Stupid Sexy Cryptids [110-112]

110: Tactical Sushi Deployment

I shoved another Philly roll into my mouth, watching as a curtain of rain blurred the two curvy Omnid figures. The ground beneath them erupted with wildflowers and pink moss spreading outward in perfect concentric circles, as if someone had detonated a botanical bomb.

Heh. 

Good. This was what I'd hoped would happen—the two of them bonding, becoming friends, well… Maybe more than friends judging by how vigorously they were making out. Mission accomplished. Back pats for the Emperor. I thought with the Frontend piloting my gigachad frame and human body.

Up above, the Backend of my mind was preoccupied manufacturing endless Shadies. 

Suddenly, I thought of something else that made my stomach drop.

About two minutes ago, I'd said Shady's name. Her actual name. Not "Commander Xandria." Not "my Wendigo girlfriend." Just "Shady." 

God damn it, I'm stupid without the Backend planning out my words in advance.

I blame Sage for this too. She’s a distracting menace, even through the holo-projection.

The local miniature rain storm began to clear. Both of the sexy cryptids were extra-distracting now, looking like participants in an impromptu wet t-shirt contest.

Thankfully, neither of them had reacted to my mouth-blunder. They’d been too busy being furious about the glitter explosion and then preoccupied with making out.

The kiss finally broke. 

Galateya looked embarrassed and overwhelmed, scales shifting through colors like a malfunctioning RGB keyboard, mane exploding with hybrid flowers, steam rising off her in waves. Sage seemed just as affected, but regained control of herself rapidly, a delightfully foxy grin stretching across her face.

The Skinwalker winked at me, marched over to the sushi and slowly and cautiously opened the rest of the bento box and procured the box of beers from the cooler. When nothing else exploded, she stuffed a few sushi pieces into her mouth and walked back to Galateya. Then she offered her a White dragon roll.

Galateya stared at the sushi.

“Open mouth, receive yums,” Sage instructed.

The dragon complied, seemingly too defeated by the kiss to argue. 

Sage placed the sushi on Galateya's tongue with excruciating slowness, Skinwalker fox-claw brushing against the dragon's lower lip. "Good girl."

I resumed eating my own sushi.

"How you doin’ over there all alone, Swolezilla?" Sage asked innocently, freckles rearranged into smirking emoticons.

"Fine," I said. "Plotting my next move."

Sage pulled Galateya over onto the log beside me and offered her another sushi piece.

“I can feed myself, you know,” Galateya protested.

“And take my new job away?” Sage grinned. “Nu-huh. Not allowed! I'm not going to send my fox resume to other dragons. This is professional relationshippery! Here.” She shoved a box of various sushi pieces into Teya’s lap. “You feed me too.”

The dragon girl consumed the second sushi and grabbed a piece of sushi herself, meekly offering it to the Skinwalker while detonating with pink lilies across her mane.

The Skinwalker leaned forward and took the sushi between her teeth. Her long tongue flicked out, catching Galateya's fingers, and the dragon made a small embarrassed noise.

"Enjoying yourselves?" I asked casually.

"Immensely," Sage said. "Best hunt ever. Five thousand and sixty nine thumbs up. Would get glitter-bombed again.”

Galateya fed her another piece. Then Sage fed Galateya. They continued this pattern, alternating, Sage cramming as much sensuality into each motion as possible, either nibbling on Teya’s fingers or making satisfied, lewd-adjacent noises that made the hair on the back of my neck tingle.

"So," Sage said, selecting a piece of tamago. "Where's Commander Xandria? And Marshal Nexxali? Why aren't they here helping you? I didn't smell cats or Wendigos at the parking lot."

"They're in space," I said after a moment's consideration. Very high-level work that I'm definitely not invited to."

“Yeah right,” Galateya stated. “You’re… half there and half here.”

“Fine,” I said. “Yes I’m half there and half enjoying your holographic company.”

Sage twisted the cap off a beer bottle with her teeth and handed it to Galateya. "Here, T. You look like you need… relaxing hydration."

"I don't need—" Galateya started, then took the beer and drank half of it in one go. "—okay, maybe I do need that."

Sage opened a second beer for herself and took a long pull. "Quality Gardlight beer, A-man."

"Glad you approve." I watched as they continued passing sushi back and forth, punctuated by beer swigs. 

Sage ate the final piece of sushi, drained her beer and crushed it against her foxy forehead. "Well, this has been delightful. Thanks for lunch and company, holo-dawg. Appreciate the sparkle-devastation followed by legit nommage."

"My pleasure." I watched as she stood up, offering a hand to Galateya. "Enjoy the rest of your hunt."

"Oh we will," Sage grinned. She bent down and grabbed her paintball rifle, pulling the strap over her shoulder. "Ready to run, T?"

"Yep." Galateya stood up, looking significantly more composed.

They both looked at my hologram one last time.

"See you soon, Bulk Sinatra,” Sage snapped her fox chompers at me.

"Looking forward to it," I replied. “Mind grabbing the V-ring?”

“Why? So you can track us through it and tremble as your inevitable doom approaching?” Sage asked.

“Yes,” I stated bluntly. 

“Aight,” she shoved the ring in her pocket, the transmission winking out.

“Kawathra, map the V-ring,” I said.

“On it,” the Datamancer said.

The holo projection changed to a map. The blinking red dots with the tags [Sage] and [Teya] moved through the forest at the speed of a cheetah. They were bloody fast and heading straight for me. 

For a moment they slowed, derailed by the many bombs I had detonated behind me, but then resumed, seemingly undeterred. The fox was probably relying on her other senses, and could tell which way I went thanks to the footsteps. Even jumping from tree to tree like a giant aragnigang didn't seem to deter her.

They were close now. Too close for comfort. I needed someone to slow them down. I looked at the other dots on the map and considered who was closest. Katherine, whose profile Kawathra had uploaded to my gun unit frame with an explanation of who she was, was enjoying her own beer at a picnic table with Dax near the lake. I tapped her holographic icon on the map.

“Katherine?” I said as her hologram manifested in front of me.

“Yes, Ash?” The modded-up gun unit asked.

“Can you slow down Teya and Sage? I’m heading to the boat rental now close to you.”

“Can do,” the cyborg chugged down the beer she was holding.

