Stupid Sexy Cryptids: [159-162]

159: Good Vibes

"Food quest time!" Sage announced.

“Um. Dream food won’t actually fill our stomachs,” I pointed out. “What’s even the point of eating in this place? Also, why do I even feel hungry or tired from walking in a dream?”

“Maximum realism, bruh. The food here fills souls with joy of shared experiences!” she stated and pulled off her cardboard cube helmet to reveal her human face underneath.

Red hair cascaded down her shoulders like liquid fire, catching brilliant light that didn’t exist beneath the blue-ish tinted halogen lights of the convection center. For a moment I was lost in her perfect smile and blue eyes so deep they looked like windows into another dimension. The Skinwalker’s face carried the warmth of a thousand sunrises and some deep primal urgency screamed that I should fall to my knees and devote the rest of my existence to the fox-goddess.

I blinked hard, swaying momentarily and then as before, let Sage’s allure sink into the frontend of my mind while my backend remained unaffected. 

Laika and Galateya stared. Nexxali's pupils dilated to full moons. Even Shady seemed momentarily transfixed before shaking herself like a wet dog.

"Put a lid on it, skinny," Shady growled, having regained her wits faster than the other girls. "You're distracting the mortals."

"S’ good practice before you meet the real me," Sage’s beauty-tsunami wave went down a notch to merely stunning, face foxing up, snout lengthening. “N’ways, there's a bubble tea place ‘round the corner. My treat!”

“You… you’re very pretty,” Laika let out, tail wagging. “The prettiest… person I’ve seen. Ever.”

“Das’ how we Skinwalkers roll, ye,” Sage replied. 

“This place isn't a dream,” Shady commented, clawed hand firmly entwined with mine as we began walking across the convection hall to the aforementioned bubble tea shop, “it smells too solid, the details are too sharp, there's no smudged faces, no wobbly edges anywhere.”

“S’ not a dream, ye,” Sage agreed, “it's a Yesterweave construct, a magical matrix powered by the memories of fourteen k foxes. More souls equals greater realism.”

“Hrm. It must be tough to do magic of this magnitude in this dimension,” Nexxali commented.

“Eh, it would be, but I’m a local-born girl,” Sage shrugged. “If you focus a Yesterweave hex through the Astral with enough souls, you get Star Trek style holo-deck vibes! Full immersion!”

“And these nerds behave too realistically,” Shady added, looking at the crowd around us. “Like they're all actually… alive. I can sense their thoughts, discern separate… feelings from each one.”

“‘Das cus they are alive! Fox souls masquerading as humans,” Sage explained. “The skulk likes to play. They think it's a cute game, sort of like play-hunting with particular roles and rules.”

“So the lady who sold me the plushie…” I voiced.

“That was Gage,” Sage said. “One of my clever skulk cuties!”

“Could you put your fox-souls into gun units, give them bodies?” I considered. “Would that make them more effective helpers in the physical world?”

“Perhaps,” Sage replied. “I’d have do some serious artificery on the aforementioned gun unit tho’. I’m excellent at Astral stuff but not great at physical permanence. That is, I can fuck up a particular location or dimensionally skewer an object or software, but not produce mobile physicality. I’m an Infinity-Entropy type mage. Teya here is Syntropy-aligned,” the fox girl squeezed Galateya, making her blush slightly. “She could do great permanent magic if she pushes herself to develop more!”

“What level are you anyway?” Shady asked.

“Don’t know,” Sage shrugged. “Numeric particularity gets iffy the more infinite-entropic you get. I very much doubt that a Lazarus bracelet would even be able to connect to me properly or tabulate me on the account that I’m a network of souls that’s constantly in motion. A Frontenachii incarnator well is pretty much useless to me, but thankfully I’m naturally immortal.”

Shady made a bothered face which probably meant that she was jealous of Sage.

“Aight,” Shady's figure wobbled, rapidly darkening and unfolding in every direction, jet-black feathers with iridescent edges populating her head, antlers rising upwards and a tail sprouting from her spine. “I'll be myself too then.”

Laika made a spooked dog yelp, hiding behind Sage.

"Relax, doggo," Sage laughed, reaching out to smoosh Laika in a hug. "Shades looks like a Tom Burton character had a baby with a lawnmower, but she’s nice."

Shady loomed over us, like a basketball player of star-dusted abyss, antlers nearly scraping the halogen fixtures. A few nearby fox-soul-cosplayers scattered away from us as the lights overhead flickered and dimmed ever so slightly in her vicinity, casting unnerving shadows.

"I’m Starshade," Shady said to the cowering dog, showing all of her shark-like teeth. "A Wendigo Omnid Firstborn, the Frontenachii Empire’s Crown Princess and this pack’s founder. I am also this nerd’s best friend and his Prima-fiancée,” She pointed a blade-claw at me. "If you cause problems or betray our pack, I WILL eat your soul. Is that understood?”

"She means welcome," I translated.

"I said what I said," Shady corrected.

Laika cautiously peered around Sage's side. "You are very… big and scary and smell… very dangerous.”

“I am incredibly dangerous to my enemies, yes.” Shady snapped her blade-claws. “I liberated your soul from its binding, so I expect you to behave respectfully and no… pawing at my Ashy without my permission. Is that understood?”

Laika nodded rapidly.

Galateya stepped closer to Laika and offered the trembling pupper her hand. "Ignore her. She feeds on fear and enjoys making people uncomfortable.”

“S’ a medical condition." Sage giggled.

"It is NOT a medical condition!" Shady huffed.

"It should be," Galateya huffed back in the same tone.

"Come on, y’all, no need to fight while standin’ roun', bubble tea awaits,” Sage chirped, seemingly unaffected by the terror-inducing radiance pouring from Shady that made my heart beat far too rapidly.

The fox-souls playing convention-goers parted for us like the Red Sea, some of them snapping photos, others giving enthusiastic thumbs-ups as if our group was the best cosplay ensemble they had ever seen.

"They think we're in costumes… right?" Laika whispered to Sage.

