Stupid Sexy Cryptids [101-103]

101: The Emperor Calls For Aid

I didn't run far.

In fact, I barely made it fifty feet into the treeline before I stopped, crouched behind a massive Douglas fir, and activated the gun unit headband's enhanced auditory sensors.

Suddenly, I could hear everything—the rustling of pine needles, the distant cry of a hawk. Most importantly, I could focus the magitek device specifically to pick up Sage and Galateya's conversation from the distant parking lot with crystal clarity.

"The key to good marksmanship," Sage's voice came through, "is to not think about it too hard..."

I pulled out my phone and opened CrawdGPT, typing quickly: [What are the hunting weaknesses of foxes? How can prey evade a fox?]

While the AI processed, I started moving. Not away from the parking lot, but around it. A wide, careful circle that would hopefully confuse her tracking. The gun unit exoskeleton didn't tire me out as I traversed over uneven terrain—no lactic acid buildup, no burning lungs, no cramping muscles. Just smooth, mechanical efficiency where I barely had to break a sweat.

The chatbot's response popped up:

[Foxes rely heavily on their hearing and sense of smell for hunting. Their weaknesses include:

1. Circular movement confusion: Foxes hunt in relatively straight lines. Prey that doubles back or moves in circles can confuse their tracking.

2. Water crossings: Water disrupts scent trails significantly.

3. Height advantage: Foxes are terrestrial hunters. Climbing trees or elevated positions puts you outside their natural pursuit pattern.

4. Distraction through multiple trails: Foxes focus on one scent path. Creating multiple diverging trails can overwhelm their tracking.

5. Noise masking: Foxes use sound to locate prey. Environmental noise (running water, wind through trees) can mask movement sounds.]

I smiled. Continue to circle the parking lot it was, then. Create a confusing spiral of scent trails while I gathered intelligence about my hunters’ plans.

"I've never hunted anything," Galateya voiced.

I quickly texted Dax: Being hunted by Galateya and Skinwalker fox with paintball guns. Need evasion tips. CrawdGPT suggests circles and water crossings. Thoughts?

[Zorro(╯°Z°）╯]: bro wtf. Why are you being hunted by your own consort and a Skinwalker??? Where did you even find a Skinwalker?

[Emperor of Earth ಠ_ಠ]: long story. Sage is one of the local Skinwalkers…

I quickly explained to Dax the events of this morning, starting with the flop of Count Chocula plan and ending with me agreeing to be hunted down for sport.

[Zorro(╯°Z°）╯]: that's all sorts of whack 😂 

Dax replied after I was done ranting about my morning.

[Zorro(╯°Z°）╯]: so you volunteered as tribute? very noble. 

[Emperor of Earth ಠ_ಠ]: sacrifices had to be made. Teya froze the hell outta the entire Books and Nooks cafe and made Keiy into a gunsicle

[Zorro(╯°Z°）╯]: LMAOOOOO

[Emperor of Earth ಠ_ಠ]: keiy didn't think it was funny 

[Zorro(╯°Z°）╯]: poor gun bae. anyway, ur dealing with a magical dragon and fox yes?

[Emperor of Earth ಠ_ಠ]: Skinwalker who ate like 9000 fox souls. 

[Zorro(╯°Z°）╯]: ...

[Zorro(╯°Z°）╯]: bro

[Zorro(╯°Z°）╯]: BRO

[Zorro(╯°Z°）╯]: you are SO FUCKED

[Emperor of Earth ಠ_ಠ]: thanks for the vote of confidence

[Zorro(╯°Z°）╯]: 9000 fox souls prolly means 9000 fox worth of hunting instincts. she probably smells you from orbit. why are all your girlfriends walking WMDs?

[Emperor of Earth ಠ_ಠ]: Sage is not my girlfriend

[Zorro(╯°Z°）╯]: YET. give it 5 hours max. you're gonna wife that fox aren't you

[Emperor of Earth ಠ_ಠ]: …

[Zorro(╯°Z°）╯]: CALLED IT! 😂 anyway. what are the rules of this hunt?

I paused behind a thick cedar.

[Emperor of Earth ಠ_ಠ]: no vehicles, stay in forest, I have 22 min head start, six hours duration, if they catch me, teya and sage get to ask one completely honest question

[Zorro(╯°Z°）╯]: and if you WIN?

[Emperor of Earth ಠ_ಠ]: I get to ask each of them one completely honest question

[Zorro(╯°Z°）╯]: I see. what would you even ask?

[Emperor of Earth ಠ_ಠ]: haven't thought that far ahead

[Zorro(╯°Z°）╯]: liar. you're ALWAYS thinking 10 steps ahead. you probably have 3 contingency plans already

[Emperor of Earth ಠ_ಠ]: the planning is happening right now

[Zorro(╯°Z°）╯]: aight. ok so. rules say no vehicles FOR YOU, right? doesn't say anything about ME bringing you supplies

[Emperor of Earth ಠ_ಠ]: go on

[Zorro(╯°Z°）╯]: they will track u by smell, yeah? 

