AMA Editing Poll
Added 2024-12-02 05:35:24 +0000 UTCHey folks!
I'm working on the AMA Book 3+4 final edits and I need some feedback from folks who have read the original.
The Police Encounter. It was contentious when I first published it for a few reasons, and the fact that it was an MFM threesome meant that a vocal minority of the 'Harem Fiction' crowd cried foul and refused to let the story be advertised in those spaces.
So, with the editing, the question is...
Should I keep the original scene with the police woman, Robbie and JC, or should I change it up?
SPOILERS BELOW if you haven't read the story yet...
The scene as it is sets up a few different factors of the later story that may need to adjust if I change things. The primary factor is that this is the catalyst of Terra losing her faith in her relationship with JC, and then getting together with Robbie. The secondary factors is that it's a tension point between Cassidy and Robbie that hasn't really been handled yet but would show up in Arc 2, and it also does some leg work on keeping the App as a feature of the story and starts opening up a few more of the themes of how the App can go wrong, and more info about it that will DEFINITELY be a big part of Arc 2.
If I were to make a change, I could preserve both the primary Terra factor and the App piece of things by having Robbie not participate in the sex. This would remove a heavy part of the tension with Cassidy's choice in terms of the ramification of it on Robbie, though could preserve some of the tension in that she'd still made another snap decision to use the App to begin with. The drawbacks are that the scene then gets a little awkward - either Robbie has to sit there and watch the JC/Cop scene so he can confirm for Terra what happened later, or he needs to leave and go somewhere else which creates some other plot holes that would need filling.
I could also try and rip the whole 'apology sex' scene out entirely and replace it with something else that happens with the Cops/the App, but I haven't been able to come up with another idea for that since I first published it and got complaints from the vocal minority. At least not one that uses the set up of the cop on the grocery trip, the callback to Gas Bar Madison, and preserves the three elements from above.
But, as they say in the Writing Stories business, 'Sometimes you have to kill your darlings.' This scene isn't exactly a favourite of mine, but I might be too close to it to see the forest for the trees.
Any thoughts?
Comments
With well written erotica i sometimes find myself skipping ahead through sex scenes because i'm enjoying the story so much. You are a good author and the stories are well written - while reading im fully immersed. For me the erotic elements are a part of the whole, not the be all and end all. You can shrug off the restrictions of the genre from time to time, i think it only makes it better, not worse.
Toastroast
2024-12-03 06:07:52 +0000 UTCActually yeah thats a good point - if its affecting your finances then thats a good reason to make that the basis for your decision rather than the poll
Toastroast
2024-12-03 05:57:46 +0000 UTCI think its harem fiction. The small deviation for this one chapter doesnt change that. As you say it was a vocal minority - if everyone who was fine with it posted their approval the critical voices would be drowned out. Its not a big deal. Anyone claiming it is should examine their priorities.
Toastroast
2024-12-03 05:52:33 +0000 UTCIT wasn't spit roast, it was anal & vaginal. JC and Robbie were rubbing balls. (BIG part of my yikes). Also, JC was in the cop's vagina, so that was a violation of his relationship rules with Terra. If he'd been in her ass or mouth, he would have been in compliance.
Ronan
2024-12-02 19:46:04 +0000 UTCTHIS! 100% every bit of this.
Ronan
2024-12-02 19:43:57 +0000 UTCI hated the scene when reading it, which is why I absolutely want you to keep it in! It feels wrong and makes me uncomfortable about the app, which is really needed, because the effects we actually see from it weren't exactly scary up to that moment. That scene changed my whole perspective on it, and it sets up Robbies second panic attack perfectly and adds a little drama when it's needed! I still tend to skip the scene when re-reading AMA, but for the love of god, keep it!
Damien Dark
2024-12-02 18:22:36 +0000 UTCSpoilers here too! I voted to keep it because I think of the options you presented here it does more work for the story than against it. However, in case you haven't considered it, I humbly suggest a somewhat less extreme 3rd option for an edit: Rather than have him turn her down outright or go all the way, have Robbie be more conflicted *within* the scene itself (instead of/in addition to afterwards) and have him actually tap out when it gets to be too much. This keeps him there long enough to witness JC break the rules for Terra's last straw, retains the important AMA parts, amplifies the potential conflict with Cassidy, and seems more "in character" (to me at least) as Robbie tries to go with Cassidy's "plan" but actually can't in this instance. It's pretty clear from the comments (now and prior) that this scene hits different from the others, so why not lean into that and make it work for the larger story? If you make Robbie back out: How does the cop react to this and how does the app make her react to it (those might be different things after all)? What about JC? What about the girls? Is this one *so* different that it puts gas girl and the stripper in a more similar light to Robbie's Girls? Does it flip the moral quandary on it's head (e.g. "JC wouldn't have done that if I'd only kept going..." or "I really hurt that cop by refusing her like that...")? I'm going to curb myself there, but I think you get my drift. Again, I only mention it in case the idea hadn't occurred to you. Whatever you decide to do I'm almost as eager to read the polished version of Arc 1 as I am for Arc 2. (edited for typos)
Grayghost
2024-12-02 18:21:29 +0000 UTCThis scene was certainly one of the weirder ones in AMA, but I think that is partly because how obvious it was as a device to move the plot. Out of the two options, I still voted to keep it as is. Changing it, so that Robbie does not participate, does not really fix any of the scene's issues, but it has a massive negative impact on JC's character (at least in my opinion): As written, he is a mostly good guy who got carried away in the moment. If Robbie rejects the cop's offer and JC still goes along with it, that would immediately make JC an indefensible jerk.