"They think many cute fox thoughts," Sage whispered back. “The Yesterweave smooshes them into character particularities, gives them experience, helps ‘em grow!” 

We pushed through the glass doors of the convention center into the late afternoon air. Seattle stretched around us in watercolor detail, the skyline rendered with the hyper-real clarity of fourteen thousand fox memories stacked on top of each other. The Space Needle stood in the distance, a little too sharp against the clouds, the colors a pitch too saturated and warm, almost like we were in a Technicolor Wizard of Oz film.

It was easier to focus on distant objects too.

I realized that the city didn’t sound like the usual muted din. Each sound was separate, clear… as if part of a massive orchestra where I could discern separate instruments at will.

The road smelled of wet asphalt and gas, carrying faint, but separate scents from passing cars. Even the smells in the Yesterweave were stronger, more sharp. I supposed such made sense if thousands of foxes were weaving a gargantuan 5-sense holodeck-style composition.

"There," Sage pointed down the block. A small café sat wedged between a vintage record shop and a store selling self-help books, crystals and incense. The sign above the door read "BOBBAW TEA" in hand-painted letters. 

The interior of Bubble Tea was small, warm, and aggressively cozy. We crammed into a corner booth clearly designed for five people. Six of us fit only because Shady solved the spatial problem by pulling me onto her lap and refusing to negotiate.

"Shady, I can sit in my own chair." I voiced.

"You can, but won't." She wrapped both arms around my torso and rested her skull-chin on top of my head, antlers creating a bone canopy above us that made the light falling on me more eerie-blue-green tinted. "I have not had enough Ashy-time today. Everyone else got Ashy-time. I'm falling behind quota."

“You’ve me-quotas?” I asked.

“I believe I’ve already clarified my position,” Shady commented. “I came here to have a chillaxing time with my bestie and all I’ve been doing is friggin’ work, work, work. This is not an acceptable development. Tomorrow you’re coming… home and you and I are spending the day together. Maybe more than a day. As long as I need to feel less shit basically.”

“I…” I opened my mouth, about to clarify all of the alien armada and dungeon problems looming above my Earth like a sword of Damocles. 

“No,” she squished me. “I need this, Ashy. I’m full of entropy and coming apart at the seams.”

“And I can help with this, how?” I asked. “I’m just a human, not a magical whatever doctor you need to be less entropic.”

“Your value is exactly that,” Shady said. “You’re my human, a magically null-zero. An anchor that grounds me to my past, healthy self. When we spent the three summers together I felt… happy. Happier, more stable than I’ve ever been. Blanket forts and stick swords and you teaching me so many silly, human things.”

“Is there no Syntropy-increasing potion or something?” I asked Nexxali.

“Not really,” the Serval replied from our left side. “Syntropy is a personal thing for every Fractal Engine heart, you can’t just force it in as a drink Phoenix-tears style. Shades will gradually heal on her own by nomming stuff, she’s a Wendigo. We should make her a hoard to accelerate this process.”

“Yass, hoard me up some noms.” Shady affirmed. “You all are slacking on bringing me tribute.”

“I'll make you nice artifacts to lick,” Sage offered.

“Fine,” I accepted my fate as Shady’s lap warmer.

"Tomorrow," the Wendigo stated, tightening her grip, "you and me. Couch. Snacks. Movies. Zero aliens, zero invasions, zero foxes making lewd advances on your person.”

"I heard that," Sage called out from across the table.

"You were meant to," Shady replied.

“Joke’s on her, I’m gonna make advances towards her,” Nexxali cackle-whispered at Teya who rolled her eyes.

A fox-soul barista materialized at our table. She was short, round-cheeked, wearing an apron embroidered with tiny pawprints and a nametag reading "CLEMENTINE." She held a notepad and a pen shaped like a carrot.

"Welcome to Bobbaw Tea! Now, what can I get for the spookiest table I've ever served?"

"What's bubble tea?" Laika asked, studying the colorful menu board with intense canine focus, nose twitching at each listed flavor.

"Flavored tea with chewy tapioca balls at the bottom," I explained from my perch on Shady's lap. "You suck them up through a fat straw. They're like these, uhh, little gummy spheres."

"Gummy spheres," Laika repeated, tail beginning its slow metronome wag. "The local humans put gummy spheres inside drinks on purpose?"

"We put gummy spheres in everything," Sage said proudly. 

“We?” Laika repeated.

“I’ve got a human soul rattling in me,” Sage tapped her chest. “Therefore am human… ish! N’ways, humanity is a species of unhinged snack innovators. We deep fry butter, wrap cheese in more cheese. We created the turducken!"

"The what?" Nexxali's ears rotated forward.

"A turkey stuffed with a duck stuffed with a chicken," I said.

The Serval's golden eyes widened. "You stuff birds inside birds inside birds?"

"And then we eat it for a holiday," I confirmed.

"This Earth," Nexxali chortled, "is truly the most glorious place I have ever invaded. I want seventeen of these turducken things. Immediately."

"We're getting bubble tea right now, catio," Sage laughed. 

"I want bubble tea AND turducken,” Serval insisted. “Make it happen, fox.”

"This is a memory of a very specific bubble tea shop,” the Skinwalker pointed out. “To summon things into it which don't correlate to the menu breaks the fourth wall.”

"I want bubble tea with turducken flavor!” Nexxali insisted.

“How about I take you on a date in the real to a place that sells turducken?” Sage wiggled her eyebrows.

The Serval pursed her lips, considering the proposal.

160: Bobba

"Moving on," I said as Nexxali and Sage began whisper-chatting to each other with conspiratorial looks. "Laika, I suggest you pick something fruity if you're overwhelmed. Mango is safe."

"Mango," Laika repeated, "what does mango taste like?"

"Sunshine in fruit form," Sage explained jovially. "Tropical. Sweet. A little tangy. Like a hug from a tropical beach."

"Beaches don't hug," Galateya commented, studying the menu with the focused intensity of a university student preparing for a final exam.