[Emperor of Earth ಠ_ಠ]: yes

[Zorro(╯°Z°）╯]: so we OVERWHELM their nose. I can hit up the prank shop, grab every stink bomb, fart spray, and nasty smell thing they got. crack them all open along your escape trail, create a CLOUD of olfactory war crimes

[Emperor of Earth ಠ_ಠ]: i like the way you think

[Zorro(╯°Z°）╯]: gotta show the aliens who's the real predator round these parts. I can also grab ropes, climbing gear, maybe some of those party poppers that make loud noises

[Emperor of Earth ಠ_ಠ]: bring some food too, I'll probably get hungry. Hmm. Bring food for girls in a takeout container. write "to sage and teya, thought you could use a snack". Sabotage it with pepper or something. Maybe glitter? Maybe a stink bomb too. Be creative.

[Zorro(╯°Z°）╯]: gotya

Sage yelled excitedly: "YESSS! First shot! Perfect hit! Steve's gonna think twice before stealing sandwiches now!" 

[Emperor of Earth ಠ_ಠ]: they're shooting seagulls

[Zorro(╯°Z°）╯]: why

[Emperor of Earth ಠ_ಠ]: target practice

[Zorro(╯°Z°）╯]: on SEAGULLS?

[Emperor of Earth ಠ_ಠ]: Sage says they're all guilty of being smug bastards 

[Zorro(╯°Z°）╯]: I love her already. gimme me your location

[Emperor of Earth ಠ_ಠ]: goodlemaps/88473...

I shared the link to my phone's GPS tracker

[Emperor of Earth ಠ_ಠ]: wait.

[Zorro(╯°Z°）╯]: yea?

[Emperor of Earth ಠ_ಠ]: you're in my house still?

[Zorro(╯°Z°）╯]: where else would I be?

[Emperor of Earth ಠ_ಠ]: go to the laundry room in the basement. Put on my most smelly shirts and shove rest into a backpack. tell Piotr and Linari to do the same. Drive them both here and ask them to run around the park. Multiple me scents!

[Zorro(╯°Z°）╯]: oh that's fucking devious

[Emperor of Earth ಠ_ಠ]: also, stop at the Pier Shark shop n rent me a diving mask n oxygen tank.

[Zorro(╯°Z°）╯]: A DIVING MASK? IN A FOREST HUNT? 😂 

[Emperor of Earth ಠ_ಠ]: Lake Crescent is right there. Can't smell or hear me underwater

[Zorro(╯°Z°）╯]: ok Sun Tzu calm down. isnt Teya a taniwha?

[Emperor of Earth ಠ_ಠ]: yes, Teya is a water dragon, but I doubt that she has enough experience to chase me underwater.

[Zorro(╯°Z°）╯]: lotta wat-ifs

[Emperor of Earth ಠ_ಠ]: I'll need more distractions and ways to misdirect them. What's the most annoying sound on earth?

[Zorro(╯°Z°）╯]: your mom's voice asking when you're getting married?

[Emperor of Earth ಠ_ಠ]: besides that

[Zorro(╯°Z°）╯]: vuvuzelas? those annoying plastic horns from soccer games?

[Emperor of Earth ಠ_ಠ]: those aren't remote operated. 🤔 Oh! Voicecast rings can broadcast my voice to places where I am not. Ask Linari to make you a voicecast ring. No, several rings!

Sage voiced in the background : "Real talk, T. Even if you don't want a relationship with me… I'll take your friendship."

Oh wow, feeling revelations. A curious depth to the Skinwalker fox.

[Zorro(╯°Z°）╯]: asked Linari for the rings. Etty is breaking a wall to make em. You really this dedicated to kicking their ass, eh? What is your goal here? Why not just get caught and answer two questions?

[Emperor of Earth ಠ_ಠ]: ill get caught if and when I feel like it

[Zorro(╯°Z°）╯]: uh-huh

[Emperor of Earth ಠ_ಠ]: wat

[Zorro(╯°Z°）╯]: you already have THREE girlfriends. T H R E E. that's already 2 more than most guys get in a LIFETIME

[Emperor of Earth ಠ_ಠ]: teya isn't my girlfriend she's my political consort.

[Emperor of Earth ಠ_ಠ]: and Sage sounds like she's a lot into teya. I think that sage would be good for teya. She needs friends who aren't trapped in the Frontenachii hierarchy. Sage is completely outside that system

[Zorro(╯°Z°）╯]: and how does that benefit YOU specifically?

[Emperor of Earth ಠ_ಠ]: it doesn't? I'm trying to help teya be less isolated and depressed. 

[Zorro(╯°Z°）╯]: ash. bro. homie. you told me you about to be BLOOD BOUND to this fox girl through teya. you realize that right? she's gonna be her knight. that puts her in YOUR circle by extension

[Emperor of Earth ಠ_ಠ]: and?

