Our Little Secret - Part 4

This was supposed to be two parts, but you all know how carried away I get with things. There will be five parts altogether. Enjoy! 

All characters are consenting adults (18+) 

The mask fell to the ground next to his shoes, and my eyes slowly travelled back up his body as my brain tried to make sense of what was happening.

It was supposed to be Troy. The man that I was looking at, was supposed to be the man that I’d been fantasizing about ever since I first laid eyes on him. The one whose Snapchat story had led to days of flirtatious texting. The one whose body had lived in my deepest thoughts. So why was I staring into the eyes of Dawson?

“I’m sorry” he said.

I had no words to return. Nothing that was happening was making any sense, and as cool droplets of rain began to fall from the inky sky, all I could do was shake my head.

“Is… Is this a joke?” I asked, and my mouth felt dry and tacky at the same time. “Has all of this been a joke?”

“I can explain, man” he sighed, and took a step toward me. I grimaced, and moved back.

“It was you?” I asked, still struggling with the disbelief. “You’re the one I’ve been talking to these last few nights?”

“Just listen to me, Ethan” he said, but I still couldn’t get over the fact that it was Dawson standing before me and not Troy.

“The pictures” I said, my voice trailing off as I remembered the naked images that he’d sent me. “T… They were… You”.

“Dude, please just let me explain”.

“Well explain then!” I roared, piercing the cold, wet night.

“I didn’t mean for it to come to this” he blurted, as raindrops rolled down his face. “I… I wanted to… I needed to…”

“You lied to me. You’re supposed to be my best friend and you lied to me”.

“I know, but–”

“Why?”

“Because I–”

“I can’t fucking believe this. It’s been you all along”

“Ethan, I–”

“I sent you pictures!”

“Ethan, I’m in love with you!”

The only sound now was the gentle patter of the rain on the mangled cars all around us. I stared at him, waiting for him to come up with a better excuse, but when Dawson remained silent, I squinted at him.

“You’re in love with me?” I asked, wiping the rain from my eyes. All he could do was nod. “You’re in love with me?”

“Yes”.

“You’re so full of shit, man” I spat, and turned on my heel.

“I’ve always been in love with you!” He called, and I stopped and stared into the darkness. “Always”.

It had to be another joke. Dawson wasn’t gay. We’d always told each other everything, and he had been given ample opportunity to tell me something as serious as this. It was just another lie.

“I tried to make you notice” he continued, but I still couldn’t look back at him. “I practically begged you to think of other guys in school that you liked apart from Troy. I was talking about me, man!”

I shook my head again. None of it made sense. Why on earth would he do something like this to me, if he really was in love with me? Why would he do something so cruel and heartless?

“I wanted you to talk to Troy” he went on, and I could hear him getting closer. “I wanted him to finally put you out of your misery so you could move on from him. I told you to talk to him, didn’t I?”.

“Oh, so this is my fault?” I growled, spinning back around, and finding him just inches away from me. “You’re gonna blame me on this?”

“I’m not blaming you” he sighed, “I just needed you to stop focusing so much on him, and more time focusing on the people around you”.

“That’s not your choice to make” I snarled.

“I know. I fucked up, alright? But what else was I supposed to do? You were fucking obsessed with him, man! Obsessed with a guy who didn’t even know you existed! I made the Snapchat account, and I knew the only way you’d have the balls to message was if you thought there might be even the slightest chance that he was interested in you”.

“Well, nice work” I scoffed, “you tricked me. Good job”.

“I wanted to let you down gently” he said, and I let out an angry laugh.

“Oh, that’s real nice of you, Dawson. Thanks for that”.

“I wanted to be the one to help you get over him, Ethan. I was going to tell you about how I felt, but what was the point when you were too busy drooling over some asshole jock?”

“You pretended to be him for three fucking days!” I barked, “three days! You sent fucking pictures!”