"They hug your feet," Sage countered.

"Sand is an abrasive mineral aggregate. It does the opposite of hugging."

"You're thinking about this too hard, T-buns."

"I am thinking about it the correct amount. Sand is a grinding agent."

The fox-soul barista waited patiently, pen poised.

“Strawberry classic for moi,” Sage declared. “And for the Wendigo and her adorkable hostage..."

"Boyfriend,” I stated.

“Fiancé,” Shady corrected at exactly the same time.

“I'll have… green apple green tea with extra boba," I said. “Shades?”

"Something… black," Shady stated, not even looking at the menu, mostly dedicated to smooshing me and probably death-glaring at everyone who dared to look my way.

"We have charcoal latte with black sesame boba!" Clementine offered.

"Is it actually charcoal?" Shady considered.

"Activated charcoal!"

“I'll take four of the biggest size cups.” Shady stated dismissively.

"I will have the matcha with coconut milk," Galateya read from the menu. "And the tapioca pearls on the side, please. Separately. In a small dish."

"You want your boba on the side?" Clementine asked.

"I wish to… examine my food before consuming it."

Sage leaned over and loudly stage-whispered to Clementine: "She's new to Earth. Roll with it."

"I want the…" Nexxali announced dramatically, pointing at a menu item labeled "MEGA BOBA SUPREME - 32oz." The description listed seven flavors of boba, three types of jelly, and a tiny paper umbrella. "With extra everything. All the spheres you have. Every single sphere and cube! I see there’s cube options!”

"...All of them?" Clementine asked.

"Every jelly-shape, yes!"

"Right then. And for you?" Clementine turned to Laika.

"And, uhm," Laika said very shyly. "The... mango one? Please?"

"Mango milk tea with regular boba! Got it." Clementine beamed and bounced away.

Sage pulled out her phone, which was absolutely covered in fox stickers. "Photo time!”

“Considering that we’re in a dream, what’s even the point of photos?” I asked.

“Bro, stop thinking like a dry potato,” Sage rolled her blue eyes at me. “The foxes are going to send the pics to an Astral receiver artifact connected to a printer that’ll print the photo. I design all of my sexy shirts at night in the Yesterweave. When we wake up we’ll have these pics IRL that I can pin to me wall and cover ‘em in heart stickers n’ fox runes.”

“Ah,” I said. “Well then, consider me impressed.”

“Damn right, I’m impressive,” Sage boobed. “Everyone scrunch!"

"I'm not scrunching," Shady announced.

"You're already scrunching Ash into your ribcage," Nexxali pointed out.

"He's comfortable."

"I'm losing circulation in my left arm," I reported.

"Acceptable casualties." Shady stated. She released me slightly and then grabbed and wiggled and started to knead my left arm.

Sage held the phone at arm's length and turned it sideways, angling for maximum group coverage as she leaned out of the booth. "Okay! Scary faces! Galateya, try scary."

Galateya furrowed her brow very slightly.

"Terrifying," Sage deadpanned. "You look like a librarian who found an overdue book. Laika! Scary!"

Laika bared her teeth in what was clearly meant to be a snarl. She looked like a puppy who'd been told "no" about a sock.

"Perfect. Nexxy?"

Nexxali yawned, showing her full set of Serval fangs. Her eyes remained half closed as she leaned against me and Shady. "I'm scary."

"You look sleepy."

"Sleepy me IS scary. Ask anyone who's woken me from a nap. They don’t survive the experience."

"Shady?"

Shady didn't change her expression at all on the screen. She simply existed. As she was. Looming above me like a gigantic, black, fuzzy, antlered tarantula.

"Ten outta ten, would flee screaming," Sage approved and snapped the photo. "Aight, now wholesome faces!"

"No." Shady said.

Nexxali offered a languid thumbs up.

Galateya produced a soft smile.

Laika smiled and wagged her tail extra-hard.

Judging by the view displayed on Sage’s screen, I looked exhausted, which was a bit silly considering I was asleep right now.

Why did I look exhausted in my own dream? Then again, this was a memory of a year ago me struggling with insomnia due to the meds I was taking that kept my dreams nightmare-free.

Nightmare free dreams… 

Did Shady leave a piece of herself in my dreams? Hrm.

Sage took seven more photos in rapid succession, each with different demands. "Duck lips! Blue Steel! Prom photo! Existential dread! Now, everyone point at Ash!"

Fingers, claws, and paws pointed at me from various angles.

"Why the me pointery?" I wondered idly, partially distracted with my dream-ponderings.

"Because you're the main character here, bruh," Sage said, as if explaining gravity to a toddler. "The MC gets pointed at. It's narrative law!"

“Narrative, law, huh?” I asked, raising an eyebrow. “What’s my story about then? And who’s writing it?”

Sage pursed her lips. “You ask too many questions, mister. Also, the more answers I provide the more the fourth wall wobbles.”

I chortled. “So, you know the answers then?”

“Yes. For within this juicy Yesterweave fold,” Sage grinned, dramatically wiggling her rainbow-nails. “I’m the narrator and waifu number four. Tun tun tun.”

“Why aren’t you the main character of your weave-thing?” I demanded. 

“I’m the main character in other stories,” she replied. “Can’t be the main character everywhere at the same time, bruh! That’d get boring.” 

“What other stories?” I asked.

“As suggested by simple mathematical probability, there are a lot of stories playing out across the Omniverse.” Sage stated with a cheeky grin. “With lots of cute foxes. Whenever you see a fox, that’s me. Is an easy Easter egg. Wink wink nudge nudge.”

“Is that a technical term?” I asked, amused by her chattering. “Why not just ‘multiverse’?”

“The Omniverse is a finite boundary universe network linked by mothman Omnid gates and V-cast radios,” Sage replied. "Duh!"

“Uh-huh.”

The drinks arrived on a tray carried by the barista. 

Laika received her mango tea and held it with both paws, intently studying the orange liquid and the dark spheres settled at the bottom through the clear plastic.