I burst out of the treeline near the lake's edge and sprinted toward the small dock featuring a rowboat rental station. An elderly man sat in a folding chair, reading a newspaper.

"Need to rent a boat," I said, pulling out my wallet. "How much?"

"Thirty bucks an hour. Two-hour minimum. Seventy for the day."

I counted out the cash. "Here. Four hours."

"Uh-huh." He pocketed the cash and gestured to the nearest rowboat. "Oars are in the bottom. Don't go too far out, weather's supposed to turn."

"Noted." I grabbed the oars, pulled the boat into the water from the beach and jumped in. "Thanks."

"You running from something?" He noted the speed I was moving at.

"More like toward something." I pushed off. "Depends on your perspective."

He chuckled as I started rowing. "Good luck, son."

The small rowboat cut through the water as I began rowing, the magitek suit amplifying the motions.

I made it about forty feet from shore before I heard them.

"THERE HE IS! Open fire!"

I glanced back. Sage and Galateya stood at the forest edge, paintball rifles raised.

"YOU THINK WATER WILL SAVE YOU?" Galateya shouted.

"IT'S WORTH A TRY!" I shouted back, rowing faster.

"SHE'S A TANIWHA, FOOL!" Sage yelled. "A LITERAL WATER DRAGON! THIS IS YOUR WORST TACTICAL DECISION!"

"OR MY BEST!" I countered. "WE'LL FIND OUT!"

THWIP THWIP THWIP

Paintballs arced through the air. Most splashed into the water around me. One caught me in the shoulder—bright blue paint exploding across Dax’s shirt.

"FIRST HIT!" Sage cheered.

"COME BACK HERE!" Galateya yelled. "AND FACE US!"

"I'M FACING YOU RIGHT NOW!" I called back, rowing faster. "FROM A DISTANCE!"

“Halt!” A new voice joined in. 

. . .

Galateya stared at the newcomer who had suddenly interjected herself between them and the lake shore, stretching and strutting about like she owned the place.

The newcomer was slightly taller than her with a sleek, digitigrade stance that marked her as some kind of pradavarian. But the resemblance to a prad ended there. Her body smelled, looked and felt almost entirely magitek.

The head was the most striking feature. An elongated, half-pill profile rendered in smooth black transparent crystasteel, featuring three elongated glowing eyes arranged in a triangle formation. Each eye was composed of thousands of tiny red pixels that shifted and moved, painting her expressions. A digital mouth sat below the eyes, stretched in a determined smile rendered in ruby dots.

Blue, bioluminescent accents traced the joints of her body like racing stripes. A hexagonal pattern similar to that of a hexasuit textured her entire form. Her legs ended in sharp, blue-tipped claws that dug into the sandy shore.

Her figure featured over-the-top-aggressive, pinup hour-glass curves. A magisteel tail swayed left and right, featuring a blue, glowing stripe on the bottom.

A black shirt didn't even fully cover her crotch, featuring a drawing of an anime girl shark holding onto a metal anchor with the words “I’M A SHARK-BAE!”.

“Oh my god, he got a shark-knight robot to slow us down!” Sage chortled.

“Who are you?” Gateya asked the metal girl.

“I’m Katherine,” Katherine introduced herself with a very slight slur. “Knight of the House of Clifford! You shall not pass!”

“But, like, what if we really wanna pass?” Sage demanded dramatically. "Could we go around?"

"No! For the right of passage to the lake, I challenge your dragon to honorable combat!" Katherine added. "For the glory of... of... Uhmm..." She gestured at the lake. "...my boat-fleeing liege!"

Galateya's Justice sense pinged.

Something about this newcomer felt familiar. Very familiar. But wrong. Like seeing a friend wearing someone else's face. Except she didn't have friends. Except for Sage. But then again the whole Sage situation was rapidly escalating away from, friend towards “girlfriend” out of Galateya's control.

"Are you drunk?" Galateya asked the cyborg girl, slicing through her with her Truth sword.

"Nooooo," Katherine denied, then hiccupped. A small burp of static emerged from her digital mouth. "I had ONE beer. Maybe two. Possibly seven. Dax is very persuasive about alcohol consumption! He said it would help with my... my..." She made vague circular gestures. "... enjoyment of the great outdoors and…. Urm… feeling processing!"

Sage's freckles rearranged into laughing-crying emojis. "A drunk cyborg-shark-knight! T, we should keep her!”

“You can't just keep everyone you find,” Teya huffed.

“Watch me!” Sage giggled, sniffing Katherine.

Katherine for her part squared her shoulders, trying to look intimidating contrary to the slight drunken wobble. "I guard the lake against dastardly dragon interlopers such as yous! I have prepared... a challenge!" 

“What… challenge?” Galateya asked.

“Uhhhh…” Katherine let out. It became obvious to Galateya's Truth sense that the drunk cyborg had in fact not prepared any challenges.

“Mud wrestling!” Dax yelled out, arriving at the beach with a backpack full of alcohol and a beer in his hand, panting. “I'll be the judge!”

Katherine blinked at Dax. “Uhm. Yes.” She gestured dramatically at the muddy shoreline behind her. "That! Trial by hand-combat! In the sacred arena of... of..." She squinted at the mud. "...squishy wet dirt!"

"You want us to mud wrestle you." Galateya stated flatly. 

"YES!" Katherine nodded. "Ancient tradition! Very honorable! Winner gets to have more beers! Loser gets sat on, eats mud and feels bad!"

Sage burst out laughing. "Oh hell yes. Drunk cyborg mud wrestling. This day just keeps on giving. T, we HAVE to do this!"

"We absolutely do NOT have to do this," Galateya protested, watching Ash's boat get further away. "Look! He's escaping! We're losing time!"

"But it's MUD WRESTLING!" Sage insisted. "With a drunk robot girl! How often do you get this opportunity?!"

"Never, and I'd like to keep it that way!" The Taniwha crossed her arms, turning sunset-red-pink.

Katherine stumbled forward, getting uncomfortably close to Galateya. "You... you chickening out already, Galateya? Makshhym! Hold onto my shirt!”

She pulled off her t-shirt and threw it at Dax, who promptly stuffed it into his backpack with a giddy look.

Galateya's Justice sense flared harder. The way she said her name… it felt familiar. Too damn familiar. 

Who in Slayer's name was this cyborg prad? 

