AMA: Model Behaviour; Book 3
Added 2024-12-06 23:15:19 +0000 UTCThis is the third book in the Novelized version AMA: The Boyfriend and contains Ch 158-247. There have been a few minor content changes to make the content work better in larger chapter, and one moderate change early in the book to help smooth one of the originally contentious events to flow better with the characters and stories. A 'What Happened Last Time' and a 'New Book, Who Dis?' segment have been added as well.
Sitting at 117k words, this file is too big to post directly here on Patreon, so it will only be accessible via the file uploads.
As with Books 1+2 previously, if you see anything that all that you think may have slipped through the cracks for spelling, grammar or continuity, please let me know! The plan to eventually publish these suckes as eBooks and even produce them as audiobooks is still happening, so any fixes that can be implemented now help immensely.
Cheers,
~Break.
Comments
I like this series better than other AMA stories,at least partly because you’ve mostly left the AMA as the impetus to the story, but not the actual story. “Underdog uses magic to bang unattainable women” can be fun too, but I like how these relationships grow organically. That being said, you have introduced a magical force in the premise of your story and you’re doing a good job keeping us aware that there is a larger story involving the AMA itself unfolding in the background and I’m intrigued to see where it goes. So…the nitpicks: P. 2 - “dog house” -> “doghouse” P. 4 - “This led to…that ended” -> “This leads to…that ends”. You’re using present tense for the recap P. 6 - “has also hooked up…got to talking…mentioned she had…wouldn’t leave…encouraged her…went along …had a fun time”” -> “also hooks up…gets to talking…mentions she has…won’t leave…encourages her…goes along…has a fun time”” P. 7 - “who was going with who” -> “who was going with whom”. OK, you don’t have to correct this, but I have to mention it. P. 8 - “Especially Robbies” -> “Especially Robbie’s” P. 11 “though ca was pretty sure” -> “though [Cass or Cassidy] was pretty sure” P. 14 “as nice as you guys ” -> “as nice as your guys’ ”. I often haven’t corrected things when people are saying them out loud, as people are often imprecise, so you can leave this if you want. Just pointing it out for you. P. 14 - “seual likes” -> “sexual likes” P. 34 - “mi and I” -> “Ami and I” P. 34 - “Couples Boat” -> “Couple’s Boat” P. 39 - “Zenyua” -> “Zenya” P. 39 - “Zeynya” -> “Zenya” P. 45 - “Singles Boat” -> “Single’s Boat” P. 66 - “origina Justice” -> “original Justice” P. 68 - “diffused the situation…got diffused” -> “defused the situation…got defused” P. 75 - “free reign…free reign” -> “free rein…free rein” P. 76 - “Singles Boat” -> “Single’s Boat” P. 96 - “Singles Boat…Couples Boat” -> “Single’s Boat…Couple’s Boat” P. 100 - “Fourteen, including me”. In Book 1, on p. 12, Cassidy says she took part in a 23-person lesbian orgy. Not sure if the discrepancy here is on purpose. P. 113 - “Even if you did think” -> “Even if you had thought” P. 114 - “caused by Cassidy and I” -> “caused by Cassidy and me” P. 116 - “offered JC and I” -> “offered JC and me” P. 117 - “dog house” -> “doghouse” P. 123 - “in ther” -> “in [there or her]” P. 124 - “Maddison” -> “Madison” P. 159 - “one more be too much” -> “one more be too many” P. 162 - “one of the cabin’s” -> “one of the cabins” P. 166 - “Leia was a taller” -> “Leia was a [head? foot? decimeter?] taller” or just “Leia was taller” P. 178 - “butterflies in my stomach gives” -> “butterflies in my stomach give” P. 185 - “junky” -> “junkie” P. 186 - “around Wanda and I” -> “around Wanda and me” P. 200 - “agreement we have; that came” -> “agreement we have: that came” P. 207 - “muscley” -> “muscly” P. 211 - “angelicly” -> “angelically” P. 226 - “hit the breaks” -> “hit the brakes” P. 235 - “at Terra and I” -> “at Terra and me” P. 238 - “Singles Boat” -> “Single’s Boat” P. 240 - “Singles Boat” -> “Single’s Boat” P. 248 - “Singles Boat” -> “Single’s Boat” P. 262 - “hill with no breaks” -> “hill with no brakes” P. 264 - “Singles Boat…Couples Boat” -> “Single’s Boat…Couple’s Boat” P. 268 - “Couples Boat” -> “Couple’s Boat” P. 271 - “to keep from laugh” -> “to keep from laughing” P. 271 - “Couples Boat” -> “Couple’s Boat” P. 272 - “Couples Boat” -> “Couple’s Boat” P. 274 - “Wanda and Heels’ “ -> “Wanda and Heels’s” P. 276 - “tail lights” -> “taillights” P. 282 - “champaign rooms” -> “champagne rooms” P. 283 - “skirt playful” -> “skirt playfully” P. 305 - “I wanted to kiss her badly”. Why would he want to kiss her badly? You can leave it, but perhaps “I badly wanted to kiss her” will keep away the smartasses. P. 305 - “diffuse the situation” -> “defuse the situation” P. 319 - “eagre” -> “eager” P. 323 - “nipples and areola” -> “nipples and areolas” P. 337 - “danceing” -> “dancing” P. 347 - “Singles Boat” -> “Single’s Boat” P. 356 - “Trauma; yours and mine” -> “Trauma: yours and mine” P. 367 - “awarded her with a kiss” -> “awarded her a kiss” or “rewarded her with a kiss” I also noticed as I was going through this one that you use “house boat” and “houseboat” interchangeably. “Houseboat” is correct. I recommend a search-and-replace.
GWJ
2025-01-21 16:12:44 +0000 UTCpage 31: “we had just gotten everything put away, and I was heading into the couples boat”. That’s where he already was. They had just sent Sherry off to the singles boat to put things in the freezer. So Robby had to be taking more things to the singles boat. Page 34: mi and I should be Ami and I Page 49: “the glass sliding door.” I’ve never heard of a sliding glass door be described that way. Feels weird! Page 66: origina Justice is missing the L. Page 310: 2nd to last line. “There’s a time and a place for an outfit that” I think you meant, “ an outfit like that “. Page 357: paragraph beginning “ You’re not the only reason” a sentence near the end of the paragraph reads “ And JC would never had sex with that cop if he hadn’t recognized Cassidy’s hair”, makes it sound like JC fucked a dude! Probably should read “ if her partner hadn’t recognized Cassidy’s hair” I know that’s a lot and I’m sure I missed some while reading in an inebriated state some nights, but I hope it helps
DocEGJ
2024-12-14 14:01:21 +0000 UTC