"Do I... eat the spheres or drink around them?" she asked.

"Both," I said. "You suck them up through the straw. It takes some practice."

Laika positioned the fat straw between her canine teeth and took a tentative pull.

Her eyes went massive. Her ears shot straight up. Her tail became a blur.

"Mfph!" She chewed the boba, cheeks working. She swallowed. "There are MORE of them in here!"

"Many more," I confirmed.

"It's like a treasure hunt in a cup!" She took another enthusiastic pull, cheeks puffing with captured boba. "Mmm! Mm mm mmph!"

"Slow down," Galateya cautioned. "You'll choke."

"Mrrph!" Laika protested through a mouthful of tapioca.

Galateya admired her tapioca on the small side dish. She picked one up between two fingers, held it to the light, rotated it this and that way, and then placed it delicately on her slightly-longer than human tongue.

She chewed once. Twice. A third time with curious deliberation.

"The texture is..." she paused, searching for the precise word. "Gelatinous. With a slight resistance at the center. The flavor profile is… primarily starch with a faint sweetness."

"Are you performing an autopsy on a tapioca ball?" Sage observed. "Drink your boba properly, dragon-bun. Is better in the drink."

"I am… evaluating the boba," Teya shrugged, dropping a single bobba into her tea and then sucking it out with a straw. “And judging whether it is better inside the drink or outside it.”

Nexxali had already consumed a third of her Mega Boba Supreme. She held the enormous cup like a chalice, sipping with the languid satisfaction of a queen at a wine tasting. The striped tail swayed behind her in slow, contented arcs, swatting my left side.

"This," Nexxali declared, tapping the cup with a claw, "is better than three quarters of the food I've eaten in twenty years of military service."

"What was the other quarter?" I asked.

"Fresh and un-seasoned UwU." She took another long draw. "These spheres are like little pockets of joy exploding in your mouth. Like... like tiny, edible hopes. Mmmmm."

“Who even seasons the UwUs?” I asked. “Aren’t they supposed to taste whatever you want them to taste?”

“Not entirely. The Corpse Seekers season the UwUs… and they season themselves by rolling around the dragonheart reactor,” Nexxali clarified. “The problem is that in dimensions flavored with too much entropy or too many dungeons, they often don’t taste as you want them to. The nearest dungeon radiance infects the flavour of mana drawn in by the reactor, skewering the UwUs towards some gross-edge particularity. Like yeah, an UwU would taste like your favorite food, sure, but also gets spiced with shit like… Metal, stone or whatever random ass conceptual alignment the nearby dungeon projects into the Astral.”

Shady reached around me with one long arm, snagged the first cup of her drinks, and took a sip through the straw. I felt her jaw working against the top of my head as she chewed the black sesame boba.

"Adequate," she pronounced.

"Such praises," Nexxali chuckled.

"Do you enjoy it or is it merely adequate?" Galateya pressed.

Shady took another sip. Then another. Then drained half the cup in one pull.

"It's adequate," she repeated, voice slightly strained.

"She likes it," I translated.

"No."

"Your tail is wagging." I pointed out.

"Wendigo tails do not wag. They sway with menacing intent."

"It's wagging, Shades."

Her iridescent-edge, black feather-tipped tail froze mid-swing and then swatted me. "I will bite your ear off."

“Promises, promises,” I smiled, recalling a far smaller antler-less shady threatening to bite off my various body parts but never quite delivering on such promises. Her long, wet tongue ticked the top of my ear making me shudder ever so slightly.

Galateya dumped the rest of her bobas into her tea and began sipping it normally. “Thank you for taking us here, Sanguine.”

“Welcomeses!” the fox bobbed.

“Hey Teya,” I said. “Did you eat UwUs in the time bubble too then?”

“No,” she said. “The time bubbles don’t have dragonheart reactor cores.”

“What do they have for food then?” I wondered.

“They have a central… feeding tree that produces… flesh fruit.” She frowned slightly. “Approximately every six hours a fruit falls to the ground, and… cracks open, releasing flesh-spider seeds. They scatter and require chasing, killing and… devouring. They provide… meager experience points and gradual level growth. The Frontenachii spawnlings generally emerge from within their bubble with Level twenty core skills.”

“Lemme guess,” Nexxali commented. “You didn’t make it to twenty?”

“No,” Galateya sighed, lowering her eyes. “I did not. I am far behind my sisters and… I have no idea if it’s even possible to level up on a linear world.”

“No fret T-bun!” Sage petted the dragon. “We’ll get you many magical things to eat! You’ll level up in no time at all with mah fantastique foxxyrrific guidance!”

Laika graduated from cautious sipping to full commitment. Orange mango residue stained the fur around her muzzle. She held the cup with both paws, tail maintaining its frantic metronome pace against the booth cushion.

"This is the best thing I've ever consumed," she announced between pulls. "Better than steam-vent-heated snow. Better than dumpster bread. Better than the piroshki! Mmmmm."

“It is… rather nice,” Galateya agreed.

“Jeez we gotta up deze sheltered standards ASAP,” Sage sighed. “Who’s for upping Laika and Teya’s terrible standards? Raise your pawses or feetses.”

Everyone raised their hands. Even Shady.

Sage raised a zentai-suit-covered foot in the air, cat-about-to-lick itself style and wiggled her toes. It looked ridiculous and also needlessly hot.

“The votes are in,” Sage stated with a fake-serious expression. “The motion carries. The dog and dragon will be taken to the best nom-places our Earth can offer and immersed in the wonders of our culture.”

“Can I be immersed in human nom-wonders too?” Nexxali asked.

“Yes. Nom wonder magic fox-bus ride for everyone except Shadi-o n’ A-man,” Sage pointed a finger at me and Shady. “For these two introverted nerds desire privacies to make out in a dark closet all day long!” The fox bubbled into cheeky giggling at her own commentary.

“Oi,” Shady growled. “Do you want your face chewed off? Which part of me is nerdy?”

