AMA: Model Behaviour; Book 1
Added 2024-10-22 17:44:49 +0000 UTCThis is the first book of the Novelized version of AMA: The Boyfriend and contains the original Ch 1-81. There have been no significant content changes in this first book; many of the chapters and scenes have been merged into larger chapters with more flow, and there were a few small spots that needed better wording, grammar or clarification.
As it stands at 99,000 words, the file is much too big to post directly here on Patreon, so it'll only be accessible via the file uploads.
I intend to get some covers done, along with some final formatting and such, before a final version of this draft will likely released as an eBook. If you happen to be reading through this draft and spot something that looks strange, PLEASE point it out in the comments! Just make sure to include a page number or chapter, and a couple of words on either side of the mistake so I can find it.
Lastly, thanks to Don Alejo for his suggestion on where end this first book in the series - I've been fighting with that choice for a while now and his suggestion seemed like a good one even if it ends on a major cliffhanger. If you have thoughts on the ending, I'm very open to comments there as well! I'm a little worried there's too much cliff and not enough satisfaction.
Cheers!
~Break.
Comments
Thank you for your time, effort and laboUr! :P
BreaktheBar
2025-01-13 18:31:34 +0000 UTCI do love this series. For me, the below constitutes a labor (or labour, if you insist on being Canadian) of love: P. 4 - “even close to him on Affection” -> “even close to him on Love”. Right? I think the previous statement implies Robbie surpasses Dad on Affection. And it’s more surprising that a friend is close to her Dad on Love than it would be on Affection. Maybe I’m just confused P. 14 - “hotty” -> “hottie” P. 30 - “handing Cassidy and I” -> “handing Cassidy and me” P. 39 - “turning to JC and I” -> “turning to JC and me” P. 45 - missing an end quote after “Thank you. P. 50 - “Singles’ Boat” -> “Single’s Boat”. Prefer Singles’, actually, because I’m that way, but you mostly do it the other way and it does seem less pretentious. P. 62 - “between Cassidy and I” -> “between Cassidy and me” P. 78 - “Singles Boat” -> “Single’s Boat” P. 100 - “to Cassidy and I” -> “to Cassidy and me” P. 120 - “let JC and I know” -> “let JC and me know” P. 120 - “Singles Boat” -> “Single’s Boat” P. 125 - “Oi vey” -> “Oy vey” P. 131 - “eagre” -> “eager” P. 159 - “I spit on” -> “I spat on” P. 159 - “So I spit right” -> “So I spat right” P. 184 - “Singles Boat”; “Couples boat” -> “Single’s Boat”; “Couple’s Boat” P. 189 - “let Cassidy and I know” -> “let Cassidy and me know” P. 194 - “smacked Heel’s brown butt” -> “smacked Heels’s brown butt” P. 203 - “Singles Boat” -> “Single’s Boat” P. 208 - “Singles Boat” -> “Single’s Boat” BTW, Singles Boat, Couples Boat is fine too. As long as you’re consistent P. 219 - “bellybutton” -> “belly button” P. 236 - “skies” -> “skis” P. 257 - “Individualistic” -> “Individual” P. 260 - “feeling so…” -> “feeling so much…”. This is to match with the nouns jealousy and possessiveness. You could instead change it to feeling so…jealous/possessive P. 262 - “solo cups” -> “Solo cups” (brand name) P. 262 - “waving to Cassidy and I” -> “waving to Cassidy and me” P. 272 - “No more lucky accidents”. This is the only time lucky accidents is mentioned, although it’s not one of the two she hasn’t told him about. Should there be somewhere where Robbie and the reader have this perk explained to us? P. 277 - “swam passed” -> “swam past” P. 279 - “pretty far with Wanda that” -> “so far with Wanda that” or “pretty far with Wanda [such or so] that” P. 286 - “Vega strip” -> “Vegas strip” P. 292 - “Terra when lifted” -> “Terra when she lifted” P. 296 - “her areola were” -> “her areolas were” or areolae, if you prefer P. 297 - “weasling” -> “weaseling”. Do you perhaps mean wheedling, though? P. 301 - “light-weights” -> “lightweights” P. 307 - “resting on Cassidy and I” -> “resting on Cassidy and me” P. 308 - “relationship\.” -> “relationship.”
GWJ
2025-01-13 16:17:07 +0000 UTCThis was something that got flagged later on in the story as a mixup. It's the Mother who cheated initially. I'll get that item changed when editing the later books!
BreaktheBar
2024-10-28 16:04:15 +0000 UTCYou mention that Cattie's mom cheated on her dad with sherry's dad, but then Cattie says she's just like dad later in the story. Is that a thing for later explanation, or did the roles flip?
Franken4rter
2024-10-27 22:56:38 +0000 UTC“You know what, I take it all back,” Cattie said. “Terra, get it girl.” should this be Cassie?
Franken4rter
2024-10-27 21:30:23 +0000 UTCThe one that I'd watched her "hide"
Franken4rter
2024-10-26 01:03:54 +0000 UTCOnce I get all of Arc 1 edited like this, it's time for Arc 2 to begin
BreaktheBar
2024-10-25 05:14:18 +0000 UTCVery nice! I appreciate this version and am curious when we'll see more new chapters?
Franken4rter
2024-10-24 23:33:20 +0000 UTCI'll be releasing the eBooks using the B LeBar pen name since it's more "Person-y." The eBook/audio book space isn't as big on Internet Pseudonyms.
BreaktheBar
2024-10-22 23:22:15 +0000 UTCI noticed the endnote has 'B LeBar' instead of 'BreaktheBar' that's gonna misdirect some folks.
Ronan
2024-10-22 20:39:23 +0000 UTC