While she contemplated this mystery, the cyborg lunged for her with a growl, blue claws out.

111: Love Bombed 

Galateya failed to counter the unexpected lunge. The impact sent them both flying across the sandy shore.

Maksym pulled out his phone, recording the action. 

This was gold! All of his dreams of robot girls mud wrestling action were coming true.

Katherine—the sweet, pretty, slightly awkward cyborg who'd been nervously asking him about human social customs forty minutes ago—transformed into an absolute chaos gremlin the moment beer entered her system.

"COMBAT HAS BEGUN!" Katherine’s mouth stretched in a pixelated grin. "ACCEPT YOUR... your inevitable demise, treasonous dragon!"

"Woo! Go Kat!" Maksym cheered. "Take her down!"

The dragon girl tried to shove Katherine off, but the cyborg's tail whipped around, wrapping around Galateya's ankle. Katherine yanked her tail, sending the Taniwha crashing onto the sand.

Before Galateya could recover, Katherine grabbed her and lifted her clean off the ground.

"Hey—put me—" Galateya squirmed uselessly.

Katherine spun once, twice, building momentum like an Olympic hammer thrower, then launched Galateya toward the muddy shoreline.

The resulting SPLORCH echoed across the lake. Mud exploded outward in a spectacular ripple. Galateya's scales immediately shifted to match the brown-gray sludge, turning to rough bark texture.

"Ha! The mud claims its first victim!" Katherine pumped her fist in the air.

Maksym was about to shout encouragement when someone slid up beside him. Smooth. Unnaturally smooth. Like silk wrapped around a gravitational anomaly. Like… oh.

It was the fox. Sage, according to Ash's intel.

"Yo, you gotta send me that vid," Sage said, her sultry voice doing odd things to his nervous system. "S' quality fappin' material."

Maksym's brain stuttered to a halt. Had she really said that or did he just hallucinate it? "Ah yea, sure, what's your gram ID?"

"YeOldeFoxHol<3."

He typed it into his phone, fingers moving on autopilot while his higher brain functions tried and failed to reboot. "Neat handle. Very... medieval meets internet culture."

"Das me!" Sage chirped. "Max Renaissance net-fox energy. I sell bottled sweat to weirdos."

His fingers paused mid-type. "You what?"

"Bottled juices," Sage revealed with a smug grin that did absolutely criminal things to Maksym's pulse and blood rushing down towards his crotch. "And other artisanal fox-themed products. It's a whole thing. Very lucrative. Want a jar? I'll give you a freebie."

Down in the mud, Katherine shoved Galateya back down with her metal posterior.

"No escapery! Stay down!" The cyborg declared. "Prevention is the best... the best... prevention!"

Maksym tried to focus on the wrestling match. He really did. But Sage was right there, and she smelled like... like autumn forests and warm cinnamon and sexy wildness that made his lizard brain melt into fireworks and campfires. It was like she radiated happiness, pure and absolute, baked in a pie of lewdness.

"So you're like... a juice-jar entrepreneur?" He managed.

"Yep! Self-made fox!" Sage puffed out her chest—which Maksym absolutely did not notice, he was assuredly a gentleman, he was just casually observing the general boob region for purely conversational purposes here. "Started from the bottom, now I'm here. Well, technically I started from a tower. Long story. Involves family drama and excessive wizard-isolation. The usual cryptid stuff."

"Cryptid stuff," Maksym repeated, admiring her ridiculous shirt tag and logo. God, she was funny too. When had funny become so attractive? "Is that a technical term?"

"Very technical!" Sage nodded sagely, and Maksym noticed her fur was doing something weird. Shifting. The red-orange fox coloring was bleeding into pale peach tones around her face. Human skin tones. "It's in all the cryptozoology textbooks. Chapter seven: 'Cryptid Stuff and How to Deal With It.'"

"And where do I buy that?"

"From my GonlyFans shop, duh."

In the mud pit, Galateya managed to twist enough to glare at them. Katherine responded by grinding her metal butt harder into the dragon's back.

Maksym laughed. "So uh," he said, suddenly aware his confidence was draining like water through a sieve. "Are you... I mean, is there like a Mr. Fox? Or Mrs. Fox? Or... other significant fox?"

Smooth, Drzewiecki. Real smooth. Where did all my smoothness go to?

"OH!" Sage's freckles—which were definitely rearranging themselves, he wasn't imagining that—formed into exclamation points. "You're asking if I'm single! Das so adorable!"

She was even closer now. Definitely closer. Too close, within arm's reach, within kissing range. And her face—the fox muzzle was retracting, smoothing out into human-ness. Not completely human yet, there were still big fluffy ears and the sharp canines, but that only made her more desirable.

Jesus Christ, she was gorgeous. Excessively so. The prettiest human with fox ears he's seen in his entire life. Like an anime girl that actually exists. No, not anime. Hentai. She was hentai material. Assuredly so. If one were to melt his entire hentai video collection and then pour it into a mold, Sage would emerge, all wet and...

"As to your question, I'm currently working the T-bum and A-chad angle," Sage announced.

Maksym blinked, trying to process words through the pink-red cotton wool naked Sage clouds filling his brain. "I genuinely have no idea what that means."

"T-bum and A-chad!" Sage repeated as if this explained everything. Her fur continued departing, replacing itself with smooth pale skin dotted with freckles. Lots of freckles. Constellations of them. "You know! The angles and curves and shafts."

"Still lost," Maksym admitted, taking a swig of beer to give his hands something to do besides wanting to reach out to touch the shifting freckles.

"T-bum's over here getting smitten by yo shark-mud knight!" Sage pointed at Galateya, who was wiggling face-down in the mud. "And A-chad's the swole dude in the boat!"

Maksym's brain sluggishly connected the dots. "You're pursuing both of them? At the same time?"

That's right. That's what Ash told him. It was hard to think about Ash though. Very hard. There was only Sage, the gravitational hentai anomaly drawing him into her inescapable event horizon of ahegao-ness.

"Yep!" Sage confirmed. Her red tail swished and vanished behind her as the rest of her body completed its transformation into a mind-meltingly stunning, perfect, redheaded teen. "Omnid ship dynamics are very flexible! 'Specially if you are a Skinwalker and can't have long term 'ships."

