Somebody Stop Them. Chapter 14: Uptown Date

Katherine's emerald eyes gleamed in the darkness of the final tunnel leading to the surface of Shandria. Her massive form seemed to melt into the shadows, halfway sunk into the deep.

"I still think this is a terrible idea," she growled, her tail lashing behind her. "Going up there, right into their territory… into sunlight where I can't help.”

“Awww, so you do care about me, bestie,” I grinned at her.

Katherine exhaled.

"Relax. It'll be fine," I checked my fake fox ears. "We have Shash."

The Assassin materialized beside us, silent as always.

"Keep your tags on at all times," Katherine demanded. "If anything happens, if you sense even a hint of trouble..."

"We'll call you immediately," I promised. "Io said that we should be fine."

"Io also said that you're basically a walking catastrophe," Katherine pointed out. "And that something terrible is going to happen to Shandria due to your actions."

"Details, details," I waved dismissively. "How do I look?"

"Like a knock-off fox," Katherine growled.

"Perfect," I grinned. "Ladies? Are you ready?"

Two heart-stoppingly cute human girls stepped into view.

Vespera cut an imposing figure in a Victorian-style black dress, the layered fabric falling in elegant waves around her tall frame. Her pale face was dusted with dark freckles, and her sharp gray-yellow eyes held their usual mischievous glint with sparks of naughtiness. Black lipstick and black hat with black flowers pinned to it completed her gothic lolita ensemble.

Beside her, Cinder wore a flowing blue summer dress that seemed to catch every hint of light. Brilliant-red hair cascaded down her shoulders in gentle waves. Her soul-searching, big, ocean-blue eyes - now set in a human face - were still just as captivating as ever, the kind you could drown in if you stared too long. Rainbow-colored flowers were pinned to her hair.

"Why is Ci a redhead?" I asked.

"Because redheads have more fun," Vespera cackled.

"Really?" I squinted at the humanized Thunderbird. She was somewhat shorter now. I had no idea how that worked, but chose not to question it.

"Nah," she waved an elegant, pale hand at me. "It's 'cus she wouldn't stop blushing with her hair. Hard to see red on vibrant as-F-red."

"Ah," I said. "This I gotta see. Wanna make out?"

Cinder blushed red across her entire face, her hair becoming the tiniest bit more vibrant.

I laughed.

"Don't mind if I do!" Vespera took my comment as an invitation and grabbed me by the collar, yanking me towards her face.

Intellectually, I knew Vespera had a beak - her face should terminate in a sharp, avian point. But right now, somehow, her holofractal-magic reshaped human form pressed soft lips against mine, warm and decidedly non-beaky. The disconnect was jarring - my brain knew this was Vespera, but the sensory input was completely human.

Her kiss was electric, literally so. Tiny, barely discernible sparks danced between us, making my skin tingle. Her fingers, usually taloned and covered in magisteel, were now soft human hands pressing against my face.

"Mmm," she purred in her voice without the usual beak clicks. "How's THIS for making out?"

"How is your beak not poking a hole in my face?" I asked.

"You're kissing the side of my face like normal," she shrugged. "Ci's wings just tricking us into feeling something else entirely. Wicked, ye?"

I nodded.

"H-hey!" Cinder sputtered, turning an even more brilliant shade of red looking like a human tomato. "Stop that! We're supposed to be...."

"Supposed to be having fun on our date," Vespera grinned, licking her lips.

Then she leaned towards me again and licked my face, a decidedly non-human action.

"Ugh!" I wiped my face dramatically. "Birb germs! Why?"

"Shush. Those are pretend-HUMAN germs now!" she cackled, her Victorian dress swirling around her as she spun. "Had to know what it was like to taste you with a human tongue."

"STOP THAT!" Cinder hissed, grabbing both of us. "We're supposed to be acting like proper ladies and a servant! You can't just... just... lick people in public!"

"But we're not in public yet," Vespera pouted with an adorably human expression. "We're still in a dark tunnel."

"How am I supposed to maintain this... this human form if you keep distracting me?!" The humanized Quetzi hissed.