[Zorro(╯°Z°）╯]: and your domestic situation is evolving into a sitcom. "My Cryptid Girlfriends Can't Possibly Be This Cute"

[Emperor of Earth ಠ_ಠ]: you watch too much anime

[Zorro(╯°Z°）╯]: YOU LIVE TOO MUCH ANIME

[Emperor of Earth ಠ_ಠ]: U jelly?

[Zorro(╯°Z°）╯]: maybe. Can I have the fox if ur not into her?

[Emperor of Earth ಠ_ಠ]: ...

[Zorro(╯°Z°）╯]: ?

[Emperor of Earth ಠ_ಠ]: how would u even handle a Skinwalker who melts your brain constantly by looking too hot?

[Zorro(╯°Z°）╯]: I'd wear a bucket on my head. problem solved

[Emperor of Earth ಠ_ಠ]: lol you know, that sorta thing did work 😂 when I met her last year, she was in a full body cosplay. We chatted for like twenty minutes

[Zorro(╯°Z°）╯]: WAIT. WAIT WAIT WAIT

[Zorro(╯°Z°）╯]: you MET Sage BEFORE???

[Emperor of Earth ಠ_ಠ]: yeah at ECCC last year. she had a booth selling cosplay prints of herself

[Zorro(╯°Z°）╯]: and you DIDN'T TELL ME THIS???

[Emperor of Earth ಠ_ಠ]: it didn't seem relevant? I talked to a lot of vendors that day 

[Zorro(╯°Z°）╯]: more deets plz

[Emperor of Earth ಠ_ಠ]: She gave me a print of herself as that thief girl from that pirate anime in a tiniest bikini possible. She wrote her gram number on the back

[Zorro(╯°Z°）╯]: AND YOU DIDN'T PM HER?????

[Emperor of Earth ಠ_ಠ]: I thought she was bamboozling me into buying lewds. She gave her gram number and free pics to a bunch of  fat nerds too

[Zorro(╯°Z°）╯]: ash. ASH. my guy. my DUDE. you are literally the densest motherfucker alive

[Emperor of Earth ಠ_ಠ]: shush u. I scoped her Instagram from the URL on the photo. She had like 150k followers and posted endless thirst traps. nothing but ass pics w links to her gonelyfans. I honestly thought that they were all AI generated or shopped. Gave me this... uncanny perfect ass vibe. Asses don't look that good in reality.

Daxagon(╯°Д°）╯]: so what you're telling me is that the universe has been trying to hook you up with this foxgirl for OVER A YEAR and you were too dense to notice. Is her ass actually that good IRL?

[Emperor of Earth ಠ_ಠ]: yes. Yes it is. It's incredibly distracting

[Zorro(╯°Z°）╯]: you know what? I'm charging you for this hunt ass-istance operation

[Emperor of Earth ಠ_ಠ]: charging me what?

[Zorro(╯°Z°）╯]: cryptid waifus. future tense. you clearly have a talent for collecting them. I expect to be paid in referrals

[Emperor of Earth ಠ_ಠ]: you want me to... wingman you with cryptids?

[Zorro(╯°Z°）╯]: EXACTLY. I want IN on this economy. You got fox, dragon, wendigo and cat. Piotr has magpie and wolf. I am technically his superior and I get NOTHING? That's not a fair distribution of supernatural pussy

[Emperor of Earth ಠ_ಠ]: that's the worst sentence you've ever typed

Daxagon(╯°Д°）╯]: worst sentence YET. I have many more in the chamber. anyway I got all your stank shirts.

[Zorro(╯°Z°）╯]: holy fuck dude when was the last time you did laundry?

[Emperor of Earth ಠ_ಠ]: I haven't had time for such trivialities dis week

[Zorro(╯°Z°）╯]: right. ok so. I got a v-ring. Also, slight problem

[Emperor of Earth ಠ_ಠ]: what kind of problem?

[Zorro(╯°Z°）╯]: Linari refuses to help. says and I quote "what's in it for me? I should be pretending to look for vamps anyway today"

[Emperor of Earth ಠ_ಠ]: tell her she can pretend to look for vamps in the forest and if she still not down, call kawathra in front of her on the v-ring. Just say ‘voicecast Datamancer Kawathra’

[Zorro(╯°Z°）╯]: k

I continued my careful circle around the parking lot, placing my feet deliberately on rocks and harder ground where possible. The gun unit made it easier—no stumbling, no accidental branch snapping. Just smooth, easy movement.

Through the magitek mike, I caught Sage's timer beeping.

"Ah! It is time! Shall we?"

Shit. Twenty-two minutes up already.

My phone vibrated.