"You can't have long term relationships?" Maksym asked, struggling against his libido's best efforts to terminate all higher cognitive functions.

"Not really," Sage sighed. The dastardly small expression of vulnerability made her even more attractive. "My Fractal Engine heart fucks with people way too much."

"Fucks with people how?" He took another drink. Sage had sat down on a nearby fallen log. The log was right next to him, and she was crossing her legs in a way that made his mouth go dry. Her legs were fully human now too, wrapped in sporty, tight pants that highlighted her curves.

Perfect ass. It sounded so funny, so fake in the telegram chat. So that's what Ash was talking about! He couldn't draw his eyes away no matter how hard he tried.

"You'll see soon enough," Sage sighed. "Basically, my heart pumps out this constant psychic pheromone broadcast that rewrites people's desires. Makes me look like whatever they find most attractive. Makes them want to... you know." She waggled her eyebrows. "Bone me."

Oh. Oh no.

Maksym's mottled brain finally connected all the pieces. The shifting appearance. The gradually increasing attractiveness. The way his thoughts kept sliding toward her like ball bearings rolling downhill.

She was doing it right now.

"Sounds rough." His voice came out embarrassingly hoarse.

"It's a NIGHTMARE!" Sage threw up her human hands, colorful painted nails sparkling in the sunlight. "Do you know how hard it is to make genuine friends when everyone you meet instantly wants to jump your bones? I can't go to the grocery store without causing multiple divorces! I can't have a normal conversation without people proposing marriage! Last month some guy tried to tattoo my face on his ass!"

Maksym snorted beer through his nose. "He WHAT?"

"HIS ASS!" Sage confirmed with a huff. "Full color portrait! Right cheek! His girlfriend caught him at the tattoo parlor and there was this whole screaming match in the parking lot behind our café!" She shook her head. "I just wanted to buy milk, Dax. Just milk. Instead I destroyed a relationship and became immortalized on someone's buttcheek."

Even knowing that he was being magically manipulated,  Maksym found himself feeling sympathy for the Skinwalker. "That's... pretty awful."

"Thank you!" Sage gestured emphatically. "Everyone's online always like 'oh boo hoo, you're too hot, what a terrible problem to have' but they don't understand! I can't have ANYTHING real! Every relationship is just people addicted to my Fractal Engine radiance! I don't even know if Teya really likes me for me! On one hand I'd love to spend one whole eternity with her, on the other I am concerned that both her and Ash are going to become obsessed, drooling veggies in a week or two or that I'll start to chew on their souls accidentally at night!"

Maksym stared at his beer bottle, trying to organize his thoughts. "Hey, umm, does seeing you through a webcam change things? Like, do your GonlyFans fans act like natural simps or do they all turn into crazy stalkers?"

"Webcam's safer," Sage admitted. "Definitely less crazy. Gets them a little obsessed, but not the full mind-break. Unless I actively suppress it… this happens.”

"So you're basically constantly flexing your personality?"

"Exactly!" 

"So what happens when someone turns into a stalker?"

"I have to spend a lotta time and mana carving their memory of me outta their head," Sage lamented. "I'm not like a pro memory deleter. Bleh."

"That sounds exhausting," Maksym said, sitting on the log next to her.

“Yus. Are you feeling it?”

"Oh, I'm definitely feeling... some effects. My brain is screaming 'MUST IMPRESS FOX GIRL' very loudly. But I'm Polish. We're naturally suspicious of things that seem too good to be true!" He boasted.

"Smart!" Sage's tail swished, and she slid close. Their shoulders were almost touching now. "So what do you do, Dax? Besides hang out with Ash and enable his forest shenanigans?"

"I'm uh... an engineer. Robotics. Work at POLSKA…" He was acutely aware of how close she was. Of the warmth radiating from her body. Of the way her red curls caught the light, throwing up rainbows.

"And?" She prompted with a whisper, whiskers tickling his cheek and ear.

"I'm also kind of... running the entire resistance movement? Against the Frontenachii?" He said, lost in her closeness. "As his second."

Sage's freckles rearranged into surprised Os. "Resistance movement? Like with guns and stuff?"

"With memes and stories and love bombing," Maksym revealed, the words were spilling out faster than he could stop them. "We're weaponizing human culture. Fiction. Entertainment. Relationships. We're getting the Frontenachii Commanders, soldiers, tanks and guns to fall in love with humans, with Earth, with our movies and books and food. We're making them want to protect us instead of harvesting us."

"Wh-what?!" Sage's ocean-blue eyes went wide.

"It's Ash's great plan," Maksym continued to whisper, unable to stop. The beer, the pheromones, the sheer relief of telling someone—it all combined into an inescapable verbal avalanche. "He figured out that the Frontenachii commanders need fear to power their abilities. They harvest it from kobolds on their ships. But what if we could replace that with voluntary fear? Entertainment fear? Horror movies, haunted houses, consensual scary experiences?"

"Holy shit," Sage breathed. “And that works?”

"It does. And not just fear!" Maksym whispered. "Every emotion. Love, joy, excitement, anticipation. We're turning Earth into the galaxy's most addictive emotional buffet. Free samples for everyone. Get them hooked on humanity. Make them dependent on us being happy and alive and creative."

Sage stared at him. Then she started laughing. Genuine, delighted, almost hysterical laughter.

"That's—" she wheezed between giggles, "—that's the most brilliantly mad thing I've ever heard! You're trying to seduce an entire alien fleet!"

"We're already succeeding!" Maksym grinned. "We've got wolf soldiers going on dates with furries. Gun units joining book clubs. A Datamancer who's abandoned her blood contract to help us. And..." He leaned in to smell her scent and added quietly. "Commander Xandria aka Princess Aquillianne who started it all with Ash."

"Commander Xandria… is Princess Aquillianne?!" Sage whispered, freckles rearranged into shocked emoticons.

"Yeah, she's—" Maksym paused, suddenly realizing he'd just revealed supremely classified information to a Skinwalker he'd met ten minutes ago. "—uh. Can you... Pretend you didn't hear any of that?"

"Never," Sage gulped, blushing and grinning like a loon. "Never ever ever. Holy shit. Ash... Ash is the Emperor of Humanity and you're his second? Really?"