"Not distracting," Vespera grabbed Cinder's cheeks with her hands, tiny sparks flashing. "Optimizing!"

The brilliant red blush on Cinder's cheeks lessened.

"Are you doing this or not?" Katherine's voice growled from the shadows. "Because if you're just going to make out and lick each other like hornknobs, I can knock you out and lug you back to the crystal tower."

"Shhh," Vee waved her off. "Just adjusting some final parameters. She's blushing like the setting sun over here, humans don't blush this hard."

Katherine rolled her diamond-slitted eyes. "You three are going to get yourselves killed."

"Nah," I grinned, checking my foxkin servant outfit - a crisp white shirt, dark vest, extradimensional backpack and tailored pants. "We're going to have a lovely date. Right, ladies?"

“Uh-huh,” Vee shoved me into Cinder and grabbed both of us, closing her eyes and humming to herself.

I stumbled slightly and then noticed that something felt... different. My balance had shifted, and there was a peculiar weight behind me that hadn't been there before.

"What the..." I reached back and felt something soft. A tail. I had an actual tail. "What?!"

"Gave you a tail," she commented. "Spiced up your appearance just the tiniest bit too. Made you more handsome, dashing, foxy and smelly."

"Smelly?!" I yelped, suddenly very aware of enhanced senses flooding my system. The view was sharper, the tunnel less dark. Sounds were much clearer. My dark nose twitched, picking up scents I'd never noticed before - Katherine's reptilian musk, the damp stone of the tunnel, even minute traces of electricity from Vee's sparks.

"Gave you some foxy senses," Vee explained cheerfully. "Nothing major. Go on, wag the tail."

I swished said tail experimentally, marveling at how natural it felt. Like it had always been there. "This is... handy. I can smell everything and see way better in the dark!"

"Yep," Vee grinned, her human fingers tracing the new tail. “Ci, does he smell like a fox now?"

Cinder leaned in, her redhead tilting slightly. Her pink nose twitched. "Ugh. No idea. I can't smell shit as a human."

"You just need stronger smells to experience," Vee commented.

“Hold up,” I said. “Did you just give me improved sight AND smell? How in the Abyss does this work? Ci's wings don’t actually change me physically, right?”

“Yeh,” she nodded. “Physically you’re still a human. Cinder is the one smelling stuff, while I’m sensing stuff with electricity. Your brain is basically receiving these bits of our Omnid senses beamed directly into your human head from her Quetzi heart. It's just Charmchain magic, except instead of feeling like you're in love with her, you're smelling absolutely everything Ci can smell as a Quetzi.”

“Damn,” I whistled. “There’s a lot of room here for further improvement. My improvement, that is. Would I become five times as aware of everything, if our entire delving team was entwined via our Quetzi?”

“Hmmm,” Vespera considered it. “It’ll take me some time tweaking Ci but I think I can manage it. What’s happening here is an incredibly complex illusion and mental manipulation and I only managed to optimize the control over her feathers so well because of the incredible tower you've made for me.”

“Glad to be of service,” I curtsied.

“Right then,” she said. “Reckon we're good to go now.”

"Shash, what do you recommend for breakfast nearby?" I asked.

"Lord David's Forged Brew has excellent coffee," he suggested. "They're offering grand opening discounts now. Lady Astra might be there too. One of my men saw her this morning when he stopped by for a free coffee.”

“Lady Astra,” I contemplated. “Is that the girl whom Emerald punched through the heart?”

“Yes,” Shash said.

“I see,” I said thoughtfully. “Is she actually the… Shandrian, you know who?”

“Shandria hasn't had a Sovereign for nineteen years, M'Lord,” Shash shook his head. “In truth, many Shadow-touched claim to be the inheritor of the throne of Shandria. She is an odd creature, that one. A capable Shadowmancer.”

I nodded.

“I've met a few like her in Undertown,” Shash added. “Incredibly dangerous folk, not to be trifled with. She is an excellent information broker though and could introduce you to a multitude of useful contacts, if she takes a liking to you. Some say that a single handshake from her could change your life.”

