My Top Secret Hot Chocolate Recipe

i must preface this by saying i have already food poisoned myself 2 times in 2023, so please follow my recipe at your own risk. To give you some context, i have not for most of my life known how to care for myself. i grew up on microwaved food and cheap takeout. in 2023, i have been trying to learn how to take care of myself (all that sexy self care). since you guys seem just as bad at being alive (looking at the surprising number of cereal crunchers from the last poll) i shall impart my gracious knowledge to you today.

this hot chocolate recipe is the result of a lot of youtube recipes mish mashed into one globby goodness, done the way i enjoy it. i am on doctor's orders to not consume caffeinated beverages and this choki is helping me cope. without further ado, here is the recipe:

Ingredients:

- a fuck load of cocoa powder. any powder will do, it doesn't have to be from a brand because they're milking your money with their brand name anyway. Use as much as your soul desires. But I normally dump 2 heaping tablespoons into the pot (plus an extra bit when no one's looking)

- oat milk. This is important. Oat milk is quite a SWEET milk, and as my recipe calls for 0 added sugar, you must use oat milk to give the drink a bit of sweetness to balance out the natural salty profile of cocoa.

- corn starch. EXTREMELY important. use about 5g, or a teaspoon. this makes it sticky and gross, the way it should be.

Steps:

- Dump milk and cocoa powder in the main pot. Boil on medium heat while stirring constantly.

- With your other hand, pour some oat milk into a cup and put the corn starch in it. whisk this up real good, make sure there are no clumps.

- Dump your milk + corn starch mixture into the main pot, then keep stirring. always keep stirring, it makes washing the pot less painful later.

- Add some instant coffee granules, this brings out the chocolatey taste even more. Teaspoon will do.

Stir and serve. You should have a disgustingly gooey mixture that tastes like sludge going down your throat. It's dirty, its disgusting, and its my biggest obsession right now.

Ofc, you can add as much sugar as your heart desires as well. But I recommend sprinkling some salt if you do so. This is personal preference, but if you wanted my OG recipe, I don't like sugar in it.

That's it. you don't even need to buy chocolate bars in the store. just the powder will do wonderfully and it will give you an extremely rich real chocolatey taste.

i hope you enjoy my recipe if you try it!!!