[Zorro(╯°Z°）╯]: THAT WORKED

[Zorro(╯°Z°）╯]: wolf went from "absolutely not" lazy face to "I will absolutely outperform bird" in 0.5 seconds when kawthy showed up on the v-ring hologram and agreed to help 

[Emperor of Earth ಠ_ಠ]: told you

[Zorro(╯°Z°）╯]: Kawthy is going to pick us up in corpse seeker. says “it's way faster than inferior human cars”. Aight see u in a bit, hang tight, gonna stop at the shops for diving gear and prank stuff 😆 

102: Distracted Hunters

Galateya watched as Sage dropped to all fours with fluid grace, her spine realigning, digitigrade legs and Phase-Shift adjusting her body to a more quadrupedal stance. The Skinwalker's dark vulpine nose pressed close to the forest floor, nostrils flaring.

"Mmm, there's his scent," Sage murmured, tail swishing excitedly. "Tree smell. A little bit of nervous sweat. Yummy human boy."

The fluffy, red tail. 

Galateya couldn't stop staring at the tail.

It swayed back and forth in a hypnotic rhythm, and unfortunately for Galateya's concentration, it drew her eyes directly to... well. To Sage's posterior.

Stop looking, Galateya commanded herself. This is inappropriate. You're supposed to be hunting, not... not...

But the athletic leggings Sage wore left absolutely nothing to the imagination. The fabric clung to every curve, every contour, highlighting the perfect roundness of—

By the Slayer's sword, focus on something else!

Except there was nothing else to focus on. Sage was right there, on all fours, tail wagging, and every movement caused her... her assets to shift and bounce in ways that Galateya's brain categorized as "extremely distracting" and "catastrophic to professional hunting expeditions".

The black, tight leggings were particularly problematic. They weren't just form-fitting—they were practically painted on, clinging to Sage's body like a second skin. And from this angle, with Sage on all fours, Galateya could see... everything.

Leviathan's cunt, Galateya thought desperately, those leggings are leaving absolutely NOTHING to interpretation.

The accursed fabric had formed an extremely detailed outline of Sage's anatomy. The wet spot darkening the center made it even worse—or better? No, definitely worse. Definitely inappropriate to notice. Definitely shouldn't be cataloging the precise shape and—

Stop. Stop it right now. You are a Knight of Justice. You have standards. You have dignity. You do NOT stare at your future Knight's...

But her eyes wouldn't cooperate. They remained locked on the hypnotic sway of Sage's tail and the misty valley that lay beneath it.

This is a tactical observation, Galateya tried to rationalize. I'm simply noting potential weaknesses in her hunting stance. The leggings could cause chafing during extended pursuit. The visible... moisture... might indicate overheating. These are legitimate concerns for her performance efficiency.

Her Justice sense immediately called bullshit on that entire rationalization. She was full of lies.

Sage's tail swished, butt swaying and Galateya caught herself leaning slightly to the left to maintain optimal viewing angle.

No. NO. This is unacceptable. I am better than this. I am a Taniwha. I am JUSTICE. I am... Slayer damn it!

"Did you say something?" Sage called back without looking up.

"M-must you be in THAT pose?" Galateya squeezed the words out of her snout.

"I'm determinind things," Sage stated.

"What have you determined?" Galateya managed, voice coming out slightly strangled.

Sage's ears rotated independently, tracking sounds Galateya couldn't hear. "For starters, your boyfriend is walking in circles. See?" She traced a claw along the ground, indicating faint impressions in the pine needles. "He's making loops around the parking lot. Trying to confuse the scent trail. Clever boy."

"Not my boyfriend," Galateya let out, forcefully forcing her eyes up to focus on Sage's ears instead. The ears were safe. Ears couldn't be inappropriately attractive. They were just fuzzy triangular things that—

The ears twitched adorably. They were fluffy. Red. Bitable.

"A good try," Sage laughed. "But alas, he's dealing with a master huntah. Do you want him to be your boyfriend for real s? Cus I can arrange it, warm him up for you." The Skinwalker butt swayed with extra emphasis that made Galateya's concentration evaporate.

"I—that's—we're supposed to be hunting," Galateya protested weakly, scales flushing pink. "Delivering... justice."

Again, so many lies. She wasn't delivering any justice. At this rate she was drowning in the bootylicious abyss that was the view of Sage on all fours.

"Multi-tasking!" Sage chirped. "I can track as a fox and conduct relationship therapy simultaneously as a human." She climbed over a fallen log, following the scent trail, and Galateya had to physically restrain herself from whimpering at the view. "You're avoiding the question, which means the answer is… yes."

"The answer is complicated," Galateya ground out.

"Complicated how? You either want to date him or you don't."

"It's not that simple! There's—" Galateya gestured helplessly, "—political obligations. Blood bonds. My great-grandmother's expectations. The fact that he already has TWO girlfriends who actually chose him instead of being forced into—"

"Okay, wow, much to unpack there," Sage interrupted, nose pressed to the ground as she followed Ash's circular trail. "But real talk? The political stuff is just noise. What does YOUR heart want?"

