An Abandoned Story

It's not abandoned. I just haven't got back around to it as a lot needs to be fixed in it. Plus what is planned is similar to House Party so I don't want to have two very similar stories out yet.

I really think it’s time you get back to this story …. It’s really too good to be abandoned

Thank you! I'm glad you like it. All the love you've all shown for this story definitely makes me appreciate it more. I will get back to it but we'll see when. I need to do a lot of work to it

Was going back through your old posts for this to give it another thorough reading... and wow, just wow. This build-up is insanely hot. I've said it before and i'll say it again, no one hits the subtle nuances of a hot build-up quite like you do. As a huge fan of your work, I definitely hope that you continue/finish this story one day. Love to see just how hot things get between Vin and Haley and all the naughtiness their need for each other causes. 10/10 so far, Shadow

I read your comment wrong. I read it as seeing something similar in HP. But you meant it could be Becca being heard in the room. If that's the case that would have been fun but it isn't a cross over here, so it isn't Becca.

Exactly. I wrote this before House Party but gave up on it. I then wrote House Party and that story had a lot in it that this abandoned story would have had. Partly why I am not sure if I would go back to it.

This could've happened the same moment as House Party. Like the girl they're hearing is actually Rebecca LOL

I am glad you enjoyed it. But it just doesn't work as a build up. We shall see if I go back to it though.

You’ve opened Pandora’s box here Shadow. I too would love to see this story continued, especially after such a strong start. There’s so much potential for risk with the sex scenes here. I also think a flashback to when Haley and Vin first met could really help build and explain his pent up desire for her. Perhaps it could even factor into the sex scenes later.

Fergus Rauf

I didn't feel the build up was working, but we'll see. You never know what I might do in the future

Excellent ideas. I am not sure I will get back to this story, buy it is good to know you all enjoyed it if I do.

Welp I'll be honest... It may be on my top 5 best story start for me, even almost top 3. I love Haley, her relationship with Pete, the fact that she accidentally saw IT, how she struggles since she saw IT. And I love how Vin starts to actively tease her... One thing that I would have loved is that a sex scene takes place in the garage. Like having Vin fucking Haley on the hood of the car Pete spend so many time tuning or on the backseat. Fucking her so hard that the car actually loose/break some pieces and maybe even letting some stains on the backseat. And then, in the outro of the story, the three of them go to the garage and Pete can only assess the damages stating that he will have to spend more time repairing the cat, while the two lovers smile knowingly to each other. And/Or fucking her against the jammed door while people next the door can actually hear them and even recognize what they say and thus their identity. People like Pete's other friends or even Sarah, before she's joined by Pete who is clueless to who's the woman he's hearing. And of course Sarah will not hesitate to tease both Pete and Haley with allusions when she'll see them together. I find having her giving him a BJ in the garden where anybody could caught them kind of hot too. I'm curious how Vin would hold her from behind in front of Pete tho, very hot. Anyway, thanks for sharing ! And like my comrades, I'd be glad if one day you pick up this story again !

My Love Is Your Love

I support Noclue1253's comment.

I would pay you to finish it

I liked the build up in this story but something about it just dragged on and didn't sit right with me. It just seemed off. And I didn't like Vin as a character. There would be a lot I would change now

I enjoyed the part when she walks in on him in the bathroom as well as when his friends mention some of his previous escapades. Would have loved to hear what her girlfriends whispered to her about his prowess.

You liked it that much? I might get back to it one day, but it just didn't work for me.

Wish you would have finished it 😭

I'm glad you liked it. House Party and Perils share a lot with this story so I wouldn't want to revisit soon even if I did go back to it. Too near those stories to write this one. It isn't my best work, it didn't gel together right and keep me interested, seemed strained, but I'm glad that you thought it was worth the read.

You are a master at the build up part of story. Even this, an abandoned early work of yours, had the potential to be really good. And to see you progress, as an author, since this unfinished story, you are a great writer. Now I want more Haley and Vin action, haha. Hope you revisit this concept, I was feeling it... House Party is definitely a favorite story, glad to see something came about because of this unfinished story. Thank you for sharing this.