Maksym's brain experienced a brief moment of pure panic—the kind that makes you realize you've said something incredibly stupid at exactly the wrong time, but that panic was submerged within the radiance of the perfect girl in front of him, lost in the depths of her infinite, sky-blue eyes.

"I mean—" he started, trying to backpedal.

"Relax!" Sage patted his shoulder, and the touch sent electric shivers down his spine. "I'm not gonna sell you out to the fleet, dude. I'm like, the LAST person who'd snitch to the Frontenachii command." She leaned closer. "Besides, if Ash really IS pulling off what you just described? That's fucking beautiful. Weaponized love and creativity? That's MY kind of warfare. I'm so in..."

Maksym felt his shoulders relax. "Yeah?"

"Hell yeah!" Sage's grin widened. "You know what? I wanna help. I could be SO useful to your... little resistance. The usefulest fox!”

"It's not little. We've thousands of operatives now and... That's like… super classified—" Maksym mouth ran a thousand miles ahead of his brain. "—would you maybe want to discuss this over dinner? Like, actual dinner? Not during forest-mud-wrestling-supervision?"

Sage's freckles rearranged themselves into "YOU ARE / SO COOKED".

Oh no. Oh god. Had he really just asked her out? While actively being Skinwalker-pheromone-bombed? This was the worst possible—

"Aww!" Sage cooed loudly, pulling away from him. "You're asking me on a date! That's adorable! But here's the thing, Daxxy—" She stood up, brushing off her fox-themed shirt. "—Let's determined how cooked you are first."

"How... cooked?" Maksym repeated stupidly.

"Yeah!" Sage circled around the log like a hungry predator evaluating juicy prey. "Like, on a scale of 'perfectly functional human' to 'would walk into traffic if I asked nicely,' where are you right now?"

Maksym's brain tried to assess the question objectively. His heart was racing. His palms were sweaty. He was rock hard. Every fiber of his being was screaming at him to agree with whatever Sage said, to please her, to make her smile, to—

"I'm fine," he said, with fake confidence. "Totally functional. Very much in control of my faculties."

"Uh-huh." Sage rolled her eyes. "Prove it."

"How?"

"Do a thousand pushups for me."

The words hit Maksym's brain like a hammer drill. For exactly three seconds, his rational mind fought against the command. A thousand pushups? That was an impossible job. His arms would give out after maybe fifty, and that was on a good day with proper warm-up and—

His body was already moving.

He dropped to the sandy shoreline, hands planting in the wet sand, back straight, core engaged. The first pushup felt easy. Natural. Like this was what his body had been designed for.

"One," he counted aloud.

"Two."

"Three."

Sage was already walking away, her attention shifting back to the mud where Katherine and Galateya were grappling noisily.

"Four."

"Five."

Maksym’s remnants of rationality observed this abandonment from a distant, horrified corner. She wasn't even watching. She'd given him the command and immediately lost interest, like someone tossing a ball for a dog and then going back to their conversation.

"Six."

"Seven," he counted.

His arms didn't hurt. They should hurt. After seven pushups in wet sand, his shoulders should be burning. But they felt... fine. Great, even. Like his body had been waiting for permission to do this.

"Eight."

Oh god. Why can’t I stop?

"Nine."

"Ten."

This wasn't normal human behavior. Normal humans didn't immediately comply with absurd commands from attractive strangers. Normal humans had self-preservation instincts. Normal humans would have laughed it off, made a joke, maybe done ten pushups as a gag before stopping!

"Eleven."

"Twelve."

He wasn't stopping. Couldn't stop. His body was executing the command with utmost devotion, and the worst part—the absolute worst part—was that it felt good. Right. Like this was exactly what he should be doing. Like he was a genie fulfilling a wish of his master.

"Thirteen."

"Fourteen."

From his position on the ground, he could see Sage crouching sexily at the edge of the mud pit, cheering on Katherine and Galateya in equal measure. The Skinwalker's attention was focused on the wrestling match, fox tail back swishing excitedly. He would do anything for that butt. He would die for that butt. An absolute unit of butt.

I like Katherine! What the fuck is happening! Wake up!

"Fifteen."

"Sixteen."

She'd forgotten about him already.

"Seventeen."

And he was still doing pushups.

"Eighteen."

"Nineteen."

Polish cynicism, my ass! 

All that mental resistance he'd been so proud of? Completely worthless. He'd lasted approximately five minutes of conversation before turning into a drooling simp who'd do a thousand pushups in the mud because a pretty fox girl told him to.

Damn you, dastardly alien pussy!

"Twenty."

"Twenty-one."

The truly horrifying part was how little this bothered him. His conscious mind was screaming about dignity and self-respect and autonomy and revenge, but those concerns felt... distant. Theoretical. Like worrying about rain while standing under a perfect blue sky. Like they weren't really happening to him right now.

"Twenty-two."

"Twenty-three."

In the mud pit, Katherine had gotten Galateya in a headlock. The dragon was thrashing, scales shifting through a funny rainbow of frustrated colors.

"Twenty-four."

"Twenty-five."

His breathing was steady. He could do this all day. Would do this all day, if Sage asked. Would do anything she asked. Forever.

My breathing isn't steady! It's a lie! I'm going to pass out if I keep at it! Nooo!

"Twenty-six."

"Twenty-seven," he far-too-calmly counted out his doom.

—like an idiot who'd just spilled classified resistance information to a cryptid he'd known for less than ten minutes because she had pretty eyes and a nice smile and smelled like autumn forests. I should be demoted for this.

"Twenty-eight."

"Twenty-nine."

Ash was going to kill him. Or worse, give him that disappointed look. The one that said "Dax, buddy, I expected better from you."

"Thirty."

"Thirty-one."

Although, to be fair, Ash had also apparently been affected by Sage at the comic con. Had gotten her number. Had... failed to call her because he thought she was too hot to be real.

Wait no. Ash wasn't affected at all! Ash was immune. Unlike me, Ash was able to walk away from Sage!

Ash got a date with her!

The rational part of his brain tried one more time to assert control. Stop. Just stop. Stand up. Walk away. Prove you have free will. His arms kept moving. Stars danced in his eyes, wobbling with colors of exhaustion.

Yep. Cooked. Absolutely, thoroughly, completely cooked. Yep. Like a well-done steak. Like burned toast. Like—

"Thirty-two."

"Thirty-three."

