Quaranteam: North West Chapter 26 (Alpha)
Added 2024-03-26 01:38:42 +0000 UTCThe following story is based on the fantast
Comments
Nice chapter! 2 things I saw were: Basement clear, two hostels down, and, I see six hostels, maybe more, they probably should be “hostiles” and wondering about defense vs defence, did you want British English or American English? That would be just a matter of preference.
Michael Gilbert
2024-04-12 01:35:08 +0000 UTCGreat story. I like that you had Harri make some hard choices and not just conveniently wrapping it up and making it easy. And I love the variety of new and old stories. Spice it up like my taco
Ian B
2024-03-27 20:15:40 +0000 UTCSo after reading through it again, I picked up on some more editing comments below. 1# "levelling" and "signalled" - should be "leveling" "signaled" " 2# “Fair,” I said. “But I’m telling. Now, you’re sexy as hell, but I’m gonna need to get your clothes on you, babe." - There is something wrong with this "But I'm telling" portion, like a partial sentence maybe? It doesn't make much sense. I think you meant this to be, "But I'm telling the truth." 3# "There was also going to an almost insurmountable amount of guilt." - This should be "There was also going to BE an almost insurmountable amount of guilt." 4# "We did what needed doing,” I said with my chest, standing tall" - I think you meant to say "I said with my chest OUT" 5# “The was more crap at the far end of the basement” - This should be "There was more crap" 6# "brushing past him and stalking towards where Dylan was standing with Kara, Dani and Julia" - I believe this should be Kyla not Kara. Kara was down in the basement with the medic. 7# "Fireworks burning behind my eyeballs." - This reads strangely, I think this should be more of a statement, using "burned" instead of "burning".
Mehntal1st
2024-03-27 15:32:05 +0000 UTCWould you rather have him let them live so that they can try to do something like this again?
J N
2024-03-27 01:50:11 +0000 UTCI did not like the prisoner execution. It is out of character for Harri. He was a man of honor. Now? Not so much.
TM
2024-03-26 22:56:25 +0000 UTCHarri is exactly the hero that his home turf in particular, and the Pacific Northwest in general, needs. Think about how Break gives us one of the most intense and bleak, yet hopeful storylines and locales in the entire QT universe. Your average joe just doesn’t cut it. While most of the other stories certainly have some drama and intrigue (and I enjoy reading them all), you can’t exactly compare the ones based in the centers of politics, culture, learning, and agriculture to stories based in areas where what’s left of the world’s governments can only spare a token rattling of sabres. Right now, the only branches of the QT universe that are even near the same ballpark as QT:NW in terms of raw, fall-of-humanity intensity are Off the Grid, Ruins United, and AU. I think the only way Break’s work could be surpassed by something set in a First World country would be the American Southwest. Obviously, a story set in South America, Southeast Asia, Africa, etc. would be incredibly visceral as well.
Loneshot
2024-03-26 21:17:08 +0000 UTCone other edit - They all glared at me, and one of them tried to spit but it dribbled out of her mouth. s/b his mouth
Dragondoc
2024-03-26 21:12:56 +0000 UTCGreat chapter. Intense and believable.
Dragondoc
2024-03-26 21:12:36 +0000 UTCIntense is the word that comes to mind for me, too. The way I remember it, Harri has been dropping bits of info whenever they talk, over the course of the story. She tends to ask questions, "When did you become poly?" "Why aren't you worried about getting infected, etc. He's been terse, but honest with her. I think a re-read of the story would reveal that she had enough dots to connect to grasp the basics. I don't think she would know anything about the Oracle.
patient1
2024-03-26 18:13:59 +0000 UTCHoly shit what an intense chapter. My only concern is wait a second when did Kara learn about the vaccine and pairing system? I get they probably told her on the ride over but she's talking like she's already pieced everything together. That said... "I closed my mouth and swallowed, glancing at the Doc, who gave me a look back that said, ‘If you think I’m going to give you some privacy and miss this drama, you’ve got another thing coming.’ " Doc is the most relatable character here, this is the soap opera stuff we're all here for.
Krysm Phoenix
2024-03-26 15:37:45 +0000 UTCJust wow...!!
Patricio Pinto
2024-03-26 11:02:34 +0000 UTCTypos: wanted to rib the - Should be rip. and out of site should be sight. hostages did we just need to save?” Strike 'need to'.
DevilDoc82
2024-03-26 09:10:03 +0000 UTC
