whined as they circled his head, giving physical sound to the thoughts chasing their way around and around Koz’s head. Finally Jack’s voice cut through his thoughts.

“You may have been right about wanting to keep on good terms as long as we’re here,” he said.

Koz turned to look at him. He let his silence speak as a silent affirmation, afraid of getting into another argument when he was still reeling from the last one.

Jack looked at him from his place under the tree, his legs spread before him and arms crossed over his chest, a frown set on his face. “I’m so bored my head might explode.”

“You should rest,” Koz said. “Lie down for a bit.”

Jack moved to stand. “I’ve been resting for days. I want to do stuff!”

Koz frowned. By all rights, Jack should still be recovering from his brush with starvation, but he seemed relatively healthy again – albeit still very thin. Koz hadn’t counted on needing to entertain him or he might have tried to steal something for them to do. He sighed. This wasn’t doing anything for his mood.

Wait. He had stolen something for them to do, hadn’t he? Inspiration lifted his spirits slightly as he got up and approached their supplies. Jack quirked an eyebrow and watched as he dug around in one of the backpacks.

“They say if you give a man a fish, he’ll eat for a day.” He pulled the fishing rod he’d stolen out of the bag. “But if you teach a man to fish, he’ll have something productive to do the next time you have to leave him alone for a long time.”

This would have been more impressive if the rod weren’t in three pieces. Jack snorted as he watched Koz try to piece them together. “Because fishing is super entertaining,” he said.

Koz looked up from his task, eyebrows quirked. “Oh, I’m sorry – what exciting thing did you do all day?”

“Well first I watched the bank,” Jack said in a mockingly chipper tone. “Then when it got hot I sat in the water and tried to catch minnows until I remembered that one fish that can swim up your um… you know. And I couldn’t remember where it was from so I decided to get out.”

“I’m pretty sure it was in South America,” Koz said. “It was on River Monsters.”

“Oh my God,” Jack gasped. “You do watch television!”

Koz attached the fishing line reel with only a minor struggle. “Sometimes.” He said, “I always have trouble working that new-fangled technology.”

Jack laughed and Koz felt something in him grow lighter.

“Do you know how to use one of these?” Koz asked as he threaded the fishing line along the rod.

“It’s been a while,” Jack bit his lip and frowned thoughtfully. “I’m pretty sure the hook goes in the water.”

“Thanks,” Koz deadpanned. He finished threading the rod and started tying on one of the many hooks stashed in the backpack he’d taken. He knew that there were special knots for tying on hooks, but he didn’t know how to make them so he did a very simple, sloppy double knot. “We shall strive to emulate Mister Jeremy Wade, shall we?”

“Jeremy’s got nothing on his bad boy.” Jack grinned as he took the rod. “Now let’s dig up some bait.”

*

Shortly after they started fishing they realized the island’s single tree was insufficient for producing loose firewood and the branches were worth more as shade than fuel. With no way to cook their catch, the whopping haul of two palm-sized fish got off lucky and was released after capture.

“We channeled Jeremy Wade too intensely,” Jack said with a smile.

Koz found himself almost smiling back and was a little surprised for it. Jack’s good cheer was contagious. He liked it. He didn’t know how he’d react in this situation if he were alone, but he certainly wouldn’t have much cause to smile. Jack made the situation almost fun.

Probably because Jack was still convinced he could go home and could therefore still keep his good spirits. If Koz were alone, he would have already successfully killed himself.

Koz sighed. He watched Jack set the fishing rod gingerly against the tree and turn to go through the food items Koz had brought back with him. The boy’s movements were slow and varying between overly deliberate and sloppy. He was recovery faster than a human, but he was still recuperating from his ordeal. He was clearly exhausted.

Koz rubbed a hand over his face. Between his friendly disposition and his weakened state, it was hard to imagine Jack as dangerous. He forced himself to remember what would likely happen if Jack went home as he so desired.

Assuming he wasn’t turned over to an asylum, hospital, or the police immediately, he’d likely turn and/or kill his family. While Koz didn’t have high opinions of Jack’s father, that would still mean the loss of three human lives. If any of them were turned, they would each become a risk to everyone around them - neighbors, friends, any sort of human authority that tried to contain them. Jack was a walking pandemic. He couldn’t go home.

