Lil Dee

Appreciation.

Added 2024-11-14 05:39:26 +0000 UTC

What does it look like for you to feel appreciated?
I don't know if I have my answer, but as of late I feel drained?
As though no one is capable of pouring back into me. Or perhaps they don't pour fast enough, or even still- what they pour is unintelligible to me.
I feel as though I want to shut everything away and lose myself to the world of books and storytelling. That way no one will have to deal with my needs. It is draining to always be available, but then people only pour into you in times of trouble, but not in times of plenty. A part of me asked to be counted on, to be helpful. But I so desire balance and consistency. I don't only want to be a shoulder to cry and lean on, I want to uplift and encourage and support and be counted on to celebrate the wins too. I wonder why it is so challenging for us to give all things and to trust. Trust that the people who experience unconditional love have the space for it all. This is a rant about nothing and everything. I sometimes feel I owe it to everyone who supports me to entertain, but my dramas are abstractions- and often times difficult for me to word clearly.
I suppose I feel unappreciated in my life.