“Did she give anyone from our crew a handshake?” I wondered.

“Alas,” Shash shrugged. “She found our Guild uninteresting. From what I saw, she's recently taken a human Lordling under her Shadow-wings, so I reckon she does have an appreciation of pure humans.”

“Very well,” I nodded. “That does sound intriguing. Take us to the Forged Brew. Are you going to disguise yourself as well?”

The Assassin nodded. With a snap of his fingers, and a twinkle of his Kitlix, his dark patchy outfit and face rearranged itself to look like that of a heavily armored, beardly bodyguard with a deep scar running down his right eye.

"Hrm. What is your skill?" I asked.

"Illusionist," he answered. “Limited to myself. Can't alter other people like your Lady.”

We bid Kat goodbye and began walking up the stone stairwell up to Shandria. Green, worried eyes stared at us from the darkness.

In a few minutes we emerged into brilliant daylight and took the side street into the central marketplace.

The market bustled with activity - merchants hawking goods from colorful tents and shops, magical artifacts glinting in sunlight, exotic spices filling the air with complex aromas and Kitlix glittering everywhere.

My magic-enhanced senses sent my brain into overdrive.

Vespera, in her gothic Victorian ensemble, moved with predatory grace through the crowd like a dark shark, silver-gold eyes examining everything. Cinder stayed by my side, holding onto my elbow.

As we left the bustling market, the cobblestone streets gradually gave way to a verdant green field that rose gently uphill toward the Lighthouse Smithy in the distance. Soft grass swayed in a morning breeze, dotted with tiny purple, blue and white wildflowers that seemed to dance with each step.

As the city’s rooftops gave way to a wide view of the sky, my mind stuttered to a halt and I nearly stumbled over my feet. I’ve seen postcards of Arx before, but seeing it live was truly incredible. There was no horizon here. The ground simply went up, up and up revealing mountains, lakes, rivers and a patchwork of endless oceans and continents.

Then as I tilted my head directly up my heart stopped. A black hole loomed in the center of it all. A sun-like star loomed at the edge of the black hole, circling it and nearly blinding me.

“Daaaaaaamn,” I let out.

“Ah!” Vespera slowed down to wrap herself around my waist. “Seeing Nihilim for the first time is something else, yah?”

I nodded, captivated by the mind-bogglingly view of the vast megastructure.

For a couple of minutes we just stood there and stared up, absorbed in the view of what seemed like an infinite world made up from worlds. From what I read online the interior of Arx was incalculably massive, much bigger than a Dyson sphere.

“Shash,” I asked. “Who built Arx?”

“Alas, I do not know the answer to your query, M’Lord,” the Assassin replied. “Some mages speculate that it was the work of the old Gods.”

I nodded, finally looking back down. We resumed our walk with me casting occasional glances upward, getting lost in the majesty of Arx.

Each blade of grass below me released a subtle earthy fragrance, the wildflowers had their own delicate perfume, and the wind carried hints of distant spices and cooking fires. The tail Vespera had gifted me swished automatically as I breathed in the morning gust of wind coming from the massive, cloud-filled chasm below the cliffside at the edge of Shandria. According to Shash, the chasm was made by an explosion ages ago when Leviathan Nightingale bounced an enemy god-tier spell away from the city.

Cinder walked beside me with a slightly awkward rigidity to her. I squeezed her elbow with a reassuring glance and she relaxed into me, smiling ever so slightly. Somehow she looked like a big-eyed-angel even without her wings. I pawed at the space where her wing should have been and felt nothing but air there. Charmchain magic was definitely mentally screwy to an insane degree, likely making my brain think that my arm wasn’t in the position that it was in or something.

Up close, the Forged Brew appeared as a rather charming establishment, an ancient, grime-covered lighthouse tower looming over the meadow turned into an outside sitting area. Wrought iron chairs were arranged around small round wooden tables, each topped with a tiny glass vase holding fresh wildflowers.

