Do I like my body?
Added 2020-10-22 19:31:08 +0000 UTCI’ve been thinking about such post for a very very long time, because many times I’ve been asked about my huge confidence and freedom of my body. Mainly girls and women seem to be sure that I’ve always been so. Well... the truth is completely different. For many years I had really hated my body. I have scoliosis which was diagnosed when I was 13 years old. It was so huge that doctors wanted to put me on operation table to input metals next to my spine to keep it in shape. Luckily they “only” put my body into a plastic prison – orthopaedic corset which I had to wore 23 hours per day. This nightmare lasted for over four years. During this time I was absolutely excluded from peers – for them I was disabled. “Terminator”, they called me. All of these things created enormous fury and hate to myself. Also to my body. Over the years I have gone through a very difficult struggle with self-esteem. Not only during the period of wearing the corset. It lasted for long long time after that. It was difficult mental fight and also physical. To really fix my spine. To have my back able to work. To move. To live without everyday pain. When I reached 18 years old I stopped listening to doctors and started listen to my body. To treat it on my own rules.
Somebody can say "Oh, it's just a body. Your soul is important!". I don't say it isn't. I don't say what is more important. But feeling good with our tool in which we live, might have a meaning. Sometimes quite big.
Now I can say that I’m truly confident with my body, even when I’m naked. I feel good with it, proud of it and free with it. And nothing will put it again into any kind of mental prison.
1. photo: Norbert
2. and 3. photo: KuRa
rest: self-portraits