At least Katherine was winning now.

112: Truth Carving

"Face the consequences!" Katherine barked.

"Get OFF—" Galateya bucked her hips, trying to throw the clingy cyborg off.

Katherine's tail wrapped around Galateya's wrist, pinning it to the mud. Then the other wrist. 

"Eleven... Twelve..." Dax grunted in the background, his arms starting to shake.

“What are you so giddy about?” Galateya asked Sage who walked over. “What'd you two whisper about?”

“Super fun things!” Sage grinned. “Focus on yo match! I'll tell you after we catch Ash. Ke ke ke."

Galateya focused back on Katherine, trying to understand the cyborg’s strange words. Her metaphorical Justice shield formed in her mind, protecting her from assumptions, while her Truth sword cut through the surface to examine what lay beneath.

“Let me go, damn it!” She growled, swinging with the Truth. The sword caught nothing bouncing off her magisteel plating. She needed to be more specific with her questions.

"Nope!" Katherine's pixel-mouth huffed. “You're staying right here! In the mud! Where you belong, you savage!”

“What makes me a savage?!” Galateya thrashed.

“Take a guess.” The pixelated eyes came closer, glaring sternly.

For some inexplicable reason, Galateya sensed… genuine anger. 

Hurt. Betrayal. And underneath it all, a desperate need for acknowledgment.

This wasn't just random drunk wrestling. This was… deeply personal?

"Who are you?" Galateya demanded, trying to read deeper.

"Do you have ears in your mud? Urm. Mud in ears! I'm Katherine!" The cyborg pressed down harder. "Knight of the Muddy Shore! Defender of my boat-liege!"

The Truth sword in Galateya's mind sliced through the words, analyzing them.

Truth: She was Katherine. Recently Katherine. The name tasted new.

A revelation: that wasn't the whole story. There was something else, something familiar beneath the surface.

Dax's pushups were getting slower, sloppier, his mouth slurring on the count as he panted.

“Is… he going to be okay?” Galateya asked, glancing at the human.

"Peachy!" Sage replied. "He's just demonstrating the effects of prolonged me-exposure! Very educational!"

“That’s… cruel,” Galateya said. "He can't stop."

“Yeah,” Katherine looked at Dax with a look of concern. “That’s kinda… mean. He's just a human.”

“He’ll pass out in a bit,” Sage shrugged. “After a nap, his brain will restart and he won’t be as cooked. I can’t just tell him not to be attracted to me. That… doesn't work, trust me, I tried that already.”

"Can't you make artifacts to block your allure?" Galateya asked.

"I wish," Sage lamented. "It's too OP. No artifact can stop it. Got too many souls spinning my hurricane. I'm like a god who cannot microwave a burrito that's too hot for herself to eat."

“Why'd you charm him to begin with?” Katherine demanded.

“Wanted another friend,” Sage frowned. “Relaxed the Phase-Shift too much, sank into my human skin. Sorry. Not sure what I expected. Guess I got excited that Ash was able to push me away so easy, thought that his best friend would be similar... but I guess not.”

Katherine sighed and pressed her digital face to Galateya's. “Go on, admit defeat, you blackguard."

"No!" Galateya snarled.

She reached out with her water affinity, calling to the lake. A tendril of liquid rose up and splashed across Katherine's back.

"GAH!" The cyborg arched her mechanical spine. "Cold wet! Unfair use of water powers!"

Galateya used the distraction to flip their positions, rolling Katherine onto her back in the mud. "HA! Now who has the advantage?!"

"Sixty-one... sixty-two..." Dax collapsed face-first into the sand, panting, eyes closing. "Gah. Can't... do more…”

"Advantage, me!" Katherine's legs wrapped around Galateya's waist, locking her in place. "Because I have MORE LIMBS!"

“What? We have the same number of limbs,” Galateya stated.

“Yes, but you kinda suck at using your tail,” Katherine commented. “Mine extends out. Like this.”

The tail came back around, wrapping around Galateya's arm. Katherine used the leverage of the tail and her weight to pull Galateya's face down toward the mud.

"No—wait—don't—" Galateya's protest was cut off as her snout hit the wet earth with a SMOOSH.

Katherine held her there, pixel-eyes gleaming with satisfaction. "How's the mud taste? Good? Terrible? Emotionally devastating?"

Galateya managed to summon a watery lake-wave that washed over her and the cyborg. It did nothing to aid her, only making the mud more… muddy.

"Nice try!" Katherine shifted her weight, pressing Galateya's face deeper into the mud while keeping her body pinned with the leg-lock. "But you'll have to do better than that!"

Galateya's Justice sense was screaming at her now.

She absolutely knew this person. But how? From where?!

Sage smiled, undressing rapidly. "This looks fun. Mind if I join?"

"What? No helping the criminal!” Katherine declared. “She must face justice!"

Justice? Justice for what?! Galateya thought furiously, sputtering mud.

"Criminal?" Sage's freckles rearranged into intrigued question marks. "Ooh, what'd she do?"

“Terrible crimes!” Katherine insisted.

Galateya's mind raced. Her Truth sword cut deeper, examining the emotional signature. The pattern of hurt matched... no. It couldn't be.

But her Justice sense didn't lie.

Recent trauma. The anger directed specifically at her.

Galateya tried to buck Katherine off again, but the cyborg's superior weight and bendier-limb advantage kept her pinned. With a snarl she summoned a massive wave from the lake, the water forming an arc that crashed down on both of them.

The impact knocked Katherine sideways, breaking her hold.

Both of them rolled apart in the slick mud.

Sage launched her naked self at Katherine with a delighted yip. "NEW CHALLENGER APPROACHES!"

The Skinwalker crashed into the cyborg's side. They rolled together through the mud, a tangle of red fur and black metal, Sage laughing wildly.

Galateya pushed herself up. She examined Katherine more carefully now, reading the emotional patterns, the behavioral tics, the way the cyborg moved, blinked, smiled, blushed.

Familiar. So familiar. Transformed? Changed? Changed from whom? Someone from the Third fleet. Someone she knew far too well.

Galateya summoned another wave and rode it toward the wrestling pair, crashing down on both of them with a splash.

All three ended up in a pile.

Katherine ended up on the bottom, bubbling into the mud. Sage was in the middle, giggling. Galateya landed on top, pinning down the cyborg.