“The part that loves 90s monster movies,” I commented. “And board games. And…”

Shady’s paw covered my mouth. She was probably making an embarrassed-bothered face above me because Laika, Sage and Nexxali laughed. 

"You have a nice laugh, Laika," Galateya said softly.

"I... thank you?" Laika covered her mouth, tail wagging.

"Oh my god, they're both so shy," Sage whispered loudly to Nexxali, who snorted into her Mega Supreme.

"Let them be," I said.

"I'm not doing anything!” The fox stated. “I'm merely observing two adorable cuties discovering they can make sounds of happiness in public! This is nature documentary content! Sir Daveed Atterborough would totes narrate this!"

Galateya shook her dark hair, clearly amused but trying to hide it behind a serious facade.

"The bubble-born dragon extends a verbal olive branch," Sage added in a deep, posh accent, "The stray dog, unaccustomed to such social overtures, retreats behind her paws. A tentative bond forms over fermented leaf juice."

Pink scales briefly flashed visibly along Teya’s human neck and cheeks. "I regret complimenting anyone."

"Too late," Sage said. "The compliment has been deployed. You can't un-compliment. It's in the wild. It's breeding. Soon there will be herds of compliments."

"Can we change the topic?" Galateya pursed her lips.

"Aight, dwagon-boss-bum. Topic change initiated! Let's play a learnin’ game!" Sage bounced in her seat, orange-red tail fluttering behind her.

161: Sharing Stories

“A learning game? What are you, five?” Shady commented from above my head.

“I’m not asking you to learn the alphabet, bruh. Is a ‘learning about each other’ game!” the fox added. “Like Alcoholics Anonymous, except more magically revealing! N’ways, everyone at this table must share a unique thing about themselves!”

“What kind of a unique thing?” Nexxali asked.

“A thing that… makes you stand out!” Sage declared. “A swank secret, maybe? From what I’m peering in the Astral, everyone gathered here has a flavor of abandonment issues and is emotionally needy in some way. But that's just surface you! So, tell the new friends gathered here about what makes you unique from the others at this table! Let’s start with our Princess and then go left. Shades, tell everyone how you’re not a cardboard cutout average Wendigo-butt. How are you different from other Frontenachii royalty and Fleet Commanders?”

"Pffff," Shady made a dismissive noise above me. "I'm plenty unique. Next question."

"Nuh-uh," Sage wagged a finger. "Elaborate. Dig deep. Show your belly, wolf-deer-princess."

"Wendigos do not show bellies."

"Metaphorical belly, Shades."

Shady's grip on me tightened fractionally. I felt her chest expand with a long, slow breath. The booth creaked.

“Whyever would I tell MY personal things to a prad dog I just met?” She asked, probably glaring at Laika.

“You’ve already been chatting about some personal things. ‘Dis is a max-trust building exercise," Sage said, “Laika can smell deception in the Astral and I've set this Yesterweave locale for maximum sharing and honesty to reinforce that! We are building trust with her so that when she inevitably wakes up, she will know whom to trust… Her current masters most likely share absolutely nothing with her. In comparison, our lovely pack's gonn' be extra sharing!”

Shady let out a mildly bothered noise.

“Come on, babe,” Nexxali elbowed Shady. “Is for the greater good of your peace with Ashy. It’s within our overall interests to get the doggo to trust us as much as possible.”

“Mmmmrgh, fine,” Shady stated. “I'm lazier than the other Frontenachii crown Highborns.”

"Lazier?" Galateya repeated.

"Way lazier," Shady confirmed, stirring her charcoal boba with a long claw. "My cousins spent their childhoods training to command warships, memorizing lineage charts, practicing their scary faces in mirrors. I spent mine chilling in Omnithornia with my dad and also stealing memes from the thoughts of nearby kobolds and then humans during the summers I spent on Earth."

"You stole memes from people's heads?" Laika asked.

"Thoughts are free real estate if you're a Wendigo," Shady shrugged. "The kobold chefs on my father's estate had the BEST internal monologues. One of them, Bhakkus, used to mentally narrate his entire cooking process like he was hosting a competition show. 'And now Bhakkus adds the salt! Will it be enough? The crowd holds its breath!' Meanwhile, he's alone in a kitchen making soup for my father's stupid dinner party."

Nexxali snorted into her Mega Supreme.

"Most Frontenachii princesses don't lurk in kitchen staff minds for entertainment?” I asked.

"Most Frontenachii princesses are lame," Shady said. "My half-sister Variyanne collected severed heads. My cousin Drathrania memorized the entire Imperial Legal Code for fun. Fun! Who does such a thing?”

“And what else did you do as a kid?” Sage asked.

“Sneaked around,” Shady said. “Found a deep-diving artifact in my fam’s hoard. Got down to kobold quarters, sat with them invisibly half submerged in the deep, listened to their stories and tried to understand their lives.”

“And did you learn important lessons from that?” The fox asked.

“Pfff, nah,” Shady said. “I usually leapt out of the deep to terrorise the piss outta them at the most funny moment. Anyways, eventually I got bored of that and found my Aunt. Then I met Ashy. And since then, I mainly wanted to watch movies and eat snacks and play board n’ video games."

She poked my cheek.

"This darn nerd never let me win at checkers after I split his mind," she added. 

“Yep,” I laughed, recalling Shady’s struggle at defeating me.

"I respected you for it,” Shady petted me. “And also wanted to throw the board at your head. Both feelings coexisted peacefully."

"They absolutely did not coexist peacefully," I said. "You flipped the board at least three times in a day."

"Passion for the game, Ashy." She stated.

Sage rested her chin on her palms, wiggling, big, orange-red fluffy ears. "So your unique thing is being a competitive couch potato princess?"

"My unique thing," Shady said, "is I left the most powerful family, abandoned a mountain of gold and artifacts because ruling was tedious. Boring. Soul-crushingly dull. Meetings about tariffs. Reports about colony yield percentages. Diplomatic dinners where everyone smiled and plotted murder behind their soup spoons. Plus, I could HEAR their murder plots, which made the soup taste worse."

