Porcelain (Beta Draft)
Added 2023-09-20 07:24:37 +0000 UTCThe following story is a one-shot, and is a
Comments
My lit comment: Wonderful story. Hot romance and sex with Amelia and Tay. I was a little surprised that there wasn't any confrontation with Jane or anything, but then I realized: _she didn't matter_. This wasn't a story about her. She was just an event that happened, and the cheater wasn't important after that anymore. I think that was a good choice, to be honest. And I like the characters and would gladly read more of them
Shadracht
2024-01-28 20:31:56 +0000 UTCHuh. Saw this one come online over @ literotica earlier today. Figured I missed the story over on Patreon, but here it is. Currently about halfway through, fun story so far. Porcelain's parents are a bit 2d comic book villainy tbh, but fair enough. We can't write Hannibal Lector level baddies every story. --- Edit: I've posted this as feedback / compliment on the Lit website about the story: Fun one. Good take on the IR and mature themes without becoming really fetishy about it. I think there's at least one more story in there. Maybe two. I'd put the honeymoon and pregnancy arcs in the same story, keep the, ah, community activities for another story. Though, on the other hand, Porcelain's parents were the bad guys here for breaking up a marriage and neglecting their kid. They were swingers only interested in themselves. I think you do have to be careful that you don't end up with Porcelain and to a lesser degree Tayvon in the same situation. I mean, getting to play with all those young ladies sounds like fun on paper, but that can and will get in the way of intimacy and connection between Porcelain and Tayvon. Also, be careful you're not writing Tayvon as a superhuman sex god. He's still 45-46 at this point. 7 loads or more in a day? Dude's going to look like a dried out husk...
Kahunabob
2023-10-15 15:32:05 +0000 UTCA few rewordings and a couple of little additions, but nothing major beyond the usual spelling/grammar stuff.
BreaktheBar
2023-09-22 02:18:32 +0000 UTCare there any changes from the ALpha version?
Ronan
2023-09-21 23:54:11 +0000 UTC
