One Piece - Halfway Broken (40-43)
Added 2024-09-10 05:47:35 +0000 UTC*Update! Edits made as of 9/23/2024, based on typo corrections provided by The Foreign Traveler. Thanks Traveler!
Before anything else, a reminder! There is an important ongoing poll about...polls! Make sure you've read it and voted if you haven't already!
Whew! I thought I was going to get this out before midnight, but the editing took longer than I thought. Technically, I actually finished the writing late on the 8th, but I had several things to do on the 9th that meant I didn't get to the editing until the evening, and it drug on longer than expected. Mostly, it has to be said, because I had to keep double checking the spellings on Devil Fruits, locations, and names -_-.
Anyway! It's a solid 16,000 word update for the story! It covers their remaining time on Jaya, including some one-on-ones between Robin/Luffy and Hina/Luffy so we can begin building some more personality for them. Especially for Hina, since she wasn't shown all that often in canon. This set of chapters also covers their journey up the Knock Up Stream, and shows some reactions from various people elsewhere to the fact the Strawhats wrecked the Marines plan. Next time, it will be straight into the Skypiea arc!
As always the new chapters are attached here in various formats, and I'll be updating the Master Files in the Pinned Post shortly. I'll also be doing a bit of commentary in the comments a bit later...after I go get something to eat. I pushed like an hour past my normal late mealtime becuase I wanted to get the editing done -_-. Still, the commentary will likely be there by the time most of you finish reading.
Enjoy!
Comments
Yikes! I actually read this comment on my phone the day you made it, but then forgot about it -_-. Sorry! To be honest, I'm sort of...iffy on Enel's Fruit specifically. The Fruit is powerful enough to not want anyone else to have, but doesn't really fit anyone on the crew. Not to mention being sort of doubling up on Luffy's, in a way. I admit I'd never considered the idea of absorbing it as a powerup, but I'm not sure that really fits with the lore I've established for DFs in this story. Since the makers/collectors of the set wouldn't want to reduce the number of people they could teach with them. More likely, they'll either store it somewhere, trade it to Skepiea so that is stays AWAY from WG territory, or sell/trade it to another group they trust for something else of value. I'm not quite sure which, yet.
Novus Peregrine
2024-09-22 10:01:10 +0000 UTCAh! Sorry for missing this! Thanks for the corrections. I'm currently finishing up Displaced Hero :-p, but I'll get to fixing these as soon as I can spare a moment. And yes, proofreading is perhaps the most awful part of writing T-T...
Novus Peregrine
2024-09-21 12:18:57 +0000 UTCHey Novus! Here to help you out like I promised I would when it comes to your early release chapters here on Patreon! How I'll be doing this is that I'll be writing down the sentence I'm proof reading is and then the edit below it. I'll also be putting down the Chapter and Page it's on so you don't have to go hunt for it. Now then! Let's get to brass tacks! (Reading from the PDF if that helps you): One Piece: HB Chapter 40, Page 1. Only they and Monte Blanc Cricket could tell "his" and his crew when and where the next Knock Up Stream would happen Edit: Could tell "him" and his crew. On stepping "instead", the smaller building proved to be an outright medical facility. Edit: On stepping "inside". The sort of stuff you might see stocked "buy" any sane crew that could lay hands on them. Edit: Stocked "by" any sane crew Page 4: "Nope, bro! You're still healing the seastone bullet wound. Even as a Logia, you'll need another few hours to heal that up." Edit: You're still healing "from" the seastone bullet wound. Even as a Logia, you'll need another few hours "to recover from that." Page 5: But that hadn't kept him from getting chew out my Marco, who had apparently taken a hunter group to Fishman Island and had just been waiting for Ace to report in on Blackbeard's movements. Edit: "Chewed" out "by" Marco. ,which turned out to actually be just over 11 days out by "Mont" Blanc Cricket's best estimates. Edit: Monte One Piece: HB Chapter 41, Page 6 For now, however, it was all over but the waiting, and Luffy was determined to use their remaining 6 days... Edit: For now, however, all but the waiting was over, and Luffy was... Page 7: After explaining that "be" believed a particularly powerful Knock Up Stream had "destroyed" part of the island... Edit: After explaining that "he" believed... Page 8: Not impossible. But, at the level of control he'd possessed at the time he'd made the attempt, also not particularly practical. Edit: Not impossible but, at the level of control he'd possessed... Page 9: He'd better tell her the good news before "he" decided feminine wrath was justified for making her hair poof out... Edit: before "she" decided Feminine Wrath was justified.... (Up to you whether or not the F and W stay lowercased. I just personally thought it deserved to be uppercased given how (in)famous those two words are across the Multi-verse.) ;) Page 10: He'd already known radar existed, and more or less how it worked, which made had such claim feel much like it was misplaced. Edit: which had made such a claim feel like it was misplaced That made it a less favored move in combat compared "the to" sword he'd spent a decade with, rendering the admittingly cool plasma dagger "is more of a party trick". Edit: compared "to the" sword... Edit 2: the admittingly cool plasma dagger more like a party trick. A quick grin shot toward Robin was "answer" by an amused by appreciative smile. Edit: Toward Robin was "answered" by Page 11: "If you can confirm this is island where Shandora was... Edit: If you can confirm this island is where Shandora was... Page 14: "Purists. Hina has met them before, Though Hina has met others who didn't care, too." Edit: didn't care too. Page 15: Though it wasn't doing his self control a lot of good, given what it was "going" to her "assets..." Edit: given what it was "doing" to her "assets..." Page 17: That later, by the by, is among the only known cases of a Devil Fruit producing water. Edit: Which, by the by, makes it among the only known cases of a... One Piece: HB Chapter 42, Page 22 Ship Sense 4: An "ninvaluable" ability for keeping your only means... Edit: An "invaluable" ability Page 25: Normally, Luffy was virtually certain that lightning-to-lightning, Enel's fruit would "over power Luffy's" own. Possibly, just possibly, Luffy's full ball-lightning form might make "in" an even competition. Edit: would "overpower his" own. Edit 2: might make "it" an even competition. One Piece: HB Chapter 43, Page 28 Now, Mr. Cockreel, you are going to explain to "be" why my daughter, the heir of the Alabasta Kingdom... Edit: explain to "me" Page 29: "We'll need to accelerate certain plans, then." Edit: certain plans then Page 30: With Kaidou the being the inverse, a technically more numerous fleet... Edit: With Kaidou being the inverse... *Huff* Whew! Finally done! Jeez, proofreading is more tiring then I thought It'd be! Before I end the longest comment I've ever left for a story though, I want to point out one last thing. Unless I missed it, I don't think you've shown us readers a stat sheet of Chopper. Everyone but him in the crew has had their stats and skills shown at some point. Was this on purpose or did I just miss it? Seems I have to go back and reread HB again to see... Anyway, love your stories Novus! Keep up the good work! Now I have to go and review your other stories but that's for later!
The Foreign Traveler
2024-09-19 02:19:41 +0000 UTCBTW what is your plan for Enel's fruit? It will be cool to Luffy absorb it to his fruit or it to be like two pieces of one power...
Emir Güven
2024-09-18 21:57:36 +0000 UTC*shrug* Sure, but could he do that right after getting released from prolonged contact with Seastone, being half starved and likely still somewhat injured from being captured? I can absolutely see Ace at full power blue shifting his flames. But in the horribly weakened state he was during the War of the Best? No, him getting ganked there doesn't really bother me. He was weakened pretty badly AND didn't see it coming. If it was a serious one vs one between him and magma man with both at peak condition, I'd expect it to be far harder for psycho lava fist to pull off.
