Health update requiem

  Hey everyone! Evo here with another health update, which is basically just bad news for this month haha. Long post ahead since it's a serious issue.

Since I hate to be the bearer of bad news I've been dreading to write this, alot of you guys already know what the deal is or probably have at least a vague idea from my last post and what I said on twitter. My overall situation hasn't really improved much and I'm still dealing with constant exhaustion, feeling nauseaous and getting dizzy from even remotely trying to work and my mind constantly being empty aside from the general complete lack of motivation and energy that's unfortunaly not limited to drawing-only but rather a constant state. Don't want to sound like I'm begging for pity or something like that but I've been told that some people thought I was joking about my hospital stay for some reason until Cion had mentioned it again in the discord server?? So I decided to give a little more insight on what I'm dealing with right now.

It's really not a pleasant state to be in and it's been affecting all sectors of my life in a negative way and has been making working right now pretty much impossible. I've tried a few times with doing simple studies but even that didn't work out and turned into nothing but a big frustrating struggle. I mean I guess you guys can probably imagine how frustrating it is to try to make what's usually a quick 15 minute study without much effort and then sitting on it for 3 hours and it still looks like ass...😬  Also another great example is the Dimileth picture I just posted before this, usually it would've been the work of 1-2 days, I've been working on it for two weeks on/off and I'm still very unhappy with it, it was a great struggle to work on it and keep in mind this is personal art I'm doing in my spare time. Just making the last update post on my health here left me feeling so exhausted mentally, it's not funny and I absolutely hate it.

I'm really really not happy with this and it's with a heavy heart that I have to say this, but I decided to cancel the fanart voting for this month due to the current circumstances, no matter how much I'd have loved to do it and to draw some really nice illustration with all of my effort for you guys, I simply know that I am not able to do it right now and I won't be able to give whichever character would've been voted the love and art quality they would've deserved.

I do however promise that I will go back to doing the votings and the general normal state of things as soon as possible, this is absolutely an exceptional situation that I've never dealt with before and as I've already mentioned before I'm super unhappy with it myself since drawing is part of my identity and not only my work but also my absolute favorite hobby so not being able to do it at all right now is horrible and I'm constantly feeling guilty about it. I'm also feeling guilty about making this post in the first place and having to cancel things since I'm feeling like I'm disappointing you guys, aside from knowing that it'll come with financial worries of course since I'm self-employed and not being able to draw means no income for me as long as it lasts. But even if I hate it I gotta accept that I'm currently too burned out to actively work on anything at all and that I have to take measures to not make it worse and to help myself getting back on track again, which for now involves giving me and my mind a break and working on the root causes of the issue with the help of professionals.

On a positive note, my wrist pain is pretty much gone now and I'm also actively seeking out treatment to improve my current situation since I'm not interested at all in having this dreading on longer than necessary since I already miss drawing... But I gotta be responsible for now and listen to my mind and body that really need a break.

Since the fanart voting has been cancelled, there wont be much new art posted here for this month at least, I'm personally really hoping that I'll be able to do more next month and will keep you updated on it of course! I'll try to make some smaller illustrations during this month if possible to give you guys at least some content to look at, no promises but I'd like to not have a month being pretty much completely empty on art so I'll do my best in trying to find a healthy compromise between helping my health and still being somewhat productive. I can also share some older personal doodles if you guys would be interested in that? It's not much but better than nothing for sure.

Most of you have also probably already noticed that I'm currently not around much on any social media plattform and on discord, it's also due to the current situation. I'm giving myself a break from most social media plattforms since especially sites like Twitter aren't helping with my current situation plus the constant exhaustion and other symptoms I'm dealing with are making it pretty hard to stay focussed on anything, let alone conversations. My stress tolerance is pretty much non-existant as well so I'm avoiding anything remotely stressful right now as advised by my therapist.
So in case anyone was thinking I was ignoring messages or something like that, I'm generally not online much atm. It's really not something directed towards anyone.

I do however immensely appreciate the well wishes and kind messages some people have sent me and the overwhelming support I've gotten from some people, it truly means the world to me and I'm incredibly thankful to have amazing people like you!!! From the bottom of my heart, thank you so much!!♥♥ ;v; Once I'm feeling a bit better I'll take my time to reply to everyone!!

I hope this rather long text helped giving you a little more insight on the current situation, I'm not good with writing long texts ^^;