Koz remembered his own horror at waking up beside Jack’s still, bloodied form - the bottomless terror and self-loathing at what he’d thought he’d done. Jack wasn’t just a danger to others – if Jack had to go through an experience like that... He’d taken Aaron Bennett’s death badly and Aaron had been trying to kill him. What if the victim were his own sister? No, Koz wouldn’t let Jack face that. Somehow, he’d have to convince him not to go home. If he couldn’t convince him… he might have to force him.

The thought had an edge to it that Koz didn’t like. Guilt clawed at him, but he pushed it away. It was for the best, even if Jack hated him for it. He could only hope that in time Jack would realize he was right. For now, he’d play along with Jack’s plan to get used to being a werewolf before returning home. Koz lifted his head, his resolve renewed somewhat.

Jack was looking at him in concern and Koz winced, guilt lancing through him. ‘Don’t look at me like that,’ he thought.

“You okay?” Jack asked.

‘Don’t be kind to me!’ Koz wanted to shout. “Fine,” he said. “Just tired.”

Jack smiled uncertainly. “Yeah? Me too. It’s definitely nap time after this.”

Koz looked down and saw Jack was holding two peeled oranges. The young man offered him one and Koz’s heart clenched painfully.

He took the offered food, but nausea made him hesitate before eating. He carefully separated each segment of the fruit before putting them in his mouth. The taste was ashen on his tongue.

It was getting late and the temperature was cooling down, otherwise they would have had to fight the swarms of gnats for his meager dinner. As un-enjoyable as the meal already was for Koz, the insects would make it much worse.

Jack ate his own fruit very slowly, peeling each segment off with his teeth, finally stopping when he’d finished half. He offered this to Koz as well and then sprawled on the ground with a groan. “Good night, Koz.” He yawned.

“Good night,” Koz replied automatically.

He stared out over the water while scenarios chased their way around and around his mind. He didn’t know what to do. How would they live? What future lay before them?

He could tell North what happened. He and Jack could lock themselves in North’s cellar until they are inevitably discovered or else broke loose and hurt someone.

They could run away to some uninhabited territory until some unfortunate human stumbled across them.

Hunters would come for them; other werewolves might try to kill them. No matter how he looked at it, there was no way they could live peacefully. He’d thought through all these scenarios before he’d decided to enter the woods all those weeks ago and he’d come up with the same solution he put to all dangerous monsters: death.

He swallowed. The orange’s bitter tang was heavy on his tongue. Death wasn’t an option any more. He couldn’t kill Jack. He was an innocent bystander in all of this.

But he was a werewolf. He was dangerous and whether he wanted to or not he was capable of great harm.

But it wasn’t that simple. He wasn’t evil. Koz couldn’t kill him. No, death wasn’t an option.

Koz was startled out of his thoughts as Jack suddenly spoke. “Koz?”

The boy always seemed to interrupt him when his thoughts were heaviest. “Yes?”

“Thanks for… not leaving me.”

Koz swallowed. “Don’t thank me.”

“Too bad, I’m thanking you.” Koz could hear the smile in Jack’s voice. The boy’s back was to him, the fading sunlight throwing red light over the planes of his bony shoulders. “I’m going to get a thank you card for you when I can!” Jack teased.

Koz let out a helpless breath of a laugh and ran a hand over his face. “You’re welcome,” he said weakly.

Jack’s whole body tensed suddenly. Koz looked to the west and saw the sun disappear over the horizon.

Jack let out a shallow, pained groan as the change came. Koz didn’t look, he closed his eyes and tried to block out the sounds of Jack’s pathetic gasps and choked whines as the boy transformed.

When he was quiet once more, Koz finally looked at him.

Shreds of Jack’s clothing and clumps of wet sand clung to his silver-white fur. He lay on his side, paws curled against his chest. He was almost cute if you ignored that he was unconscious and not sleeping.

Koz sighed and stood. He stripped down and let the change come, drawing the wolf out. He didn’t have to. He had control. But he wanted to.

Instantly he felt better. Thoughts for the future were too difficult to grasp in this form, they all slipped away like smoke in the wind. All he cared about was that he was tired and pleasantly full. He curled up next to Jack, taking an animalistic pleasure in his companion’s warmth. He nuzzled against the soft fur along Jack’s neck, reassured by his familiar scent. Koz closed his eyes and drifted easily off to sleep.