Novus Peregrine
2024-09-18 02:25:25 +0000 UTCHe may not be burning dicyanoacetylene but he is burning what I can only infer is spirit power which I can only assume is a much better accelerant. Again though as I said if Ace is over reliant on his DF it makes no sense that he can't achieve a more pure combustion to gain hotter fire thus blue shifting. Even possibly getting to violet fire which is a pure combustion reaching heat levels of 3k
Jon
2024-09-16 23:27:54 +0000 UTC*waggles hand in a so-so motion* The problem with that temperature comparison is I don't think we ever see Ace using anything but red fire. Which caps out at just over 2000 degrees Fahrenheit. After that it starts blue shifting, until ultimately ending up white. Even then, white actually caps out at 2,730 degrees unless you're burning some sort of accelerant. The 9k figure is under insanely specific circumstances, burning dicyanoacetylene as an accelerant IN ozone. Which makes Odo's consideration of Magma/Lava being hotter actually somewhat accurate. Ace obviously didn't have access to any sort of accelerant right then and there.
Novus Peregrine
2024-09-16 23:09:51 +0000 UTC👍. I have always had a problem with Akainu being able to burn a hole into Ace. Even if we say he is weaker in Haki due to over-reliance on his DF then that means he should 100% be able to burn hotter than magma, as magma has a peak burning point of 2.9k°f. The hottest fire recorded on Earth got to 9k°f. These are without supernatural elements but that just mean fire would still be hotter
Jon
2024-09-16 19:20:13 +0000 UTCGreat chapters, things are progressing really well and the butterfly is going in an interesting direction; seems like the WG might target another 'son' of Whitebeard like Marco, or Blackbeard if they have another monumental screwup due to bad information. xD
Ototsu_Yume
2024-09-11 01:22:47 +0000 UTCGreat chapter loving the butterfly effects already happening in jaya looking forward to seeing how skypea will be different , also cant wait to see garps reaction to what the marines have done about luffy
Jamie Celtic
2024-09-10 18:50:49 +0000 UTCLooking forward to upgrades for ship and wepons for crew after skypia 😜
Emir Güven
2024-09-10 10:29:06 +0000 UTCI admit, I'm looking forward to doing the Skypiea arc :-p. I was a little annoyed I didn't quite get there this time. But I think everything I did included was needed.
Novus Peregrine
2024-09-10 07:32:54 +0000 UTCThe map is part of his System, not his Skills. He got access to it back in the East Blue, but almost never used it since all it did was give him a chart of everywhere he'd been. Previously, it's only real use was to show nearby Karmic Events, which is another system that doesn't show on the stat sheet since it's not a skill, but a menu/system.
Novus Peregrine
2024-09-10 07:31:51 +0000 UTCChapter 43: A/N: So, the more and more I look at Alabasta, the more I wonder how the fuck it didn't have more sway than it did in canon. Its army size is seriously broken versus basically anyone else. The various Yonko can each only count on a few tens of thousands of troops, most of whom aren't anything special. Alabasta has like 700,000+. It's also a Grand Line army, so there's zero chance those are all regular mook-level troops like you'd see in the Blues. Most likely, the various officer levels in the Alabastian army are actually somewhat dangerous to at least their similarly ranked counterparts in the Marines. Particularly since Alabasta's military tradition came out of being one of the 20 countries that founded the WG. It's also highly plausible they have more DFs among their officers. We only see two zoans because they were part of the royal guard. But...there could easily be more among the army itself. It's not like DFs are hard to come by on the Grand Line. So, beef that army up with some additional Devil Fruits and a Navy? Not even the WG is going to be able to causally smack them down without bleeding a LOT as a cost. As such, I've dubbed this version of Alabasta the 'Fuck Around and Find Out' country. The WG is going to regret pissing them off. A lot.
Novus Peregrine
2024-09-10 07:29:07 +0000 UTCChapter 42: A/N 1: Fun fact...chapter 43 was originally chapter 42. I pushed it back because I absolutely could not pass up the Douglas Adam reference that is the title of this chapter. It fit too perfectly with the Knock Up Stream shenanigans. A/N 2: I can practically hear the 'Ugh, a stat sheet,' groans from people. I've done well, I think, in keeping those down to a dull roar. This one, I explicitly included in full to show something important though. Specifically? How drastically Luffy's power gain has slowed down. Since entering the Grand Line, he's only gotten a single level, which was mostly on the back of his fight with Croc. This is, in part, why I wasn't too worried about his early strength. At this point, he NEEDS strong opponents to hone himself against. Training still gets him very slow gains since it crew are strong enough to spar with, but he's only really going to jump up in power when he hits serious opponents. This isn't God Mode Luffy. It's simply a Luffy that is strong enough to legitimately tackle the shit that happened in canon, without leaning on Shounen Protagonist Plot Armor for almost literally everything... A/N 3: My interpretation of how the Knock Up Stream works might well be wrong. But it's the one that makes the most sense to me. The way that they used it in canon now only has some major physics issues (which, okay, its anime, so that's normal)...but also doesn't explain how Upper Yard got up to Skepiea with some of Shandora's people ALIVE.
