NokiMo
Lil Dee
Lil Dee

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Over

I’ll give you up now

I wrote about my feelings (whether or not about the truth, is up to me) but your silence and position to distance says more and more by the day; that perhaps you really are the avoidant monster created from fear of scandal, love of the self always to be greater than—all (more evidence of the lack of love, it was just mine says the grief. The unwillingness brought about by discomfort, an antithesis of hard work.)

You send me your work, and I wonder why? All you’ve made of mine are jokes (because something was better than nothing, I told myself) never what it made you feel even if it was nothing—but am I supposed to praise you on yours? Is that all I’ve become?

A receptacle of adulation?

I am resigned; you bring me back to a version of myself I no longer understand and search to know in writing letters to an unreachable past self.

If you care about me, I’ll know it by feeling—


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