The sun overhead circling the black hole refracted in the clouds, lighting up the terrain directly from above and also from all sides. I understood why Kat hated it up here. The air was warm and crisp. It was too sunny and the colors around us stark and vibrant featuring barely any shadows as a million sundogs and rainbows danced across each cloud above us.

An owlkin maid approached our table, her feathered face a study in professional composure. Her black and white fluffy cafe maid uniform featured intricate embroidery along the collar and cuffs. Large yellow eyes blinked at us, shifting between each member of our group with careful assessment.

"Good morning," she said with a small bow. "I’m maid Hyrei! Welcome to the Forged Brew!"

She handed us menus burned into simple wooden boards. A cute logo of a dragon wrapped around a lighthouse and holding a blacksmith's hammer was burned into the back of the menu.

"Our specials today include Sunrise Blend coffee, imported directly from the high-altitude cultivation zones," Hyrei explained. "We also have freshly baked Snailcake pastries that pair exceptionally well with our morning brews. For breakfast, we offer Thundersnarg steak with Wyvern bacon and eggs."

As Hyrei explained the menu, I scanned the seating area with my enhanced senses. The rich aroma of coffee mingled with the scent of freshly baked pastries, but beneath that, a tapestry of individual scents told stories of each patron.

A group of three white and green robed healers sat nearby smelling of herbs–two men and one antlered girl, each accompanied by black and sparkling green Kitlix Vitalix.

Directly to their left, a curious trio caught my attention. A man in his early thirties in a basic gray robe sat flanked by two companions–a dark fox and a dragoness–both ladies wearing matching dark leather outfits adorned with blue gemstone studs. Each of them had a Kitlix sitting on them. A dark slender one on the fox, a wide-eyed rainbow-one sitting on the dragoness' red flocks between her horns and chonky, dark green one inhabiting the man's ginger, messy mane.

The man suddenly noticed that I was staring at his group. He glanced my way.

When our eyes met, something shifted. Not just in the physical space around us, but deep inside me. A strange resonance, like a half-remembered melody from a dream long forgotten.

The man's eyes–as blue as the sky–seemed to recognize something in me. For a millisecond, the bustling outdoor cafe faded. The chasm beyond the cafe's wrought-iron seats disappeared. There was just... us.

A fleeting sensation washed over me. Not quite a memory, more like an impression. Midwestern America. Endless fields of yellow wheat. Farmhouses. An apple orchard. A city like Chicago but without any Omnids. Office. Monitor screens.

Then he blinked. I blinked.

The moment shattered.

The man frowned and looked away as the dark foxgirl pawed at him, chattering away. I wondered what sort of magic that was.

"Ceddy, how bout a song for your patrons?" The twenty-some-year old Healer asked jovially.

"Sure." The fox stood up. She glanced at our group with sharp blue eyes as she passed by us.

The horned Healer and fox stopped at the flat edge of the meadow, the chasm directly behind them.

The pure black Kitlix flowed down the girl's hands and rearranged itself into an instrument that had both violin and guitar strings. A part of the Kitlix turned into a violin bow, attached to the violin by a small, dark chain.

"Ladies and Gentlemen. We bring you the tale of love n' loss. Cedez Astra and Dumpich Sentirk duo present," the Healer announced. "The Dungeon Diver's Lament!"

Cedez. So she was here.

Then the music began. It was a lovely, soft melody that seemed to drift across the cafe, captivating the attention of all of the breakfast-enjoying patrons.

The music carried a sense of lament and longing. The music wasn't just heard - I felt it pulse across all of me. Tiny vibrations rippled through the atmosphere, causing the wildflowers on our table to sway almost imperceptibly.

There was an echo of static behind it that seemed to enhance each note, making me shiver ever so slightly.

The Healer named Dumpich began in a rich baritone, a wide grin spreading above his violet-brown goatee, his brown-violet long hair swaying in the wind.

"Down into darkness, sword held high,
Seeking glory 'neath crystal sky,
Fortune calls with siren's song,
Through these halls I'll prove I'm strong!"

