Rosepuppies

{SH WARNING} Its Too Late..

Added 2024-05-16 04:39:51 +0000 UTC

im gonna be a widdle personal on here for a second because wow!! I feel awful.

Going to FWA was exactly the break i needed but coming home hit me hard. I had a breakdown immediately for some personal reasons i wont talk about and its just insane how awful my mind gets. I havent been this scarily suicidal since middle school. I felt like making this is the best way to visualize how i feel with Cinnabon no longer being here with me. its kinda pathetic to have determined my entire life over a cat, but i wasnt expecting her to have such a short life with me, and now that shes gone im totally lost. I dont like to "Live for" people because im too consious of the idea that humans are meant to experience grief and if i ever died, its apart of the natural cycle for people just move on and heal from grief. And well, Cinnabon- she was easy to live for because HER livelihood depended on my presence. I coudlnt trust anyone to care for her as much as I did, or do the things for her that i did, and thats what kept me going. And now that shes gone my whole purpose is just thrown out the window and im very very easy to push over the edhe anymore.

I am not doing very well but im powering through it, or trying to. Im hoping i can get help i need in therapy, and if things continue to be this bad i might seriously consider institutionalizing myself because of this.