RELATIONSHIP REDOX Rx #1: ATTRACTION VS CONNECTION

Very few people know the story of Stevie Nix and her band mate.  She was Alannis Morisette before Alannis was.  

Some people confuse intensity for passion and challenge for attraction.  This happens most often when people are not optimized biologically.   I don't think Stevie or Lindsey ever realized why their love was doomed before it blossomed.  Their light environment was a killer as rock stars. 

This leads to us chronically making the same mistakes with the people we choose to love. 

All too often we fall in love with the same person, but with a "different face."  

When you get your redox house in order, you're rebuilding your magnetic power in your colony of mitochondria, so is the human magnet situation why we continue to love people who hurt us?  

Have we jumped in too early before our brain mitochondria have caught up to the pituitary glands which control desires? 

So ask yourself this question...............Is attraction just flesh and connection linked to soul and spirt?  

Is this true?  Are you a buyer or seller of this meme in your own life? 

When healing your ailments, you want to make sure you are falling for a healthy partner, and not recreating old dysfunctional patterns of your past.  If you do you will wind up with another bad relationship. You have to fall in love with your best friend.  

This means you have to spend time alone finding a friend who is worth your best.  Then you have to give them the best of you as a friend sans the romance.  This takes time and effort. 

Every relationship, good or bad,  trains you for the next one.

With healing Black Swans I have seen over time in my practice that one of the most prevalent and under-discussed issue they all have is the powerful and dysfunctional attraction between codependents ("givers") and pathological narcissists ("takers").  It shows up on social media forums in many journals on my website.   It has shown up on member events I have put on....... 

Real growth calls for  taking ownership of your decision tree.  Thinking is a function of redox power.  So who enters your circle of six wholly depends on your mind.  

This exercises in examing how you think about attraction and connection isn’t about blaming yourself. It is about understanding yourself by how you think. Your dating history is more than a pile of wreckage.

It’s a story. You’re the main character and you wrote the novel with your choices. Think about what you have carried from one to the next — both good and bad.  Then ask yourself why you did this?  It usually comes back to how you think about yourself. 

Simply regretting failed relationships leaves you in the backseat. Or even worse, tied up in the trunk — trying to kick out a tail light. Relationships don’t happen to us. We make them happen because of how we think about things and about ourselves.

The vanity of attraction gets people in the most trouble. It really is ludicrous that humans often chose people because of beauty and vanity. It's akin to picking your meals based on their color instead of their taste.  What really matters to you in life in selecting your circle of six?  Your next mate should only come from your group of best friends.

When you are a slave to vanity, what you seek begins to seek you........and sadly most get what we are seeking and  the relationship ends badly again.  

Watch what your attraction asks of you, you just might get it.  Will a connection with a best friend do the same?  

A healing Black Swan doesn't fancy the colors of the face, they are always attracted to colors of the mind when they choose their next step.

Who is packing your relationship parachute now?  Your old self or the new one your redox is sculpting?  If you are using your old paradigm is that wise for your health reversal? 

The mind has a powerful way of attracting things that are in harmony with it, good and bad and this is why your circle of six matters deeply to your health.  If you do not get this right you will not recover.  You will also have a circle of six that is impotent in helping you thrive.

When you are jumping back in to love, play fantasy with your first few choices........it might save you from failure in the future.  The most exciting inerpersonal attractions most often occur between two opposites that never meet in reality.  These fantasy games of attraction have a deep purpose.  Ask yourself this, 'If somebody never gets enough of you in the beginning, they will always want more.'  This will drown you and harm you longer term.   That is how you can use your imagination to win.

You have to make your own relationships.  You also have to create the love you want.   It’s more than just a euphemism for sex. Good love takes time and effort.

You have to have the right ingredients IN YOU before the recipe works.

Anyone can date. Anyone can have sex. But that doesn’t mean you’re ready for an adult relationship. When you're healing from an ailment, you’re actually  just auditioning for one.

Some of us can love forever, some for six years, some for six months, and others for six hours.  It turns out the context of the timing of the attraction matters a great deal given the situation in question.   Choose wisely.  

THE BLACK SWAN CREDO FOR BUILDING RELATIONSHIPS IS THIS:

If you want to start dating better people, become a better person FIRST.

When we feel stuck in an emotion we are in a toxic relationship. When we haven’t gone through it and dealt with it, it replays over and over like a skipping record. We don’t realize that we can step outside of that experience and have new ones until our redox power returns to power up our ability to realize this fact because we can think well again.

You attract partners who are at your level of maturity and emotional intelligence. So instead of constantly shopping for the person you want to spend your life with, become the person you want to spend your life with.

Relationships grow and die just like plants.  They have a season to them for sure.  It is also true that love can grow, or it can die. It takes more than tips and pointers from any wise book, post, or person to make a relationship last. The Black Swan knows they will run into all kinds of problems, from the kitchen to the bedroom.

So you have to keep observing, communicating, experimenting.  Relationships are the ultimate mitohack in life.  Realize that it is your most important hack too when you are rebuilding your circle of six.