"My heart wants—" Galateya started, then crashed as she looked at the absolute unit of butt. Her Justice sense was screaming at her to be honest. "I don't know what my heart wants! I've been alive for less than a week outside the time bubble! Everything is overwhelming and—"

"And Ash is hot and sweet and you're mad at him for ignoring you but also desperately want his approval?" Sage supplied helpfully.

Galateya's scales went full-spectrum rainbow culminating with detonations of pink flowers and emerald moss. "I—how did you—"

"Many fox souls," Sage Sage tapped her temple with a claw, finally standing up on two legs and turning to face Galateya. "Much vulpine wisdom beyond my years."

Thank the Slayer, Galateya thought and then took it all back as Sage's perky chest with the PUSSY EATS U text struck her like a warship falling from orbit. The two very distinct points pressed outward, impossible to ignore, finished her off.

Are those... Galateya's thoughts derailed completely. Are her nipples actually THAT perky or is it just cold?

It wasn't cold. It was a warm summer day.

"So!" Sage said brightly, completely oblivious—or perhaps extremely aware—of Galateya's mental deterioration. "Your boy went in circles for maybe ten minutes, then headed..." She sniffed the air, turning slowly. "Northeast."

"North... east..." Galateya repeated, struggling to relocate her gaze from the two peaks.

"Yep." Sage bounced on her toes, which caused another catastrophic distraction that Galateya desperately tried to ignore. "He's heading toward the lake. Smart move, actually. Water disrupts scent trails."

"The lake," Galateya repeated, forcibly dragging her eyes up to meet Sage's sky-blue gaze. "Right. The lake. Water. Wet things."

Galateya read about protagonists getting lost in each other's eyes in romance novels, but that was text was general filler, romantic linguistics. Surely no one actually experienced—

Sage's eyes were impossibly blue. Not like the ocean. Not like the sky. Like... like concentrated distilled summer afternoon, if summer afternoons could be liquified and poured into someone's skull. They had these little flecks of silver that caught the light, and deeper in, hints of gold-amber-orange-red galactic spirals that suggested all those fox souls weren't just metaphorical.

"You good, T?" Sage asked, head tilting in an simultaneously adorable and devastating vulpine fashion.

Galateya felt her Justice sense flare, burning through the haze of distraction like a sword of fire through fog. The familiar power coiled in her chest, sharp and clarifying, blossoming, expanding.

She was Justice incarnate! She would not be defeated by Skinwalker seduction. She wasn't a human. She was a Taniwha Omnid, raised to act as a Frontenachii Commander.

A shield of Justice. A Sword of Truth.

Galateya let her power flow through her, wrapping around her consciousness like armor. If honesty was her nature, then she would wield it like the blade it was meant to be.

"You're preforming," Galateya struck. "You're hunting. Not just Ashcroft Clifford. You're hunting... me."

Sage cutely pursed her lips. "I am. Is that... bad?"

"Bad?" Galateya's voice resonated with peculiar harmonics that made other Omnids around her annoyed and uncomfortable, the tone that cut through deception like a blade through silk. "No. Not bad. Just... calculated. Every movement you make is designed to maximize visual impact. The way you dropped to all fours wasn't optimal for tracking—a true quadrupedal stance would have your back more level. You arched it. Deliberately. To emphasize your... assets."

"Ohh so sharp," Sage put her arm across her chest.

"The leggings," Galateya continued, her Justice helping her plow onward. "You chose them specifically. Not for comfort. Not for practicality. You have other pants. I can saw them upstairs in your room—worn jeans, comfortable sweats. But you picked the ones that leave nothing to imagination. The ones that show the outline of your... every bit."

"I—"

"The wet spot," Galateya slashed with sharp verbiage. "That's not sweat from exertion. You're physically excited by this whole scenario. By having an audience. By performing seduction. By watching me struggle and stumble. You can control your phase shift to cover up your genitalia, but you choose not to, instead making them extra prominent."

"Seduction's my game, T-buns," Sage bowed. "I nom on your juicy desire. I gradually reshape myself to your needs and chew the radiance of want pouring off your heart."

"Weaponizing my attraction."

"Weaponizing is such an chompy word." Sage pouted theatrically. "I prefer 'Milking.' The gap between what you want to project and what you actually feel. Right now? You're projecting 'serious hunter dragon Knight' while feeling 'holy shit that ass though.' That dissonance? That's my breakfast. Would you prefer me to milk you in a more direct way?"

"What?" Galateya sputtered and then sliced the attack with the Truth sword. "Do I look like a bovine to you?"

Sage's grin widened, showing just a hint of sharp canines. "Naw, babe. You look like a whole-ass snack. A five-course meal. A Michelin-star dining experience featuring the finest dragon cuisine—"

"Deflecting with humor," Galateya slashed with the Truth. "Every time I get close to a real point, you pivot to innuendo. It's a defense mechanism."

The Skinwalker's ears flattened slightly. "Ouchies. Really coming for my throat here."