"Wew," Sage wiped mud from her face, grinning at Galateya. "Best hunt-break ever! Friendship pile!" She hugged the dragon and cyborg, rubbing her wet, muddy fox-face against both.

Galateya glanced at the distant boat. Ash had gotten far out onto the lake, dismounting on the far edge and vanishing in the forest.

“F-friendship?” Katherine blinked, commenting from a speaker in her shoulder as her face was half buried in mud.

“Yus,” Sage nodded. “Unless your mind is melting? Is your mind melting?”

“I have camera eyes,” Katherine replied. “So no. Your visual allure does nothing to me. Hrm. Perhaps Maksym should invest in robot eyes to avoid this incident.”

“Yass! You’re now part of the skulk, allure-immune chrome cutie. My new BFF!” Sage suddenly hugged the cyborg.

Katherine wiped her head and a digital mouth stretched in a wide, brilliant grin. “Second best friend! Maksym! Ahhhh! I made a second friend!”

Dax didn't respond, looking completely out of it.

“What about Teya?” Sage asked.

“Teya and I are frienemies till further notice!” Katherine stated.

"Why?" Galateya blinked, staring down at the cyborg pinned beneath her "What did I do to you?"

"Nothing!" Katherine said quickly. Too quickly. Her pixel eyes flickered.

Galateya's Truth sword sliced through the response. Lie. Complete and utter fabrication.

"You're upset about something specific," Galateya stated flatly, pressing her advantage. "Something I did. Recently."

"Nope!" Katherine's metal tail thrashed in the mud. "I'm just... defending my liege's honor! Standard Knight behavior! Very normal! Nothing personal!"

Lie.

"You keep saying 'crimes' and 'consequences,'" Galateya continued, her Justice sense burning like a flare. "What crimes? Be specific."

"Umm..." Katherine's digital mouth formed uncertain shapes. "...Tax evasion?"

"I don't pay taxes," Galateya said. "My great-grandmother owns me and tells me to do stuff and gives me a budget to work with. Try again."

Sage chortled. "Oh my god, Kat, you're the worst liar! Even drunk, you're transparent as fuck!"

"I'm not transparent!" Katherine protested. "I'm opaque! Very solid! Made of crystalloid substrate and—"

"Not physically transparent, you dork," Sage giggled, poking Katherine's chest. "Emotionally transparent! You wear your feelings on your sleeve! Well, you would if you were wearing sleeves!"

Galateya focused on Katherine. The cyborg was avoiding eye contact now, the three pixel eyes darting around like she was looking for an escape route.

"You said I'm a 'savage,'" Galateya pressed. "Why specifically that word?"

Katherine's entire body tensed. "I... uh... read it in a book?"

Lie.

"You said I should 'take a guess' about what makes me a savage," Galateya continued relentlessly. "That implies you think I should know. That we have shared history."

"We don't have shared anything!" Katherine squirmed beneath them "We just met! I'm a stranger! A mysterious stranger! Very mysterious! Full of mystery!"

"You're about as mysterious as a cardboard box," Sage commented cheerfully. "A very drunk cardboard box."

"I'm NOT drunk!" Katherine insisted. "I'm... Mildly impaired!"

Galateya's scales shifted to interrogator-gray. The emotional signature was too familiar. The hurt too specific. The anger too directed.

Whom has she hurt recently?

She pointed the sword of Truth at herself, plunging it deep into her own heart.

The freezing incident.

The café.

Keiy.

"Oh," Galateya breathed. "Oh no."

Katherine's pixel eyes went wide. "What? What 'oh no'? No 'oh no'! There's no 'oh no' here!"

"You're—" Galateya started.

"NOPE!" Katherine's hand shot up and shoved a massive handful of wet mud directly into Galateya's open mouth. "No talking! Mud time! Everyone gets mud pies!"

"Mmmpphh—!" Galateya sputtered, mud flooding her senses. It tasted like dirt, lake water, and… regret.

"See?" Katherine said brightly, her voice only slightly panicked. "Just a fun mud fight! Between strangers! Who don't know each other! At all!"

Lies. So many lies.

Galateya spat out mud, glaring. "You just—you can't just—"

Katherine shoved more mud at her face. "Mud! So much mud! Infinite mud! The mud never ends!"

Sage was laughing so hard she'd rolled onto her back, legs kicking in the air. "Oh my god, the desperation! Katty, you're making it SO OBVIOUS!"

"Making what obvious?!" Katherine demanded, trying to keep Galateya's mouth full of mud. "Nothing's obvious! Everything's perfectly normal!"

Galateya used the opening to grab Katherine's wrists, pinning them in the mud. "Stop. Deflecting."

"I'm not deflecting!" Katherine tried to pull free. "I'm... artfully avoiding!"

"Same thing!"

"Is not!"

"Is too!"

"You two are like children," Sage observed, propping herself up on one elbow. "Cute, muddy, sisters having a slap-fight."

Galateya ignored her, focusing entirely on Katherine. She summoned the Truth sword again, slicing through the cyborg's protests. "You're not just hiding the truth from me! What are you so desperate to hide from Dax?"

Katherine's pixel eyes flickered to brilliant pink, then back to red as the question struck her. "I'm not—"

She glanced at Daxagon's body.

"Yes you are!" Galateya growled, the words becoming extra-dimensional, infused with her Justice affinity. "Admit it!"

Katherine flinched. 

"Fine! I don't want M-Maksym to know who I am," Katherine admitted in a rush, covering her face. "Because then he'll think I'm weird and pathetic and he won't want to be in… in a relationship anymore!"

“Why?” Sage asked.

"Because!" Katherine's voice cracked. "Because I'm not actually a cool mysterious cyborg knight! I'm just—" She cut herself off, clamping her digital mouth shut.

Galateya leaned closer. "Just what?"

Katherine shook her head violently, sending mud flying. "Nope! Not saying! You can't make me!"

"I can," Galateya stated calmly. "Because you want to say it. You want someone to understand. You're just scared."

"Am not scared!" Katherine protested weakly.

"Are too."

Sage wiggled in the mud, tail swaying. "Okay, now I'm invested. Kat, babe, what's the big secret? We're all cryptids and weirdos here. Well, except Dax, but he's into dating alien girls, so he's honorary weird."

