RELATIONSHIP REDOX #3: LOST IN TIME

What happens when your spouse dies unexpectedly?  

The mitochondriac idea is to die young as late as possible, and not vice versa.

The loss of your best friend, lover, and spouse to death creates chaos for the person left behind, making it seem unfathomable to move forward alone.  The heart and soul can seem suspended while the physical body goes through a time continuum. It can be a struggle to find joy in life knowing things will never be the same again.  It is with this realization, that the functional duties of daily life and doing the necessary steps to move in a forward motion become like a remote activity.  

All deaths appear sudden, no matter how gradual the dying may appear.  This is what surprises us when a partner dies. 

Whoever said that loss gets easier with time was a liar. Here's what really happens: The spaces between the times you miss them grow longer.  Sorrow and loss are constant, but if we all had to go through our whole lives carrying them the whole time, we wouldn’t be able to stand it. The sadness would paralyze us. So in the end we just pack it into bags and find somewhere to leave it.

It is the nights, however, that  allow the loneliness to seep into the surroundings and enhance the gravity of the baron world perceived by the one left behind.  Today’s technology can sometimes provide comfort but often prove to much for the heart to bear.  A saved voicemail message, pictures, and videos can be both a blessing and a curse. It is imperative to not let sadness take control and remember to just do the next thing… whether it is breathing, brushing your teeth, or taking the next step down the stairs.

When you give someone your heart and they die, did they take it with them? Will you spend the rest of forever with a hole inside you that couldn't be filled?  Is that a proper use of time?  

When you think about death in terms of time you realize you never want to be lost in time.  It is nothing to die, but when you understand time's value, it becomes terrifying not to live fully once your lover dies.

Realize that everyone deals with death differently because people value time differently.

The important thing is to continue to move forward and eventually you will find the path to happiness again.  This defines Faith and provides solace.  It is what motivates us to move forward even when the odds are against us.  A relationship with God can provide strength and hope.  If we look closely and are in tune with our hearts, the angels among us provide signs that aide in our recovery.  We will often experience a message or entanglement sent to remind us that life for us must continue.  Hope is what keeps us moving forward.  It is the gift of grace that combats our most difficult struggles and allows us to appreciate our rewards at the end.  Love is the foundation for every good thing in our lives.  Without it, nothing else matters much.  Love is how we stay alive, even after our lover is gone.

Loss of a lover does not have to end painfully.  It is suspended until time allows for us to be reunited. Death ends a life, but it does not end the memories of the relationship.  This is the lesson of life and love without getting lost in time.

Losing a loved one is a painful reminder that life is way too short.  Losing your lover is that painful reminder time waits for no one.  It also reminds us that time is our most valuable asset.  Few of us truly get that in real life until death truely touches us closely when our lover is struck down.  We forget what they would have wanted for us if they were still alive and kicking.   And that loved one would want nothing more than for you to be happy -- not the watered-down, half smile, day-to-day getting by content happy, but truly happy.

I have heard people tell the surviving partner recently at the funeral, "Keep yourself busy." I agree to point, but don't keep yourself busy doing something that doesn't make you happy. One can go to a job every single day to keep yourself busy, but it only will make you more miserable if you aren't doing what you love. It doesn't make the time go by faster -- it made each day seem more and more meaningless.  You must focus on your passion to move past this grief.

This is what death brings to many of us.............but not all of us.  What we feel when we lose our love is unique to us.  

To the well-organized mind, death is but the next great adventure in living.  Love never dies a natural death. It dies because we don't know how to replenish its source. It dies of blindness and errors and betrayals. It dies of illness and wounds; it dies of weariness, of witherings, of tarnishings.  Lovers however can and do die in natural ways.  

This brings up another question.  What happens when your lover is dead but forget to lay down in their coffin and is still breathing but not living?