His Vitalix rushed down his hand, turning into a green rapier. He began marching in one spot, looking every bit the dungeon delving adventurer.

Around us, patrons listened with varying levels of attention. Some seemed deeply moved, while others who probably already heard the song continued their conversations, the music providing a pleasant background ambiance.

The dark foxgirl with the Kitlix instrument watched the performance with a cheeky smile, her blue eyes scanning the crowd periodically.

"Come closer seeker, venture deep,
Such treasures here for you to keep,
Each step you take leads further down,
Until my shadows make you drown..."

She sang.

Ah. She was the Dungeon.

"These chambers hold such wondrous sights,
Crystal gardens filled with lights,
Why does this place feel so known?
Like memories carved in living stone..."

Dumpich sang, looking about with concerned expression. Cedez covered her eyes with a gloved hand.

"Your voice... it stirs forgotten dreams,
Of days before the shadow schemes,
When I was flesh and you were mine,
Before I made these walls my shrine…”

She sang. A cold shudder ran down my spine.

"My heart recalls a love so true,
A maiden with eyes of deepest blue,
Lost to darkness years ago...
Could it be? I need to know!"

Dumpich sang. I glanced at Cinder’s eyes. She stared back at me.

"Too late I recognize your face,
In my Sentinels' death's embrace,
The one I loved, now trapped within,
My hunger adds you to my sin..."

The foxkin sang.

A shadow suddenly bloomed from her figure, forming a large, looming Shadowbeast that pretended to chomp on the Kitlix rapier-armed Healer.

Dumpich dramatically collapsed into the grass, pretending to be dead. Cedez stepped over the fallen dungeon diver, her figure wrapped in dancing shadows. Shadow wings spread behind her, a crown of shadows flashing atop of her head.

"Two souls bound by tragic fate,
Reunited far too late,
Yet even as the darkness falls,
Love echoes through these ancient halls..."

Both of them sang together.

"Though flesh may fail and light may fade,
Our love survives the choices made,
Perhaps one day we'll find a way,
To break these chains and see the day..."

"Until that time, I'll hold you here,
Your spirit kept forever near,
Within these walls we'll wait as one,
Until our freedom's finally won..."

The singers finished with a flourish.

I wiped a stray tear from my eye, moved by the whimsical, albeit haunting performance. The tale of a dungeon diver finding his lost love as the Dungeon core only to be killed and turned Sentinel resonated deeply with me on an unexpected, visceral level.

"That was beautiful," I said, joining the cheering and applause.

Cinder nodded silently, her red hair shimmering in the morning light. The way she gripped my arm hard suggested the song had affected her too. Her head leaned on my shoulder, rubbing against me in a far too draconic-gesture.

Vespera leaned forward too, gray-gold eyes gleaming with intense interest. "Now THOSE are some talented Bards! Skittles, you should take some notes. Hrm. That Shadowmancy was top notch. Felt... really potent. Genuine."

"Genuine how?" Cinder demanded, looking like her pride as a singer was somewhat wounded.

Vespera's body had gone completely still, her entire demeanor shifting from playful to intensely analytical.

"Proper genuine," the human-birb nodded, tapping her chin with a dark, manicured fingernail. "It's like... she's... actually a dungeon Sentinel. Hollow. Empty. Despairing. Hungry. Very moving s-hhhh-stuff. More moving than I expected it to be. That static in the end. It’s like… she actually wants to nom on him.”

Cedez turned and looked directly at our table. Her blue eyes seemed to pierce right through our carefully constructed disguises.

A shadow flickered across her face. Just for an instant.

"Order something," Vespera hissed at me.

"Two Sunrise Blend coffees, One latte, one water," I said quickly to Hyrei who flitted to our table with a gust of wind. "And a plate of Snailcake pastries. And four Adventurer's Breakfasts!"

Hyrei nodded and turned away, but not before catching a glimpse of Cedez's penetrating stare.

[Don't look at her damn it,] Vespera thought, her human hand subtly covering mine. Electrical sparks danced between our fingers, so faint they were almost invisible.

[Too late,] I thought back. [She’s onto us.]