Novus Peregrine
2024-09-10 07:20:47 +0000 UTCHoly crap!! I love it!! I can't wait to see what will happen in Skypea and what the Marines will do now!
Érica C. Assunção
2024-09-10 07:13:21 +0000 UTCChapter 41: A/N 1: So, Luffy's issue with duplicating Radar orginally was that he just didn't understand the basic principles well enough. He did get somewhere, but ultimately dropped the idea. I thought this was a good point to bring up something like it, though. Both to show the limits of his Devil Fruit a bit, how learning new tricks can impact his System, and how he's gotten better at fine control. A/N 2: I remembered the Fruit Locator this time! Buttttt that actually complicated things? I'm going to admit right now that I apparently screwed up earlier in the story. I hadn't realized that, apparently, Doc Q didn't have his DF until Blackbeard and Co went Devil Fruit hunting. I already had it mentioned that he used it in Drum...and only realized the error when I was looking more deeply into the Fruit this time. This also, frankly, doesn't make any sense to me, since he was already pulling the poison apple thing at Jaya in canon? Likewise, he's so physically weak, that I can't find a single reason Teach would take him along without the Devil Fruit. As a result, after realizing I fucked up, I said 'screw it, I'm retconning this!' In this version of One Piece, at least, Doc Q already had his fruit at this point. Likewise, Stronger (his horse)...we actually don't know when it ate the Pegasus Fruit. The wiki says 'probably when they hunted down Devil Fruits' but there's literally zero evidence it didn't have it all along. It could, in fact, be the justification for why Blackbeard tolerated Doc Q if his HORSE had a mythical devil fruit. Ergo, I also said 'Fuck it! Stronger also had his Fruit!' Which left me needing to figure out what they would do with them, and what powers a Pegasus Fruit in the hands of something more intelligent than a horse would do. When I looked up the possible powers a Pegasus might have, including possible weather manipulation in some versions? Yeah, that screamed 'oh, hey, Nami's going to want that. Badly.' As for Kaya and the Sick-Sick Fruit? Well, I went over that pretty well in the chapter. When I actually looked into what the fruit can do, I immediately realized someone with even half a brain worth of smarts could VERY EASILY warp that thing into a Heal/Buff fruit. And giving Kaya something she has to be Creative in using that way appealed to me more than just straight giving her something like the Heal-Heal Fruit. So...yeah. I admit I sort of hesitated to introduce two rapid powerups like that, but I decided to go with it. Particularly as neither Nami nor Kaya are really main combatants by choice, so it shouldn't screw up the balance of the story TO much...I hope.
Novus Peregrine
2024-09-10 07:12:21 +0000 UTCThe map wasn’t brought up for review at all in these chapters, and isn’t showed in his skills at all
Matthew Robar
2024-09-10 07:06:23 +0000 UTCChapter 40: A/N: So, I'm absolutely not the only fanfic author who has wanted to smack Ace upside the head. I've read a couple of other fics that pointed out that a freaking Whitebeard Division Commander should not have been running around Paradise solo. He's supposed to be a Commander, not a dense hothead that runs off on solo away missions for months because he got his rage on. Thatch wasn't even part of his Division! Thankfully, I got the satisfaction of having Luffy make him feel stupid, so at least there is that.
Novus Peregrine
2024-09-10 06:55:49 +0000 UTCThe comments nested under this comment contain Author's Notes/Commentary for each of the new chapters. It's highly recommended you read the chapters first, as they will contain spoilers!
Novus Peregrine
2024-09-10 06:51:37 +0000 UTC
