Butterfly Effect

- A woman - the king stiffened a thin figure on the throne - has the right to expect only two gifts from a man: pregnancy for summer, and paws from a thin sip for winter. Both the first and the second gift are intended to anchor the woman at home. The house is a place suitable for a woman, assigned to her by nature. A woman with a big belly and offspring clinging to her dresses will not leave the house and will not come to her head with any stupid ideas, and this guarantees peace of mind for a man. A calm-minded man can work hard to increase the wealth and prosperity of his ruler.

      / "The Witcher: Storm Season", Andrzej Sapkowski /

The "Shisha Post" had been published long time ago, but during this year, when it wasn't well with me and my mental stability, I deleted it... So now, when I'm mentally ok, I decided to bring it back with some "bonus". Some people don't understand that creating erotica is for me kind of medicine. Kind of statement about the pain hidden deep within.

I live in the country of patriarchy believes where "body shaming" is on extremely high level. Where religion and other groups strongly propagate shame, modesty, submission. Where my "mother", who sees some of my wild forest photos was only able to say "you should hide your bottom". Where my "father" buys insurance in the case of my death or disability. Buys it without my permission or knowledge, even though I'm over 30 years old and don't live with them any more since I was 20...

Some people say that they feel they truly own their bodies. Lucky them. I'll write here one of small and delicate memories from my childhood to expose only a bit some things. For some people this one might sounds silly, but I don't want to share more private stuff from early years. My mother used to love to "play" with my ear cartilage, bending it in different directions. When I asked her to stop, because it wasn't kind for me and it hurt me, she didn't pay attention to my requests, explaining with a smile that she likes it. Tickle... for some people it's a great fun. For me - torture which caused tears. Because of many situations and experiences as a kid I hadn't have a feeling that I have any rights to my body. That the whole rights are in hands of people who say that they love me. So when I entered to my first relationship... I thought that I can't say "no", when I don't like something. Especially towards people who I respect or love. Because I thought it's natural that I should do everything for person who loves me. Who cares for me. Even when I felt humiliated. It was sick situation, where we both lived in a lie for the imagined goodness of the other person.

In the end of this... weird post, I want to mention about one situation. In one photo you can see two horses - small Agresja and big Smok. One day Smok tried to jump and sexually exploited (even though he was a gelding) Agresja, but she wasn't in the mood so she showed him "no" in very strong and direct way. For over a month I treated his penis from a large bloody purulent hematoma, changing compresses every few hours, frostbiting my hands at the same time (it was November - December with horses kept in natural, outside habitats). Trying to save him from an amputation operation that, in his condition, could turn out to be a death sentence. I thought also about adding photos without dressing but... it was truly horrible view and maybe some of you are too sensible for rawness of Nature.

Utopia 

P.S. First words which my mother spoke to me when she got me in a hospital (about which she has reminded me quite often, especially when I had depressive episodes) were "daughter, how miserable you are!". Sometimes words cause greater harm than sticks... And my older sister used to tell me that I was adopted. Nice...