Rape Pill

Dark club, lot of people, some nice stranger talk to you and buy you a drink. This is a movie scenario which almost everyone sees, when hear “rape pill”. I had the same idea about it, and as I am anti-social creature, don't go to such places, so it doesn't concern me. But reality isn’t a movie...

Phencyclidine (PCP), also known as “angel dust”, is a mind-altering drug that may lead to hallucinations (a profound distortion in a person’s perception of reality). It is considered a dissociative drug, leading to a distortion of sights, colors, sounds, self, and one's environment. PCP was developed in the 1950s as an intravenous anesthetic, but due to the serious neurotoxic side effects, its development for human medical use was discontinued.
We can distinguish 3 phases of intoxication:
(...) - Phase III, when the concentration of phencyclidine in the plasma exceeds 300 ng / ml, is characterized by no response to pain stimuli, increased saliva and secretions in the bronchi, the occurrence of vomiting, which often leads to the life-threatening aspiration of vomit. Pupils are dilated, eyes open, breathing irregularly with periods of apnea. Heart rate accelerates, blood pressure rises to life-threatening values, arrhythmia develops, generalized tonic-clonic convulsions appear and most often fatal.

Let me tell you my story... or at least part of it. For now.
Summer Solstice. This year. Nice closed place with huuuge bonfire. Small group of people, less than 20. People who knows each other, friends, couples... “Trustworthy company”. Wreaths, dances around the fire, laughter, drums, a bit of alcohol. I run barefoot around the fire a lot, happily felt the cold muddy ground under me. It was quite cold evening of the beginning of the Summer, so it was a bit strange that at some point I started to sweat extremely. Luckily one girl offered me to lend me one of her dresses. I went with her to inn, to change clothes, back to the fire and... I don’t remember anything more from that evening. Still have total black hole in my memory. I know only what witnesses told me and what I physically felt what was done to my body, but this part of the story I’ll leave for the future. Now I want to focus mainly on the drug’s effect.

I woke up 30 kilometers from there, in my own cottage, in my own bed. Very early morning. I lied in bed, staring through window, trying to find in my mind what happened the day before, how I came back home... I woke up one of two dear Spirits – my Soulmates – who was sleeping in my saloon. Was very surprised that I was feeling ok – almost everybody thought I drunk way too much during evening and this was the purpose of my whole extremely weird, not mine, behavior during last night. Some suspicions began to arise in us, and after consulting several sources, I decided to go to the hospital to undergo a drug test. I couldn't believe what had happened near the fire, but I also couldn't believe that anyone would drug me. Who? Why?It’s impossible! But... drug test showed phencyclidine – common used as a rape pill. My world, my believe in humans broke down at this very moment. It wasn’t easy decision but I decided to try the official path (even though I don’t believe that system works...), especially after talk with criminal policeman, who told me that it’s extremely common situation but victims don’t make tests, they’re afraid or they just don’t know because... “such things happen only in movies, yea?”. Or maybe they don’t want to believe, like me in the beginning? I want to speak about it, I want to shout about it! It’s horrible that such things might take place among the people I considered my “friends”. How horrible and awful human being is person, who does such things to others?!

Many people think that rape pill works like, for example, headache pill - you swallow, it works a while and that's it. Unfortunately, such drug doesn’t work only for one evening. Its side effects can last up to six months. Mental but also physical effects. During this six months I was on the edge many times. Sudden changes in mood – from wish to hide myself and never ever show myself again, to fury of a warrior. Very deep depression, escaping from every friendship with humans. There were days when I didn’t get out of bed, there were days when I threw out the guests who cared about me (who came for me up to 400 km...). Days when I stared for hours through the void, with my thoughts completely absents. But also days when I felt like world conqueror - then I often jumped into the creative process, which reminds me of my undamaged power - the power of my imagination.

But there were also days when my body had unimaginable physical problems. With visual acuity, balance, body temperature – it jumped from 35*C to 39*C, very low heart rate, shaking hands, inability to move... During this period, my Soul tried to leave my body twice. First time just after the meeting – as it was mentioned in the beginning of the story in the Phase III of intoxication description.

Why am I writing about it now? Not earlier?  For the sake of the investigation. And today, after half a year, some information made it possible for me to finally write about it. I’m writing my story because I want to aware society that it’s not always like in the movie... to teach society how harmful and dangerous can be such drug. To try to find the way of fight with phenomenon of the rape pill. To get it out of the taboo sphere. To bring culprits to justice.

Is my path over? Not yet. How will it end? I don’t know. But I know I will not give up. I didn't go through so much pain to retreat now. And maybe at some point I'll stop asking myself "Why me? What have I done so bad to this person, that I almost died poisoned?".

photo: Natasza Fiedotjew