“I couldn’t do it” he told me, wiping his eyes. “Once I realised how in love with that fucking guy you were, I couldn’t go through with it. I didn’t want to hurt you, man”.

“Well, you’ve done a real good job with that” I spat, “so, the mask?” I scoffed, “you were just going to wear it and hope that I’d never know that it was your dick that I sucked? You’re a real piece of shit, do you know that?”

I turned to walk away again, until I felt his hand on my shoulder.

“Please, Ethan”.

I’d never punched anybody in my life, but for the first time, I came very close to it. “Get your hand off me” I hissed, but Dawson didn’t move. “I’m warning you, man. Get your hand off me or I’ll –”

“I’m sorry, Ethan!” He snapped, “alright? I’m sorry for messing with you like that. I really am. If I could take it all back now, I would, but I can’t, okay? I didn’t do it to hurt you. As dumb as that sounds now, it’s the truth. I wanted to help you”.

“No!” I shouted back, “you wanted to help yourself! You wanted me to forget about Troy so I’d notice you, and guess what? It worked. Nice job, man. You deserve a real pat on the back for that one”.

“Will you stop being such a fucking pussy? Jesus!”

I gawped at him. Was he serious? Was he seriously the one having an attitude right now?

“So I fucked with you” he scoffed, “big fucking deal, man. Do you know how long you’ve been fucking with me for? Do you know how many times I tried to work out whether you were interested in me, because of the things you’d say or do? The hugs that lasted a little too long. The compliments. The nights spent in bed watching movies?”

“We’re friends!” I bellowed. “That’s what friends do you dumb fuck!”

Dawson finally dropped his hand, and nodded sadly.

“That’s all I needed to hear” he said, and lowered his head. “I’m sorry for everything, Ethan”.

“No” I scoffed, and shoved him backwards. “No, you don’t get to make yourself the victim now”.

He stepped back into a puddle, but I continued pushing him.

“You have some secret fucking crush on me, and you’ve spent, what, months? Years? Hoping that I’d just notice? Did you never think, just for one fucking second, that the smart thing, the intelligent thing to do, would be to… Oh, I don’t know, fucking tell me?! So no, you don’t get to be the sad one now”.

“Oh, you’re a real piece of work” he spat, and shoved me back. “Don’t you fucking hear yourself? You’ve been drooling over Troy for as long as I can remember, and I’m the one who should have said something?!”

“That’s different” I mumbled, trying to work out how exactly it was different.

“Give me a break” he snapped, “you’re as much of a dumb fuck as I am”.

I was too drenched and too exhausted to fight him back anymore. The two of us stood there, sopping wet and miserable, until I finally rolled my eyes.

“We’re both dumb fucks then” I said, and he wiped more rain from his eyes and nodded.

“I guess we are”.

The rain fell even heavier now. I could feel it seep through my underwear, where my cock had ceased being hard almost an hour ago.

“You never told me you were gay” I eventually said.

“You never asked” he replied, and I felt a sting of guilt. Ever since I’d come out to Dawson, it had always been about me. I’d never, not even for one second, considered that he might be struggling, too.

“I’m sorry” I said, and he shrugged his shoulders.

“I tried to fix this, you know?” He said, and his eyes landed on mine. “I tried to sort out this mess so that you’d never know it was me”.

I twisted my head to the side, confused. “What do you mean?”

“I asked him to talk to you”.

“Troy?!”

Dawson nodded. “It was a waste of time, of course” he half laughed, “but I didn’t want to hurt you”.

I let out the breath that I’d been holding and relaxed myself. “Come here, you fucking idiot” I sighed, and dragged him into a wet hug. “Hey, have you got any of your dad’s beers left back at home?”

“Sure” he nodded, against my chest, “it’s not too late for pizza, either”.

Despite everything, I felt a smile form across my face, and turned to walk back out of the damp, muddy scrap yard, with my best friend under my arm, and then the two of us stopped dead.

“Well if it ain’t the happy couple” Troy Lawlor grinned.