Two Minds, One Wand - Chapter Thirty One
Added 2023-03-24 17:52:46 +0000 UTCHeavily revised chapter now attached.
Hi everybody. Hope you had a good week.
A long chapter for you today, hope you enjoy an update on Fleur, and a trip to Hogsmeade with Harry and Katie. First dates - they never turn out like you imagine.
This is the longest chapter of the story yet, narrowly beating Harry's first date with Helena!
Enjoy.
EDIT (24th March 2023): Thank you guys for all your comments, feedback and criticisms. I'm lucky to have discerning supportive readers and I don't take it for granted. I'm pulling this chapter for a day to review it, to consider if it accurately reflects what I want to convey re: Harry's power levels, his mindset regarding the threat of Voldemort, and the balance of teenage boy Harry and murderous cold Voldy in his mind and personality. Thanks again for being the best of readers. Don't worry, the chap will be back soon.
EDIT TWO (25th March 2023): Please find attached the heavily redrafted chapter. Everything aside from the opening Fleur scene has changed a little or a lot, so if you already read the chapter before I pulled it, you can read from there onwards.
Why did you pull the chapter and why have you revised it?
I consider the story to have four main tenets:
Sexual fantasy - obvious
Hogwarts fantasy - While this doesn't pretend to be a canon story, I still try to make sure that Hogwarts feels like Hogwarts, with common rooms and kitchens, with wizarding sweets and teenage drama, with house elves and lessons and homework.
Power fantasy - Harry being powerful and cool and progressing along that front
Epic fantasy - a long arc of Harry's growth of power, a true hero's journey to become mighty enough to face Voldemort.
After reading your great feedback, I considered that I had leaned too hard into trying to make the story into an epic fantasy, pushing Harry to be weak to show Voldemort as being very strong, so that Harry's growth in the coming chapters would be more evident (especially when he claimed more conquests).
This wasn't in line with previous chapters, either, so I decided to do a rewrite.
I'm grateful for your criticisms and praise, too. I really want this story to be the HP story of your dreams, of power and beauties, of heroes and villains. So while I won't necessarily be editing the story in response to all your feedback going forward, I also won't hesitate to revise chapters if I see a problem in them.
I've been reading HP fanfic for a long time and I've always wanted to write this story. Your kind comments, your engagement, it keeps me going. So thank you once more for all the great talk, and thanks for staying with me.
And if you like the new chap, let me know!
Comments
That was a great chapter. But I saw the lie a mile away. Clearly, Harry has never seen The Dark Knight. I do hope Hannah and Susan will be ok. But oh, Hermione, oh no! I hope Harry stops at nothing to get her back and avenges any pain she suffers. Harry is quite correct in saying he missed up. I like Katine, but come on, bro. Her over Hermione? That is ludicrous. Hopefully Harry treats Hermione better after this. I am curious about what the original version was like.
Kevin Thunder
2023-04-09 05:56:56 +0000 UTCLoved the revision; lots of positive changes despite how much I already enjoyed the previous version. You still kept things dark and fairly tense this chapter, but without being hopelessly bleak or drowning the chapter in gory detail. The mature parts you kept were well chosen for impact. Many will enjoy how much better Harry reasonably fought against Voldemort, but I also appreciated the little things throughout. I was happy to see Harry already thinking about Hermione earlier in the chapter, relieved to see the changes to how the young girl died in the initial chaos (the sudden child beheading was rough lol). I liked that Astoria was better incorporated into the story with the hostage/imperio situation and that Barry ACTUALLY saved her. I loved how proactive Harry was in brig the one who summoned the Twins in the first place, as well as giving Neville the vicious plants from the date with Katie. Aurora’s inclusion coming bluff circle in the chapter, Ernie, Ron, and Neville getting some shine. It was all both grim and bleak and hopeful and smile inducing. Well done!
Champion Bescos
2023-03-26 10:20:19 +0000 UTCI removed my previous comment cause I didn't want to dog pile, but I am very glad you revised this chapter the way you did I enjoyed it much more than the original thank you for that and keep up the amazing work!
H1VE
2023-03-25 23:35:51 +0000 UTCSo far, the story still tracks with what we have seen of Voldemort and Harry so far. On the other hand, the circumstances around Voldemort taking hostages seem dubious really. There really isn't a reason from the reader's perspective to assume that Hermione won't be tortured or worse in the hands of the Death Eaters. Other than the implication that Voldemort wants Harry to submit and if he does that Hermione will be returned (which we can assume is a big ass lie because it's Voldie saying that). So this makes this feel so much worse than if Voldemort had just told him that Hermione was dead. In the same vein, the whole Hannah's arm being lopped off was a worse end than just being hit by an AK. I guess to put it into perspective and framing it with your four tenants, I feel that the story is a bit too grim/gritty for a power fantasy with some smut. I feel that you might have conflated grim and gritty with epic fantasy and that doesn't track. Voldemort being powerful and a threat is fine, but him dismantling Hogsmeade and the Three Broomsticks without any effort paints the story in a bleak light. Add on to that that Harry isn't particularly good so the danger he brings to those around him is all selfish, and I get the push back. You do seem receptive (and the smut is good, lol), so I'll definitely hang on and see how it pans out.
