Appy Boobday

Was it Elodie's Boobday... erm, I mean Birthday? No, not quite, but with some of the money she had kindly been gifted for her actual Birthday, she decided to put it towards a Breast Expansion Machine (B.E.M), and give herself the bust that she had always desired, or felt she deserved.

Now the world of female-orientated cosmetic appliances is a muddy one, at best. Every tried buying a pair of hair straighteners or a curling wand? Or heck, even just a hair dryer? Each promises to have the next best gimmick that will solve those issues with your pesky mane and leave you looking a million bucks! Well, the Breast Enhancement Machine market is no better in truth, with a dizzying amount of models available, all of which promise to perform better than the others; bigger, fuller, faster, the list of boasts seems almost endless. All of this can leave the consumer feeling somewhat confused, and so, with a few favourites bookmarked on her phone, Elodie headed into town to take a look at some B.E.M's for herself, and perhaps get some advice.

Much to her disappointment Elodie's first choice, the MegaSoft GrowPilot 3000 Plus+ had, for some unknown reason, been discontinued. It seemed a shame, as the idea of an A.I. assistant felt like it could make breast enlargement really easy. Her second choice, however, was in stock. The assistant, who, judging by the state of her barely-buttoned blouse seemed to have plenty of experience in this area, actually recommended it personally. The SupaBust Wireless GX didn't have A.I, but it did connect to you smartphone via a handy App, rather than having to use those rather clunky looking buttons or dials. This way, she was further reassured by the assistant, she could simply lay back in comfort during her procedures and scroll away on TipTop or InterCram whilst the machine did its thing - and if she wanted to make adjustments, the app was only a tap away! Sold!

Initially, things went pretty well. Setup was easy, and once she had loaded her basic biometrics into the App, things went off to a promising start. Of course, like many gimmicks, the idea is often good, but its implementation is somewhat lacking. As Elodie's bosoms swelled substantially and satisfyingly larger, she noticed that her 'phones connection to the SupaBust Wireless GX would occasionally drop out, or freeze. This happened more so when she left her phone resting on the floor, idly swiping through MugJournal - a notification would breifly flick onto her screen saying something like "Error Code Blah Blah - Synchronisation Failed". At first it seemed like nothing, but then, weird things began to happen. Whenever the connection would re-establish, there would be a small but sudden surge in her breasts. A fantastic, intense tingle accompanied it, sure, but also an almost instant boost to her bust. Sometimes this drop out in the connection would cause the App to freeze, or lock up for a moment or two, at least at first. The drop outs gradually became more frequent, and the freezes in the App would become longer, and more unstable - and the surges started to become a just a little more worrying...

Now, like many competitively priced consumer products, things have to be built down to a cost - profit has to be made - and with the main components of a B.E.M being so expensive, cuts were made elsewhere. Somewhere down the line, the decision was made to cut the cost of the wireless module by just a touch. Now, this in itself should't really matter, not for a close range, domestic product. The compounding issue, however, is that wireless signals are, generally speaking, not great at passing through human tissue, what with our dense composition of salt and water. Try pushing that weak wireless signal through a huge, heavy pair of fleshy breasts, and, well, you can see where this is going. The signal keeps dropping, and her breasts keep on surging, and sure, Elodie tries holding the phone in different positions, but the issue is so intermittent that it is hard to tell if it is really solving the problem or not?

On the bright side, I guess having her 'phone to hand means that she can eventually call for help...