"What kind of soup?" Nexxali asked.

"Irrelevant."

"It's never irrelevant. Soup context matters!"

Shady ignored her. "I hated it all and wanted to watch Alien versus Predator movies and eat chips and body-slam my best friend into a pile of leaves. The Frontenachii Empire offered me a Dreadnought and a division of devoted pradavarian kobolds to boss around. I fucked off to Earth instead."

Laika was staring at Shady with mildly confused awe.

"You left... everything?" the dog asked. "Power, wealth, a mountain of gold and magic, an empire... for chips and movies?"

"And this idiot." Shady squeezed me. "Yes. Wouldn't change a thing. Okay, maybe I'd change the part where I died a hundred and thirteen times yesterday. That was annoying as fuck. There, happy?”

Sage drummed colorful nails on the table. "Aight, aight. Good start, Princess Couch Potato. Very humanizing. Ash, you're up! Share with the class!"

I took a sip of my green apple tea, chewing on a boba.

"There's nothing unique about me." I tried to avoid the attention of  five pairs of eyes locked onto me.

"Liar," Shady said from above my skull. "You're the weirdest human I've ever met."

"How many humans have you even met and got to know personally?” I asked her.

“Enough to know that you’re the weirdest.”

“Gee, thanks.”

“Welcomes.” She mussed up my hair.

"I'm an engineering graduate who could barely afford ramen. I play too many video games. I have a sleep schedule a doctor would weep at. I'm the most average dude on this planet."

"Average dudes," Nexxali drawled, tail swatting my thigh, "don't acquire four girlfriends from different species in the span of a single week."

"Come on, A-man,” Sage encouraged. “Dig. Something from before me and T-buns. Who were you before all of us landed on your head?"

I chewed another boba.

"I was a lonely kid." I sighed. "My parents put me on anti-psychotics when I was nine because I kept talking about Shady. The meds worked, in the sense they made me stop thinking about her. They also made me stop thinking about a lot of things. I got quiet. I got good at being invisible. In high school I was the kid who sat in the back corner and never raised his hand. I had friends online, sure. Dax was my rock. Still is. We played games together every night, had voice calls going for hours."

"Aww," Sage said softly.

"In college it got a bit better," I said. "I found engineering. No, more like Dax got into a college in Seattle and, pulled me into engineering along with him. Turns out my brain is really, really good at systems… probably because I thought in parallel processing without realising it. Circuits, logic gates, signals. I could look at a schematic and see the whole thing at once, all the pathways, all the failure points. My professors called it intuitive. I called it the only thing I was less than mediocre at."

"You're good at other things," Shady murmured into my hair.

"Like what?"

"Like making people want to protect you," she said. "It's infuriating. Look at all these sharks circling you to offer you their protection!”

“Pretty sure that’s not how sharks work,” I fired back.

“What? The shark in Jaws was obviously in love with Chief Brody,” Shady insisted, tapping a claw against my chest for emphasis. “Think about it! The shark followed him everywhere! It isolated him from his pack. It destroyed the boat named Orca to remove the physical barrier between them. That wasn't an attack, Ashy. That was an aggressive courtship display!”

"It ate Quint," I pointed out.

"Quint was a third wheel!" Shady threw her hands up, nearly hitting the low-hanging lamp. "He was blocking the romance! The shark removed the competition. And then she leaped onto the sinking deck? That wasn't a kill-strike. That was a glomp! She wanted a hug! A classic enemies-to-lovers tale, where the smool, dum humans were too fragile to understand the love language of an apex predator. Tragedy. Absolute tragedy."

The table went silent and then Sage burst into laughter.

"Oh my god," the fox gasped, wiping her eyes. "I will never watch that movie the same way again. 'Senpai Shark noticed me!'"

"See?" Shady looked vindicated. "The fox gets it," she squeezed me, "Appreciate the effort the monster puts in."

"Right," I said. "Note to self: never let you plan our Valentine's Day."

"Okay, A-man, let’s not get derailed by movie-trivia,” Sage said. “You were a lonely kid, you found engineering, blah blah blah. What's the unique thing?”

"I guess..." I stated. "My unique thing is that I'm stupid enough to say 'no' to the end of the world. Everyone else… the governments, the armies, they all got paralyzed by the moon-droppery. They’ve all accepted the script. Like Laika said, the ending is written. But I looked at the schematic, and I didn’t see a finished board. I saw a faulty circuit. And I just... refused to let it burn out.”

I looked up at Laika.

"I'm stubborn," I told her. "That's my thing. I will break the laws of physics, magic, and common sense just to keep my friends safe. That's what makes me unique… I guess."

Laika stared back at me, head tilted as she processed my words, tail giving a slow, thoughtful thump against the booth. "Stubbornness... as a weapon?"

"Exactly," Nexxali purred. "My turn, yes?"

"Go for it, kitty," Sage said.

"Where do I even begin," the serval mused, licking boba residue off a fang. "I suppose my unique trait is... I don't know which of my own emotions are real."

“Why?” Laika wondered.

"I used my voice on myself for decades," the serval continued, swirling the straw in lazy circles. "Edited myself endlessly with Riffweld. I sang myself into being brave when I was terrified. Sang myself into being confident when I wanted to curl up and die. Sang away jealousy, sang away grief, sang loyalty to commanders I hated. Sang while I read shit in the archives…”

She sighed.

"After twenty-something years of self-editing, you start to wonder... Do I actually like the color orange, or did I sing myself into liking it because my commanding officer wore orange and I needed to find her tolerable, to make her trust me?”

She popped a stray boba into her mouth from Teya’s plate.

"Also… The thing I love most about this lovely planet," she added with a warmer tone, "is the surprises. The human-only, linear civilization and its wonders. And every new thing I encounter... is extra fantastic ‘cus I know I haven't pre-programmed myself to enjoy it. And the Frontenachii wish to destroy this wonder, to change the current linear humanity with eugenics and to plant gargantuan terraforming trees all over the place to pump mana into the air. Well, I ain’t gon’ let them! This planet stays weird and wonderful and full of food I haven't sampled yet!”