Jens
2024-12-02 16:19:23 +0000 UTCI don’t like the scene because it doesn’t feel like Robbie - but that isn’t one of the reasons you gave for potentially changing it
Jeffrey
2024-12-02 15:25:31 +0000 UTCNothing wrong with a good spit roast. It's not like they were sharing one of Robbie's girls. Also, this event had many ripples through the rest of the trip that would be difficult to re-work if you change the scene.
Jeff Hughes
2024-12-02 15:10:56 +0000 UTCDon’t change a thing! Love AMA as is!
DocEGJ
2024-12-02 13:21:30 +0000 UTCI kind of feel about this the same way I do about the bluenoses complaining about “Daddy”. That’s not incest and this isn’t sharing a member of the harem. You shouldn’t have to change your story to accommodate their stupidity. That being said, like “Daddy”, this is your livelihood and if that affects your ability to sell this, do what you have to.
GWJ
2024-12-02 13:02:11 +0000 UTCI don't think the scene itself is a problem for the story, but thinking back it almost feels like you did at the time. They moved on from "would this woman have done that without the App" really fast, especially since the answer has to be no. It doesn't help that Robbie seems to have gone through with it because he knew the App was involved, which seems backward. I think as the others find out about the App, that story is going to make them wonder if their feelings are real, and a reasonable person would almost certainly decide they aren't.
FlareNight
2024-12-02 12:52:43 +0000 UTCI dislike the scene because it felt out of character for Robbie, much like the stripper (was that Tanya? Problem with harem stories tends to be too many people involved). The behavior just didn't fit Robbie as shown. The dock girl was less problematic for me because Cassie was involved, and wanted it, so there's at least an impetus for that
Jason Hatter
2024-12-02 12:13:37 +0000 UTCHonestly it wasn't one of the better scenes (not bad but), that said it will require a lot of rewriting and not just the scene it self. for me I also looked at the scene with the dockside gas girl and the stripper Candy(?) and it made me like the Robbie a little less. After those, hearing him give the excuse that he hadn't found time for the others or that he really loved them seemed a little fake. I also think it would have caused more friction between some of the women in the group especially someone like Amy but hey it's your story and over all still a favorite.
Mcapphoto
2024-12-02 09:13:08 +0000 UTCRemove it, it feels sort of blackmailish. Doesn't fit the tone, even if everyone consented and enjoyed it, the context being as a way to pay them back from the mistreatment feels very off putting. Plus the character doesn't matter at all, trimming it doesn't hurt the story.
Devon P
2024-12-02 08:37:39 +0000 UTCIf you dont love the scene and it might hurt your chances to sell the book then remove/change it.
Milambus
2024-12-02 08:29:10 +0000 UTCLeave it and put a warning so anyone who care can skip the scene
SovietDegendays
2024-12-02 08:10:40 +0000 UTCnils iantiores carborundum, or "don't let the gatekeepers get you down". I hate the restrictive rules put into place on "harem" fic by reddit. Write your harem fic the way you want. If they don't like it, they don't have to read it. Just because every woman Robbie meets doesn't get inducted into the hallowed halls of the harem doesn't make the story any less harem. And I actually appreciate it. The fact that most of the ladies weren't virgins before they got with Robbie probably also triggers the gatekeepers, but honestly I'd rather get with someone who has some experience. We can always figure out what we like together/teach each other what we like.
Luke Mofford
2024-12-02 07:58:28 +0000 UTCKeep it. That the whole thing is harem-y and F[F[F]]M doesn't mean absolutely everything sexy in it has to fit that mold 100%. In fact I'd like to see more that doesn't. Change of pace, character growth … not to mention, yes I'd like to have a copy of AMA on my phone too, but no that doesn't mean I want every guy who doesn't have it sidelined (including real-life-me 😎 ).
Matthias Urlichs
2024-12-02 07:33:12 +0000 UTCKeep it. It has narrative context, was enjoyable in its own right, and replacing it may end up being more trouble than it’s worth.
Yitzhak Brill
2024-12-02 06:44:43 +0000 UTCThe scene felt a little forced and out of place, even though it served a purpose. I've got faith the author can come up with something better. :)
ZamboniBob
2024-12-02 05:49:32 +0000 UTCWhile I'm not a fan of the scene, I think replacing it will just create more issues and it works with the story as is.
zktvo
2024-12-02 05:45:33 +0000 UTCKeep it as it would get awkward to not create another plot hole and not have to fix a lot of stuff
Michael Duke
2024-12-02 05:44:39 +0000 UTCI don't know what the contention is about. It was an mfm scene, but the female wasn't part of their group, so the harem remained intact. On top of which, it was a pretty critical scene for the overarching story. I say keep it!
Mikhail Chelpon
2024-12-02 05:40:10 +0000 UTC
