Tale of a tale ~ Chapter I
Added 2021-10-15 10:57:41 +0000 UTCThis post will be completely different than others. Maybe it will show you a bit more of my path as a, hmm "creator" (I hate being called an "artist", I don't feel as one of them).
You can listen to this music in the background.
Let me tell you a tale. Or a chapter from the whole, long tale. Or a shortcut of a chapter...? For now. I won’t start from the very beginning, because I even don’t know where the very beginning is. I’ll start from one of the beginnings.
Once upon a time, there was a little girl. Girl who had way too much emotions hidden in her.
I started this tale few times but... I’m not good in words. There are plenty of thoughts, memories, feelings that are spinning, rounding inside my head, making noise, making mess. Creating constant chaos, which tries to be set free.
Imagine a girl. Girl filled with emotions. Love, empathy and wildness. Stubbornness and fragility. Power and delicacy. Resistant to pain, but not only physical, like broken bones. Girl who has huge, amazing world only for her. World of her imagination. World of the path of constant searching for the answers. Why? How? When? Where...? Path of constant searching for her place in the world. Girl who absorbs realities with all senses.
This girl, her attitude towards Nature, towards elements, towards written religions, her beginnings in photography – all of these have been misunderstood for a looong time. By peers at school, by people who wanted to be her “friends”, by her biological family.
One day, where the negative energy, flooded her family house, she packed all her stuff in about two hours and moved with her demonic soulmate and beloved horse to... unknown.
They travelled to their first “home” in which, we can say, they were volunteers for foundation. This “home” was an old, ruined fortification which Trees in the park have remembered hundreds of years of history, and which defensive walls have stopped the enemy troops more than once, where the orphanage was located after the II World War. A fortification, the palace of which was surrounded by a dry moat, and among the old Trees, one could find the entrance to the casemates, in which ceilings had collapsed years ago killing dozens of lives. A fortification of trapped ghosts...
It was the place, where she started to create new Family. Family, which will not limit her spirit anymore and help her rise in many different natural directions. Driada – amazing kitty, Forest Spirit who had been wonderful companion to walks, studying. Even writing engineering work with her snoring was a bit easier. Rogaty – Czechoslovakian wolfdog who touched deeply with his clapiness, huge heart and his own path choices through the Woods. Miss Sheep, who definitely hadn’t felt herself as a sheep, rather as a horse. Truly great and calming friend for Agresja-the horse, and teacher of gentleness for Rogaty. Mr. Green – iguana, annoying little wingless dragon who couldn’t had find himself in normal terrarium, so at some point had lived outside the box.
This stage of her path was a beginning of learning arcana about fire, herbs, old architecture, bones, native faiths. It was also cold, physical and mental strength test, when life’s dependent a lot on the forces of Nature, on her whims and graces. In that time, the voices in head of the little girl began to rise, became more and more annoying. At some point the nightmares appeared, then also sleeping paralysis. Falling down, swirling, swirling, swirling without an end... The fear of sleep intensified, connected with all voices made her to keep searching solution even deeper. Through painting, drawing, photography, long walks, hard work, playing with animals, taking care of them – not only about her close Family, but also about wild cats, birds, Trees, someone else’s horse, about dead ones too... In general - trying to change reality according to her imagination. To her heart.
As a young girl she was introduced to sexual world through the gate of BD&SM. She had trusted deeply, that everything will be nice, gentle, wonderful. Like from a fairytale, from her dreams... But it was a different tale. With collars, leashes, ropes, belts, hot wax on the skin, covering eyes or even whole face. One big unknown on every step. And every step made her terrified and more and more closed to this part of human world. She slowly started to realize that such path isn’t for her and she started to burry this part of reality at all. To pretend that it never happened, that she doesn’t need it. That her body can be only tool for the work, then – for the art.
All these realities were definitely overwhelming, so problem with alcoholism started to rise. And problem with lack of eating. Problem with keeping herself “here and now”. So beside of the Nature photography, appeared also self-portrait photography, which helped to sort, name, control mess within.
As the fortification was run by the foundation, she and her deamon have learned a lot about benefits, principles of operation from the inside, so one day they decided to stop being only volunteers for others but create their own organization – for history, art, Nature – Your Heritage Foundation. They started their “great idea” in old, ruined gate tower... without electricity through last few months of living there - because of debts the owner of the monument decided to disconnect the electricity. It was difficult to have the office in the car – the only private place where they could recharge batteries for tools necessary to work. But even in such difficult situation they were able to find the first monument which needed help and which owner wanted their help. Abandoned, forgotten, ruined former evangelical church – which they called the Pearl. They thought: does the impossible even exist? Unfortunately, it was also the time when they were forced to find new place to live right before the Winter. For them and for furry Family - a bit smaller in this time. Maybe this new place can be called “home”? After all, “impossible doesn’t exist”, does it?
Was it the easy three years of life? No, but today she’s a bit grateful for that time, those problems, hardships. They’ve taught her a lot. To still searching, creating paths and never give up. Even when sometimes she’s been lost in deep, scary darkness.
To be continued. Maybe.
Photos which you can see show only small part of life, Family, work, quick sketches, first steps in self-portraits.
