Starship Repo Ch 1-13 (Draft 0.5)
Added 2024-07-27 15:29:44 +0000 UTCStarship Repo is a novel project I started
Comments
I'm enjoying this, but you need to double-check your phonetic alphabet. G=golf, not gulf; P=papa, not peter. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/NATO_phonetic_alphabet
Tumakhunter
2024-08-10 16:07:14 +0000 UTCSlight quibble, but you mention that the cheap space suit provided by dear old dad has no A/C - that can't actually be true, as even the cheapest of spacesuits have to deal with incredibly stressful conditions - one side of you is being roasted by non-atmosphere-filtered sun, and the other is exposed to near-absolute-zero (unless you happen to be in the shadow of something, and then it's all the abs-zero), and the line between the two is very sharp and constantly changing as you move, so the material has to be able to handle the instantaneous transition between the two - but you ALSO have to have a circulation system to circulate/modify the temp inside the suit, or you'd be a broiled popsicle. Or possibly frozen charcoal. So, the A/C may be sub-optimal, but it does have to be present and working to at least some degree, or all space walks are going to be one-way and very short. This and the pressurizing system (which is very complex actually, so that you can bend your elbows and fingers etc.) are why outside of Hollywood, no spacesuits are sleek and sexy.
Toodles McGhee
2024-07-30 14:30:14 +0000 UTCI think it's a good idea. That the story has a good foundation before adding the sexy time. To many authors try to over whelm you with sex but don't have a good story. Though there are times when some authors add the sexy time without it being pertinent to the story. I know you don't do that but sometimes it happens.
Brett
2024-07-29 01:05:43 +0000 UTC"white hand flung the lather jacket out from inside the refresher" leather instead of lather.
Gregg Hagerty
2024-07-28 00:08:40 +0000 UTC"system where Ruby had gown down would be the same fucking pirates" "gone" instead of "gown"
Gregg Hagerty
2024-07-27 23:59:41 +0000 UTC"There were also several spike-like anchors for larger ships that couldn’t reasonably doc inside the depot." I think it should be "dock"
Gregg Hagerty
2024-07-27 23:19:27 +0000 UTC"space was cold but the thermal protections of the suit kept in" I think "heat" might belong after "kept"
Gregg Hagerty
2024-07-27 22:52:42 +0000 UTC"It’s a mess. I think there’s a stinky, dead spacebat in the exhaust shoot!” Maybe "chute"? Or "exhaust, shoot!"
Gregg Hagerty
2024-07-27 22:33:20 +0000 UTCTFTCs and refresher.
Brett
2024-07-27 20:06:32 +0000 UTCI want to expand on this a little - if I write the first draft 'allowing' sex scenes, I worry it will end up looking too much like my other stories. Sex scenes are something I would look more at allowing/adding where appropriate on rewrites/future drafts. At the moment I want to focus on Character/Plot/Setting.
BreaktheBar
2024-07-27 17:28:04 +0000 UTCIf there are any, they won't be detailed, and may very well fade to black. Consider the content of this story to be on the Star Wars/Star Trek level of PG. Maybe some sexy moments, but unlikely to be anything explicit.
BreaktheBar
2024-07-27 16:06:14 +0000 UTCDoes that mean there won't be any sex scenes?
Mask
2024-07-27 15:53:03 +0000 UTC