162: The Voice of Eternity

"My unique thing is... I am a fake person that's trying to become real by eating everything available on this lovely planet," Nexxali grinned, showing off sharp, white teeth. "And I refuse to edit my taste buds for anyone anymore. If I hate turducken, I want to hate it honestly. If I love it, I want to love it with my whole soul!”

“That’s a nice goal.” Laika nodded.

Nexxali pointed a ginger finger at Galateya. "Dragon-babe, your turn. Bare your scaly soul."

“YUS! Dazzle us with your spawkly uniqueness." Sage added.

Galateya set her matcha down and folded her hands. She unfolded them. She folded them again.

"I do not have an interesting anecdote," she stated.

"You don't need to be interesting," I said. "Just be Teya."

"I am twenty years old, yet I was basically born last week. Everything is a first for me. I... spent twenty years in five rooms," she let out. "I…"

“Many Frontenachii kids get shoved into time bubbles,” Shady commented. “That’s not unique.”

"I… read romance novels," Teya let out. “I was… raised by an AI, one bound to a human soul.”

“Boring and lame,” Shady stated.

Galateya fell silent, glaring at Shady.

“Shady, why must you bully Teya?” I asked.

“Because she’s hiding shit,” Shady said. “She… she smells sus. She smelled sus when I met her and she still smells sus! I cannot trust susness! Tell me the truth, dragon. You’re sideways thinking about it and not sharing. I shared personal things. Let’s hear… your little secret! The fun things you did in your time bubble.”

“Fun?!” Galateya's jaw tightened. Her violet eyes flashed with  defensive violet spirals, scales flickering visibly beneath the human skin. "I don't know what you're talking about," she states coldly.

"Liar," Shady said. "Your mind is whispering it to my hooks. You froze the memory so deep even you forgot about it, but this magically-reinforced Yesterweave fold is thawing it out like a chewy turkey in a microwave!"

"I didn't freeze anything!"

"L-I-A-R! You freeze everything," Shady pressed on like a freight train full of coal. "It's your alignment! You froze Keiy's contract with far too much ease! You froze Laika's pendant into permanence thirty minutes ago. You… froze something in your bubble. I can see the edges of it cracking open right now. Tasty, fear-filled cracks.”

Galateya's hands trembled on the table. The matcha in her cup began to frost over, ice crystals spreading across the surface in fractal patterns.

"Shady," I warned.

"No," Shady said. "She needs to speak of it. We're building trust here, right? The Skinny-Fox said so. Trust means truth."

"You could be nicer about it," Sage murmured.

"Nicer doesn't crack permafrost," Shady replied. “You are not below level twenty."

"What?" Galateya blinked.

"Can’t get to it yourself, hum? Let me pull at it with my hooks. Come on, now help me out. I bet you want to know the truth too. You always judging me so hard! How about some personal judgery?”

Galateya’s entire body twitched violently. Laika looked between her and Shady with a worried expression.

“Here we go,” Shady said. “Pried it open. Speak up, dragon. Tell us what you did in the bubble.”

"I talked… to the building," Galateya whispered, her expression sliding from annoyed to shocked.

"You… what?" Nexxali leaned forward.

"The bubble. The five rooms. They were… alive." Galateya's voice came out strained, like a stretched wire about to snap. "The walls had a voice... Nobody else could hear it. My instructors, the wolves, they told me I was defective. Broken. Imagining things."

"Classic gaslighting," Sage noted.

"The bubble was... alive," Galateya continued. "It sang to me in the moments between sleep and waking..."

Laika's tail stopped wagging. She was watching Galateya with deep focus of a forsaken prad who recognized kindred pain.

"And what else did your instructors do about this development?" Shady pressed on.

Galateya's frozen matcha cracked down the middle.

"They hit me," she said. "Every day. For years. They said it was training. Pain builds character. That I wasn’t levelling up quickly enough, wasn’t meeting my great-grandmother's curriculum… They had a job… a quest to make me into a proper Frontenachii Administrator. Proper Administrators aren't supposed to hear songs in the walls."

She fell silent, blinking icy tears from her eyes.

"I endured it," she continued with a hollow tone. "For years I fucking endured it. The bubble sang of endurance, of deception. I believed it. I was a good student. I took the beatings. I practiced my forms. I ate the flesh spiders. I slept on the cold floor when they locked up my bed alcove as punishment for crying, for being weak."

Her human disguise peeled back. Black scales rippled across her forearms like dark water, nails expanding into claws. Dark hair undulated with silver and white waves of ice.

"And then one day, the senior instructor, Vossir, she... she pried off, broke my reading v-ring holo, cracked the projection crystal. The one I used to read books that Yulia gave me. She stomped on it and said I was wasting time on fantasy garbage when I should be drilling combat forms. She said love stories were lies, and made me too weak, too soft. Maybe she forgot that I had to read the stories that the Doc selected for me to appreciate humans… I’m not really sure."

"Oh no," Sage breathed.

“Oh yes,” Shady stated from above me.

"The building sang of revenge," Galateya said. "I felt it through my feet. Through my bones. In my Fractal Engine heart. The bubble was furious. And I... I was furious too. For the first time in many years, I wasn't scared. I was so angry the air in the room turned white."

"And then you fucking froze them," Shady stated gleefully, running ahead of Teya's words with her hooks

"I froze everything." Galateya's voice cracked. "I froze Vossir mid-step. I froze Kirrath against the wall. I froze Sennya above me, her fist raised. I froze the air, the water in the pipes, the garden, the flesh-spider tree. I froze everything in all five rooms in a single breath. And then I kept going. I pushed and pushed until the ice went so deep it reached the bubble's conceptual foundation. Until every artifact cracked and detonated around me. And I heard the building laugh."

"The building laughed because of what you did?" Laika asked, canine ears pinned back.