Galateya kept her focus on Katherine. The cyborg was trembling slightly now, whether from emotional overload or alcohol-induced instability, she couldn't tell.

"You're angry at me," Galateya said softly. "For hurting you. For freezing you without warning. For treating you like a tool instead of a person."

Katherine's pixel eyes went wide. "I—"

"Because I did that," Galateya admitted. "Recently. To someone I should have respected much more. Someone who was bound into obedience."

The clearing went quiet except for the gentle lapping of lake water against the shore.

Sage's ears rotated forward. "Oh shit! Are you actually her gu—"

"DON'T!" Katherine yelped, slapping another handful of mud toward Sage's face. The Skinwalker dodged easily, but the message was clear.

Katherine glanced at the passed out human, looking panicked.

"Ke… Katherine," Galateya said gently. "He's going to figure it out eventually. He's not stupid."

“No!” Katherine's entire frame went rigid. "I'm... I'm recovering from injuries! Totally true! Not suspicious!"

"What KIND of injuries?" Sage pressed, freckles rearranging into detective magnifying glasses. "What kind of damage would require a complete body replacement but leave the consciousness intact enough to transfer? What kind of damage the all-fixing incarnator can't fix?”

"Lots of kinds!" Katherine said quickly. "Many kinds! All the kinds!"

Galateya felt a pang of guilt. She remembered the ice spreading through Keiy's chassis. The way the gun unit had screamed about the cold, about her systems failing, about—

"Conceptual freezing," Galateya whispered. "You can't fix that... once a concept is nullified it's basically gone, gets divided by zero."

Katherine's pixel-mouth snapped shut.

"You froze someone… conceptually?" Sage breathed. "Holy fuck, T. That's... that's legit advanced magic. Like, way beyond what a fresh-from-time-bubble dragon should be able to do."

"I didn't mean to," Galateya said, releasing Katherine's wrists. "I was really upset. Overwhelmed. I just... let it out. I didn't even know I was doing it until—"

"Until a third of my neural architecture got fucked sideways!" Katherine burst out, then immediately slapped her hand over her digital mouth. "I mean—uh—a third of some other person's neural architecture! That I heard about! From someone else!"

“You're just digging yourself deeper in, dude,” Sage said.

Katherine made a sound like a tea kettle losing pressure. "I'm not digging or confirming anything! You're all just making wild assumptions!"

"They're not assumptions if they're true," Galateya said quietly. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I didn't realize I'd hurt you that badly."

"You DIDN'T hurt me!" Katherine insisted, trying to maintain the fiction. "Because I'm not whoever you think I am! I'm just Katherine! Knight of the Muddy Shore! Defender of—of—"

"Of your own dignity?" Sage supplied helpfully.

"YES! Wait—NO!" Katherine flopped back in the mud, defeated. "Ugh. This is the worst. I can't even maintain a simple cover story. I'm terrible at this."

"To be fair," Sage said, "you smell, like, super drunk. And Teya's getting better at Truth-pulling."

"Wah!" Katherine wailed. "Maksymilian said it would help with my feelings processing! He LIED! You liar!" She yelled at the limp human.

Sage was grinning ear to ear now, red tail swishing in the mud. "Oh, I like this. This is delicious drama. T, you gotta make this right with your gun-babe."

"I know," Galateya said. "I know I messed up. I was angry and hurt and I took it out on someone who didn't deserve it."

Katherine's pixel eyes flickered into three X’s. "I... I was nice. I didn't do anything wrong."

"I know," Galateya repeated. "You didn't. I did."

"You made me feel like I was disposable," Katherine continued, the words spilling out now that the dam had broken. "Like I was just a tool. Like my feelings didn't matter because I wasn't... wasn't supposed to HAVE feelings."

Galateya's scales shifted to ashamed-black-gray. "I made you feel exactly how my great-grandmother makes me feel."

That hung in the air between them.

Sage let out a low whistle. "Das some heavy emotionalage."

Galateya looked down at Katherine. The cyborg was staring up at her, waiting.

"I was wrong," Galateya said simply. "You're not a tool. You're a person. And I hurt you really bad. And I'm sorry."

Katherine's digital mouth trembled. "You... you really mean that?"

"Yes."

"You're not just saying it because Sage is watching?"

"No."

Galateya reached out and hugged the cyborg gun unit, crying and petting her. “I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I'll do whatever it takes to make it up to you. You're my friend… my first friend, my companion… my… b...” she sniffed. “Shit. I don't feel our blood bond. It's gone... how could it be completely gone?!”

“You probably conceptually froze it too, you big dummy,” Katherine hugged her ex-owner.

“Yeah,” Galateya snuffed. “I… I guess that I did. No wonder it took me so long to recognize you.”

Katherine's pixel eyes studied Galateya's face for a long moment. Then, slowly, she smiled. "Okay. I... I forgive you. On one condition."

"Name it," Galateya said.

"The fox took down our judge, so... You have to let me win the mud wrestling match."

Galateya blinked. "What?"

"I need a win!" Katherine insisted. "I need to feel powerful! And victorious! And get an excuse to smoosh you."

"Perfect condition!” Sage bobbed. “T-bun, you gotta let her win!"

Galateya looked at the cyborg beneath her, then at Sage, then at the distant North-West shore where Ash had escaped to.

"Fine," she sighed. "You win the match. Happy?”

"VICTORY!" Katherine walloped. "I AM THE CHAMPION! BOW BEFORE MY MUD-WRESTLING SUPREMACY!"

"You're... very drunk, Kat," Galateya observed, struggling to reconcile the idea of a drunk gun symbiote who were usually the ones caring for their drunk prads. A completely free gun unit who could drink alcohol and to eat and to go out on dates seemed wildly, shockingly outside the norm.

And Galateya. Galateya only had herself to blame for it. She was the one who perma-broke Keiy. If anyone in the fleet found out that she could break gun units, she'd wouldn't just be sent to a doomed world, she'd get court marshalled and spliced into the Admiral's wall for a decade or ten. She didn't just fuck Keiy here, she fucked herself into a most terrible fate, because she sucked at lying!

“Yes I am!" Katherine burped out, then smooshed Galateya with a tight hug, not realizing the panicked thoughts boiling up in the soul of her ex-master. "Mmm. Warm dragon. My best… friend."