SxD: Issei’s Density

Issei sat on a bench overlooking the courtyard, lazily munching on a meat bun. The sun was warm, birds were chirping, and he’d just survived

Issei sat on a bench overlooking the courtyard, lazily munching on a meat bun. The sun was warm, birds were chirping, and he’d just survived another sparring session with Weiss where she only yelled at him three times.  A new record!

He grinned to himself.  “Man, Weiss is really intense… but she’s also kinda cool when she’s not yelling.” He paused. “Actually, she’s really pretty when she’s yelling. That’s probably a weird thing to say…”

He blinked, thoughtfully chewing.

“…But that’s normal, right? Thinking your friend looks good when they’re angry? Totally normal.”

Another pause.

“She’s always looking out for me too. Like, making sure I don’t trip over my two feet. That’s… friend stuff. Yeah. Friends do that.”

He scratched his cheek and stared up at the sky, deep in thought.

“…Though, she did shove me behind her when that Beowolf showed up behind me the other day. And then froze it with dust as it scratched my back. That was… kinda hot?”

Issei blinked again. Then he shook his head with a laugh.

“Nah, she probably just didn’t want to lose a friend. Or maybe she hates Beowolves more than she hates me. That makes sense!”

He stood, dusting off his pants. “Alright! Time to find Weiss and ask her if she wants to train again! Maybe I’ll finally land a clean hit on her—without getting my butt frozen to a wall!”

—-----------------

Back in the dorms…

Weiss paced.

She had tried to be subtle. She’d sat next to him at lunch—twice. She let him borrow her notes. She only insulted him when he really deserved it. And when he’d accidentally fallen asleep next to her during a library study session, she didn’t slap him awake. She just… let him be.

And what did he do?

He thanked her like a friend. Smiled at her like a friend. Told her she was “super reliable” like a friend.

Weiss flopped face-first onto her bed, groaning into her pillow.

“HE’S AN IDIOT.”

Blake didn’t look up from her book. “Yes. But an honest one.”

Ruby sat cross-legged on her bunk, sipping juice. “He’s like a golden retriever. You have to hit him over the head with your feelings or he’ll never notice.”

“I tried being nice,” Weiss muttered into the mattress. “That should have been a sign.”

Yang chuckled from the doorway. “You’re gonna have to spell it out with fireworks and maybe a skywriter.”

“I am not confessing first!” Weiss replied hotly.

“You might have to.” Pyrrha said gently, sitting on Weiss’s bed with Nora munching on chips. “He’s… sweet. But, um, not exactly emotionally intuitive.”

Weiss sat up, looking horrified. “He’s so dense he’d probably ask if I was running a fever if I told him I liked him.”

Yang laughed. “You could kiss him and he’d be like, ‘Whoa, you okay? Did I do something?’”

Nora beamed. “Aw, he is kinda precious.”

Weiss screamed into her pillow again.

Later that evening…

Issei stood outside the dorms, rubbing the back of his head. “Hmm. I wonder if Weiss is mad at me again. She didn’t threaten to maim me today… Maybe she’s sick?”

He frowned in concern. “I should bring her tea or something. Friends do that, right?”

A pause.

“…Wait, do I even know what kind of tea she likes?” He blinked. “…Do I like Weiss?”

He stood there in silence. Then he smiled to himself. “Of course I do! She’s awesome! …Like, in a totally respectful, friendly way!”

The wind blew. Somewhere, the gods of romance sighed in despair.