Cedez walked over to the man in the gray robe and said something and then sashayed to our table.

"Good morning," Cedez said, her voice smooth as silk but with an underlying edge that made the hairs on my newly acquired fox fur stand on end. "Might I join you?"

It wasn't a question, despite the polite phrasing.

Vespera's human hand tightened almost imperceptibly on mine.

[Shit, shit, shit,] her static-filled mental voice danced across my mind. [Definitely onto us.]

"Sure," I nodded.

Cedez settled gracefully into an empty chair.

"Lovely morning for breakfast, isn't it?" Cedez smiled, showing sharp teeth.

My new foxy nose picked up something odd about her - a complete lack of scent. Like a void in the tapestry of smells around us. The color-shifting dragoness smelled of sweat, scales, old wood, metal and ozone, while the man smelled distinctively like a human. But in Cedez... there was nothing.

Nothing at all.

"Indeed," I smiled, noticing that the scales of the dragoness shifted colors from violet to pink-blue as her hand entwined with the ginger man in gray.

Ha. So I wasn't the only appreciator of chromatic dragons around these parts.

"I must say," Cedez continued, leaning across the table, her blue eyes fixed on me with unsettling intensity as a shadow-halo flickered above her head and all sounds around the cafe fell silent, "your disguises are quite impressive."

"Why thank you," I fired back as Cinder choked beside me, Vee tensing up even more. Shash seemed unaffected, or maybe simply hiding it behind the illusion of a stoic pretend-bodyguard.

"Shash, do you mind introducing me to your new friends?" Cedez turned to our Assassin.

Shash's scarred face remained impassive. "These are my...." He began and looked at me.

"New friends," I interjected. "I’m Sir Christophorus and these are my lovely fiancées," I paused, coming up with names rapidly. "Lady Voltara and Lady Castabriella."

"Fiancées?" the fox tilted her head.

"Polyamorous arrangement," I shrugged. “Pretty mundane where we are from.”

“Curious,” Cedez's eyes dug into me, the gems on her leather outfit reflecting the sunlight streaming from all directions. "And what brings you to Shandria, Sir Christophorus?"

"Shopping," I said cheerfully. "I'm looking to buy presents for my second fiancee's sister and her parents. Say, what would you recommend in town?"

"Presents?” She mused. “Hrmmm. How Charming you are. The shops on Glasnova might meet your expectations."

"Charm is my middle name," I grinned. "And thank you! So, how did you know that we weren’t from here?”

"I don't know your names," Cedez said. "Which is concerning, since I should know everyone's names. Are you three perchance some kind of foreign domain infiltrators?"

"Foreign domain infiltrators?" I repeated, letting out a theatrical laugh. "Me? I'm just a humble foxkin accompanying my two lovely ladies on a shopping expedition!"

"Sounds like something an infiltrator would say," Cedez said sharply.

"Sounds like something a Sovereign would say," I countered with an equally sharp smirk.

The entire table went absolutely still.

Cedez's blue eyes widened for just a fraction of a second before her composure returned. A dark crown flickered atop of her head, dancing like living smoke.

"And what makes you think I'm the Sovereign of Shandria?" she asked, her voice smooth as silk.

"A little imprisoned worm told me," I leaned back. “Also, your crown is kinda showing.” I pointed a finger up at her dark shadow-crown and halo.

“Ah,” Cedez's lips curled into a dangerous smile. "What a clever little fox you are.”

"I try," I smiled back.

“So you are…” She began.

"I prefer the term 'interdimensional tourist',” I said, stealing Zee Captain’s whimsical title.

"Interdimensional… tourist?" Cedez tilted her head at me.

"Yes," I nodded. "We came to your lovely city from another world, Sovereign."

"Like that other bothersome trio?" Cedez wondered.

"The idiots you sentenced to a thousand years dungeon?" I asked, recalling what Solace told me about Cedez Astra. "Yep. They're our... frenemies of sorts, competition. I do hope that Em's crew hasn't bothered you too much. She's been quite the bug in my grain silo, threatening to murder me and whatnot.”