"You said you wanted genuine companionship. Friends who see the real you. Well, here's what I see: You're not just feeding on trickery, you're terrified. Absolutely terrified that if you stop performing—if you let the mask slip for even a second—people will realize you're not actually worth their time."

Sage's tail stopped wagging.

"The leggings, the poses, the constant innuendo—it's armor. Not clothing. Not personality. Armor. Because if everyone's busy staring at your ass, they're not looking deep enough to see whatever you think is horribly broken inside you."

"Double ouchies," the Skinwalker winced.

"You're not just seducing me, you're seducing yourself to rush things forward, because that's the only thing you know how to do right. Seduce people online into being your fans. But it doesn't work, does it? You met Ash a year ago and scared him away."

Sanguine's face grew pale, started elongating. "That's... fuck. That's mega harsh, T."

"It's true," Galateya pressed, her Justice sense burning bright. "You gave him your number. You wanted him to call so badly. But he didn't. Because you came on too strong. You performed so hard that he thought you were fake."

"Bahumbug," Sage crossed her arms, covering her chest. "Do you want to be seduced or no?"

"You ate nine thousand fox and one human soul and you're STILL lonely," Galateya pressed. "All those minds, all those experiences, and not a single one of them can fill the hole where genuine friendship should be."

Whoa whoa whoa!" Sage threw up her hands, flesh bubbling back to reveal more glistening skull. "Okay! OKAY! Time out! Truce! I tap out! You win the psychological warfare round! I submit. Don't chop me anymore. You're right. You're completely right. I AM scared that nobody will like the real me. Because the real me is—" She gestured at herself helplessly. "—is just some virgin wizard who eats souls and lives in a tower and sells bottled juices to weirdos on the internet to fuck with them all because that's the only way she can interact with humans."

Galateya's Justice flared. There was something there. Something deep. She stabbed again, attempting to uncleave more truths from the sneaky fox. "Wizard?"

"You know," Sage backpedaled. "Like the meme... 'A person will be endowed with great magical powers and become a "wizard" if they reach the age of 40 without engaging in sexual intercourse. Except I'm a Skinwalker so the magic came first and the virginity is... ongoing."

"You're a virgin?" Galateya dug into the statement.

"Physically? Yes." Sage's skull face managed to look extra-embarrassed. "I mean, I've done plenty of stuff online. Cam shows, ASMR voice stuff, the whole digital experience. But IRL? With actual physical contact?" She made a circular gesture. "Zero. Zilch. Nada. Someone just looks at me IRL for more than five minutes and they cream themselves mentally, turning into a drooling mess."

There it was again. An edge of a distant... terrible something. Some vital Truth that Galateya felt was pivotal to understanding and properly judging the fox.

103: Forty Thousand Year Old Virgin

"How is it that you radiate seduction like a furnace and your mother and siblings can work with humans without issues? Did your mother also lock Fin and Marya up in that tower attic when they were teens?"

"Uhhh..." Sage rubbed her bone and ligament arm.

"That's a 'No'," Galateya paced around the fox, ready to strike the Skinwalker dragon with the Truth sword while shielding herself with the Justice shield.

Sage's ears drooped further. The rotting-flesh Skinwalker stood there, looking increasingly vulnerable "Fine. FINE. You want the real truth? The embarrassing, pathetic truth?"

"Yes," Galateya said simply.

"I'm fucking desperate..."

"No," Galateya sliced the lie with the liminal sword."That's not it. That's still a performance. Still deflection. Tell me the Truth, Sanguine."

The Skinwalker flinched at the use of her full name. The rotting flesh rippled, trying to reform into something more palatable, more attractive, but Galateya's Justice aura held it in check.

"I... I don't..." Sage's skull jaw worked soundlessly.

"You said you're a virgin wizard," Galateya pressed, circling slowly. "And such takes forty years. How old are you really?"

Sage covered her face with her boney hands. “I can’t… it’s so embarrassing.”

“Out with it,” the dragon girl said. 

“Promise to keep it a secret… as my Omnid friend?”

“Promise.”

"Forty two thousand nine hundred and sixty three years," Sage hissed out. "I'm a forty thousand year old virgin. HAPPY?!"

"What?" Galateya blinked, stumped momentarily. Her Sword wavered having encountered a sinkhole, an unexpected, gaping cavern of dark, terrible wrongness. The monstrous shadow behind the girl. Thousands upon thousands of fox eyes staring down at her.

"The foxes stack up," Sage lamented.

"Your mom eats animals too," Galateya blinked. "As do your brother and sister. Are they also mentally… just as old?"

"No," Sage shook her head. "The stacking was a… personal choice on my part. When mom fed me my first fox, I chose not to dissolve her soul properly. She was so precious and cute. I kept her, even though I was specifically told not to do that. And then I kept the next one. And the next... and the next. Each one I thought 'this is the last one, I'll dissolve them properly.' But I couldn't. They were all so precious. So alive. So full of memories and experiences and little fox thoughts about warm dens and hunts and the way sunlight feels on fur."