zamu
2023-03-25 23:28:04 +0000 UTCIncredible reply. It goes without saying that this is your story and you aren’t beholden to any of us readers in regards to where you take it or or how, and yet you seem happily willing to reassess things when presented with constructive criticism. That’s worth acknowledging and applauding in this day and age, I feel. So even if you don’t change a single word from the chapter - I actually quite liked it, honestly - it’s refreshing to see someone attempt to see where their fans are coming from and willing to give it another look. Cheers for that. I may agree with a couple of others that Harry’s power levels seem off in comparison to the opposition, but I also feel like a lot of the readers associate this fanfic’s universe with the books/movie universe’s power levels and it’s clearly two very different beasts. Your Harry, we’re be placed in canon, seems like he’d curbstomp just about everyone save the big two. Likewise, your Voldemort also seems - at least in skill and tenacity if not necessarily power - to make canon Voldie look like a kitten. Perhaps the hangups for a few of us is just in how knowledgeable and skilled Harry is only to apply little of it proactively, nor is he ever shown as being magically stronger than everyone else save Voldie and Dumbles and by this point he should (right?). That being said, it’s a minor thought and nothing major. It’s only appropriate Harry still struggle against a few really tough foes and I still feel he’s suitably strong and getting stronger. If only he was more proactive, but I’m sure that’s a big part in your upcoming chapters and I’ll be patient. I trust you and thank you for another banger chapter.
Champion Bescos
2023-03-25 15:56:24 +0000 UTCThank you guys for all your kind comments, feedback and criticisms. I'm lucky to have discerning supportive readers and I don't take it for granted. I'm pulling this chapter for a day to review it, to consider if it accurately reflects what I want to convey re: Harry's power levels, his mindset regarding the threat of Voldemort, and the balance of teenage boy Harry and murderous cold Voldy in his mind and personality. Thanks again for being the best of readers. Don't worry, the chap will be back soon.
Robert Wilson
2023-03-25 01:08:23 +0000 UTCHey, I just wanted to say that I really enjoy your writing. Your work is probably the best fanfiction work that I've seen so far, so big props. I do feel as if the character development kind of stagnated after a while, as I would have thought that Harry would be more prepared after Hannah lost her arm. I do really like the increased focus on the actual gritty parts of the war though, and I hope you maybe expand a bit on how the magical government responds to such a large attack. Thank you for your writing!
TA3751
2023-03-25 00:30:35 +0000 UTCNot enjoyable one to read on Saturday morning, but it is what it is. I felt that Harry is always on the backfoot, never in any position to be on dominating or on par to the opposition. It need to be more ping pong or back and forth, sometimes disadvantaged and sometimes pushing the advantage. Power scaling is dubious here, I suppose my disbelief was average minion and Rodolphus a man ravaged by Askaban pose a threat to Harry who's magic ability is beyond average magical person by itself already and now added (to be crude) 5 magic battery by 5 person, he get too tired and spent easily. To be fair to you, they got hostage, I get it. But still, considering all of that the only one who posed a serious challenge to Harry should be only Dumbledore and Voldemort in pure power and skill, Bellatrix not in power but skill and experience although not too much of a gap as her mind is a mess from years of Askaban. It is only my personal conjecture and I dont want to put my thought to your mouth, as I felt it could be manipulating you how the your story should progress. aggghhhh I dont know hahaha, I need to sort the mixed feeling and sorry for the weird phrase or expression as English is not my native language
marlina
2023-03-24 22:47:15 +0000 UTCEh, I need to offset the chorus here, I think the Chapter is a logical escalation. He reached a point where he grew a little too comfortable with his morally dubious path to power, Voldemort will never ever accept a true rival, especially one he can somewhat understand and thus recognize as a threat and terror tactics are a hallmark of the death eaters. Just because the x rated parts were kept off screen in the books does not mean that the magical Nazis didn't go apeshit on their percieved lessers even in canon HP. The casual violence might be a little off putting to those that came for a relaxing friday wank and power fantasy, but it is somewhat in character. Life means nothing to Voldemort and he was never shy about showing his contempt for others. All in all it was well eexecuted chapter even if it might be a little controversial. Also blowing off your best friend for pussy is a REALLY teenage thing to do. You will regret it sometime down the road, but in that moment the choice is clear.
Zitronen tee
2023-03-24 21:29:49 +0000 UTCI just can’t really find anything about this Harry I like at all after getting Hermoine taken you’ve got to like your anti hero at least a little but after the end of last chapter and now this one it’s too hard to not want Harry to just eat an AK he threw away his only true friend playing games with Katie when end of last chapter said he was more bad guy than anything else I don’t know giving up on this story maybe I’ll come back down the road but the writing is excellent main characters just not worth rooting for. Talented as always good job on your with the story just has fallen to far from personally enjoying this version of HP not treating HG gods only true friend happy or safe for power I’m done for awhile. Good sign for a writer though if you can hate a character enough to not want to bother reading story for month or two.,
Durin Wellesley
2023-03-24 20:18:18 +0000 UTCHey man. Sorry you didn't enjoy the chapter. Not to worry, Harry will be trying hard to rescue Hermione. It's a tough balance to crack between smutty fantasy and a fantasy war, but I think it's important for the story that Voldie is a genuine threat, one that really forces Harry to cross the lines to power himself up. He has a way to go but there's a lot more girls to claim. I hope the conflict will make the conquests all the more satisfying. Hope you enjoy the next chapters more, and thanks as always for your support
Robert Wilson
2023-03-24 19:48:24 +0000 UTCNot a fan of what happened. Puts a serious damper on the story for me.
LockNesTom
2023-03-24 19:28:40 +0000 UTC