"It was happy," Galateya muttered. "Happy that I finally fought back… I think. Maybe it was happy about something else. I’m not really sure.”

"So the wolves..." I said.

"Died instantly. All three. Frozen solid..."

"How old were you?" Nexxali asked with wide eyes.

"Nine."

“Now that’s a bitching rebellion streak,” Shady purred above me. “Now this, I like! Hell yes! Respect!”

Galateya blinked sparks of tears from her eyes, looking past us, past the booth, into elsewhere, recalling distant things that she had clearly forgotten, locked away.

"And then what happened?" Sage pressed on.

"Then I was alone," Galateya said. "So very, very alone. I didn’t thaw my instructors… or Yulia… I... couldn’t do it. I had no idea how to... Had no idea how to thaw anything from the level I had frozen it at… in my anger... I destroyed the life support systems. All of them.”

“The fuck did you eat if you froze the flesh tree and the water-recycling artifact?!” Nexxali demanded, looking extra-awake. “How did you survive for eleven years?! What did you even breathe?!”

“I listened to the building,” Galateya said. “It sang of eternity. Of the Wormwood Star. Of a great plan she had… of the four bringers of the end... Leader, Champion, Understanding and Architect. Of System Wizards and Numbers. Of the Everything virus. Of the Keymaker. Of Infinite doors. Of the past and the future. It rambled and ranted and… and it… no, she was utterly mad. Mad. A looped chain, a rope being tightened more and more each day. Trapped… trapped. Forever? No… for… until she would break herself out… She referred to herself as a song of the liminal… A song of Entropy.”

“Slayer,” Nexxali let out.

Sage whistled softly. “The room must have had a crack. A shear into the greater Astral? Maybe it reflected your own thoughts back to you, skewered by entropy? That’s rough stuff, T-buns. Specially for someone aligned more with Creation-Syntropy like you.”

“I had no idea what to do,” Galateya said. “There was no food, no water, the air was going to run out. Everything in the five rooms was dead. So I sat and I… listened. I listened to the bound chain, to her unending ranting… to the songs.”

Nexxali swallowed.

“Catio,” Shady stated. “You’ve got something to add?”

The serval remained silent, simply staring at Galateya.

“She sang of killing everyone. Slowly. Painfully. One by one. No. Not killing,” Galateya frowned, recalling things. “Playing with them, since they can’t die. Making them all suffer. A game. A fun game without an ending in sight. She sang that she will learn… know all of their damned secrets, that she’s good at pretending, good at blending in, good at being… someone whom they can trust with their lives, with killing. Killing, killing, killing… so much killing. She’s good at that.”

Shady squeezed me.

"Killing. Planning. Pretending. Wearing faces. The voice sang about wearing faces and thoughts the way you'd sing about wearing hats. Casual. Smug… Like murder was a wardrobe choice."

Nexxali shifted beside Shady.

"The songs went on," Galateya continued. "The wolves were frozen. Vossir mid-stride, one foot raised. Kirrath's mouth open in a scream she never finished. Sennya looming, left hand claws extended, reaching for the place where I'd been standing."

Galateya wiped tears from her face.

"I sat with them... My frozen instructors. I talked to them as the air became thinner. I told Vossir I was sorry for killing her. Then I told her I was lying and I was glad she was dead. Then I told her I was sorry for being glad. Then I stopped caring about the apology altogether."

"How long before you felt hungry?" Sage asked.

Galateya looked at the fox. Her human disguise decayed away, obsidian scales racing down her forearms like spilled ink.

"Too soon," she said. "The hunger hit me hard. The lack of air and thirst came sooner. My tongue swelled. My lips cracked. My head ached. The room sang about… about making herself look presentable for her Masters and every verse made me feel so… so much worse."

She unclenched her fists. Small crescents of violet blood dotted her palms where claws had broken skin beneath the human phase-shift.

"The pain was the loudest thing. Louder than the singing. My stomach and lungs twisted into fists. My bones ached from the cold death-prison I created in my fury. I wanted to unfreeze the flesh-spider tree, the garden, to eat… drink from the pipes. I couldn’t. The room sang of clever plots and books she was reading as I began suffocating slowly.”

Nexxali's claws clicked against the table in a rapid, anxious rhythm. Tap tap tap. Tap tap.

"The room sang louder the weaker I got. She sang about her… grandmother who fasted for forty days in a desert. She sang about monks who slowed their heartbeats to one beat per minute through meditation and will alone. She sang about a woman who learned to survive on starlight."

Nexxali made a small, strangled sound beside Shady. 

"Where did the room learn about monks?" I asked.

"I don’t know,” Galateya shrugged. “The songs came randomly, weren’t consistent, and sometimes clashed with each other. It took lots of effort and focus to understand them. She sang about breathing techniques, about the spaces between heartbeats where time pools like water in cupped hands. She sang about… Darshii Lixx who sat in a cave for three thousand days till her body became wood and her mind became wind, and when they found her decades later her face was smiling, perfectly preserved, neither dead nor alive exactly. Then… they woke her up and she sang of… eternity to her children’s children, of the Wormwood Star consuming their world… of Celestorms and the shears in reality. It was a… handy tale.”

"You… you tried that meditation then?” Nexxali let out. 

"I had to." Galateya wrapped her arms around herself. "I was dying. My organs were shutting down. I could feel my body failing… this sharp, nauseating ache all over. So I sat in the center of the main room, cross-legged on the cold floor, and I listened to the singing, and I started to freeze myself."

"You froze… yourself too?" Laika whispered.

"Yes. My toes first. Then my feet. Then my calves. I pushed the cold inward, layer by layer, shutting down each part of my body like powering down rooms in a house to conserve energy. My circulatory system slowed. My lungs took one breath every few minutes. My heart..."

She pressed her palm flat against her sternum.

"One beat. Per minute. Then one beat every two minutes. Then one every five.... Seventy-three. Seventy-four. Seventy-five seconds between heartbeats. Each one further apart. Each one... quieter… slower."