"Oh not at all," Cedez waved a gloved hand. "The Watch handled it."

"Handled it?" I repeated. "By executing them tomorrow?"

"Precisely. A clean, bureaucratic solution. Death by fire,” she yawned.

"How very... efficient," I said, matching her tone. "I'm sure the public execution will be quite the sight."

"Oh, it will be," she leaned forward. "Are you planning to attend?"

"Wouldn't miss it for the world," I grinned. "Front row seats, perhaps? Are you and your friends going to attend too?"

"I'm... considering it," Cedez purred out. "It's not every day the city gets their hands on someone who works for a Necromancer. Are you perchance… working for one too?"

"Heavens no," I waved a clawed orange-tinted hand at her. "To be completely honest, I was the one who destroyed Lord Zalimar's entire drug smuggling operation by exposing him."

I felt the eyes of my companions digging into my sides.

"Did you now?" Cedez asked. "And might I ask how and why?"

"By banishing him into another dimension," I said. "Because he was being a rude knob."

"Banished him?" Cedez raised an elegant eyebrow. "Just like that?"

"Mmm-hmm," I nodded. "I don't like Necromancers who murder teenagers for being born with the wrong sort of blood. Do you mind if I taunted Emerald a bit before her execution?"

Cedez's blue eyes sparkled with mischief. "Taunting her? How delightful... petty. Nah, I don’t mind. The public execution permits taunting. You can even purchase some fruit for a few coppers to throw at her. That dragon girl made a lot of people upset with her actions. I believe there will be a lot of taunting happening between now and her execution hour. How do you plan to taunt her?”

"Well," I leaned forward with a jovial expression, "I was thinking of showing up looking absolutely fabulous, making her believe we might rescue her, and then... not doing a single thing. It'll really annoy her."

Cedez let out a laugh that was part amusement, part genuine appreciation, dark tail swishing. "Oh, you are deliciously wicked. I like you."

"Thank you," I fired back, my own tail swishing.

"May I ask who exactly you are?" She asked.

"You may refer to me as Lord Protector, my Sovereign," I said. "Do excuse the disguises."

"You're excused," Cedez waved a hand. "So tell me, Lord Protector," she purred, "what exactly are you protecting?"

"Humanity," I said.

"Humanity?" The dark fox stared at me.

"Yes," I nodded. "Wherever it is found, be it Arx or other worlds, I protect the innocent and meek, defend those who cannot defend themselves."

“Ha!” Cedez barked sharply. "Defend the innocent? That sounds suspiciously noble for someone who just admitted to banishing a Necromancer and planning to emotionally torture a dragon at her public execution."

"Noble doesn't mean nice," I winked. "It means effective. Emerald will get over it. Maybe learn a lesson. Probably not. Mostly I'm hoping that her boyfriend and best friend will take something away from it."

"Learn a lesson… by being burned alive?" Cedez blinked, derailed sideways.

"We come from a world where... death was cured," I shrugged. "You can stab me through the head right now and I'll just come back in a hundred years time to Shandria, good as new."

Cedez's blue eyes glimmered with a dangerous challenge. "Shall we test that theory?"

Before anyone could react, a shadow-blade materialized at my throat - razor-thin, cold, impossibly sharp.

I didn't even flinch.

The shadow-blade pressed closer. A normal human would have tensed, shown fear. I wasn't normal. Alexander Glock was at the wheel and I wasn't going to chicken out.

Cedez's eyebrow arched. “Not scared, huh?”

"Not really," I said.

The shadow-blade swung, splitting the air and then stopped a millimeter from my neck.

"Fine," she said, the blade retreating. "I believe you. You aren't even flinching at the prospect of your head getting chopped off. Hrmm."

She raised a hand and a shadow-nail extended from her finger heading straight for my eye. I stared at it. It stopped right before my eyeball and retreated.

"You really aren't afraid of death," she said. "How... odd."

"Died on Tuesday," I shrugged. "Saw the Wheel, taunted it for a bit, got better."