Galateya's Justice sense flared, reading the depth of the absolute truth. "You're not just feeding on them… You're hoarding them."

"Yes," Sage's eyes filled with tears. "I'm a soul hoarder. Every fox I ate, I kept intact. Preserved. Because the alternative—dissolving them, absorbing them, erasing their individuality—felt like murder, like an ending the little cuties… didn’t deserve."

"So instead you carry all of them," Galateya said slowly, understanding dawning.

"Yes," Sage let out. "Please don't tell mom, she's going to muderise me. I REALLY wasn't supposed to keep them all, but I did."

"Why not just... dissolve them?" The dragon stepped closer. "Release them?"

"I can't," Sage shook her head. "Noway, nohow. They're me. They're who I am. They don't want to die and I don't want to give it all up."

"Give… what up?" Galateya grabbed Sage's hands.

"Wizard powers," Sage replied, lowering her eyes. "Daywalking. Breaking time. Bending space. Making artifacts."

"Artifacts?" Galateya asked.

"Artifacts forged with innate magic," Sage breathed out. "I can imbue a sword with greater sharpness or make a ring to let you breathe underwater. Skinwalkers are natural mages, but the more souls we eat the better we get at that sort of shebang."

"Then why—" Galateya started.

"Why am I stuck in a tower selling bottled sweat to degenerates?" Sage finished. "Because I'm actually selling… artifacts to degenerates. Batteries of desire that feed power to my Fractal Engine heart. I discovered a loophole that my mom and siblings missed. A way to Magic Power. The love of humans."

"Love? Without… physical contact? Without shared understanding?" Galateya repeated, trying to parse that statement.

"Okay, not love exactly," Sage corrected, her skull face looking sheepish. "More like... parasocial obsession? Devotion? The kind of focused emotional energy that fans pour into their favorite online hoes?"

"You're harvesting your followers," Galateya said flatly.

"Harvesting makes me sound like an evil witch," Sage protested. "I prefer 'sustainably collecting ambient emotional radiation from consenting adults who willingly choose to give me money in exchange for adult content.'"

"That's just harvesting with extra steps!"

“I'm not hurting anyone,” Sage waved her boney arms. “Not like the Frontenachii! My fans get parasocial fulfillment and I get just enough emotional energy to keep my Fractal Engine stable despite carrying nine thousand fox souls that I definitely wasn't supposed to keep."

Galateya frowned, another Truth unravelling itself in her mind. "You have to keep it up?"

"I have to keep it up," Sage affirmed. "I have to dig more followers, have to sell more sweat jars with runes etched into the fluid. I MUST keep my foxes alive. All of them. Forever."

"Catch twenty two," the book-obsessed dragon said.

"Mhmmm," Sage nodded.

Galateya's Justice sense pulsed, analyzing the confession, weighing it against her understanding of right and wrong. The Taniwha in her wanted to condemn—this was exploitation, wasn't it? Harvesting human devotion, even if voluntary. But the deeper she looked, the more complex the issue became.

"You're not taking anything they don't freely give," Galateya said slowly, working through it. "They get what they paid for. You get sustenance. It's... transactional."

"Super transactional," Sage agreed. "I even make sure they're getting quality content! Custom voice messages, personalized videos, actual effort! I'm not some lazy cryptid just phoning it in!"

"But you're trapped," Galateya continued, the full picture clarifying. "You can't stop. Can't drop your online work. Can't have real relationships because your Phase-shift is overcharged by all those souls and the emotional energy you're channeling. You're not just a virgin—you're socially isolated. Completely. Even from your family... Because they'll never understand. Because they dissolved the animal souls they ate into themselves and you didn't?"

Galateya reached out and grabbed Sage's hands.

"Yep,” the Skinwalker agreed. "Mimi, Fin and Mom think I'm just... bad at shift-control. That I haven't 'matured' properly. They don't know about my skulk. About my nine thousand permanent houseguests." Her voice slid to a whisper. "If they knew what I'd done—hoarding all those souls instead of properly integrating them—Mom would be so disappointed. She'd try to fix me. Force me to dissolve them. And I can't. I CAN'T."

Galateya's grip on Sage's hands tightened. The wriggly ligaments felt warm beneath her claws. "They're not just power to you."

"No," Sage let out. "They're friends. Companions. Besties. My… animal spirits. Every single fox I ate—I know them personally. Not just their instincts or their skills. I remember their entire lives. The old vixen who died peacefully in her den, dreaming of her kits. The young male who got hit by a car and suffered for hours before I found him. The clever female who figured out how to open garbage cans and taught her whole family. They're all in here." She tapped her chest. "All still themselves. Still thinking fox thoughts. Still living through me."

Galateya felt her Justice sense settle into particular certainty. This wasn't exploitation. This was... mercy? Preservation? Something that didn't fit neatly into moral categories.

"You gave them immortality," Galateya judged.

