CHYOA Contest Entry 1; Part 1
Added 2024-04-26 17:10:37 +0000 UTCSponsored by Don Alejo!
The story is called 'Psych 347: Sex and Sexuality.' It is, at it's core, a play on the 'Sex Ed goes Hands On' trope. It's a mind control story with heavy doses of exhibitionism, group sex (mff) and some romance to tie it together. I've currently posted the first 7,000 words, a little over half I think.
Please give it a read there, and give each chapter a Thumbs Up if you enjoy it!
Why only post it there for now?
The CHYOA competition is taking into account Reads/Likes as well as judging on the actual story by a Panel. The more folks who read it there, the more it will boost my numbers.
Why bother with this contest again?
The winner gets to choose a story to be featured on the front page of CHYOA for a year. That's big potential free advertisement. I'm also working on CorruptingPower for us to start posting the QT-verse there, so I would use that for my chosen story to get eyes on him and the other QT writers to. Tides raise all ships! (If he ends up not going for it, I'll probably post FoF over there and use that).
Comments
Agreed. Dialogue tags are good.
JC
2024-05-31 13:24:50 +0000 UTCOn the subject of the dialogue tags, I have a different perspective on those. Now that's not to say that they might be overwhelming if overused, but when used properly they help keep track of the conversation. I personally lean towards using more dialogue tags than less as they help to clarify who says what.
Quest
2024-05-09 04:17:26 +0000 UTCWhy Canadian? Too much apologizing?
JC
2024-05-03 09:43:09 +0000 UTCYes, definitly! Came here to tell you exactly that! I think the story would be really, really great if it would be more fleshed out and not just jumping from sex scene to sex scene!
Darkflint
2024-04-27 10:03:05 +0000 UTChow you come up with these crazy hot stories continues to blow me away Break. You've got another great one going. I hope everyone goes and clicks on the thumbs up button for you, cause you surely deserve to win
Trav
2024-04-27 03:41:30 +0000 UTCThere are fewer examples in later chapters, but it's definitely worth fixing. I think the other issues that jumped out are just from you being Canadian. Realized I should mention that I like the story, although I don't think I'd put a new chapter above anything else currently rotating. But there already isn't anything on CHYOA that I would read before a new chapter you posted here.
FlareNight
2024-04-27 01:38:01 +0000 UTCIt's odd because it's not a problem I've ever seen you have before, but you're adding a ton of unnecessary dialogue tags. From: “Right,” I said. Through: “But it didn’t work on me?” I asked. Every single dialogue tag (including those) is superfluous. The problem probably continues, but that's the point I'm at currently and I thought it was worth mentioning now. Edited to add: Unless you absolutely have to, including a political affiliation for the Senate candidate can't help. Until you're specific, everyone will just assume that they're on the appropriate side for their own affiliations.
FlareNight
2024-04-27 01:21:28 +0000 UTCThe word count is definitely a limiting factor as I try to push through the content quickly. Once it's done I may come back to the story and do a bigger, more fleshed out pass.
BreaktheBar
2024-04-26 23:22:42 +0000 UTCConceptually it was his lack of action compared to everyone else. He sat there in shock, everyone else was getting up and starting to disrobe. He was the only person in the room not doing that, and if Garringer is to be believed about his only other run-in with another Mesmer, this was the point he would be looking for someone not following along with the program.
BreaktheBar
2024-04-26 23:21:49 +0000 UTCPretty solid start man went ahead and got me to make an acc lol
SovietDegendays
2024-04-26 21:29:22 +0000 UTCI either missed the behavior or external action that the POV character exhibits to have the main profile stop the class. You do say, and the 6th paragraph, that "everyone else sat down around me," indicating that POV character had not stood, but I think it should either be more blatant or have some other reaction. I read it twice and found myself questioning how the professor knew to stop the class.
TRT
2024-04-26 19:32:14 +0000 UTCLiked what I read so far. I think it might suffer a bit from the word limit compared to your normal work. Can't thumbs up right now but I'll try again later.
zktvo
2024-04-26 18:50:04 +0000 UTCI've already started work on FoF, and QT:NW will be right on it's heels!
BreaktheBar
2024-04-26 17:11:21 +0000 UTC