"I see," she paled slightly. "So, Lord Protector, what are your plans for after the execution?"

"That depends," I said. "How do you feel about the Arx Bank, Sovereign?"

"The Arx Bank?" Cedez pursed her lips. "Why do you ask?"

"Oh, just curious," I said casually. "Wondering how attached you are to their current... operational methods."

Cedez leaned forward, her shadow halo flickering. "Attached? Not particularly. They're... useful, if corrupt, I suppose. But useful things can be replaced."

"Excellent," I grinned. "Because I'm thinking of starting my own Bank."

"Your own Bank?" Cedez repeated, tilting her head. "How... ambitious of you.”

"Not just any bank," I stretched, matching her playful energy. "A bank that actually cares about its clients and doesn't eat their mana via the system bracelets. Novel concept, right?"

"Hrm, yes," she nodded. "And how exactly do you plan to compete with an established institution like the Arx Bank?"

"Maybe they'll go out of business due to a series of unfortunate events," I shrugged. "Have you perchance seen the yellow folder belonging to the Grand Moloch?"

"I have not," Cedez said.

"If you'll allow me," I dug into my backpack and pulled out a copy of the yellow folder. "Here. This details all of their crimes against humanity."

"Quaint," Cedez perused the folder, eyes quickly running over the names. "You just... hand over sensitive information over to everyone like that?"

"Yes. Would you prefer I whisper it dramatically?" I grinned. "Or perhaps send it via carrier pigeon? Could you maybe execute the Arx Bankers for these crimes, Sovereign? The folder details all of their crimes in collaboration with Topaz dealers and Necromancer Zalimar Evernacht."

Cedez closed the folder and slid it down onto the table and sighed. "Love to, but can't."

"Why not?" I asked.

"To be honest," Cedez revealed. "I died nineteen years ago. It's pretty inconvenient."

"Died? And yet here you are. Sounds like we have something in common," I mused, the gears of my mind turning as I switched to the Understanding. "Oh. You don't actually rule Shandria, is that it?"

Cedez nodded.

"But you want to?"

"Not particularly," she shrugged. "But somebody has to fix the mess it's become since I died nineteen years ago."

"Interesting," I said. "Would you like some help with that?"

Cedez's blue eyes narrowed. "And why would you want to help me, Mister Inter-Dimensional Tourist?"

"Because breaking things and fixing broken things is kind of my thing," I shrugged. "Perhaps, you would accept a deal?"

"What sort of a deal?" She asked.

"I can help you get Shandria in order for… half of it," I said.

"Such boldness! Half of Shandria?" she asked. "Eh, I don't own any of it now. What would you even do with your half?”

"Build a city for my gloomy kitten," I stated.

“I see,” she stared at me. “Which half do you want anyway?

"You can keep the top half,” I offered. “I want the bottom half. Undertown."

Cedez's blue eyes widened. Then she burst out laughing.

"You want Undertown?" she repeated. "The most lawless, dangerous, effed up part of Shandria? One currently filled with dying addicts and infested by the Abystall dungeon draining everything of value? Really?"

"Yep," I nodded. "It is a particularly broken place. I like a challenge. So, is it a deal?"

I offered the ghost of the Shandria's Sovereign my hand.

Cedez extended her gloved hand and shook mine. The handshake was solid, ordinary - not ethereal or ghostly as one might expect from a dead Sovereign. Her grip was firm, businesslike, completely normal. Which made sense in a way. The arrow that shot me through the chest was real too.

"You're not actually a ghost, are you?" I asked, sniffing her again. As before, there was still absolutely no scent coming from her. Through the borrowed senses of my Omnid partners, I heard no blood rushing through her veins, no heart beating. Vespera’s electric current detected absolutely nothing inside of her dress, like she was just a projection, an idea of a person.

She shrugged.

"A dungeon Sentinel then?" I guessed. "Like your song?"

She nodded with a small sigh.

"And you're not a foxkin, are you?" she asked.

"No," I shook my head. "I'm a human. One who can function without any mana. One who can walk through Abystall without passing out."