Sage's skull tilted. "Is that... a good thing? In your Justice-sense?"

"I don't know yet," Galateya admitted honestly. "But it's not evil. It's complicated. Messy. But not cruel." Her scales shifted to contemplative silver-blue. "You saved them from oblivion. They would have died and become calcified to the Astral. Instead they live on. Experience things no fox should ever experience… Comicons, the internet, this conversation."

Sage nodded.

Galateya reached out and hugged the Skinwalker. "Thanks for being honest and showing me the real you. Forty-three-thousand-year-old virgin, soul-hoarder you."

"That's a terrible dating profile tag," Sage quipped, skull slowly foxing up with red fur as she returned the hug. "Thanks for being an understanding friend. You know, you're the first person I told this fucked up shit too."

Galateya pulled back slightly, looking down at the shirt Sage wore. "PUSSY EATS U" glared at her with the cartoon fox face with heart pupils. 

"This shirt," Galateya said slowly, her Justice sense tingling. "It's an artifact battery, isn't it?"

Sage's ears perked up, then flattened sheepishly. "...Maybe?"

"Sage."

"Okay, yes! Fine! You got me!" The Skinwalker stepped back, gesturing at the ridiculous garment. "Every piece of merch I sell is enchanted. Not heavily—just enough to establish a tiiiiny sympathetic link. When someone wears my shirts or uses my water bottles or displays my prints, or collects one of my juice jars... there's this tiny thread of connection. They think about me, I feel it. They look at the fox face on the shirt, I get a little trickle of attention-energy. Put them together and thousands of fans allow me to keep my foxes and make even more artifacts."

Galateya's scales rippled through a variety of textures and colors as the implications crashed through her mind like falling dominos.

"The Frontenachii must never find this out," she said, her voice turning cold and hard. "Never. Do you understand? If they learn what you can do—"

"I'm not, like, planning to advertise my dumb fox virgin-ness—"

"I'm serious." Galateya's grip on Sage's shoulders tightened. "If Admiral Evelithria or the Empress or any of the High Command discover that you've developed a sustainable method for harvesting emotional energy from humans? That you've created a voluntary system that feeds your Fractal Engine indefinitely?"

Sage's face went slack.

"They would dissect you," Galateya continued, her Justice sense burning with the absolute certainty of it. "They would take you apart piece by piece to understand how you did it. They would replicate your artifact battery system across this planet and every other colony world. Every human and prad would be wearing Frontenachii merch, thinking Frontenachii thoughts, empowering the Frontenachii fleet and the Empress... The Frontenachii don't think small. They think in billions. Trillions. They would turn your clever little side hustle into an industrial-scale operation."

Sage swallowed. "You won't sell me out, right, T?"

"Not directly," Galateya sighed, "but you do know that I suck at lying, right? My great-grandmother could fish this out of my head."

Sage's expression soured further.

"Welp, fuck me I guess" the Skinwalker whispered. "Thought that I was having a nice heart to heart with my new BFF. I didn't think—I mean, I knew the Frontenachii were bad news, but I thought I was just... Selling sweat jars to lonely nerds? Not, like, sitting on the magical equivalent of a nuclear weapon recipe."

"It's worse than that," Galateya said, her Justice sense crystallizing the threat into sharp clarity. "You're not just sitting on a weapon. You're proof of concept. Proof that voluntary human emotional harvesting works. Considering how many humans are on this planet, you'd probably get an ocean of energy out of them."

Sage's skull reformed completely back to rotting flesh, soft vulpine features melting into gaunt and terrified. "So what do I do? Run? Hide? Delete all my accounts? Burn my tower and disappear into the wilderness?"

"No." Galateya's scales shifted to determined steel-blue. "You do exactly what you've been doing. Keep being you. Play the role of the isolated Skinwalker who's bad at controlling her Phase-shift. And when the Frontenachii come asking questions—which they will, eventually—you let me handle it."

"Handle it how?" Sage asked, her voice small.

"I don't know yet," Galateya admitted. "But you're going to be my Knight. That means protecting you is my job. My bound duty. My Justice."

Sage's eyes widened, hope flickering in them like candlelight. "You'd do that? Protect me from your own family? You know, the way you are putting it... It sounds like you are going to be my knight." She let out a nervous giggle.

"They're not my family," Galateya said firmly. "They can go all go fuck themselves. I'm done. I'm so done with their shit."

"So what are you... Going to do about the whole mind reading thing?" Sage tilted her head.

"I don't know," the dragon girl sighed, "but I think that I'm getting better at using Justice and Truth. I cracked you open, didn't I? I'll figure out my consort next... Go from there. As long as I make my great-grandmother happy, she won’t dig too hard into my affairs. Ugh. I guess that Ash did try to help me out with the whole fake vamps thing."

Sage’s tail wagged as Galateya smiled softly. 

“If he thinks that using the lake will aid in his escape, he’s made a terrible mistake,” the Taniwha stated boldly.